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Narcotic Devotion

Starshowers

Starshowers

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 3, 2010
Messages
193
Location
ON, Canada
I would like to hear views from other devoted opioid addicts.

Call me self-destructive (I call it hedonist) but my view is that so long as I can afford my addiction and keep it safe - then why should I stop?

The funny thing is I was always a psychonaut, until I discovered opioids - I guess that's the sad part.

I guess we can open up some dialogue about pharmacological hedonism in general.

Show your devotion




-Libertine
 
ha the fact is no one is reaching their full potential while addicted to drugs but i won't quit because i a) hurt very bad b)can afford it and stay safe with it c)i don't want to stop feeling good or at least what normal is to me now. but if i could take back ever touching drugs i would i less than a blink of an eye
 
yeah i'm on opioid drugs for some intense chronic pain and benzos for probably even more intense anxiety but i still would have gone another route if i'd known what i do now
 
I am absolutely 100% devoted to my Opiate/Benzo addiction, and I know in my heart that it will kill me someday. Either I will overdose, or I will find myself in a position where I can no longer sustain my habit and the WDs will be so bad I will purposefully OD. OxyContin + Cocaine + Xanax. That combo, though I haven't touched the first 2 of those 3 in over 5 years really did me in. Now it's Methadone (150+mgs a day, I'm embarasserd to give my actual dose, it's so high, but I'm working on lowering it) and Xanny bars and K-Pins whenever I can get my hands on them.

I could always get the benzos from a doctor, as I have documented Extreme Anxiety / Panic Disorder, along with some pretty intense Insomnia (that I've had since I was at least 9 or 10 years old). However a) I don't have insurance, so it's often cheaper to get my drugs on the street, and b) I'm afraid of what would become of me if I had nonstop access to my second DOC.

But to answer the OPs original question: I am the captain of a sinking ship. And I know it.
 
mrflowers00 said:
yeah i'm on opioid drugs for some intense chronic pain and benzos for probably even more intense anxiety but i still would have gone another route if i'd known what i do now
Click to expand...

Word.

I sure as shit wish I stopped at Marijuana, but once you've opened Pandora's Box...
 
Yeah opiates are great, that's a give, and sure with enough money and common sense you can continue doing opiates without leaving a trail of disaster behind you...BUT if you do opiates, then that is pretty much the only thing you will do and THAT is not acceptable...

Sure you can do enough to get by in the world, but as was said earlier, you simply cannot achieve your full potential, and while not an overtly bad/harmful thing, imagine if everyone did this, society would come to a skreetching halt--no more inventions, progress, advanced technology, medicine etc....

When u have no motivation to do anything, are wasting the day away in a nod, and are content with the status quo nothing changes, and unless you think the world is perfect as is right now, not changing sucks..

I say this as an addict, so its not like I'm preaching or arguing or chastizing, I'm just saying---a hedonistic society jusnt practical as much as I wish it was!
 
^true in some respects but you don't have to sit there all day nodding and avoiding reality. Opiates give me energy and focus to do things, enhance my creativity to create things and increase my appreciation for life. I like to think of them as spiritual substances rather than some evil substance that destroys everything. I feel more in tune with nature and reality when I feel happy and content.

There are many things i do much better while high because when sober i am a nervous wreck and that gets the best of me. I imagine this is the case with many other people who self medicate and for those in chronic pain.

I definitely see no reason to stop as long as I am paying my way and still contributing to society and am not a mess of a person. My mental health has improved greatly since being on opiates. I think there is just a massive stigma against opiates and many people think that daily use is just wrong or immoral and have many bullshit reasons for it that are always generalizations against the stereotypical junkie, which most people are not. I'm surprised so many addicts get brainwashed into thinking these things but they are not necessarily true. You can be high all day every day and be perfectly functional as a human being, and there is nothing wrong with that. People want to drink coffee every day, why can't others chose the drug they want to use every day so long as it's not hurting or interfering with someone else?
 
RobotRipping said:
^true in some respects but you don't have to sit there all day nodding and avoiding reality. Opiates give me energy and focus to do things, enhance my creativity to create things and increase my appreciation for life. I like to think of them as spiritual substances rather than some evil substance that destroys everything. I feel more in tune with nature and reality when I feel happy and content.

There are many things i do much better while high because when sober i am a nervous wreck and that gets the best of me. I imagine this is the case with many other people who self medicate and for those in chronic pain.

