nervous breakdown or just effects of stoppage of drug use

[snowboarder88]

i posted this earlier on and i got responses such as see a shrink or stop smoking weed, which are all good, im just trying to narrown it down. Was is the drugs that caused these thoughts? Was I having a mental breakdown? was i having a mental breakdown because of the drugs? This is what I wrote

Ive been smoking pot for about 2 years straight and recently went cold turkey, about 2 weeks ago and I am experience very little sleep, agitation, over-analyzing, second guessing myself, regret, and playing things over in my head if i had done certain things differently, as well as trying to get back the people I have lost while just digging the hole deeper and deeper, all the while telling myself that everyone else is fucked up, ive lost patience with everything and everyone and drawing conclusions from everything that i think of or see. not to mention the fact that i kept completely to myself, was described as being in my own little world and losing any ounce of confidence i had.

I smoked anywhere from once a day to being high all day long with intermitten use of cocaine, a binge that pretty much last a month, oxycontin, adderall binging, alcohol, skoal, and towards the end mdma or ecstasy with ketamine twice a month for about 4 months. There were times that i thought everyone was plotting against me. I was depressed, lost control and when i tried to re-gain control just lost even more of it. i would play out things in my head before they even happened pretty much find the endpoint to everything i did. I always thought i was right and i had a hard time taking into account anyone else's viewpoint. then when i actually stopped i would re-play what i had done in my head and continually asked myself the what-if? questions. I felt like i was bi-polar and still do even tho it has been two weeks since my last blaze and probabley last month from the last time I did any other drug?
there were times where i tried to find meaning in every little thing that i did or that happened to me.
I know i dug myself and my head a deep hole with my drug usage, and i can honestly say that I dont want to do or I dont do any of that anymore, i even fight the urges. Is time the only thing that will help or should i seek professional help. I have apologized, been able to realize what i have done to certain people was wrong and realized that i have been frustrated with myself more than anyone and that I have only myself to blame. Is there more that i can or need to do overcome my problems. I am trying to accept everything for what it is, leave whats in the past in the past but is the only thing that can really help with this time? And how long? Im moving on but it aint easy.

i think that what made my time on drugs the worst is due to the fact that i didnt appreciate the people who did care or the things i had or was able to do. I didnt realize how fortunate I was and that not everyone was as fortunate as i am. After takin some time off I do realize that i have a lot more than most people, whether it is things, or family or friends and i couldnt take any criticism because i was so unsecure about these things. I also had an unbelievably hard time accepting anyone else's view points and understanding that people think differently then me and difficulty understanding why everyone didnt think like me. for example, would fight my side of the opinion until the other just gave up, and usually said: you always have to be right dont you?

I forgot to mention that from January to June I was abroad, on my own, studying in London, when my drug use peaked. could the change of place and society affect how i felt?

Its been over a couple of weeks now since last touched any pot or any other drugs. seems like i am forgiving myself for certain things, coming to terms, and being able to forget.

 

[Armandfist]

THC--doesn't that rewire the motivation centers in the brain. Otherwise, it is not a physically addicting substance. I think you should be more concerned with the MDMA / ketamine which also alters the hard-wiring of the brain. Have you consulted with a physician (one who knows something about substance abuse)? You've got to remember that some of these types of drugs don't work like aspirin--work for a few hours then out of the system.

Getting some support from a group--either on-line or go out to a meeting--might help with the day-to-day challenges. There's narcotics anonymous but also a butt-load of other groups doing the same thing. Group support is not counseling, though.

A friend of mine was going through the same type of thing. She kept a daily journal; writing about the good things and the challenges. After a while she could look back and realize that she was making positive, forward motion in getting "back to normal."

Its a tough ordeal and time, fortunately, is a healing process. Best to you.

 

[n3ophy7e]

snowboarder, it's great to hear you've quit pot! It will take time for your brain to recover from the abuse that years of smoking caused it. But the good news it that you WILL feel normal and happy again.

You can speed up the recovery process by making sure you eat healthy and drink plenty of water, try to get some exercise in at least 3 times a week, keep up communication with your friends and family, i.e. don't lock yourself away in your room, as tempting as it might be when you're feeling down. As Armandfist suggested, it might help you to speak to your doctor about how you're feeling and perhaps get a referral to speak to a counsellor. You WILL get through this

THC--doesn't that rewire the motivation centers in the brain. Otherwise, it is not a physically addicting substance. I think you should be more concerned with the MDMA / ketamine which also alters the hard-wiring of the brain. Have you consulted with a physician (one who knows something about substance abuse)? You've got to remember that some of these types of drugs don't work like aspirin--work for a few hours then out of the system.

