Kaleida
Bluelight Crew
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- Sep 6, 2015
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This was, I believe, my fifth trip on nutmeg essential oil. It's been a few years since I thought about adding up all my experiences, but I believe I started with 1 mL, then 2 mL, then 3 mL - which I wrote a trip report about - and then tried 4 mL, but I think my batch had gotten weaker by then or something perhaps, because it wasn't too noteworthy of an experience. Finally, years went by and I found myself in a situation where it seemed worth trying the oil again, so I got a fresh bottle and started with 3 mL this time.
While looking it up just now, I realized that it's actually been about two and a half years since I wrote and published a full trip report, about DOPR. To make a long story short, my life was profoundly strange at that time, and quite a lot has happened to me since then, especially within the past one year specifically. If you are familiar with my writings, you may know that for around a year, I published trip reports openly being written by multiple identities, as I have a dissociative condition with alters, and we were attempting to live with "healthy multiplicity" at the time, allowing each alter to come to the front and have their say in what we did and how we lived with this body. However, this changed following a tryptamine smoking binge we had that culminated in an extreme psychotic episode, which shattered the trust in our dissociative system and made living life very difficult for some time. That was around three and a half years ago now, and in the time since then we have adjusted to living with a very different setup than the one we had been building prior to that. Currently, I live as if I'm singular again, and the alters, who once frequently came to the front and switched out with me, seem to remain in the background now. I could get very deep into explaining what exactly happened with us and how we got here, but it would be a long story that's mostly not relevant to this trip report, or any drugs inherently; I just want to explain a little bit about where I am psychologically and internally in a phenomenological sense before getting into the report, as it has been a good while since I last wrote a report with an update on this situation, and it does have at least some relevance to the experience I'm going to describe.
A succinct way of putting it is that in the time since this all happened, I've switched from switching out with my alters to treating them somewhat more like entities from a psychedelic trip. Since they're seemingly always in the background now yet are still consistently present and intelligent - not just saying random things like a hallucinated voice or something - this seems like the most logical way to treat them to me currently, like sentient but separate. Of course, I still recognize that they are part of my brain and such, I'm just saying that I've gone over to behaving like I'm just me generally, but as I'm communicating with others in my headspace as if they really are communicating realistically with me too. That is the perspective I will be writing this trip report from as well.
Additionally, an important detail about my life currently with reference to this trip report is that almost exactly one year ago, I moved to a different state than the one I had been living in for almost my entire life - and for every trip report and such I've ever written before - until then. The reasons why are not terribly important to this story, but I will say that it essentially came out of nowhere for me and caused me to make a decision about whether or not I really wanted to do it in a short amount of time, and caused some dramatic shifting in my life plans at the time. One of the most significant changes of all is that I actually parted ways with my psychedelic stash, which contained a reasonable amount of almost every psychedelic I had ever used before and a small number that I still hadn't gotten to try yet unfortunately, and which until then I very much expected to be supplying my psychedelic experiences easily for the entire rest of my life without any additional purchases required from where I already was with it. Needless to say, losing this stash has made me profoundly sad, although it was ultimately my choice to give it away, and thankfully was not connected to any legal consequences or anything like that. What it comes down to is simply that at the time I realized I was going to have to take some sort of legal risk to transport my drug stash to my new home, such as, for instance, carrying them across multiple state lines, I came to the conclusion that I had actually already gotten so much out of my psychedelics and felt that I had made so much actual genuine progress in my life as a result of using them that taking such a huge legal risk just to bring them with me to my new state would be kind of like spitting in the face of all the real benefits I truly did and do felt that I had gained from psychedelics, because I no longer felt that getting to keep those drugs in my life was worth more than enjoying the life I had already found myself living with their help. That is to say, I felt that if I tried to bring the drugs with me and was found out and arrested and thrown in prison due to the very large quantity of psychedelics, it would completely undo all the good that those very psychedelics had brought to my life until then by basically functionally making my life over at that point, and while once upon a time I was willing to risk pretty much anything to have my rare drugs in my life, I was now at a point where I felt the life I had was no longer worth risking in such a way. It'd be one thing if I could have just held on to my stash forever without needing to take any more other risks related to it, but, given the situation, I decided that my psychedelics would probably be better off helping others who might be able to benefit from them now in the way I already had, so I left them with some people who I won't identify but who I know I can trust and who will remain in my life even if at a distance and who still like tripping, and I left my old state empty-handed.
One year later, I'm still glad that I made this choice and have been enjoying the very different place in my life that I find myself in right now, but I still miss my psychedelics too, and just because I felt that giving my stash away was the right choice for me at the time doesn't mean that I decided to move on from psychedelics in general. Although I already wasn't doing it as much beforehand as I had been in the years prior, I still like tripping and still think it's a benefit to my life, I'm just now currently back to the point of having to figure out where to get drugs as I go along, and currently mostly only having access to natural and/or quasi-legal stuff. With that all being said, I found myself contemplating using nutmeg essential oil once again. It's something I had held in high regard since my previous 3 mL experience with it nearly five years ago now, and I was starting to feel pretty desperate for a powerful psychedelic experience that reminded me of my old favorites. In the year since moving I had mostly tripped on high dosages of oral cannabis, salvia, and mildly on blue lotus extract capsules, and I had had a couple of mushroom experiences after a family member visiting from another state brought me some, but that's it, and the mushrooms, while I was quite happy with them, didn't really scratch the itch I had to take something that for me would be more reminiscent of something like LSD or a phenethylamine. Knowing that nutmeg essential oil, on the other hand, should scratch this itch, I got myself my fresh bottle and dove right in.
My previous experience with psychedelics includes DMT, MET, MPT, EPT, DPT, MiPT, DiPT, MALT, DALT, Psilocybe cubensis, 4-HO-MET, 4-HO-DET, 4-HO-MPT, 4-HO-EPT, 4-HO-DPT, 4-HO-MiPT, 4-HO-DiPT, 4-HO-McPT, 4-AcO-DMT, 4-AcO-MET, 4-AcO-DET, 4-AcO-MALT, 4-AcO-DALT, bufotenine, 5-MeO-MiPT, 5-MeO-EiPT, 5-MeO-DiPT, 5-MeO-DALT, 5-Cl-AMT, Ipomoea tricolor, Argyreia nervosa, LSD, ETH-LAD, AL-LAD, 1P-LSD, Myristica fragrans, 3C-P, 2C-C, 2C-B, 2C-I, 2C-E, 2C-P, DOF, DOC, DOB, TMA-2, 4C-D, BOD, MDMA, and Nymphaea caerulea. My most recent trip before this was on 1 g of unidentified psilocybin mushrooms slightly over a month before this.
The day of my trip, I got up in the morning and found the package of nutmeg essential oil waiting at the doorstep from overnight delivery; the benefits of tripping on legal drugs. I weighed out three 00 gel caps each containing 1 mL of oil, which I had remembered doing at some point in the past for one of my trips on it, although I couldn't remember if it was the best way to take it. I think next time I'll try dissolving it in a shot of milk or something, that might help the taste and experience of ingesting them in general....
T+0:00 - I swallow my three capsules one by one, which is a miserable experience. Despite the oil being perfectly encapsulated, something about the capsules feels cold and slimy as they go down, and I almost gagged on the third one. This is, for the record, by far the worst part of the experience for me. If you try this, I definitely recommend you try the milk shot or something instead. I ate a couple handfuls of Cheez-Its hoping to wash away the flavor, which mostly worked at least in that moment. After dosing, I went to the bathroom and then jumped in the shower.
I have never taken regular nutmeg as a drug, just the essential oil, but from what I understand nutmeg can take a very long time to kick in after being ingested, like maybe around eight hours, and then lasts for a very long time afterward, like up to two or three days. In my experience with the nutmeg essential oil so far, and also fitting with what I've heard from others who've used it, the long duration remains - I always feel it well into the second day - but the come up time is dramatically reduced, generally being felt within around an hour similar to most other psychedelic drugs roughly speaking. The trip was no different this time, and I had notable effects already kicking in while I was in the shower, although, as is often the case when coming up on a trip while taking a shower for me, I also ended up staying in there for a long time because of it.
The first thing I recall seeing is one of the most familiar psychedelic visuals for me, an image of women dressed in visually appealing outfits reaching out to me, in some kind of spiraling line back out from me. In this case the visual was weak and I mostly saw its peripheral, but I've seen it countless times on almost every psychedelic I've ever taken at least, I know it when I see it. In this case the designs of the image were less colorful and more ghostly, less like the mushroom trips I'd had recently and more like LSD, particularly in some superficial aspects of the aesthetic for the latter. This might have been the most strictly typically psychedelic-like thing that happened this trip for me, as after that one it started to get kind of wild.
I had to write all these from memory in retrospect after the shower, but the next one I remember is that at one point I sat down in the shower with the water hitting my front, and when I closed my eyes I had a sort of halfhearted "seeing with eyes closed" effect where it was sort of like I could still see the shower around me, but it also wasn't completely vividly active enough that it truly felt like I was actually seeing it with my eyes, but it definitely was a clear vision in my mind's eye. In this vision, the bathroom itself looked normal and accurate, but there were lots of weird, insect- or parasite- or tentacle-like half-organism parts extruding out of the walls or floor and wiggling about in creepy ways, although I was still fully lucid of this just being visuals from the trip and didn't find it unsettling to see. It looked very much like the insects in the ayahuasca scene from the movie "Blueberry", which I definitely endorse watching if you haven't seen it (just the scene clip I mean, I still haven't seen the movie myself). This became somewhat of a theme for the trip, I just want to say now, about having visuals that were similar to videos or movies I've seen before, and in my experience that kind of thing is very common for me in altered states including both past psychedelic trips and even in non-drug induced states like my psychotic episodes, but for me it definitely begs the question of what came first, the chicken or the egg? The movies and videos and such that I tend to vividly see recreated in hallucinations are videos that themselves were already unquestionably trying to be trippy often to the literal point of obviously attempting to recreate psychedelic visuals, so I know the people who made them saw visuals like that, but am I seeing visuals like that and my brain is associating those videos with it, or am I just hallucinating those videos?