I definitely see no reason to stop as long as I am paying my way and still contributing to society and am not a mess of a person. My mental health has improved greatly since being on opiates. I think there is just a massive stigma against opiates and many people think that daily use is just wrong or immoral and have many bullshit reasons for it that are always generalizations against the stereotypical junkie, which most people are not. I'm surprised so many addicts get brainwashed into thinking these things but they are not necessarily true. You can be high all day every day and be perfectly functional as a human being, and there is nothing wrong with that. People want to drink coffee every day, why can't others chose the drug they want to use every day so long as it's not hurting or interfering with someone else?
Click to expand...

^this.
I shoot heroin in a safe manner. I have a job. I go to school (to become a pharmacist.. go figure lol =P). I have my own place & pay rent on time. I am involved in the occasional political/social activism. I feel that that's a rather productive life for a junkie of almost 5 years haha. To be honest, as long as i'm still productive and all i don't see a reason to be stopping anytime soon.
 
^ if you never touched a drug in your life you would be yourself to your full potential but drugs hinder that whether you can see it or not
if abused if you take a therapeutic dose and don't deviate you can make things even better for yourself if those are needed drugs like medications
 
Great replies to a great topic, however I feel this is better suited for Drug Culture, however if the OP would like me to move it back into OD for more Harm Reduction related answers, feel free to PM me.

OD --> DC
 
RobotRipping said:
^true in some respects but you don't have to sit there all day nodding and avoiding reality. Opiates give me energy and focus to do things, enhance my creativity to create things and increase my appreciation for life. I like to think of them as spiritual substances rather than some evil substance that destroys everything. I feel more in tune with nature and reality when I feel happy and content.

There are many things i do much better while high because when sober i am a nervous wreck and that gets the best of me. I imagine this is the case with many other people who self medicate and for those in chronic pain.

I definitely see no reason to stop as long as I am paying my way and still contributing to society and am not a mess of a person. My mental health has improved greatly since being on opiates. I think there is just a massive stigma against opiates and many people think that daily use is just wrong or immoral and have many bullshit reasons for it that are always generalizations against the stereotypical junkie, which most people are not. I'm surprised so many addicts get brainwashed into thinking these things but they are not necessarily true. You can be high all day every day and be perfectly functional as a human being, and there is nothing wrong with that. People want to drink coffee every day, why can't others chose the drug they want to use every day so long as it's not hurting or interfering with someone else?
Click to expand...

Damn, I really identify with everything you said here. I was chipping at opi's since my early 20's and never came close to being hooked or dependant until maybe 3 years ago when i started buying oxys every couple of months as I could afford to. The first time I did heroin was a one time thing, never even thought about doing it again at the time. Then I found a stash of fent patches, morphine and methadone my girlfriend's mom had boosted from her hospice job and went on my first serious opiate bender. That was a ton of fun. Since then, the last few years I have really gravitated toward opiates/opioids as my second place DOC behind cannabis. Almost two years ago i started chipping at heroin, bought about an ounce over a couple of months and when that ran out I had gotten a script for morphine. I've been prescribed morphine a year and a half now and I reallly love it. Not only does it take away my chronic debilitating pain but it is a wonder drug the way it cures my social anxiety and phobia of interacting with people. With morphine I don't have any more bipolar episodes, no more crushing depression balanced by manic times. I've tried SSRIs, benzos, klonopin, nothing works as well as morphine does for depression and anxiety. I used to grow cannabis until a little over a year ago when I moved to a non-mmj state and had to sell my grow gear. So I don't have access to high quality cannabis for the time being and I have to rely on morphine. It is not a bad tradeoff, but there is no spiritual reward and innate joy involved in using morphine the way that growing and using cannabis did for me. If I could start growing again tomorrow I would plan on cutting back the morphine to a minimum but that's not going to happen for a while yet. But what I am realizing is that I found what I need and what I need is morphine or other opiate drugs in my life. I really hope that I can continue to be prescribed morphine because if that ever stopped I would absolutely have to find another source be it a new doctor or buying heroin on the streets. I can't imagine not having morphine, I would be right back to where I was for so long suffering from crippling depression and bipolar illness. Cannabis can do about 75% of what I need to make me feel whole and stable in life but it lacks the ability to take away all of my anxiety and depression.
Am I going to be a lifelong opiate addict? At this point I think that is where things are headed. . . But I do need it for legitimate pain and for the other side effects I described. Is that really such a bad thing? I know that if drugs were legal, it would not be a bad thing. But the way things are, I do not look forward to a time when I would have to be dependent on black market heroin. That would be a bad thing and I don't want to be dependent on street drugs. I really wish that opiates were used to treat anxiety and depression because they are the best thing for it.
 
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