You're on the right track but just want to clarify a few points:
Cannabis is generally not physically addictive but it can be very psychologically addictive.
Drugs don't "re-wire" anything in the brain. They have a relatively short-acting effect on the brain's chemistry, then they are broken down by enzymes and leave the body. Then it's the altered levels of neurochemicals (i.e. neurotransmitters) that are left behind to clean up the mess drugs leave in the brain. This is why we can feel depressed/anxious/irritable for days, weeks or months after abusing drugs, because our brain is trying to re-stabilise the levels of neurochemicals that the drugs depleted.
But there certainly isn't a permanent "re-wiring" of anything, so don't worry

A friend of mine was going through the same type of thing. She kept a daily journal; writing about the good things and the challenges. After a while she could look back and realize that she was making positive, forward motion in getting "back to normal."

This is a fantastic idea

 

[Legerity]

Hey snowboarder, it sounds like you are making the necessary changes in your life. If drugs are abused, then they can block out of awareness certain thoughts and feelings that you don't want to deal with. So it's normal for these to arise.

There's no need to feel guilty over the past, drug use is not a moral issue. People use drugs for the perceived benefits, not because they are bad people. So now that you decided that you want to live a life without them, be gentle with yourself as you learn how to do so.

Good luck! There are certainly lots of support groups that you can join if you feel the need. And counseling can be very beneficial, I've been going for a while now and it has allowed me to make a lot of positive changes in my life.

 

[T. Calderone]

^ That was a great post Senior mod and makes good sense. When I used to smoke weed all the time, going without was mentally crap. I did not get insomnia, rather slept well. But everyone is different.

 

[SilverFeniks]

I feel ya man ... i think i posted in your other thread too actually.
cannabis is my main DOC these days, once again I've just recently quit (involuntarily) and am dealing with the insomnia and return of manic depression, which cannabis helps me regulate quite well (altho with its share of unhelpful side-effects).
Definately takes some time to clear out your system and return to 'baseline.'

What I notice most when I get clean (which I only do a few times a year) is that after a few days, my vocab, speech skills, and overall perception of IQ increases by about 30%. This really shocks me, as generally I consider cannabis to be rather benign, and can/do live my life the same way whether high or not.
My last smoke was over the weekend (blazed supreme all of Sunday PM after a 2-day break, otherwise i'm usually massive daily). Also keeping myself from drinking, which I usually pick up when the greens run out.
I'm crashing hard off a manic wave today; slept much less than normal this week, so being exhausted is part of it. I have nothing to occupy me this weekend though, dreading that terribly.
The best thing about herb is that I cannot possibly be bored when I'm high, even if I'm doing nothing (which is usually the case). now that i'm clean + sober I need to find concrete occupations to avoid slipping into the depths of depression.

Just try and focus on the benefits of being clean. Motivation to do a lot of things is going to be seriously lacking, but try and focus on the few benefits you do notice.
for instance, when I get sober, I love to read. When I'm drunk, never.
And of course, excercise. Normally when people mention it, I know its a good idea, but it's impossible to make yourself move if you're really down-and-out lazy. But the minute you have some energy, do a quick workout, whatever you can do; it'll boost your mood for hours, help your apetite and sleep, and hopefully make you more likely to do it again.

p.s. if a shrink helps, go for it. Me, I'm disillusioned, due to years of bad experiences with the field. They've actually made me much worse. Unless you have a serious, documented mental health problem that profoundly interferes with your life, Psychiatric medicine is not really necessary. Sometimes the years of drug abuse and society's reliance on both OTC/Rx and illicit crutches make us forget that it's quite normal to have variable emotions, doubts/anxiety, etc.
Only when these things persist to the point of great discomfort is it really a 'problem.'


edit: damn, feeling it today. First weekend day without herb in a long while. Can't even summon the energy to put on some clothes or eat a meal. The worst part is not knowing how many weeks or months it will take to shake this.
People say weed makes you lazy, but when I smoke, I run around the house like I'm tweaked, cleaning and doing all sorts of productive things. I only get amotivated when I stop blazing.