At some point while I was standing in the shower, and I think this was probably the next thing after the previous visual, I started seeing faint psychedelic imagery again just in my mind's eye but with eyes open, and it was clearly moving in a typical pinwheeling psychedelic geometric design with a shape like a gear with only a handful of cogs on it, but on each of the cogs was a piece of cake, which I found very curious. It is very rare that I hallucinate food in any capacity; one funny thing happened once with a cannabis edible, and aside from that I think the last time I remember really hallucinating food stuff was the last time I took 3 mL of nutmeg essential oil, and from what I recall cake might have actually been part of it.... Soon though, the cake disappeared and was replaced by another, more vivid and detailed image, although still transparent. It was a kind of swirling funnel geometric visual that I'm familiar with, and have one particularly profound memory of seeing it on 100 μg of ETH-LAD where it zoomed in and was comprised of countless rows of tiny repeated people holding hands together reminiscent of salvia for me, but this time I would say the representation of the funnel visual was less dissociative and more delirious, as this time, I saw the geometric visual at regular size and zoom, but the funnel itself was completely textured with pizza, very clearly and visible. Although - and to demonstrate the kind of state of mind I was in at T+1:03 when I wrote these notes down - I did ask in my notes: "Was it cheese or pepperoni?..." I found this very curious at the time and this is another thing that did recur at least a few times throughout the experience, and notably differs from my experiences with other drugs.
Actually, looking over my notes, it does say that at one moment, I opened my eyes to make sure the tentacles and such were not really there, so I suppose I was not completely lucid about it, but I believe I only did it that once and don't recall any fear about them now. I also wrote that I saw the bathroom from a third-person view at one point with my eyes closed, and that I heard some internal screaming during all the tentacle stuff. Again, it was more thematically creepy than actually scary, and I'm pretty used to dark altered states at this point. I took it all as a good sign of the hallucinogenic power of the trip to come. I did note that there were some other visions I couldn't remember by then too, at least some light stuff I think.
I also noted that during the shower, there was a little bit of stomach unrest, although it wasn't anywhere near as bad as the nausea that I had recently felt multiple times from psilocybin mushrooms. I was burping a lot, and I knew from experience that this part was coming and it very much did: not only were there lots of burps, but each and every one of them was like a miniature explosion of nutmeg flavor in my mouth. Since the last time I used this drug, I've enjoyed a cocktail or two that had nutmeg in it, and I didn't find this as unpleasant as I did for the old trips, at first.... I started smelling my burps as the high was kicking in and they were actually kind of pleasant. That didn't last long though. (Probably for the best.)
T+1:03 - I just stepped out of the shower and I'm feeling notably good. Just a little bit spacey and sedated I think, but not much, and happy about the visions so far. I am fundamentally uninebriated in comparison to something like mushrooms and start going about my normal post-shower routine just feeling good.
T+1:09 - As I'm combing my hair, a completely lifelike but transparent and ghostly snake suddenly wraps around my head popping out from the back and stares at me through the mirror. This is also alike something that happens in the ayahuasca scene of the movie "Blueberry", later on than the insect part, where these is a ghostly snake looking essentially exactly like the one I saw just sort of floating around the room as if slithering through the air.
I have not taken ayahuasca personally, and in the times I have smoked DMT I have not seen things like insects or snakes, but, believe it or not, I have seen a snake exactly like this before on MDMA, years ago in the later hours after taking 100 mg and lying in bed in the darkness and smoking cannabis. I largely stopped using MDMA a long time ago but I was always one to hallucinate off of it very easily starting around three and a half hours after dosing, in that time that people talk about it being converted to MDA, regardless of if that's actually the explanation or not. As I've written about before, I am also very fascinated by the fact that myristicin, thought to be the primary active agent in nutmeg essential oil, as well as safrole which is also present in smaller quantities to my knowledge, has a chemical structure highly similar to both MDA and MDMA, and even more so to MMDA, the ring-methoxy derivative of MDA, which is known for producing "brain movies" and is described in trip reports as producing this sort of MDMA/MDA-like delirium even more readily than those two molecules. In my experience with nutmeg essential oil so far, I do personally think that the more "delirious" aspects of its psychedelia seem highly similar to the more psychedelically delirious aspects of MDMA, although I also find nutmeg essential oil to feel more like a classical psychedelic at the same time than MDMA does. In any case, that one time on MDMA, I was staring at the ceiling in the dark in bed, and suddenly the ghostly snaked projected out of the ceiling towards me in a spiraling trajectory, stopped right in front of my face, and hissed at me, which caused countless spiders to shoot out all over my field of vision, and I believe after that the snake vanished. At the time, it felt random to me, and obviously kind of weird, and in retrospect it seems maybe a little threatening if you think about it, although I just saw it as a random hallucination so I don't think I really felt threatened or anything....
This time however, although the hallucination was quick, I recall feeling like the snake was more so like on my side, just sort of popping in to see how things are going in my trip, although I still felt the moment to have sort of serious vibe rather than playful or something. I didn't actually even think until writing this how different the vibe was the two times I've seen the snake now, but I do think it's intriguing. Due to my experiences in this life, I have very much become the kind of person who thinks it's a perfectly acceptable theory that the hallucinations we see on drugs do not reflect some reality outside of our heads, at least not a concrete one like aliens or a quasi-tangible spirit world of some kind, yet that they also simultaneously are very "real" and "important" in a truly meaningful sense, because just because something is "in your head" doesn't mean it doesn't mean anything and isn't connected to anything, and whether the other "beings" I interact with internally just come to me naturally or seem directly linked to drug experiences, I've gotten to a point where I at least listen to what they have to say, or in this case, observe what they do, and consider why they're there and what, if anything, it's meaningfully connected to for me. The fact that I experienced a nearly identical hallucinogenic entity on two molecularly similar hallucinogens to me tells me clearly that I should consider that what's happening is a rather predictable chemical reaction in my brain - especially because, as per the "Blueberry" movie clip, for instance, I know that other people hallucinate this same sort of entity on other functionally similar drugs as well - but the fact that my meeting with this entity was, in retrospect, threatening and creepy the first time and, many years later, allowing and respectful-feeling the second time, it strikes me as interesting and perhaps worth noting at the very least.
I was quite elated that this happened and with the hallucinogenic action in general that was occurring so far.
T+1:12 - This next visual I got I think is a better demonstration of the whole videos/movie theme thing I was talking about before. Still in the bathroom, suddenly I had another clear psychedelic vision, I think clearer than the previous one, of pigs standing upright dancing in I think ballerina outfits, with geometrically-organized repeated images of pizza slices floating around them. This is an almost, but not exactly perfect recreation of a short scene in the music video for "Kids" by MGMT. The video, which is almost all live-action and costumes, at the end switches to a brief animated segment, all psychedelic cartoon transformations and such, and one part includes a pig dancing in that sort of outfit that suddenly gets knocked away by a storm of ham, burgers, and pizza slices. They are extremely similar to the point of looking to me like my mind was trying to purposefully recreate the music video in my visuals, but the problem is that in the music video, there's only one pig and the pig and the pizza are not on the screen at the same time, just in quick succession, whereas in my vision, there was three pigs standing next to each other, and the pizza slices were specifically surrounding them, but the pigs and pizza slices looked like almost identical cartoon drawings to the music video. As I think about it in depth now, it almost seems like some weird AI art program attempting to recreate the music video and doing it almost perfectly but still imperfectly in strangely trippy ways, but that AI art program is just my brain. Despite me recognizing this clear connection, this is not just me confusing my imagination for visions or something, and the music video is not something I had on my mind in the slightest when that happened; it was as clear, spontaneous, and independent-feeling as any other psychedelic vision I've ever had, it was just... this. While it does clearly seem to me like my mind was drawing up associations with the music video and attempting to recreate it, I mean, the music video clip itself is also clearly based on weird psychedelic experiences, right? A dancing pig followed by a geometric explosion of greasy foods, in a clearly psychedelic music video? Did someone from the band or involved in the production of the video also see pigs and pizza on nutmeg, or maybe MDMA or MDA, without seeing it in a video first, or did they make it up and infest my psychedelic visuals through it?
I find myself feeling the emotions at these times that manifest into these feelings and questions, although I think at the time of seeing this I was mostly just taking it all in.
I also noted at this time that I was starting to feel a slight tingliness in my feet especially, which I noted as feeling like a good body high of a kind that would seem reasonable for me with a psychedelic, but also noted that I felt like it might have been leveled out a bit by a slight sedative-like weight that I was feeling at the same time. This sedative weight overlapping the standard psychedelic body high, from what I can tell so far, seems to be a consistent theme for me, and I don't know if it's caused by the myristicin or whatever else might be producing the psychedelic effects or something else in the oil as it does contain many things like terpenes, but I think it seems to last pretty much exactly as long as the psychedelic effects do, so I could see it as being an unavoidable part of the experience potentially, but I don't really know. I do wonder if it relates to the other apparently unique aspects of nutmeg essential oil compared to other psychedelic trips for me too like the food themes and general delirious hallucination strength, but again it's a mystery. The sedative feeling is not what I would call directly uncomfortable, but I do think there is something about it that is vaguely annoying, mostly, jumping ahead here a little, because of how long the trip lasts. After a while I'm just feeling ready for it to be over, not because it feels bad but I would say mostly because it feels inhibiting. I still end up thinking it's worth it in the end though, but it contributes to why I don't want to use nutmeg essential oil that often (although there are other reasons too so I'm not too broken up about it).
