need some help

leophilly

Greenlighter
Joined
Jul 31, 2010
Messages
33
Location
New Brunswick,Canada
hi im new to this site..and to admitting i have a prob..its getting easier to addmit with time and just seeing how my life is changing....i hate how ive changed..im not as strong as i used to be..im 26 have a 5year old son and waas with his mother for jut about 6 years and lost it all cause of oxys....i still se my son but not as much as i was used to..i hate not waking up with him jumping on me...its the frist thing that drives me the little fucking pills everyday....its been that way for about well allmost a year now..used to just do them well sinceive been 19-20 just on a weekend thing with the girl friend and got to doing about 2-5 80s a day..i just got out of jail yesterday and was there for a night..befor i went in i only had about 60mg in to me and got really sick in lock upp over night...and hvent been able to get any oxys so i have gotten ds and over the last 2 days have only done about 6 6s but they dont really do the same as the oxys..they stop me from the fevers and being sick but my mood and pain is really bad..i cant sleep.. im tried...i could be putting more into me but they have been helping me alot camared to not doing anything..i really do want to kick the oxys habbit..or just get it back to a enjoyable thing and not deppendent on them...if i keep doing the ds like i have..just the little amount i have been doing compared to the oxys i was doing will it help me kick it??? i know im really am better then this..just having a hard time...ive lost allmost 40 pounds in a year...ive allways been at 220 since ive been 18 it hurts to look at my self...i need to get back on track off things...can anyone give me some advice...anything will help...please
 
hey man, i really feel for ya.
i have a daughter, eliza, who's fifteen months old. i haven't had her around for a couple months and it sure is tough.

i want to be the person she knew me as even when she's not physically here. so i have to remind myself that she didn't know me as the mentally ill, drug addicted me. the me she knew was the gentle, kind-hearted, protector that i'd been to her. i just keep praying that i'll hold her in my arms again. and i don't want to be a mess when it happens. i gotta stay strong for her.

you know that love you have for your son? that unconditional and pure love that you've never felt towards anybody else? the love that you can't seem to explain? the love you feel for no reason other than the simple fact that he's there?
hold onto that. take some time to just sit in that feeling when you're alone. really feel it.

i really wish i had some words of wisdon i could share.
when you're feeling hopeless remember that it's just that. a feeling. as hard as it is to believe sometimes, it's only temporary and it shall pass.

"there's a rainbow in the sky, all the time. don't be blind." -ziggy marley

keep your head up!
 
I feel your pain. I have a 4 year old son. I'm a stay-at-home mom. He's the joy of life. I quit weed when I got pregnant with him. I had him when I was 39 so I was a late Mom. And I tried the breast feeding thing, but he wouldn't 'figure it out'. So I pumped milk - still off everything. I was so tired as a new mom with all the pumping and my husband was an over-the-road truck driver so he wasn't there a lot. Although he came off the road when he was 1 so he could spend time with him. But the day I stopped pumping milk, I smoked a joint and it was like I was hooked all over again. Reality set in oneday, as I popped back inside (from being outside smoking a hooter) and my then 3 year old son asks me, "Mom, are you high?" .... I said 'WHAT?' ... he responds with nevermind. My heart was broken. Both my husband and I have struggled with drugs and alcohol. But I mean really, they are but children only for awhile. Get off of the pills that you crave so ... even if you have to check yourself into a voluntary rehab. They have them here in Arkansas so if they're here, they've gotta be everywhere. Good luck and I wish you the very best.
 
It sounds like you are in a lot of pain. Can you think of any easy changes that can be made in your life? Often small changes can build momentum and then turn into bigger more significant changes. Sometimes baby-steps can be less overwhelming than trying to fix up everything at once.

So think about it....what small thing could you do today that will make you feel better? Go to the gym? Eat a healthy dinner? They may sound insignificant but they can build upon each other.

I wish you the best!
 
It sounds like you are in a lot of pain. Can you think of any easy changes that can be made in your life? Often small changes can build momentum and then turn into bigger more significant changes. Sometimes baby-steps can be less overwhelming than trying to fix up everything at once.

So think about it....what small thing could you do today that will make you feel better? Go to the gym? Eat a healthy dinner? They may sound insignificant but they can build upon each other.

I wish you the best!

this guy knows what's up. :)
 
It sounds like you are in a lot of pain. Can you think of any easy changes that can be made in your life? Often small changes can build momentum and then turn into bigger more significant changes. Sometimes baby-steps can be less overwhelming than trying to fix up everything at once.

So think about it....what small thing could you do today that will make you feel better? Go to the gym? Eat a healthy dinner? They may sound insignificant but they can build upon each other.

I wish you the best!

thank u..i think i know where your going with this...i used to have such a great routine..i think the frist thing i have to do is hanging with out of the eople i have been with....ive had a few friends over today trying to get me outa being sick with offering me some oxys....ive managed to get though the day with only doing part of a d6...and thats only a fraction of the amount of oxy i would do....should i just keep this up...with the ds? or im i just kidding my self?? the only thing i find is im not getting the dry hevs with out them..but still sore, moody,sweats and a little stomach ache,and thank u guys...just these few replys have been great...im tearing eyed!! i hope u all the best in your struggles..we all have them
 
thank u..i think i know where your going with this...i used to have such a great routine..i think the frist thing i have to do is hanging with out of the eople i have been with....ive had a few friends over today trying to get me outa being sick with offering me some oxys....ive managed to get though the day with only doing part of a d6...and thats only a fraction of the amount of oxy i would do....should i just keep this up...with the ds? or im i just kidding my self?? the only thing i find is im not getting the dry hevs with out them..but still sore, moody,sweats and a little stomach ache,and thank u guys...just these few replys have been great...im tearing eyed!! i hope u all the best in your struggles..we all have them

I wish I could help about the withdrawal but it's really not something I've been through. If the pills you are taking are barely improving your withdrawal symptoms, do you feel they are still worth it? Are they helping you stick with your decision?

I'm sure some people here have some helpful advice for this. But from a harm reduction perspective, every change you make should be acknowledged, whether you quit everything completely or first switch to something weaker.

Keep us updated :)
 
Hey man, I would recommend that you stick this out and try to get clean. If you can't do it for yourself then do it for your son. I struggle with opiate addiction myself and when I had some clean time it brought stability to my life that I wasn't even aware existed. With that stability comes a certain sense of boredom but it was well worth it.

I read about how you have a desire to return to using oxies just for fun again. I'm going to tell you straight out - once you've crossed the line there really isn't any going back. You could clean up for 3 months and feel pretty much normal. You think "Well, it should be okay to go back to using every once in a while." Well, take it from me: It is way to easy to slip back into addiction. It takes an immense amount of self control and discipline to use opiates responsibly and to avoid withdrawals, and let's face it... If we had that control and discipline we probably wouldn't have gotten addicted in the first place.
 
Top