Need dating tips!

[smokeydabear89]

Lately, I have been starting to really try and push myself out of my comfort zone and take risks. Reading this forum has helped me somewhat push past my barrier and try and get a gf. Had one gf in high school for several months but been single all the way to now a year out of college. Still a virgin but I'm trying to change that

Anyways I met a girl at the gym and of course I was a bit awkward lol, but still managed to snag her digits. We sent a few teasing texts to each other, but I left her hanging since I didnt want to just text without an end purpose in mind. I want to take her out, but afraid I'm going to mess things up. I mean, I havent been on a date since high school, and even then I had known that girl for years, so I wasnt uncomfortable at all.

To the point, I need some tips or suggestions that could make this go smoothly. Thinking of taking her out to dinner and maybe walk around at night? But as far as what to say, what topics, etc I'm too afraid that I'll come across as more "friendly" then flirty. Advice on this? I have no idea what to say. Sorry for the wall of text, any advice would help alot.

 

[KoreyS]

Good luck bro. Hopefully things turn out well.

May I ask how old you are?

 

[smokeydabear89]

Thanks for the advice...

No but really I'm <25

 

[shishigami]

To the point, I need some tips or suggestions that could make this go smoothly. Thinking of taking her out to dinner and maybe walk around at night? But as far as what to say, what topics, etc I'm too afraid that I'll come across as more "friendly" then flirty. Sorry for the wall of text, any advice would help alot.

Just go for it. I'm pretty sure that almost anyone who gets asked to dinner by a random guy at the gym realizes it's a date. Just try to be yourself, be honest, have fun.

 

[Lysis]

First dates are never easy! But flirtatious texts are a good way to feel her out.

I like your idea of dinner because you guys can talk. Then if it turns out well go for a walk. We have the beach here which is always winrar.

 

[smokeydabear89]

Just go for it. I'm pretty sure that almost anyone who gets asked to dinner by a random guy at the gym realizes it's a date. Just try to be yourself, be honest, have fun.

Thanks! Maybe I wasnt clear in the OP. I have no problem initiating a date, just what on what to SAY when I'm on it.

First dates are never easy! But flirtatious texts are a good way to feel her out.

I like your idea of dinner because you guys can talk. Then if it turns out well go for a walk. We have the beach here which is always winrar.

Wish I was near a beach that would be perfect.

 

[Pagey]

Yeah I'd go with a few flirtatious texts, and if she responds well to that ask her out! If you're still a bit unsure I think you could maybe ask her out for coffee instead of dinner - it's less 'date-ish' and might take some of the pressure off, and then you could maybe gauge whether or not she'd be interested in you in that way. Good luck!

 

[smokeydabear89]

Yeah I'd go with a few flirtatious texts, and if she responds well to that ask her out! If you're still a bit unsure I think you could maybe ask her out for coffee instead of dinner - it's less 'date-ish' and might take some of the pressure off, and then you could maybe gauge whether or not she'd be interested in you in that way. Good luck!

Appreciate all the replies. I really do. Again though, I have no worries or anxiety asking her out. Just as far as topics to talk about or whatever while on the date, thats what I'm nervous about.

Whatever Ill just go for it and hope I'm not awkward or too quiet. It can only be a learning experience.

 

[Pagey]

Oh okay well you shouldn't worry about that too much - I know it's going to sound a bit sad but with this one guy, I'd been into him for like 6 months and I was so nervous when he finally asked me out that before every single time we'd see each other for about two months, I'd write down a list of possible conversation topics and memorize it haha. That way I made sure there weren't ever any awkward silences. It also just made me feel much more confident about seeing him, thinking I'd have interesting things to say. Honestly, if that could make you feel better I'd say do that as well and if it goes well after a while you won't need to anyway because conversation will just flow on its own.