T+1:14 - I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror and smiled, but when I smiled I suddenly saw a clear vision of an exact copy of myself making a staged shocked face over my real smiling reflection. Hmm. After this, I finally finished up and left the bathroom.
T+1:18 - I just smiled again while walking around the living room and saw another vision of myself clearly, and this time the me in the vision was smiling just like the real me was, except the me in my vision this time was also made of pizza just like the psychedelic funnel vision from the shower, causing me to look a lot like Pizza the Hutt from "Spaceballs". I am enjoying myself despite the weirdness of this trip. Actually, somewhat because of it. I write that the goofiness is doing it for me and is kind of a nice change from my usual/old desired trip style. This is without a doubt a reflection of the fact that the headspace I've been in lately is one of being tired of altered states involving cosmic ideas and synchronicity and manic grandiosity because I've experienced plenty of that through things like psychosis in particular now and gotten a pretty good fill of it and gotten exhausted along the way (among other things) and I've really started to appreciate even more than I ever did before trips that can just kind of show me some random crazy shit my brain can do and unlock weird but interesting aspects of my consciousness without it having to have some grand narrative or whatever, and the nutmeg essential oil definitely seems to be good at that for me, so far. It does feel classically psychedelic enough to me that I don't doubt that it could get crazy in that kind of way if pushed hard enough, but at the dosages I've taken so far it definitely has sort of a "Look at all this silly stuff." vibe to me, which I like. Although I imagine the silly stuff and the serious stuff also combine into some pretty damn wild shit at higher dosages too and I'd really like to see that too frankly, although I don't actually recommend trying since I don't know what the safe dosage limit on this stuff is and I'm not sure how far I'll be willing to push it myself, but it's a nice thought.
I quickly made my way to my bedroom to get dressed and relax a bit just lying on the bed.
T+1:20 - I closed my eyes again to stare into the darkness and the whole tentacle/insect/whatever thing was still going on somewhat. I don't think I watched it for long.
T+1:22 - Lying on the bed still, I was just sort of looking around in a daze and reflecting. I'm definitely feeling sedated physically and a little drifty mentally, and the visions are quite clear if sporadic, but I don't think there's too much else yet happening at this point. Notably, there are no negative side effects to speak of, as with my previous trips on nutmeg essential oil. I have gotten a few good sighs and physical releases of euphoria here and there that I felt were similar in nature to a cannabis edible but still different, although I did write in my notes that the euphoria was still mild compared to something like psilocin, although pleasant with the more relaxed and lucid atmosphere of the drug. I also noted that it felt cleaner than psilocin with respect to the lack of nausea still, although otherwise psilocin is quite clean for me too.
T+1:27 - I'm finally standing up to put some clothes on. As I'm pacing around my room, I suddenly see a realistically-colored but sort of extra vivid vision of a palm tree flash before my eyes just briefly. This actually seems to be one of the relatively more common types of images I see when in psychedelic-delirious states including on nutmeg essential oil before.
T+1:29 - I'm debating whether or not to add cannabis, which I have not up to this point. Traditionally, I always used cannabis with psychedelics not long after they started kicking in, but after the move, I decided to try some new things out. Recently, I'd had a 2 g mushrooms trip where I hadn't smoked cannabis for a few hours and I was watching a video essay on YouTube and really getting into it and empathizing with it, and then I smoked cannabis and the visuals became stronger but also weirder and my whole contemplative headspace came crashing down and I was just sort of stupidly giggling at the video and realizing I wasn't paying attention and it really bummed me out, so for this trip I decided to see how long I could go without cannabis too. I decided to leave it out still at this point, and then finally put my clothes on.
T+1:31 - I leave my room, and note that I'm still burping, but with maybe very slightly less nutmeg flavor than before(?).
T+1:33 - I make a note that nutmeg essential oil seems to be good at helping me let weird intrusive thoughts just happen without resistance or anxiety, which is something I deal with normally and am always trying to improve with. I have a specific memory of also feeling this way many years ago about 25 mg of 4-HO-DET, another psychedelic which I find particularly dark, weird, and hallucinogenically delirious.
T+1:35 - I've been making sure to drink water and I note that it tastes pretty good and refreshing right about now. I haven't had any visions in a little while, and I wonder if it's because I've been distracted doing things like opening up the window blinds and other starting-the-day things.
T+1:41 - I just had a couple of burps that had less nutmeg flavor than before. I'm still doing busy things like cleaning the cat food bowls, and note that my body feels relaxed with a slight euphoria in my legs, but I still haven't had any more visions since before.
T+1:44 - I start listening to music, specifically Smooth McGroove on YouTube. I'm enjoying the music, but it's not really a trippy experience.
T+1:49 - I see a vision of some vines briefly start forming for just a moment before vanishing when watching the TV screen. I start to wonder if I'm already past-peak with the visions, which would be a real shame, although I do recall in past experiences with nutmeg essential oil thinking that part seemed to pass too quickly.
T+1:50 - I note that I'm more spaced out in a fun way compared to psilocin, not thinking so much. I'm taking a lot of notes and in retrospect think I probably had a lot of time dilation at this time, but I was kind of lost in it and don't think I really paid attention to the time stamps as I actually took the notes.
T+1:53 - I've been wanting to change my sitting position for what feels like avoiding numbness, but I'm not sure if my body parts have actually been getting numb or if I'm just perceiving things differently. I stop the music after a minute. Suddenly, I have a feeling of physical release where it feels like I take a nice, full breath and get an eye-fluttering euphoric feeling, and I see another quick flash of a geometric tunnel vision, but nothing clear in it.
T+1:58 - I stopped smelling my burps like a lunatic. The nutmeg taste is definitely still there.
T+1:59 - My stomach feels a bit unsettled again in a way that feels like it could progress to feel like nausea, but I suspect that I might really just be hungry, which I know to not be the cause of nausea with the mushrooms for instance.
T+2:04 - I stepped outside to see how it was. There was a nice breeze but it was warm and sunny. The patio is nice in the shade though. I think to myself that nutmeg essential oil would probably be good for swimming in the summer, but sadly we no longer have a pool after the move.
T+2:05 - Back inside, I turn the air conditioner down. I'm definitely thinking cooler is better for nutmeg essential oil so far.
T+2:07 - I'm worried that visions still aren't coming when I'm just relaxing on the couch in silence unlike with the bed before, and thinking they might be kind of over. I say "kind of" because based on my past powerful experience with nutmeg essential oil, I know that the delirious hallucinations and visions do actually seem to last for the entire trip as long as any other psychedelic effects continue to go, which for me is a full day and a half or so, but there's a much shorter-lived period where the visions seem much clearer and more intricate and interesting to me at the beginning of the trip, and after that period and increasingly so as the trip drags on, those interesting visuals becoming less frequent and more sporadic and often fuzzier and more background, and basically what it comes down to is that I think the whole trip is interesting and seemingly useful to me, but it's a long trip with a short really fun part at the beginning for me, and I was afraid at this point that that short really fun part might be basically over already. Since I still haven't added cannabis into the mixture, and I'm assuming that will at least potentiate the visual effect of the trip, I consider adding it an again, but I decide against it for the moment. It's a long trip ahead, and I decide to see where it's going.
T+2:08 - I put on some music again, this time something by The Gregory Brothers.
T+2:11 - As I'm pacing around enjoying the music, I notice that I have a little bit of enhanced imagination and empathy with the singer reminiscent of other psychedelics for me. It's not a heavy trip but it is a notable level of effect. I have another weaker nutmeg-flavored burp.
T+2:16 - I note that I do think the trip feels therapeutic in a way similar to what I was feeling from the 2 g of mushrooms recently before adding in cannabis, and I like that.
T+2:18 - An autotuned version of a food review comes on and as the person is describing the food, I see spontaneous visions of it that match what he's saying. What strange food-relatedness this drug has, I think.
T+2:22 - I think the nutmeg essential oil gives me better energy for pacing around to the music than the mushrooms have been doing. I've been craving something more like that lately, more like what I would get from LSD, so I'm happy with this.
T+2:24 - "What Does The Fox Say?" starts playing on YouTube and as the singer is talking about the different animals, I have mind's eye flashes of visions of their faces. Animals, like food, are another less common thing for me with other psychedelics. There's definitely some funky stuff this is doing to my brain which seems to come out more at times when it's relevant.
T+2:26 - I do feel like there's a slight nausea now that would probably be helped with cannabis, along with an increasing energy and leg tingles. I still think hunger might be part of the nausea, but I also feel like my appetite is low due to the sensations in a way that I also think cannabis might help with. I start thinking about what to do about food.
T+2:30 - Actually, I did just get a good satisfying sort of rush where the nausea seems like it might have largely resolved itself. I wonder if I'm still just coming up on the high and my body is adjust to the trip; despite the fact that I feel the oil quickly, I do find it to also feel a lot like a long-lasting phenethylamine psychedelic, which do often have several hours worth of coming up before you finally really peak, so I could just be going through that kind of phase too.
T+2:38 - I put on a song that makes me nostalgic of my MDMA days. I like it as usual, but it's nothing special in combination with the nutmeg essential oil for me I think. I'm glad the nausea is gone but I'm still hungry.
