Need Threesome Advice

[NWCapers]

My girlfriend and I have recently discussed having a threesome with another girl. She has had multiple experiences in the past. I have not had any. She had told me it is not something we can just make happen. She has told me that they take work, are complicated, etc. I am a bit confused because she has had multiple threesomes. Some involve meeting people in bars. So she has been in the right place at the right time on several occasions? Anyways she has told me I need to learn more about them. She has also told me she can get a woman to be with her easily but it's not the same as getting one to be with two of us and that I cannot just point to a woman in a bar and say, "that one!" She is very open sexually and says I need to also be more open and learn more. I have to stretch before I get to the master yoga pose. She suggested I talk to men who have had threesomes so learn what to do and how to get another woman to be comfortable with us.

Edited to add: "My girlfriend has told me I am not ready for a threesome. She says I need to learn, "train", be more open sexually, etc. Could you please tell me what I need to do to attain the skills required to have a threesome?"

Ladies and gentlemen please educate me on how to help this along.

Thank you.

 

[dimensiontripping]

I have had threesomes in the past and they all did not play out as planned in the minds of each person because I think we were a bit young (late teens) but also a lack of communication BEFORE we had sex altogether. Sounds like your girlfriend is definitely playing the "im experienced" card and there is no magic trick. She has it right that it must be done correctly and if she gave that yoga analogy then she is spot on - you have to be in the right state of mind, in the right place with the right prep work to create magic. She probably does not want to repeat a mistake and wants to make sure its great for you.

few things I remember - Make sure the girls are both into each other and its not just taking turns fucking you. This can be great if thats what you want, but I think a big part of the fun is the play between each person. If its with two guys, if one finishes he better not just walk off unless the others tell him to. Do not get really fucked up the first time you are with 2 people at once. And make sure if its awesome, to do it again!

 

[NWCapers]

Thank you for the reply. What would you suggest I do to get to the point we are able to have a threesome? She doesn't think I am ready for it. How does one become "ready" for a threesome?

 

[Chicken_Nipples]

In my experience, the best threesomes are the ones not arranged. They fall into place with some luck. Everyone needs to be on the same page initially, understand what might happen if it all goes that way. Be aware what you are open to as a couple. This is why threesomes, in my experience, work better with open minded friends.

Arranging a time and date ruins everything IMO. Everything happens more 'mechanically' (maybe not the right word?) rather than a nice smooth flow of events.
I think that's because it objectifies the extra person (to yourselves and to the other individual).

Talk with your other half, make it clear to yourself, then your partner, that this isn't a target to achieve or a box to tick and if it happens then great. If not then no sleep will be lost.

 

[NWCapers]

Thank you for the reply. My girlfriend has told me I am not ready for a threesome. She says I need to learn, "train", be more open sexually, etc. Could you please tell me what I need to do to attain the skills required to have a threesome?

 

[Colonel Contin]

how are you with jealousy? I mean, are you prepared to draw a mature distinction between 'sex' and 'love'? Some people jive well with polyamory, but most people, in order to feel comfortable with 'sharing' their partner, need the assurance that the 'sharing' is physical and not emotional. You also need to be comfortable in your capacity to 'share' yourself physically without making emotional associations.

Beyond that, learning to be a good lover to simultaneous sexual partners will have to be somewhat hands-on. Do your research, establish your boundaries, and LISTEN, but still don't expect to be marvelous at it right off the bat. Prepare as much as possible but don't over-think it or you'll condemn yourself to failure... then practice.

 

[tomdpimp]

Well first of all how much oral action do you perform on her? How is your foreplay? How creative are you in positons?

 

[Chicken_Nipples]

How open to the idea of a threesome with another guy (presuming you are male female couple). Too jealous? Open minded to the chance? Might be what she means but being more sexually open.
The threesome shouldn't just be about you, which is what you might have relayed in conversation, that you want another woman for your own desires rather than desires shared together.

Also, i don't think this is about the 'skills for a threesome' but more about the person you are, the attitude you have towards the act. No offence meant.