 

[iheartthisthread]

Well, if you want to talk flirty, talk about her shirt, pants, shoes or whatever... Talk about how nice her hair looks. Tell how nice her perfume smells, and you wouldn't mind having your pillow smell like her in the morning. Ask her what side of the bed she likes to sleep on. Ask if she is as sexy with bed-head in the morning. Talk about your meal and why you ordered what you ordered... What she ordered and why... Ask her questions. Listen to what she has to say. Reply to what she says. It isn't that hard once you get going... Don't stress over having a planned conversation... It will come off as rehearsed. If you are like most young people I know it might be hard to have a conversation without smiley faces and stuff. I think texting is killing real conversations, but I'm old... What the hell do I know.

 

[llama112]

Movies and dinner is pretty good. Or movies and then just going out for a drink, ice cream, or just a bite to eat afterwards. The movie gives you something to talk about. And it's not a whole dinner so there isn't as much pressure. If it's going well, you can continue it. If it's not going well, you can break it off early.
Just go for it!!!

 

[smokeydabear89]

Oh okay well you shouldn't worry about that too much - I know it's going to sound a bit sad but with this one guy, I'd been into him for like 6 months and I was so nervous when he finally asked me out that before every single time we'd see each other for about two months, I'd write down a list of possible conversation topics and memorize it haha. That way I made sure there weren't ever any awkward silences. It also just made me feel much more confident about seeing him, thinking I'd have interesting things to say. Honestly, if that could make you feel better I'd say do that as well and if it goes well after a while you won't need to anyway because conversation will just flow on its own.

Hahah this reminds me of high school. I did the exact same thing although I wrote stuff in my phone. This post made me smile. Thanks alot Pagey I might write things down, but at the very least go over a few topics/things.

Well, if you want to talk flirty, talk about her shirt, pants, shoes or whatever... Talk about how nice her hair looks. Tell how nice her perfume smells, and you wouldn't mind having your pillow smell like her in the morning. Ask her what side of the bed she likes to sleep on. Ask if she is as sexy with bed-head in the morning. Talk about your meal and why you ordered what you ordered... What she ordered and why... Ask her questions. Listen to what she has to say. Reply to what she says. It isn't that hard once you get going... Don't stress over having a planned conversation... It will come off as rehearsed. If you are like most young people I know it might be hard to have a conversation without smiley faces and stuff. I think texting is killing real conversations, but I'm old... What the hell do I know.

Hahah how old are you? I mean I was alive before cell phones too. But thanks alot man. This was awesome, this is why I bluelight, its otherwise hard to get actual topics and little lines since I'm so new to the dating game. Most girls I talk to just say "be confident" and "listen to her." I know once things get going and flowing all my anxiety will wipe away

Movies and dinner is pretty good. Or movies and then just going out for a drink, ice cream, or just a bite to eat afterwards. The movie gives you something to talk about. And it's not a whole dinner so there isn't as much pressure. If it's going well, you can continue it. If it's not going well, you can break it off early.
Just go for it!!!

This is a good idea, but I just hate the fact of sitting next to each for hours not saying anything. I think once I've got enough experience maybe I could handle this type of date. But who knows, I'm so new. I'll keep building experience and expanding my comfort level.


Thanks to everyone! Hope this thread also helped someone. Very-late age-wise but looking to break out of my shell and truly enjoy life and build myself as a person

 

[Stevenski]

Wow some serious planning going on by people in this thread. To the OP fuck it just be yourself take the bird out for a beer or a cuppa & just chat. You will find out soon enough if you have anything in common even if it is just animal attraction.

 

[Pagey]

Hahah this reminds me of high school. I did the exact same thing although I wrote stuff in my phone. This post made me smile. Thanks alot Pagey I might write things down, but at the very least go over a few topics/things.

You have no idea how relieved I am to hear that. I was afraid I'd be the only one who'd ever done it and would sound like a total weird haha

Wow some serious planning going on by people in this thread. To the OP fuck it just be yourself take the bird out for a beer or a cuppa & just chat. You will find out soon enough if you have anything in common even if it is just animal attraction.