For what it's worth, while I do find the delirious and psychedelic properties similar to MDMA, I so far don't find nutmeg essential oil to feel like it has the stimulant and empathogen effects of MDMA, which I suppose shows in both the differences in the musical experience as well as the hunger of the oil.
At some point during the song I did note that I had a slight psychedelic phenethylamine-like sensory visual effect, something like a red and white glowing smoke-like visual distortion in my mind's eye for just a moment. I remember thinking that red-pink was sort of the dominant color area of the trip's visuals, which I think is consistent with my previous strong trip on it too....
T+2:41 - I note that as I'm typing notes, my back feels slightly sore in a way that reminds me of how other stimulating psychedelics make me feel after I've spent some time pacing around to the music and bending over taking notes on my phone.
T+2:48 - I'm sitting in silence still trying to figure out what to do about food and whether or not to add in cannabis for it beforehand.
T+2:50 - I was watching a "calming lanterns" screensaver image playing on the TV when suddenly I saw vision of a psychedelic face, more abstract than the earlier visions but also animal-like and detailed, kind of like Louis Wain's schizophrenic cat art and alike something I saw on 50 mg of oral Δ9-THC about a year prior. Sadly I don't really remember it, I had forgotten about it until reading this note for writing this trip report. I made a note that this trip continues to have a theme of showing me things that look like artistic interpretations of ayahuasca trips I've seen before but not things I've actually seen on my DMT trips before.
T+3:00 - I decided to order some Mexican food hoping that my appetite would grow and I could decide whether or not to smoke cannabis before the food arrived.
T+3:06 - I got a notification that my favorite Twitch streamer was streaming, so I put him on to see what he was up to. However, I mostly just found the stream distracting and hard to pay attention to, so I put it on silent at first, but having it on also made me feel kind of nauseous. The lingering built up nutmeg flavor in my mouth from all that burping and no eating food after any of it was starting to get to me too, and I think I'm probably reaching my breaking point of not smoking cannabis yet, although still glad that I'm pushing it off. After I stopped the stream, the nausea faded away, and I put more music on. Getting up and pacing around again seems to resolve any bodily discomforts I have, much like other stimulating psychedelics.
I spent all the time until the food arrived just listening to the music, letting myself think and get emotional about different things.
T+3:31 - The food is here!
T+3:43 - Finally eating, and I decided to watch another video essay by the same creator as from the 2 g of mushrooms trip to give this another shot without smoking cannabis this time to allow myself to absorb the whole video in a "psychedelic-only" headspace.
T+3:51 - The food is pretty good. I was dreading having a nutmeg-flavored burp during eating, but it happened and it wasn't too bad. I was hoping having more other flavors in my belly might help drown that out going forward too.
T+4:18 - I'm done eating and was pretty satisfied with my meal. I'm still only about halfway through the video.
At this time I still definitely feel like I'm high on something, but it doesn't feel very distinct in a way that's easy to put words to. I wait to see how it feels once I'm not distracted by food and a video though. I note that I'll probably finally smoke some cannabis once the video is over.
The burps after eating do still taste nutmeggy, but the flavor has become muted and is less unpleasant as a result.
T+4:36 - While relaxing on the couch, I did have a sudden good feeling of relief while breathing out with a slight colorful geometric image appearing before me. I note that the meal was definitely a distraction and I'm feeling things a bit more again, and I'm actually feeling satisfied enough again to question whether or not I really want to add cannabis in just yet.
I'm still burping, but the lingering bad taste in my mouth is gone and it's a definite improvement.
T+4:44 - I just had a series of burps with notably almost no nutmeg flavor, almost like normal burps.
T+5:16 - The video is over. I liked it, but I usually do with this creator. I'm glad that I got to the end without smoking cannabis unlike on the mushrooms, although I'm not sure the nutmeg essential oil put me in quite the same mindset for it that the mushrooms did. I'm happy I allowed myself to have a potentially more contemplative mindset for it nonetheless. I do think there’s at least a chance that the nutmeg essential oil is therapeutic in that same sort of way that the mushrooms were, this dosage might just not be as strong as that was for that.
T+5:19 - I decide to try Twitch again and see if I can handle it. It's been five and a half hours almost and I'm starting to feel ready to just relax and not focus as much as before.
T+5:21 - I note that there's definitely still some subtle psychedelic trippiness, I’d say along the lines of blue lotus intensity, but red rather than blue. I haven't written a full trip report on blue lotus extract capsules as of yet, but I actually do get some genuine psychedelic effects out of them, but they're very, very mild. Nutmeg essential oil's long-lived subtlety can remind me of the blue lotus effect at times, but the former is definitely a stronger psychedelic for me than the latter, much fuller and more like other psychedelics, just still kind of subtle at times nonetheless.
I saw the slightest little burst of red aura sensory visuals around the face of my favorite streamer for just a quick flash and then it dissipated.
T+5:33 - I left the TV on but went to lie down in bed again. I was thinking about a trip I had many years ago with a friend on LSD. We were walking around a field outside at night, and we sat down in the middle of the field and then laid in the grass. While we were there, I was trying to keep it cool for my friend who was a less experienced tripper than I, but I had a feeling that there were scary predator animals all around us just waiting for us to let our guards down so they could come and attack and make us their prey. At the time I started thinking that the effect we were experiencing from LSD was the same one that psilocybin mushrooms evolved so that when animals eat them they became sloppily incapacitated and lie in fields just waiting for prey to come eat them and remove them from the biome so that the mushrooms can continue to thrive - something that I have no idea if it has any relevance to real life or not, but it's what I was thinking at the time. Now, here on the nutmeg essential oil, I had something of a flashback to that trip as I felt something very similar, albeit with the total safety of being home alone, and it's not like I felt any fear or anything, it just felt like the same kind of incapacitating effect where all I could do was lie around. At this point, I enjoyed this feeling because I associated it with the anti-addictive properties of psychedelics, like helping me to stave off the cannabis smoking for instance, by just sort of being okay lying around instead. And I was feeling okay; there was a good body high at this point, and I was enjoying doing things like rubbing my closed eyelids.
The above being said, it was making me think about how I was happy with the fact that I had managed to hold off my compulsive cannabis smoking up to this point, and I decided I was ready to have a little bit more fun with it at this point, so I grabbed my partially-smoked bowl of cannabis from the previous night and took the first hit at T+5:37.
T+5:38 - I took the last couple hits in the bowl too just to finish it.
T+5:39 - After putting the bowl down, I had a twisting spiral geometry suddenly appear and felt a strong feeling of release, which I much enjoyed.
T+5:43 - As I'm walking around, the combo produces a very pleasant and powerful synergistic high feeling more relatable I think to combining cannabis with LSD than with mushrooms. It reminds me of my second time with blue lotus extract capsules and cannabis later on, where the cannabis made the high go from nice and subtle to very fried-feeling and dreamy in a way that definitely does not occur with cannabis alone and was distinctly different from the high without it. I'm smiling again, feeling light and good, the stomach tension I had was relieved, and my toes are increasing their tingling and wiggling.
T+5:50 - I'm starting to get more into watching the stream now. The cannabis has increased the high substantially, but it hasn't made it much trippier as of yet.
T+5:51 - The outside world out the window looks very overwhelming and sensory. It reminds me of eating a couple of weak mushroom chocolates while drunk and high recently.
T+5:53 - I'm walking around the living room as the high settles in, and suddenly I have a burst of complex imagery in my mind's eye. It starts with red visual patterns, and then a spiking white light geometry that becomes a crown sort of like the one on the Statue of Liberty, worn by an entity that looks sort of like a Mesoamerican god, at least based on what little knowledge I have of that. The entity seems clearly alive and animated, and he greets me as soon as he is fully realized (in my mind's eye, where he remained). He starts to ask me a question about what I think I might have left to learn from psychedelics, but he doesn't actually finish his sentence - and yes, it was a fully audible, clear, English sentence, although I still heard it in my headspace rather than as if with my ears - instead just kind of awkwardly pausing in the middle of his sentence, and waiting. As he was doing this, I got the impression that he was waiting for me to finish his sentence for him, but not in a way like he was wanting it, more like he was seeing if I would. This all happened very quickly so it's not like I stopped to think about it or anything, but I just stood there waiting for him to keep talking, rather than interrupting with my own thoughts. Seemingly realizing that I've done this, the entity then says to me something alone the lines of, "You don't have anything left to learn because you've already learned to listen." To make sure I remember this experience precisely, I start writing my notes about it in my phone, with my entity watching from over my shoulder in my mind's eye (but also behind me somehow). I write what he said down, but then ask myself: "Does that make sense?" and then conclude "I'll think about it." to which the entity says "That's fair!".
The entity himself is impressively detailed, still with red as the main, but not only color. Once again, I am amazed that I am seeing something more in line with the artistic stereotype of ayahuasca I've seen so much of, but not something like what I've actually seen on DMT. In fact, the hallucinations of this nature caused by nutmeg essential oil for me are remarkably profound, being of the kind I would stereotypically expect from very deep "spiritual" and "visionary" psychedelics, and surpassing their frequency on at least most, if not all other psychedelics for me. That is to say, nutmeg essential oil hasn't given me my strongest trips ever (yet...), but for how subtle other things like the level of geometric visuals and sensory distortions there are, I'm absolutely blown away by just how deep and complex and entity-involved and such it gets. I think this is actually the most ostensibly "ayahuasca-like" hallucinogenic trip I've ever had, at least with respect to things like the human and snake entities, insects and mammal face visions, and other things more on that level, even though there's also more MDMA-like silly delirious hallucinations with themes of food like cake and pizza mixed in, and with sensory visuals that feel more like a deep but subtle phenethylamine psychedelic. I really, really like it and this entity interaction experience obviously really stood out to me.
