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Need some advice

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FattyAcid

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 27, 2005
Messages
217
So, I'm a 25 year old male. I am seeing a 33 year old woman. This woman is also a mother, which in principal I have absolutely nothing wrong with, I like her kid and everything, and her kid likes me.....

She has her daughter 4 days out of the week....The problem is, even on the nights she does not have her kid, she doesn't like to do anything besides hang around either of our bedrooms and be intimate....

For instance, tonight I went over there around 7:30.... We hung out for a while, and were making out and being intimate, which is the same thing we did last night.... I asked her if she wanted to come out to a friend's house with me and see some other mutual friends of our that are in town, she said I should go but she wanted to stay in.... We made out for a while, then I kind, honestly, get a little bored and feel like going out to do something,because it's 8 on a saturday night, and I didn't do anything at all last night besides hang out in her bedroom with her to be intimate (so it's not like I'm not meeting her halfway, I understand she has a high sex drive, I love it and love being with her, I just feel like she doesn't ever want to just hang out...) and I feel bad that she wants to just lay there and be intimate ALL the time, and NEVER wants to come out on the town with me, and when we do hang out, it's hard for me to just chill and be myself.....don't get me wrong, I love affection, I really do.....but is it normal to just constantly be laying there making out the whole time you'r with somebody you supposedly love? I try and be everything she needs, but I feel like she is kind of asking a lot from me just wanting me to only hang out with her, alone, not watching tv or anything, just making out

Am I weird? Someone, sound off....I understand this is a lil less than eloquent, but it gets everything out, I'll reply if something is unclear 8(
 
and not specifically watching TV, just use that as an example...it's hard for us to just chill, her attention is always on me and on trying to get me to turn her on and be turned on,
 
She's either totally hung up on you, or just uses you for sex ? That's for you to tell. Talk to her about it! If she really wants to get all of you she'll have to do some socials too, right?
How long have you been together? It sounds like the cool first stage when you can't keep your pants on (:


edit: I just realized that you're 25 and she's 33,, well, maybe it's not that smart to just be open 100%. Don't get me wrong but sometimes been completely honest just leaves you feeling like an idiot and her with all the control over the situation. How about "forcing" some social action on her? Like "I'll pick you up at 7" and you don't even step into her house so she'll have to go out. Or meet her somewhere. I don't mean being rude or anything, if she really likes you, you will have a good time being outside!
 
Before I got married I had a penchant for men 8-10 years my junior which I only wanted for sex for a short period of time and not a relationship. I would not bring them around to my group of friends nor entertain the idea of going out with theirs. They had nothing to offer me beyond the physical.
 
FattyAcid said:
I asked her if she wanted to come out to a friend's house with me and see some other mutual friends of our that are in town, she said I should go but she wanted to stay in....
[...]
I try and be everything she needs, but I feel like she is kind of asking a lot from me just wanting me to only hang out with her, alone, not watching tv or anything, just making out
Click to expand...

these two statements are a bit contradictory. is she really asking you to only hang out with her or does she encourage you to spend time with your friends, even if she doesn't come along?

at 33 and with a kid, she may be over "that scene" and just more interested in spending quality time at home. i know once i started my career and got involved in a serious relationship, i valued my saturday nights at home relaxing; i was no longer interested in partying with a group of friends. it may sound boring to you as a 25-year old, but priorities change as you get older. additionally, it might be uncomfortable for her as a 30-something to spend time with 20-somethings.

i think as long as she is giving you her blessing to go out without her, you shouldn't feel guilty about doing just that if enjoying your saturday night out of the house is important to you. this may just be something you'll have to accept. in any relationship, it's rare that both partners enjoy doing the same thing at the same time; if you want to be with her, accept that this is an area where you'll differ.
 
FattyAcid said:
and not specifically watching TV, just use that as an example...it's hard for us to just chill, her attention is always on me and on trying to get me to turn her on and be turned on,
Click to expand...

To be honest it seems like she is using you for sex.
I really advise you to talk to her about this I could be wrong. But if she only wants you around to get or to turn you on then it just seems like it.
 
