Needing to quit heroin. Have some suboxone, gonna try for a taper. Could use support

[It's a Good Day]

Hi everyone...
I've been addicted to heroin for over a year now. I've started IVing the past several months and it's obvious gotten too far.

I went to a sub doctor a few months ago and got some, but couldn't stick with the program then and ultimately failed.

I've grown tired of this life, blowing all my money and hiding everything.
I'm doing this all by myself since I don't want anyone knowing about this.

I have a daughter who is almost two and live with my girlfriend. (my daughter's mother)
The kid is well cared for, don't worry about that, but I desperately need help.

Every time I say I'm gonna quit I end up hollering at a dope man the next day almost on autopilot. It's insane and frustrating... I want out.

I'm hoping I can use this and get some support along the way and have someone to answer to and somewhere to hold me accountable for my actions, since what's going on now isn't working.

I have 3 or 4 full 8mg strips of subs and a couple open packages cut in to 1 and .5mg pieces.

I wanna use what I have left to taper down and just stop this shit.

Is there anybody out there who has done something similar?

I'll be starting the subs tomorrow once I'm in wd.

Thanks for reading... Any questions, feel free to ask.

Thanks a lot.

 

[It's a Good Day]

I'm falling way behind on my bills and lie about where all my money goes.

Nearly all my paycheck goes to dope.

The subs keep the wd in check, but the cravings persist... And I fucking go use knowing its not gonna get me high because of the subs.. Wtf?

Now my veins are fucked and I can't hardly find a good spot to shoot in. I wrecked the two good spots in the crooks of both elbows and the veins elsewhere (hands/wrists) are getting tough.

I want this to end. I want to have money and pay my bills. I don't wanna be a slave anymore.

I'd like to be able to report in here everyday with my progress and hopefully have a little support crew to keep me looking forward.

 

[It's a Good Day]

Sorry for the repeated posts but maybe some more info could be helpful.

I find that 2 or 3 mgs of bupe holds me pretty OK. So that's gonna be where I start I think...

I don't have a lot of bupe and I don't wanna be on that long enough to get hooked on that, but I think I'll start at 2mg and drop to 1.5 after a few days, then to 1, then to 1/2 and if I can cut those strips down, 1/4 and then skip days at the end and jump off.

I really wish I could get some of those 2mg strips so it'd be easier to cut down and dose the small amounts, but all I have are the 8s

 

[anonymous277]

I will keep you in my prayers. Although I am not a drug user I love this site. I found this site by accident and I found that it helps me to never want to start using drugs. This *hit is enslaving and ruining many lives. This site is like attending an AA or NA meeting. Some of the post help put the fear of God in me. Reading what others go through helps me to just say no. However I know that it is not that simple for some people. I really hope and pray that you survive this. I have witnessed some heroin and meth addicts recover. Those that I saw recover had to give up some old and familiar places, and friends. They had to put something in heroins place. Most replaced heroin with a relationship with God. But I digress. I want to let you know that anything is possible with God. You can make it no matter how many times you fall down, get back up and try again. I do not visit this site that often but I think that it is a helpful site and that it serves a needed purpose. I do not know if I will get another chance to respond to you but please know that someone is praying for your quick recovery.

 

[It's a Good Day]

Thank you for the kind words. I appreciate it.

I'll admit, I'm not religious at all, though.

So, I went ahead and fucked up again.. I used today. I am ruining everything and I can't fucking stop.

I overdrew my bank account and I'm like $350 in the hole, plus I have stupid Cash Store loans I have to pay back... I am so fucking fucked and out of control.
I always think about wanting to kill myself to get away from this.

I just wanna restart my subs, but damn....
I hate waiting for the wd to start, so I go and use.

I'm thinking late tonight I'm gonna start the subs and try to avoid bad precipitated wd... Maybe I'll start with 1/4-1/2 mg doses and pray that doesn't send me in to precipitated wd

 

[It's a Good Day]

Can someone please advise whether taking super small doses of subs can trigger precipitated wd?

I need some support badly. I need to stop before I kill myself... I want to get better for myself and for my kid, but I can't stop fucking up.
Help

 

[VastEmpty]

Good day -

Welcome to BL! It sounds like you are going through a rough time, but making the decision to quit is SO important. Congratulations on that.

In terms of your question about subs - I'm sorry I just don't know the answer. However, there are a number of people on here who do know a lot about subs. I'm not sure where they all are currently (church I'm assuming!), but they will be back. Have you tried reading other posts about subs to see if you can glean the answer from that?