T+5:59 - The entity seems to be hanging around in my headspace in the background, though not doing much. In my experience, when I talk to others in my head, whether from drugs or not, it seems to open up a "permanent connection" so to speak, in the sense that if something were to meaningfully trigger that same other back out again, they would come back and continue being their same self, with full memory of our previous interactions and such. I expect this entity will be much the same (and a note from the future, he has been so far, though there hasn't been much interaction since). This is basically the same as my alters who I see without drugs, but notably this entity looks very much like a standard psychedelic entity still, and uses different colors and clothing designs than the alters I see without psychedelics. Actually, just thinking about it... I think he looks quite a lot like a human entity yet again from the "Blueberry" ayahuasca scene. Weird.
T+6:10 - I've gone back to doing normal things like feeding the cats and watching my favorite streamer. I think the cannabis probably brought that entity interaction flash out, but it may have been too late to potentiate the trip that much at this point.
T+6:29 - I've been really into the stream so not taking notes. I do note that the high reminds me of the later hours of a long-lasting phenethylamine psychedelic right now, where the trip is mostly reduced to a high but it's still a good high with energy and some not-too-uncomfortable back tension and such. I'm enjoying myself and know that it's probably going to be like this for a very long while going forward.
T+6:48 - A burp with no nutmeg flavor. Good to have a time stamp on that.
I've been sitting in quiet for a minute and contemplating things. It's a good headspace but not much to mention. I checked the news of the day and such.
From this point on quite a lot of the trip and notes is just me lying around the house enjoying the body high with some jelly legs (still too sedated to do much but feeling good nonetheless) so I'm going to cut out big parts of the notes that would just be tedious to read. I'll still include things that seem important.
T+7:22 - Some burps with a little nutmeg flavor again.
T+7:37 - I found a recipe for nutmeg essential oil hard candies online. Interesting. They're definitely meant for medical use and not tripping, but that doesn't mean I couldn't learn from it....
T+7:52 - I take my first hit out of a fresh bowl of cannabis. I smoked cannabis more regularly from this point forward, I probably won't mention each time again unless something significant happens. I noted that this time nothing crazy happened like the first time I smoked, but I was just taking a hit or two every now and then I think. At T+8:02 I did get a mild flowery pattern spinning in my mind's eye.
For the next many hours I just did normal stuff I would do during my free time when just on cannabis or something, but with a good high going. It mostly remained a body high with the mix of psychedelic energy and some extra sedation kind of weighing me down, with the slightest flash of red or pink sensory visuals in my mind's eye here and there, but no concrete imagery, just abstract distortions.
T+12:02 - It's getting late and the streamer is still going but I'm getting a bit tired of it. I decide to load another bowl, brush my teeth, go to the bathroom, and take another shower to relax and refresh. After I turned off the TV and started loading the bowl, I said to myself "Good day." and the male entity from before said "I agree."
T+12:21 - My legs feel a bit sore, but nothing uncomfortable. I've had kind of a dissociative feeling of watching the bathroom from bird's-eye view too. I also had a gentle geometric spiral image pass over in my mind's eye and I felt I could feel it pushing over me like a wave.
T+12:25 - I'm feeling kind of delirious in more of a tired way at this point, but the delirious aspect of the hallucinations is blending in with it too. While in the bathroom still, I felt like there was a plane of window glass between my consciousness and my external perceptions, and the glass was shattering and spinning around in trippy trajectories, and I could hear it shattering a little bit too. I think this might be from a scene in the movie "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium" which I only saw once many years ago at some random person's apartment while doing drugs or something, but I can't remember that clearly if that's what the movie was. But I do remember the scene about the character running through trippy shattering glass and having it stand out to me.
I get light, sparkly and wavy cartoony but 3D psychedelic enhanced imagination-type visions in colors like dark blue, green, and red around this time too, although I only know that from my notes because I don't really remember them. I note that it reminds me of MPT as nutmeg essential oil has done before. I actually wrote in my notes that the trip seemed to get a little stronger again at this point, closer to a full level of effect like before again, but I actually don't remember this at all. I must have been too tired. Maybe that's part of what brought the trippiness back out?... Who knows.
T+12:31 - I wrote: "Feels like a slight psychedelic sensory overload feeling building, like the later hours of 10 mg of 5-MeO-DiPT but thankfully without the headache or other discomforts, feels more like just an impressive classical psychedelic experience feeling with auras multiplying to full rainbow-like spectrums but in more alien but pastel colors." I do actually remember that visual vaguely, the colors were quite nice.
The last note I wrote for this first night was at T+13:42, while lying in bed. It says: "Fun, mild, colorful, geometric, 3D psychedelic abstractions with eyes closed like a winding wire with a colorful backdrop surrounding where it goes like glowing edges." I don't know what that means but it sounds fun.
T+20:52 - First note upon waking up the next day: I thought I heard locust sounds in my bedroom, but it was actually the fan. Strange.
T+20:55 - I flipped over on to my stomach in bed, and noticed that I definitely still had a good body high all over, but especially in my toes. I did (and generally do) still compare it to a psychedelic phenethylamine-like high.
Waking up still high on a long-lasting drug is one of my favorite experiences. It feels great feeling great while still just rolling around in bed in the morning.
T+21:21 - Eyes closed, I thought I was on my laptop at the end of another dream sequence. I opened my eyes in bed and was like, "Oh."
T+21:51 - Getting up finally. I go to the bathroom, finish my cannabis bowl from the previous night, and jump in the shower.
T+23:20 - I took another long shower. Not much notable, but it still felt trippy with self-reflective thoughts and enhanced imagination and such. The effects are undeniably weakening but also clearly still going. Again, I'll skip to mainly the important notes.
T+25:07 - When sitting down on the sofa, the way my knees bent felt incredibly good in a stretchy way. I'm still really enjoying myself and the little surprises like that. I also do some more stretching my back and rubbing my eyelids, all feels great.
T+26:55 - I notice that my appetite is still affected and I order different food than usual. I wonder if this is still related to lingering nutmeg flavors or because of the high/trip in some way.
T+27:04 - I note that day two is a really good one, which I remember from my previous experience on 3 mL of nutmeg essential oil years ago. The trip is mostly over on the second day, but there's still a really nice high making its way out slowly. It's very enjoyable in my opinion, although more so in a relaxed and satisfying way than in an addictive sort of way, not rushy but very happy.
T+27:09 - I smoked a half-gram joint. This is my first time using cannabis during this experience where I took more than just like a hit or two off of a pipe at one time.
T+27:23 - As the cannabis was kicking in, I started getting weaker but still clear mind's eye visuals again, starting with a glowing red neon pattern. The patterned lines were narrow and there wasn't much color, it reminded me of getting a resurgence of weak visuals late after other psychedelics from smoking a lot of cannabis at once, only most of the time with those I just get geometric patterns in that way and nothing else. With this, instead the glowing red neon lines actually formed the outline of a Chinese dragon-like creature, which was slithering around in a very realistically lifelike way in the space between my consciousness and my perception, and I found this quite impressive. I believe that was all of it that occurred though, and then things started fading again. I think to myself that being less conservative with the cannabis early on in the trip obviously would have made a big difference, but it's too late to go back and change any of that now.
T+31:13 - I've been going about normal "day off" stuff and there's not much to say other than that I'm still high. At this point, I note that when getting up to walk around, I have a good, "under-the-skin" massage-type feeling going on that at times becomes very powerfully pleasurable. It's really nice. I am feeling a bit tired though, with a bit of a headache, and my stomach is making noises. I'm feeling a bit funky but not uncomfortable, and think I just need to relax a little bit.
T+31:26 - I note that nutmeg essential oil seems to have a very deep and powerful vibe throughout for me, even while subtle, one that words like 'tribal' and 'spiritual' seem to instinctively come to mind to describe for me. It's part of what makes the trip seem very classical and meaningful to me despite the easygoing nature and MDMA-likeness.
T+32:01 - I took another shower (I tend to take a lot while tripping as they feel great) and in there, I had a sudden vision of a sexy naked man towering over me while throwing my head back in euphoria. The same thing happened to me recently on 2 g of mushrooms in connection with a very powerful moment of release for the trip. Interesting that it suddenly happens now so late into the experience, it shows me how much the effect is really still going despite how much I've adjusted to it at this point. Without going into detail, it very clearly touches upon a sexual part of my brain. Both times this happened, I swallowed instinctively.
I also wrote a note about having a mild trippy vision of flower petals blowing in the wind to backdrop of colorful auras while in the shower. I described it as feeling like an image of rose petals swirling around that likely went along with the other sensual imagery that was occurring at the time, as well as seeming to match the whole red-pink vibe of the visuals/visions for me.
T+32:05 - As good as I feel, I am increasingly reminded that I have sort of a love-hate relationship with nutmeg essential oil due to the long duration and the aforementioned vaguely annoying sedative effect. Again, it doesn't feel bad, but it sort of gets to a point where I increasingly think to myself, "Welp, this has been great.... It can be over now." And yet, it just doesn't end.... It goes on and on and on. It gets to me a little bit. But I still end up thinking it was worth it in the end (I promise).
T+32:32 - The relaxation really is nice nonetheless. I can feel my face pleasantly drooping around my eyes, and stuff like that. I also wrote a note at this point about how I forgot to mention earlier that this trip weirdly makes my butt feel more appealing than normal, kind of like more tight but more relaxed at the same time. I don't think much about it but I like it.
T+32:40 - Bursts of vague but colorful abstract mind's eye visions continue. I once again compare it to MPT, specifically smoking like 20 or 30 mg, "only pinker, like a good bright (but not too light) pink, darker cool neon green, and white sparkles flowing like watercolor paints."
