I can relate. I tried sub countless times. I can't even tell you how many times I went back and forth. The first time I used suboxone was the only good expierence I can honestly say I had. Maybe because it was the lowest amount of oxy I was using throughout my active addiction. It could also be that I never really waited long enough to start, add the fact that it takes about a week or so for most addicts to truly feel "stable" on sub. You definitely need to give it time to work the right way. I agree with the common advice
that the lowest possible dose that eliminates wds and cravings is the best dose. And it is true, everyone is different, size of habit doesn't mean much. The bioavailability could be much lower for you than for the next person. Getting back to the lowest dose thing, that is only true for after you are stable. The first week or two may require a lot more sub in order for it to build up in your blood levels. The half life can be as high as 72 hours, or barely 36, too many factors to generalize. Once you've been on it for some time you can get a pretty good idea of how long it stays in your system by skipping a day or two. Anyhow, my suggestion would be to have enough of a supply before even starting again. Don't set yourself up for failure by running out after a week or so to where you taking oc's to avoid the wds. Yeah it costs a bit of money to go to a Dr for a script, but it's still cheaper and safer than a heavy OC habit. My first Dr charged a ton of $ Close to $500 a month. After being on subs for a few, I was able to find a Dr that only chragred $125 a month. Never think your stuck with only one choice in Drs. Keep looking until you find one that fits.I was able to save quite a bit of money by getting on the needy meds program. Unless you make more than x amount, it takes about a week to get the meds. Which they just changed by the way. Instead of sending the meds to the Dr's office once a month, they now send YOU a debit like card to pay for the meds each month when you take your script to the pharmacy. That alone is going to encourage a lot of Drs to allow their patients to use the program. In the past, I know a lot of Dr's didn't like to have to babysit your meds, let alone the log book and other bs paper work that made it a major pain in the ass for most Drs. Sorry if you already know all this, just sharing what I know in case it helps you out.
The problem with sub is getting to that dose that takes away the cravings, sub is so strong that it doesn't take much to squash the wds. Cravings are an entirely different beast, I still have trouble differentiating the difference beteen an urge and a craving. Maybe urges ae just the random thoughts and the cravings are the mind fuck that actualy leads to using again. IDK. Doesn't matter anymore to me, I'm clean. Anyhow, IMO, you first need to figure out why you are stuck in this oxy addiction. Do you get a rush and chase the nod, meaning you just want to get high and aren't self medicating for anxiety/depresion or like in my case, it was mainly driven by stress. I never chased the nod and quite honestly didn't care for the high, I'd feel like crap if I took more than my typical dose. I sought the numbness, or whatever you call it when you're stressed out and suddenly your problems fade away for a few hours. After almost 8 years I can only think of maybe 6 or 7 times where I got the nod, even though my dose went up with my tolerance. At my worst I was taking 300mgs a day. My point is, its really important when trying to kick (successfully) to understand whats driving your addiction. Some of us get to quit before we loose it all, most need to suffer to some degree before the desire to quit out weighs the the desire to use. Personally, I think that's the secret to quitting that we fail to see while under the influence of whatever opiate. It's taken me a long time to get to that point. Hopefully you'll get there in less time. There are a lot of success stories on BL and the rest of the addiction forums. Spend your time learning how others are getting and staying clean and try and avoid the triggering sites. Do you really want to hear about noobies having fun with opiates. And don't waste your time reading the sub wd horor stories, they're the minority. Remember people are unlikely to post when they don't have any probles.Hundreds of thousands of people have used sub to quit oxy etc. There aren't nearly as many people online posting about it. Wds probably scare the living shit out of you like they did to me for so long. Seriously, yeah your going to feel like ass for four or five days, then things start improving. The wds are always worse in our head then they really are. I'm laughing about how scared I was of going into wd, it wasn't anywhere near as bad as my oxy saturated brain had me believing. Likely just a subconcious fear our addiction feeds.
What ever way you decide to get off opiates, if your in deep enough that bup hasn't worked after a few tries, it's time to re evaluate how your going about it. I can tell you for a fact that trying to kick while being around those that haven't is only going to suck you back in. If you had the control, you wouldn't be an addict. I've seen a lot of people put in a lot of hard work only to flush it by being around opies during early recovery. Asking a Dr for help has far greater benefits than the few moments spent in their
office feeling like a junkie. The few Drs I sought for help treated me like a human and had respect for the honesty and desire to get clean. Good luck with getting off the shyt. People do it every day. How bad do you want it, that's all that really matters IME
If I can help, let me know.