I'm just saying that if both parties are nervous it can help to have conversation topics ready to break the ice. I mean, being yourself can end up in awkward silence pretty easily even if both individuals are meant for each other or whatever. I'd recommend the OP simply do whatever makes him feel more at ease.

 

[Stevenski]

I'm just saying that if both parties are nervous it can help to have conversation topics ready to break the ice. I mean, being yourself can end up in awkward silence pretty easily even if both individuals are meant for each other or whatever. I'd recommend the OP simply do whatever makes him feel more at ease.

Yeah I was not talking about anyone in particular just my observation. Don't get me wrong it is nice to have fallback plans if the conversation falters. That said if the conversation is faltering after 30 minutes then unless you are down to get jiggy I would quit while I was ahead personally.

OP if you are going to plan a date then do something unexpected (no don't show up with gaffer tape & nipple clamps). One of the best dates I have been on was when I rang he lady I was seeing that night & told her to be ready at X time & dress classy but sexy. Took her on a laneway bar tour of Melbourne & then told her we were getting a cab "somewhere". That somewhere was burlesque cocktail lounge & was totally unexpected. She spent the whole day & night wondering what I planned. Unfortunately we both drank way too much & ended up back at her place & passed out before we consolidate our friendship.

We still hang out as friends & she loves the fact that I will give her instructions for what she needs to do prior to our "random adventure".

 

[Max Power]

I disagree with all the (mostly) women saying take her out to dinner or whatever. Go ahead and do that if you want to be like every other guy who has ever taken her out. If you want to make an impression and stay out of the dreaded 'friend zone' take her on something fun and kinetic -- an action date, if you will. Go bowling, take her to a shooting range, rob a bank for fucks sake.

The main thing is to have fun. Don't overthink. Don't think at all, for that matter. Just 'do'.

 

[freehugs]

If you don't mess up you won't ever learn what to not do!

Just be yourself man.

 

[smokeydabear89]

Yeah I was not talking about anyone in particular just my observation. Don't get me wrong it is nice to have fallback plans if the conversation falters. That said if the conversation is faltering after 30 minutes then unless you are down to get jiggy I would quit while I was ahead personally.

OP if you are going to plan a date then do something unexpected (no don't show up with gaffer tape & nipple clamps). One of the best dates I have been on was when I rang he lady I was seeing that night & told her to be ready at X time & dress classy but sexy. Took her on a laneway bar tour of Melbourne & then told her we were getting a cab "somewhere". That somewhere was burlesque cocktail lounge & was totally unexpected. She spent the whole day & night wondering what I planned. Unfortunately we both drank way too much & ended up back at her place & passed out before we consolidate our friendship.

We still hang out as friends & she loves the fact that I will give her instructions for what she needs to do prior to our "random adventure".

we definitely arent that personality type although deep down I wish I had the balls to do this. One day...

I disagree with all the (mostly) women saying take her out to dinner or whatever. Go ahead and do that if you want to be like every other guy who has ever taken her out. If you want to make an impression and stay out of the dreaded 'friend zone' take her on something fun and kinetic -- an action date, if you will. Go bowling, take her to a shooting range, rob a bank for fucks sake.

The main thing is to have fun. Don't overthink. Don't think at all, for that matter. Just 'do'.

very true, I thought about this for awhile. when i went to a gun range it was fukking awesome. i think it would be an awesome date. an hour long drive, so I might hold off and take her there if theres a second one. but i will do this.

If you don't mess up you won't ever learn what to not do!

Just be yourself man.

hahaha awesome name. exactly the mentality im trying to go with.

 

[nooneanymore]

Tip #1 and the best tip of all, DON'T DATE. ...saves you time, money, and energy.

 

[Stevenski]

we definitely arent that personality type although deep down I wish I had the balls to do this. One day...

You just need to do something memorable & unique/fun. Don't need to spend big $$ just find something that is unexpected & go with it. It may seem lame but if there is a circus in town that is a great date.