T+32:52 - I ate around 22 mg of Δ9-THC in the form of brownies made from concentrate. First time mixing edibles with nutmeg essential oil. I've almost never mixed them with any psychedelics before, but I did take one at the end of one of my mushroom trips recently and the high was really, really, really nice, so I was thinking about that when I did this.
I remember the mix of highs feeling nice in an abstract way, but I didn't take many notes about it. I actually got lost in thinking a lot about personal stuff going on in my life right now, which I suppose is a good note about the synergy. I think the effect of the nutmeg essential oil was definitely in the process of wearing off already at this time though. Before too long I got hungry and ordered food. At T+34:44 the food was almost here and I smoked a joint laced with concentrate to further prepare myself for it.
T+34:58 - Suddenly, I feel remarkably normal, albeit still quite high on cannabis. There was a very drastic drop-off in effect of the nutmeg essential oil, and it's the sedative aspect I think that did it: suddenly that was gone, and the difference was incredibly obvious. I no longer felt inhibited, and even though it was late and I was tired, I was able to move and think more normally again, and fully engage myself in things that felt exhausting while the effect was still going. I wanted to make note of this because despite this clear and rapid drop-off, there is another aspect of the trip/high that definitely still continued beyond this point, and was very much like I've experienced with some other phenethylamines like in my 5 mg of DOPR trip report, and I've also had people mention to me it being a thing on mescaline (which I still haven't tried myself). Specifically, it's a feeling where like the high just kind of... never ends, and it seamlessly goes from being the high to being the afterglow to just being you feeling good about your normal life, like the high integrates itself into your normal feeling rather than ever completely disappearing, and I think it's part of what makes these molecules in particular feel so therapeutic. This defintiely did occur to me with this nutmeg essential oil trip, and I really liked it. Nonetheless, as I said, the sedative effects did very clearly end at this exact moment.
I started having some interesting creative ideas during the rest of the night, but nothing worth noting for the trip report. At T+36:05 I started falling asleep in the sofa chair, confusing the thing I was watching on TV for strange commercials. At T+36:10 I wrote: "This time I saw nice autumn-like outdoor nature scenery with paved walkways like a park with lots of trees and leaves falling off them or something, turning orange/brown whatever but still some green as I recall...." I have no memory of this whatsoever, but it sounds nice. At T+36:15 I also wrote: "Thought I was walking into my bedroom talking to someone when I tripped over a wire trap in my doorway and the shock woke me up.... Hmmmmm." Clearly I was quickly fading in and out at this point, although I will say, I do remember from my last 3 mL nutmeg essential oil trip report that on the night of the second day I believe, falling in and out of sleep did seem extra delirious like this.
T+39:13 - I woke up on the couch and moved into bed. I wrote that I felt down enough to consider this the end of the experience.
I wrote that the afterglow the next day was really nice, and for at least a couple days afterword my appetite still seemed altered. At T+77:05, I wrote that I was developing a headache, which I remember lasting at least a good few hours that day. While this headache was annoying, it's not out of line with other psychedelics for me, which often give me a headache the day after the trip, and I've even read a scientific paper documenting this effect in volunteers who took psilocybin, so I assume it's probably pretty normal here too. That's assuming it was caused by the nutmeg essential oil at all, of course, which it may not have been, but it wouldn't surprise me if it was.
And that's the end of my meaningful notes on the experience.
I did continue to feel a great afterglow for days, unable to distinguish any point where I stopped feeling good in the way the trip made my feel, as like I said it was like the high just sort of blended into my normal state. I felt very happy and satisfied by this experience, and spent a lot of time contemplating the things I experienced during it, especially the entity interaction and what I had supposedly learned.
Within about a week of tripping, I ended up becoming very busy and distracted for the next almost a month, since the trip was almost a month ago now. After that I didn't have a lot of time to think about the trip, but I did occasionally reflect upon it. Notably, something very interesting has happened in the past month: I've had many experiences where, seemingly undeniably, I noticed that for the first time since we moved to this new state a year ago, I finally started feeling like this new state is my "home" now. For context, the state we moved to is one we had vacationed to many times in my younger life to visit family, and it always felt like a "second home" to me anyway, but in that way, it still felt like a vacation destination to me too. What I feel I've realized now is that in this past year of being here, while clearly consciously knowing and understanding that this is my new home, I wasn't really quite "feeling" it yet, instead feeling something more like maybe that we were just on a long, long extended vacation. However, since this trip and specifically only since this trip, I've had many experiences of doing something normal and being like, "Hey... this feels like normal now. Like home. That's interesting." It has been exactly a whole year now, so it's possible that it's just coincidentally been enough time now, but I can't shake the feeling that it's also very possible that this nutmeg essential oil trip has helped me to adjust to living here in a way that I just hadn't managed to yet. This is something that's really sticking out to me right now and I'm thinking a lot about it, especially because I'm still actively going through it.
So in the end, yes, I would definitely say it's worth the long duration, the vaguely annoying sedation, the painfully short-lived truly powerful hallucinations, and the many nutmeg-flavored burps. Despite not being absolutely perfect in every way, I still find the trip produced by nutmeg essential oil to be quite pleasurable, remarkably memorable, deeply intriguing, powerful and meaningful yet silly and fun, and to feel therapeutic both in the moment and significantly after it ends. It very clearly feels like any other worthwhile psychedelic to me, with an unusually high amount of concrete and realistic hallucinations mixed in to boot. Overall, I would say that to me, it feels like it has the general visual and mental style of a phenethylamine psychedelic, the very long duration of an amphetamine derivative like the DOx molecules, the funny delirious aspects of MDMA that other psychedelics generally don't have without having the stimulant and empathogen properties of MDMA, and surprisingly deep classical psychedelic effects when they really hit despite being subtle, to the point that I can readily compare it to things like ayahuasca stereotypes and things I personally have experienced on some base tryptamines like MPT and DiPT for instance, even if less so DMT specifically. Frankly, I think it's one of my all-time favorite drugs, and I am repeatedly blown away by how great it is in my opinion and how much I like it. It is undeniably one of my favorite psychedelics and I've tried at least fifty of them at this point.
I will mention a couple of caveats. First of all, because nutmeg essential oil use is so rare, I can't confidently say that other people will get as much out of it as I do. It's possible that sensitivity varies a lot, and that I am unusually sensitive. That being said, I can't confidently say that that is definitely the case either. Maybe lots of people would like it if they just gave it a shot. I am aware of multiple other people trying it, just a handful but still, and most of them like it. Some reports I've come across in my research go as far back as saying they used nutmeg essential oil as a substitute for MDA in the 1990s and really liked it, so this is definitely not new and it's not just me, it's just a lesser known thing for whatever reason. And second, I've encountered multiple people who worry about the possibility of liver damage from nutmeg essential oil due to the known carcinogenic properties of safrole, which do seem to apply to a lesser extent to other allylbenzenes like myristicin as well. What I will say about that is this: first of all, from what I have seen, the potency of myristicin in this way is low and the damage is not heavy, but this type of damage does seem like it does actually occur when enough is ingested; however, I'm not convinced that this is the meaningful risk that people worry it is. From what I have researched, it seems that the type of liver damage done by safrole and myrsiticin is the same kind of damage done by alcohol, and while we all know that alcohol can induce severe liver damage, it generally takes decades of heavy use to do so, and the vast majority of people who use alcohol, most of whom do use it reasonably for their entire lives, never experience liver problems as a result. Personally, I'm very doubtful that I could ever use enough nutmeg essential oil to do meaningful liver damage to myself just based on this information. I don't really consider it a likely significant risk at all with the way I use it, although I wouldn't recommend using it every day for long periods of time or something like that, or combining it with heavy alcohol abuse, and such. If I ever get liver damage from using nutmeg essential oil, I'll most certainly come back and report it, but until that occurs, my official statement is that I have serious doubts that it's an actual concern with regard to tripping on this stuff. It's an amateur opinion, so I'll leave it at that.
And, that ends my fifth experience with nutmeg essential oil, and maybe with trip reporting for the most part for a while, since for now I'm mostly using substances that have plenty of information written about them already, unlike before with my esoteric research chemical stash, although of course nutmeg essential oil is an exception there too. I don't know what the future holds for me right now, but I am very optimistic about where my own path is headed at least, and with the path I've taken to get here so far. I don't know to what extent I'll still be using psychedelics going forward, but I do still think they're as special as I always did before, and credit them with giving me many things in my life that I never would have experienced otherwise, and which I truly do believe improved my life in ways that are genuinely meaningful and important to me.
To anyone reading this and following a similar path, I hope you are able to find just as much success with it in your life, and I wish you all the best going forward. I do believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but you do actually have to work to make it there too.
Safe travels, friends.
While looking it up just now, I realized that it's actually been about two and a half years since I wrote and published a full trip report, about DOPR. To make a long story short, my life was profoundly strange at that time, and quite a lot has happened to me since then, especially within the past one year specifically. If you are familiar with my writings, you may know that for around a year, I published trip reports openly being written by multiple identities, as I have a dissociative condition with alters, and we were attempting to live with "healthy multiplicity" at the time, allowing each alter to come to the front and have their say in what we did and how we lived with this body. However, this changed following a tryptamine smoking binge we had that culminated in an extreme psychotic episode, which shattered the trust in our dissociative system and made living life very difficult for some time. That was around three and a half years ago now, and in the time since then we have adjusted to living with a very different setup than the one we had been building prior to that. Currently, I live as if I'm singular again, and the alters, who once frequently came to the front and switched out with me, seem to remain in the background now. I could get very deep into explaining what exactly happened with us and how we got here, but it would be a long story that's mostly not relevant to this trip report, or any drugs inherently; I just want to explain a little bit about where I am psychologically and internally in a phenomenological sense before getting into the report, as it has been a good while since I last wrote a report with an update on this situation, and it does have at least some relevance to the experience I'm going to describe.