What sort of support system do you have at home? Does your gf actively use? Have you tried NA meetings or any sort of treatment? Support is going to be so important in the coming days/months. I primarily used BL for support - but, if at all possible, you should try and find some local support as well.

The silver lining to the otherwise black cloud is that you've only been using for one year. Now is the time to kick this habit to the curb before you are facing an even worse battle. It sucks that you are in the hole, but honestly, you've decided to quit the h - now might be a good time to be out of money. Try and look on the bright side - you have a lot to fight for and there is a better life on the other side of this.

You got this! Keep coming back, you will get a response to your question!

- VE

 

[It's a Good Day]

My girl doesn't use and doesn't know that I do.

So, I don't have a support system for that reason. I don't want people knowing. I don't want her to leave.. Because finding out your partner is a heroin addict is a lot to swallow.

I wanna use here for my support system.

I decided to start the subs tonight, in mega low doses at a time in the hopes of spreading it out enough to avoid precipitated wd... So, I'm taking like 1/4 mg every 45 minutes or so.. Have taken 1 a little bit ago, next one soon.

I just want to get this started so I don't have an excuse to use tomorrow.

Thanks so much for the reply. I truly appreciate it. I need all the support I can get.

So, hoping I can start these subs and get a 2 week or so taper going and quitting this bullshit for good.

 

[lucifersam666]

My girl doesn't use and doesn't know that I do.

So, I don't have a support system for that reason. I don't want people knowing. I don't want her to leave.. Because finding out your partner is a heroin addict is a lot to swallow.

I wanna use here for my support system.

I decided to start the subs tonight, in mega low doses at a time in the hopes of spreading it out enough to avoid precipitated wd... So, I'm taking like 1/4 mg every 45 minutes or so.. Have taken 1 a little bit ago, next one soon.

I just want to get this started so I don't have an excuse to use tomorrow.

Thanks so much for the reply. I truly appreciate it. I need all the support I can get.

So, hoping I can start these subs and get a 2 week or so taper going and quitting this bullshit for good.

Try to wait it out as many hrs as you can, man. Only use sub when absofuckinglutely needed. Make it stretch. If you get any urges or start thinking about saying "fuck it", just pick a random destination and start walking there and leave your phone at home. Try to take a consistent amount of sub, too. Like 1mg every 8 hours or when needed. I don't really know your situation that well and your tolerance on H and subs, so I'm not recommending that dose, just giving an example to keep it consistent. I know lots of water, benzos and changing to a healthy diet can help, kinda. That's basically what I would do, anyways. Anyone else got sum input or insight?
You got this man. Stand taller every day.


Oh yeah, I just felt like i should add that a Support group is a good idea, and truth is light.

 

[VastEmpty]

Good day -

I am sorry you don't have your girlfriend to rely on for support. BL does really, really, really help. I don't know where I would be without it. Do you live in a big city where meetings may be an option?

I think that lucifer is right - wait as long as you can to take any. If you are worried about precipitated wds, then that's the safe bet. Also, I have heard that the longer you wait the better it works.

Keep on keeping on. Even when it sucks. Its the only way to feel better.

- VE

 

[It's a Good Day]

Thanks, guys.

I've taken about 1 mg or so, no bad news yet. Will wait until I'm feeling bad before I take more.

I just don't want an excuse to use tomorrow. I need to break that habit. So I don't wanna feel the wd tomorrow morning, hence risking the subs tonight.

There are NA meetings in town here, yes. I will go again.

I know it'll be uncomfortable getting off this but I want it to be as uncomfortable as possible since I still have to work every day and care for my kid and all that.

Thanks for the replies and advice, you guys. I really appreciate it.

Hoping I can report in every day saying that I didn't use that day... And then report in saying I'm off the subs and doing well...

Still a long road until then, but I plan to keep this updated along the way so I have somewhere to keep me accountable.

 

[Jabberwocky]

Have you ever heard of Refuge Recovery or Against the Stream? They are a great alternative to the twelve step groups if you find yourself at all put off by NA. Worth checking out, even if you enjoy NA. Some of the people who seem the most successful and stable in their long term recovery are part of all three communities, so none of them are mutually exclusive.

 

[Jabberwocky]

I am new, and also not as close out of the woods, but I can suggest that you research gabapentin (Neurontin) and pregabalin (Lyrica). They helped me during oxycodone detox. I am saying to research and then if you think it is worth to try - go to doctor and have his opinion. Gabapentin in US is, as I heard, cheaper so given your situation that would be more suitable.

Again, this is only layman experience - consult doctor about this meds, because they are not something to play around either.
You can do this. One day at a time

 

[lucifersam666]

Any updates, buddy? How's it going?