Need help, Worried about not getting my medicine.

[OmniscientOne]

Need help. Missed Methadone dose, worried I'm going to lose medicine privileges.

Well, first off let me just say I'm glad to be on these forums, I've been a lurker for years and today finally made the jump and made an account.
I've struggled with opioid addiction most of my life, I've been taking hydrocodones, oxycodones, etc for most of my teenage years, all together about 3-4 years. I got on suboxone for 2 years and stayed completely clean of everything, and then ended up relapsing but this time I relapsed to something even worse. I started doing heroin, never have IV'ed but mainly smoked, and snorted it. So I was doing heroin for about 5 or 6 months and then tried to go back to suboxone but it just didn't work for me anymore. (Presumably because I skyrocketed my tolerance.)

So I made the difficult choice to get on Methadone Maintenance. It has been a literal god send and I've just recently started getting my life back on track but as life seemingly always does, it kicked me back down HARD this last week. I overslept and missed my Methadone dose on saturday so I didn't get my medicine all weekend and went through the worst withdrawals I've ever had. (I'm currently on 90mg methadone / day) So since I had no medicine I reluctantly bought some hydrocodones to help get me through work on the weekend. I didn't want to go back to heroin I really want to be clean, I just COULDN'T handle the withdrawals cold turkey. I tried the first day and there was no way. So of course now that I took those, I come back on monday and luckily got my dose, but the next day (Today) I got drug tested for the first time since starting at the clinic, and I KNOW I'm going to test positive for the hydrocodones so now I'm worried that they're going to take away my medicine and I'm going to have to suffer through it. I really am scared and worried cause I can't take anymore of the hell that is methadone withdrawals. I really regret taking the hydrocodones of course but I just saw no other option besides me calling in and missing work which I can't afford to do, or just sticking it out which is near impossible as I am one of the weakest will-powered people probably ever.

So long story short, I'm wondering if they're going to remove my take - home privileges or not give me my medicine the next time I come in. The sad thing is this is only my second drug test since I started so they're not going to have any proof to back up my claims of being sober, which I have been COMPLETELY sober since I started except for this last weekend with the hydrocodone incident. I didn't take them to get high, I Took them to feel normal and they honestly didn't even help, they just made it so I could go to sleep without tossing and turning all night from restless legs. Do you think they will suspend my medicine privileges from this one incident? I know it will never happen again and I'm more than willing to take a drug test every week if they want me to just to prove it. I'm just scared this one stupid mistake on my part for oversleeping and taking the weakest thing I could to get me through is going to fuck up all the hard work I've put in to staying clean.

I know if they take my medicine I will most likely relapse back to heroin because the withdrawals are much too intense for me, and the hydrocodones didn't make me feel much better at all. Please any advice is welcome. Sorry if I'm all over the place I'm just not in a good state of mind right now. I'm really stressed out because of this and other troubles in my life. Nothing seems like it will ever get better for me. When it rain's it POURS.

TL;DR
I missed my dose on saturday and in turn had no medicine to get me through the weekend, and purchased a couple 10mg hydrocodones to get me through the weekend. Had to take a UA when I went for my dose today and now want to know if I'm going to lose privileges for doing so.

 

[Jabberwocky]

It is likely they will take away your take homes if you tested dirty for non-prescribed opioids, however they will not stop dosing you. You'll just have to do the daily dosing thing for a few months or however long the probationary period is at your clinic for when you piss dirty.

Keep in mind that having dirty UA time and time again will result in loss of take homes for longer periods of time, potentially permanent loss of take home privileges and even eventual administrative discharge if it's a long on going problem (that is the extreme and unlike to happen even at relatively strict clinics unless there is other rule violation going on).

Remember it all depends on the specific policies of your clinic and the mood of the prescribing doctor and clinic manager. I strongly suggest making an appointment with the clinic manager and doctor to discuss you concerns and make sure you are clear on your clinics policies regarding failed UAs and take home privileges.

You don't have anything to worry about though. Worst case scenario you lose take home privileges for a certain amount of time. They should get reinstated with your pushing for them too as long as you keep testing negative for any other drugs that aren't on your file as legally prescribed. It will suck having to go to the clinic daily, but chances are it's better than the alternative.

Telling them proactively that you slipped up before they get the UA results back may help your case, but if somehow the hydrocodone doesn't show up in the UA and then they wouldn't know unless you tell them (which is highly unlikely).

We don't allow discussion of drug testing on BL, but I am going to keep this open for now as it is primarily a thread about methadone clinic policies and may be useful to other folks in similar situations. Just please don't get into a discussion about drug testing specifically or I will have to close the thread.

 

[OmniscientOne]

Thank you. So youre saying they will take away my take home privilege? Its only 1 day that everyone has and its the day theyre closed so would i have to withdrawal that day with no dose? And i have no worries about failing again unless i dont get my medicine

 

[Jabberwocky]

In that case no, if they are closed that day then they will still give you a take home to ensure you take it.

 

[thelung]

They won't take away your take-home privileges just for one dirty UA. especially your very first UA - most people are dirty on the first UA. They might make you do extra counseling or groups , but i really doubt they'd take away your carries . here's a cool forum site for people on mmt: http://atwatchdog.lefora.com/ cheers