She does encourage me to go do things with my friends, but she also kind of makes me feel bad when I leave to do so, she says things like "How can I turn you on?" and act like I don't want her just because I want to do things also..... She and I, although a bit apart in age, have some of the same friends and many of the same peers, we're both artists and performers...... so I don't think it's that she just wants me specifically for sex, we have fun when we do go do things and her friends and I get along fine.....

And it's not just that she wants to hang out around the house, I'd be fine with that.....but there's a different between hanging around the house and being horizontal all night..... I love to hang around and shoot the shit, some ex's even get upset that I am a homebody!
 
She admits all the time that her sex drive is a lil over the top, and I like it, I just want to know how to deal with it and have a healthy social life too
 
The age gap between a 25 year old male and a 33 year old woman isn't just 8 years...hell, it might be equated to 15 years in some people's cases. You're in two completely different places in your lives. You are young, you want to go out, hang with friends, be social. She is 33 years old, a single mother - I'm quite sure that her top priorities have nothing to do with 'kicking it with her friends' or going out and boozing it up (I am not inferring that's what you're doing, I'm just making a sweeping generalization of the age group's interests). She probably does like you just fine, but frankly, she's probably just getting hers, if you know what I mean. If you're looking for somebody to go out with, or develop a relationship out of the bedroom with, this gal probably isn't the one.
 
hmmm...quite the predicament I'm finding myself in..... So, I do want a relationship outside the bedroom.... Like I've said, I enjoy spending time with her, and her kid, and even not going out.... But even within just hanging around the house, she still is constantly physically intimate.... She seems very attached, she constantly talks about how much she loves "everything about me" and honestly seems pretty attached....she's pretty protective of me, telling me she's the one for me and how all my exes have been bitches, she freaked out when I told her an ex was coming to town to pick up her belongings that were left here about 6 months ago when we broke up and she left town....

How do I very kindly explain I need more than constant blowjobs to keep me happy? Am I crazy?
 
She might just like to stay in. I'm totally a homebody now, but I used to go out all the time in my 20s. I got bored with it, and I prefer staying home now. She might just be the same way. The "out" scene might not be her thing. Being social is work to me unless I know the people. If you're trying to bring her around people she doesn't know, she might just prefer not being social. I am that way too. I love my friends, but meeting new people who are your BF's family or friends is work, because you know they are just sitting there judging you. Maybe that's cynical, but I really hate the whole process.

Have you tried asking her out just the 2 of you? You might get a different response.

Of course, there is always the possibility that she is just using you for sex too. There's a few guys here who wish they were in your shoes, if that's the case. lol
 
like I've said, I'm fine with hanging out at home, I'm a home-body myself.... We're not just staying home, we're staying in bed, naked, all the time.... Like I've said, we have many of the same friends (thats how we know each other)
 
lol man, there are a lot of guys who would love to be in your shoes. She might be using you. She might just love having sex with you. It might be a combination of both. That's a tough one, because we can't really tell you her intentions, but I can understand what you're thinking.

Was she seeing anyone before you? I'm in my 30s, and if I haven't had sex in a while, I'm horny as hell but then level off after a while. How long has this been going on?

Maybe if you're feeling frisky, you could just come out and ask her if she's using you for sex. We 30s women are go-getters, and she might just want to have sex with you. The 25 year old men are perfect for this reason. lol Usually, though, the men don't care and are a-ok with it. lol
 
Maybe suggest sex toys for her? In a positive way! Depending on what she's like, she may be cool with a sexy toy as a gift to her or something. That's for you to judge :p. It could help for the times you don't see each other.
Maybe see if she'd enjoy something other than hanging out with your mutual friends but something that is still "out of the house".
 
My first instinct is she's using you...she doesn't want to "hang out" with you, she wants to have sex with you...until you leave. I can be a real homebody too, but that to me means lounging, watching movies, etc. Not just sex. If all she wants is sex...that's kind of an issue. Agree w/ Lysis, as a 30s girl, I'd be honest probably...ask if that's all she's looking for right now.
If it's truly not, tell her you're taking her out on X night, and surprise her with a nice dinner, a movie, whatever. Hopefully she'll want to hang socially, if not, take it for what it is, and have fun.
 
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