A succinct way of putting it is that in the time since this all happened, I've switched from switching out with my alters to treating them somewhat more like entities from a psychedelic trip. Since they're seemingly always in the background now yet are still consistently present and intelligent - not just saying random things like a hallucinated voice or something - this seems like the most logical way to treat them to me currently, like sentient but separate. Of course, I still recognize that they are part of my brain and such, I'm just saying that I've gone over to behaving like I'm just me generally, but as I'm communicating with others in my headspace as if they really are communicating realistically with me too. That is the perspective I will be writing this trip report from as well.
Additionally, an important detail about my life currently with reference to this trip report is that almost exactly one year ago, I moved to a different state than the one I had been living in for almost my entire life - and for every trip report and such I've ever written before - until then. The reasons why are not terribly important to this story, but I will say that it essentially came out of nowhere for me and caused me to make a decision about whether or not I really wanted to do it in a short amount of time, and caused some dramatic shifting in my life plans at the time. One of the most significant changes of all is that I actually parted ways with my psychedelic stash, which contained a reasonable amount of almost every psychedelic I had ever used before and a small number that I still hadn't gotten to try yet unfortunately, and which until then I very much expected to be supplying my psychedelic experiences easily for the entire rest of my life without any additional purchases required from where I already was with it. Needless to say, losing this stash has made me profoundly sad, although it was ultimately my choice to give it away, and thankfully was not connected to any legal consequences or anything like that. What it comes down to is simply that at the time I realized I was going to have to take some sort of legal risk to transport my drug stash to my new home, such as, for instance, carrying them across multiple state lines, I came to the conclusion that I had actually already gotten so much out of my psychedelics and felt that I had made so much actual genuine progress in my life as a result of using them that taking such a huge legal risk just to bring them with me to my new state would be kind of like spitting in the face of all the real benefits I truly did and do felt that I had gained from psychedelics, because I no longer felt that getting to keep those drugs in my life was worth more than enjoying the life I had already found myself living with their help. That is to say, I felt that if I tried to bring the drugs with me and was found out and arrested and thrown in prison due to the very large quantity of psychedelics, it would completely undo all the good that those very psychedelics had brought to my life until then by basically functionally making my life over at that point, and while once upon a time I was willing to risk pretty much anything to have my rare drugs in my life, I was now at a point where I felt the life I had was no longer worth risking in such a way. It'd be one thing if I could have just held on to my stash forever without needing to take any more other risks related to it, but, given the situation, I decided that my psychedelics would probably be better off helping others who might be able to benefit from them now in the way I already had, so I left them with some people who I won't identify but who I know I can trust and who will remain in my life even if at a distance and who still like tripping, and I left my old state empty-handed.
One year later, I'm still glad that I made this choice and have been enjoying the very different place in my life that I find myself in right now, but I still miss my psychedelics too, and just because I felt that giving my stash away was the right choice for me at the time doesn't mean that I decided to move on from psychedelics in general. Although I already wasn't doing it as much beforehand as I had been in the years prior, I still like tripping and still think it's a benefit to my life, I'm just now currently back to the point of having to figure out where to get drugs as I go along, and currently mostly only having access to natural and/or quasi-legal stuff. With that all being said, I found myself contemplating using nutmeg essential oil once again. It's something I had held in high regard since my previous 3 mL experience with it nearly five years ago now, and I was starting to feel pretty desperate for a powerful psychedelic experience that reminded me of my old favorites. In the year since moving I had mostly tripped on high dosages of oral cannabis, salvia, and mildly on blue lotus extract capsules, and I had had a couple of mushroom experiences after a family member visiting from another state brought me some, but that's it, and the mushrooms, while I was quite happy with them, didn't really scratch the itch I had to take something that for me would be more reminiscent of something like LSD or a phenethylamine. Knowing that nutmeg essential oil, on the other hand, should scratch this itch, I got myself my fresh bottle and dove right in.
My previous experience with psychedelics includes DMT, MET, MPT, EPT, DPT, MiPT, DiPT, MALT, DALT, Psilocybe cubensis, 4-HO-MET, 4-HO-DET, 4-HO-MPT, 4-HO-EPT, 4-HO-DPT, 4-HO-MiPT, 4-HO-DiPT, 4-HO-McPT, 4-AcO-DMT, 4-AcO-MET, 4-AcO-DET, 4-AcO-MALT, 4-AcO-DALT, bufotenine, 5-MeO-MiPT, 5-MeO-EiPT, 5-MeO-DiPT, 5-MeO-DALT, 5-Cl-AMT, Ipomoea tricolor, Argyreia nervosa, LSD, ETH-LAD, AL-LAD, 1P-LSD, Myristica fragrans, 3C-P, 2C-C, 2C-B, 2C-I, 2C-E, 2C-P, DOF, DOC, DOB, TMA-2, 4C-D, BOD, MDMA, and Nymphaea caerulea. My most recent trip before this was on 1 g of unidentified psilocybin mushrooms slightly over a month before this.
The day of my trip, I got up in the morning and found the package of nutmeg essential oil waiting at the doorstep from overnight delivery; the benefits of tripping on legal drugs. I weighed out three 00 gel caps each containing 1 mL of oil, which I had remembered doing at some point in the past for one of my trips on it, although I couldn't remember if it was the best way to take it. I think next time I'll try dissolving it in a shot of milk or something, that might help the taste and experience of ingesting them in general....
T+0:00 - I swallow my three capsules one by one, which is a miserable experience. Despite the oil being perfectly encapsulated, something about the capsules feels cold and slimy as they go down, and I almost gagged on the third one. This is, for the record, by far the worst part of the experience for me. If you try this, I definitely recommend you try the milk shot or something instead. I ate a couple handfuls of Cheez-Its hoping to wash away the flavor, which mostly worked at least in that moment. After dosing, I went to the bathroom and then jumped in the shower.
I have never taken regular nutmeg as a drug, just the essential oil, but from what I understand nutmeg can take a very long time to kick in after being ingested, like maybe around eight hours, and then lasts for a very long time afterward, like up to two or three days. In my experience with the nutmeg essential oil so far, and also fitting with what I've heard from others who've used it, the long duration remains - I always feel it well into the second day - but the come up time is dramatically reduced, generally being felt within around an hour similar to most other psychedelic drugs roughly speaking. The trip was no different this time, and I had notable effects already kicking in while I was in the shower, although, as is often the case when coming up on a trip while taking a shower for me, I also ended up staying in there for a long time because of it.
The first thing I recall seeing is one of the most familiar psychedelic visuals for me, an image of women dressed in visually appealing outfits reaching out to me, in some kind of spiraling line back out from me. In this case the visual was weak and I mostly saw its peripheral, but I've seen it countless times on almost every psychedelic I've ever taken at least, I know it when I see it. In this case the designs of the image were less colorful and more ghostly, less like the mushroom trips I'd had recently and more like LSD, particularly in some superficial aspects of the aesthetic for the latter. This might have been the most strictly typically psychedelic-like thing that happened this trip for me, as after that one it started to get kind of wild.
I had to write all these from memory in retrospect after the shower, but the next one I remember is that at one point I sat down in the shower with the water hitting my front, and when I closed my eyes I had a sort of halfhearted "seeing with eyes closed" effect where it was sort of like I could still see the shower around me, but it also wasn't completely vividly active enough that it truly felt like I was actually seeing it with my eyes, but it definitely was a clear vision in my mind's eye. In this vision, the bathroom itself looked normal and accurate, but there were lots of weird, insect- or parasite- or tentacle-like half-organism parts extruding out of the walls or floor and wiggling about in creepy ways, although I was still fully lucid of this just being visuals from the trip and didn't find it unsettling to see. It looked very much like the insects in the ayahuasca scene from the movie "Blueberry", which I definitely endorse watching if you haven't seen it (just the scene clip I mean, I still haven't seen the movie myself). This became somewhat of a theme for the trip, I just want to say now, about having visuals that were similar to videos or movies I've seen before, and in my experience that kind of thing is very common for me in altered states including both past psychedelic trips and even in non-drug induced states like my psychotic episodes, but for me it definitely begs the question of what came first, the chicken or the egg? The movies and videos and such that I tend to vividly see recreated in hallucinations are videos that themselves were already unquestionably trying to be trippy often to the literal point of obviously attempting to recreate psychedelic visuals, so I know the people who made them saw visuals like that, but am I seeing visuals like that and my brain is associating those videos with it, or am I just hallucinating those videos?
At some point while I was standing in the shower, and I think this was probably the next thing after the previous visual, I started seeing faint psychedelic imagery again just in my mind's eye but with eyes open, and it was clearly moving in a typical pinwheeling psychedelic geometric design with a shape like a gear with only a handful of cogs on it, but on each of the cogs was a piece of cake, which I found very curious. It is very rare that I hallucinate food in any capacity; one funny thing happened once with a cannabis edible, and aside from that I think the last time I remember really hallucinating food stuff was the last time I took 3 mL of nutmeg essential oil, and from what I recall cake might have actually been part of it.... Soon though, the cake disappeared and was replaced by another, more vivid and detailed image, although still transparent. It was a kind of swirling funnel geometric visual that I'm familiar with, and have one particularly profound memory of seeing it on 100 μg of ETH-LAD where it zoomed in and was comprised of countless rows of tiny repeated people holding hands together reminiscent of salvia for me, but this time I would say the representation of the funnel visual was less dissociative and more delirious, as this time, I saw the geometric visual at regular size and zoom, but the funnel itself was completely textured with pizza, very clearly and visible. Although - and to demonstrate the kind of state of mind I was in at T+1:03 when I wrote these notes down - I did ask in my notes: "Was it cheese or pepperoni?..." I found this very curious at the time and this is another thing that did recur at least a few times throughout the experience, and notably differs from my experiences with other drugs.
