Hello everyone.... New member here. I have been struggling with opioid addiction for 9 years and in the last year I have coupled that with stimulants and short bursts of benzos. I have lost some high paying jobs in the last year, almost lost my car, my girlfriend, I lost my apartment, and almost my life intentionally. I ended up in a psyc ward for a week due to an overdose on barbiturates, opiates, amphetamines, benzos, and a few other random things I could find for the mix like muscle relaxers, ssri medicine, and kratom. I fell asleep next to the person I love the most in my life, after taking all this, in hopes of not waking up. I was stealing money from her, overdrafting our accounts, and left use with out food for weeks sometimes. I was at the lowest point in my life, felt like a burdden, no one wanted me, and after losing everything for a second time, I was just done.
if I had a gun, I would have used it, but I used what I had. when I woke up the next morning I stumbled to the shower, and past out in it, when she woke me up, I told her the truth, and I was rushed to the emergency room. I was totally lit up, and wanted them to finish me off. my gf called my mom, and she came up. seeing her face.... just changed my perspective, I had her holding my hand and my gf crying on my shoulder. at that point, I pleaded to see my brothers. they came right after work, and seeing them changed my world. As messed up as I was, for the first time in 9 years I truly felt I had people there for me. I held on to that, and powered my way through the week in recovery. I was released yesterday, and was told to please end my substance abuse. I was sent packing with 15 klonopin, 90 nueronten, and prozac. I'm on day 7 of nothing but a few klonopin and gabs, and 2 grams of kratom. all my withdrawal symptoms have went away except the runs, I expect them to stay around for awhile, and don't want to use lope because it just may start another issue. I have to admit, even though my situation is dire in the monetary sense, I feel awesome.
I can play Xbox without needing to be ripped, I have the energy to have sex or go for a run now, life is damn good. and will get damn better. if it gets worse from here, it's my own doing, and I have the power to make that not happen. I just wanted to share my experience and hope to get some advice on what I can do when those feelings come around that may make me want to use again, and what are some ways you keep yourself entertained in down time? thanks everyone, and keep up the good fight.
if I had a gun, I would have used it, but I used what I had. when I woke up the next morning I stumbled to the shower, and past out in it, when she woke me up, I told her the truth, and I was rushed to the emergency room. I was totally lit up, and wanted them to finish me off. my gf called my mom, and she came up. seeing her face.... just changed my perspective, I had her holding my hand and my gf crying on my shoulder. at that point, I pleaded to see my brothers. they came right after work, and seeing them changed my world. As messed up as I was, for the first time in 9 years I truly felt I had people there for me. I held on to that, and powered my way through the week in recovery. I was released yesterday, and was told to please end my substance abuse. I was sent packing with 15 klonopin, 90 nueronten, and prozac. I'm on day 7 of nothing but a few klonopin and gabs, and 2 grams of kratom. all my withdrawal symptoms have went away except the runs, I expect them to stay around for awhile, and don't want to use lope because it just may start another issue. I have to admit, even though my situation is dire in the monetary sense, I feel awesome.
I can play Xbox without needing to be ripped, I have the energy to have sex or go for a run now, life is damn good. and will get damn better. if it gets worse from here, it's my own doing, and I have the power to make that not happen. I just wanted to share my experience and hope to get some advice on what I can do when those feelings come around that may make me want to use again, and what are some ways you keep yourself entertained in down time? thanks everyone, and keep up the good fight.
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