 

[Clitnhawk]

@NWCapers: Let her be in charge of this endeavor. But quick questions:
1 - do you want to do threesomes with another woman?
2 - What about if your GF wants to do it with you and another guy? (to be fair - after all, you do GET to stick your dick in another vag)
3 - Is she bi sexual (She wants to have sex with her as well)

Poly is different than swinging... Poly = friendship and love/ relationship. Swinging = Open Fucking Season.

You'll need to have jealousy in check. And that WILL not happen overnight.
Check out this site: https://www.morethantwo.com - while ITS about POLY, some of those discussions spill over to Swinging.

Can you handle the sight/knowledge of another person making your GF cum?

It was a year before my wife became comfortable with being poly/swinging. I already had experience, so I never lied to her - and showed her articles and we went to poly/swing parties -BUT did not have sex with others...
Open Relationship REQUIRES TRUST. REQUIRES communications.
There is most likely a poly support group on your city (if its not a small town) where you can discuss your feelings with others.

Even I myself, talked with other couples about the challenges of being OPEN.

THERE will be bumps in the road. But for your first time - you should be the target for both women... they pleasure you... During the sex with two people - just follow the lead or ask... talk. Take turns on what *I* want to do, what your GF wants to do and the 3rd wheel.

Both of you should also talk about YOUR TURN ONs. What you want out of it (you DO want to do this, right?). So about a year before it happen, wife says "I want to watch you fuck another woman while she eats me out". And she did actually say that while all of us where in a bed, and we simply did it.

Your GF may know when you are ready, and so will you. PS: She is right. You can't point "lets fuck her" - unless you're picking up and paying for a stripper.

 

[Clitnhawk]

Chicken_Nipples asked a curious question: Are you male or female? (M/F or F/F couple)

I think more guys are open to a threesome with two women at the same time than women.

Spontaneous is more exciting - fun. YOU should plan for it thou... You meet, you drink - get comfortable with each other... before taking off each others clothes.
It is fun... getting a BJ or sex that wasn't planned... but sometimes, things go south. Someone has cold-feet... the energy doesn't feel right. A woman asked us over for a threesome... we went over, had friend-fun. But energy was shit, wife didn't feel good, the host was bummed out. Shit happens. Another time, it was a matter of "hey, come over for fun" ie: lets all fuck. It wasn't scheduled or planned, but we knew what was going to happen soon.

Or once time, we were open to a threesome with a new person. Went over - felt awkward "uh... maybe not" as we were both tired. About a min from walking out the door, without the pressure of TRYING to have sex - we talked about art and shit, relaxed. Saw some sex toys... then decided to stay after all. I mean it, I was at the door to open it, when the conversation changed to a short friendly chat which wasn't directed to "lets fuck". What happened was more than planned.

Having 3~4 way sex is quite fun... and tends to last for hours.

 

[Chicken_Nipples]

I'm male, in a m/f relationship.

Used to be in a open/swinger style relationship with my last long term girlfriend (we were together for 8 years, since we were teens).

Had plenty of encounters of all mixes with males and females. I'm straight and never done anymore than kiss another guy.
You know, in all the encounters I've always found males to be the least reliable but also the most respectful. They bail out so regularly compared to females. Maybe being 6'2 and ~100kg scares a few people...

 

[Clitnhawk]

I was asking the OP about his or her sex....

LOL, funny, Nipples. The other guys may think you have a 10" penis... and that you may decide to "break them".

 

[Colonel Contin]

Poly is different than swinging... Poly = friendship and love/ relationship. Swinging = Open Fucking Season.

You'll need to have jealousy in check. And that WILL not happen overnight.

That's what I was trying to say. While some people may have a capacity for engaging emotionally with more than one partner, most need to focus hard on keeping things strictly physical or shit goes haywire. Sharing somebody's physical body is a lot easier than sharing somebody's love, but the two can be tough to separate. It takes a cool, confident, mature mind.