Actually, looking over my notes, it does say that at one moment, I opened my eyes to make sure the tentacles and such were not really there, so I suppose I was not completely lucid about it, but I believe I only did it that once and don't recall any fear about them now. I also wrote that I saw the bathroom from a third-person view at one point with my eyes closed, and that I heard some internal screaming during all the tentacle stuff. Again, it was more thematically creepy than actually scary, and I'm pretty used to dark altered states at this point. I took it all as a good sign of the hallucinogenic power of the trip to come. I did note that there were some other visions I couldn't remember by then too, at least some light stuff I think.
I also noted that during the shower, there was a little bit of stomach unrest, although it wasn't anywhere near as bad as the nausea that I had recently felt multiple times from psilocybin mushrooms. I was burping a lot, and I knew from experience that this part was coming and it very much did: not only were there lots of burps, but each and every one of them was like a miniature explosion of nutmeg flavor in my mouth. Since the last time I used this drug, I've enjoyed a cocktail or two that had nutmeg in it, and I didn't find this as unpleasant as I did for the old trips, at first.... I started smelling my burps as the high was kicking in and they were actually kind of pleasant. That didn't last long though. (Probably for the best.)
T+1:03 - I just stepped out of the shower and I'm feeling notably good. Just a little bit spacey and sedated I think, but not much, and happy about the visions so far. I am fundamentally uninebriated in comparison to something like mushrooms and start going about my normal post-shower routine just feeling good.
T+1:09 - As I'm combing my hair, a completely lifelike but transparent and ghostly snake suddenly wraps around my head popping out from the back and stares at me through the mirror. This is also alike something that happens in the ayahuasca scene of the movie "Blueberry", later on than the insect part, where these is a ghostly snake looking essentially exactly like the one I saw just sort of floating around the room as if slithering through the air.
I have not taken ayahuasca personally, and in the times I have smoked DMT I have not seen things like insects or snakes, but, believe it or not, I have seen a snake exactly like this before on MDMA, years ago in the later hours after taking 100 mg and lying in bed in the darkness and smoking cannabis. I largely stopped using MDMA a long time ago but I was always one to hallucinate off of it very easily starting around three and a half hours after dosing, in that time that people talk about it being converted to MDA, regardless of if that's actually the explanation or not. As I've written about before, I am also very fascinated by the fact that myristicin, thought to be the primary active agent in nutmeg essential oil, as well as safrole which is also present in smaller quantities to my knowledge, has a chemical structure highly similar to both MDA and MDMA, and even more so to MMDA, the ring-methoxy derivative of MDA, which is known for producing "brain movies" and is described in trip reports as producing this sort of MDMA/MDA-like delirium even more readily than those two molecules. In my experience with nutmeg essential oil so far, I do personally think that the more "delirious" aspects of its psychedelia seem highly similar to the more psychedelically delirious aspects of MDMA, although I also find nutmeg essential oil to feel more like a classical psychedelic at the same time than MDMA does. In any case, that one time on MDMA, I was staring at the ceiling in the dark in bed, and suddenly the ghostly snaked projected out of the ceiling towards me in a spiraling trajectory, stopped right in front of my face, and hissed at me, which caused countless spiders to shoot out all over my field of vision, and I believe after that the snake vanished. At the time, it felt random to me, and obviously kind of weird, and in retrospect it seems maybe a little threatening if you think about it, although I just saw it as a random hallucination so I don't think I really felt threatened or anything....
This time however, although the hallucination was quick, I recall feeling like the snake was more so like on my side, just sort of popping in to see how things are going in my trip, although I still felt the moment to have sort of serious vibe rather than playful or something. I didn't actually even think until writing this how different the vibe was the two times I've seen the snake now, but I do think it's intriguing. Due to my experiences in this life, I have very much become the kind of person who thinks it's a perfectly acceptable theory that the hallucinations we see on drugs do not reflect some reality outside of our heads, at least not a concrete one like aliens or a quasi-tangible spirit world of some kind, yet that they also simultaneously are very "real" and "important" in a truly meaningful sense, because just because something is "in your head" doesn't mean it doesn't mean anything and isn't connected to anything, and whether the other "beings" I interact with internally just come to me naturally or seem directly linked to drug experiences, I've gotten to a point where I at least listen to what they have to say, or in this case, observe what they do, and consider why they're there and what, if anything, it's meaningfully connected to for me. The fact that I experienced a nearly identical hallucinogenic entity on two molecularly similar hallucinogens to me tells me clearly that I should consider that what's happening is a rather predictable chemical reaction in my brain - especially because, as per the "Blueberry" movie clip, for instance, I know that other people hallucinate this same sort of entity on other functionally similar drugs as well - but the fact that my meeting with this entity was, in retrospect, threatening and creepy the first time and, many years later, allowing and respectful-feeling the second time, it strikes me as interesting and perhaps worth noting at the very least.
I was quite elated that this happened and with the hallucinogenic action in general that was occurring so far.
T+1:12 - This next visual I got I think is a better demonstration of the whole videos/movie theme thing I was talking about before. Still in the bathroom, suddenly I had another clear psychedelic vision, I think clearer than the previous one, of pigs standing upright dancing in I think ballerina outfits, with geometrically-organized repeated images of pizza slices floating around them. This is an almost, but not exactly perfect recreation of a short scene in the music video for "Kids" by MGMT. The video, which is almost all live-action and costumes, at the end switches to a brief animated segment, all psychedelic cartoon transformations and such, and one part includes a pig dancing in that sort of outfit that suddenly gets knocked away by a storm of ham, burgers, and pizza slices. They are extremely similar to the point of looking to me like my mind was trying to purposefully recreate the music video in my visuals, but the problem is that in the music video, there's only one pig and the pig and the pizza are not on the screen at the same time, just in quick succession, whereas in my vision, there was three pigs standing next to each other, and the pizza slices were specifically surrounding them, but the pigs and pizza slices looked like almost identical cartoon drawings to the music video. As I think about it in depth now, it almost seems like some weird AI art program attempting to recreate the music video and doing it almost perfectly but still imperfectly in strangely trippy ways, but that AI art program is just my brain. Despite me recognizing this clear connection, this is not just me confusing my imagination for visions or something, and the music video is not something I had on my mind in the slightest when that happened; it was as clear, spontaneous, and independent-feeling as any other psychedelic vision I've ever had, it was just... this. While it does clearly seem to me like my mind was drawing up associations with the music video and attempting to recreate it, I mean, the music video clip itself is also clearly based on weird psychedelic experiences, right? A dancing pig followed by a geometric explosion of greasy foods, in a clearly psychedelic music video? Did someone from the band or involved in the production of the video also see pigs and pizza on nutmeg, or maybe MDMA or MDA, without seeing it in a video first, or did they make it up and infest my psychedelic visuals through it?
I find myself feeling the emotions at these times that manifest into these feelings and questions, although I think at the time of seeing this I was mostly just taking it all in.
I also noted at this time that I was starting to feel a slight tingliness in my feet especially, which I noted as feeling like a good body high of a kind that would seem reasonable for me with a psychedelic, but also noted that I felt like it might have been leveled out a bit by a slight sedative-like weight that I was feeling at the same time. This sedative weight overlapping the standard psychedelic body high, from what I can tell so far, seems to be a consistent theme for me, and I don't know if it's caused by the myristicin or whatever else might be producing the psychedelic effects or something else in the oil as it does contain many things like terpenes, but I think it seems to last pretty much exactly as long as the psychedelic effects do, so I could see it as being an unavoidable part of the experience potentially, but I don't really know. I do wonder if it relates to the other apparently unique aspects of nutmeg essential oil compared to other psychedelic trips for me too like the food themes and general delirious hallucination strength, but again it's a mystery. The sedative feeling is not what I would call directly uncomfortable, but I do think there is something about it that is vaguely annoying, mostly, jumping ahead here a little, because of how long the trip lasts. After a while I'm just feeling ready for it to be over, not because it feels bad but I would say mostly because it feels inhibiting. I still end up thinking it's worth it in the end though, but it contributes to why I don't want to use nutmeg essential oil that often (although there are other reasons too so I'm not too broken up about it).
T+1:14 - I looked at myself in the bathroom mirror and smiled, but when I smiled I suddenly saw a clear vision of an exact copy of myself making a staged shocked face over my real smiling reflection. Hmm. After this, I finally finished up and left the bathroom.
T+1:18 - I just smiled again while walking around the living room and saw another vision of myself clearly, and this time the me in the vision was smiling just like the real me was, except the me in my vision this time was also made of pizza just like the psychedelic funnel vision from the shower, causing me to look a lot like Pizza the Hutt from "Spaceballs". I am enjoying myself despite the weirdness of this trip. Actually, somewhat because of it. I write that the goofiness is doing it for me and is kind of a nice change from my usual/old desired trip style. This is without a doubt a reflection of the fact that the headspace I've been in lately is one of being tired of altered states involving cosmic ideas and synchronicity and manic grandiosity because I've experienced plenty of that through things like psychosis in particular now and gotten a pretty good fill of it and gotten exhausted along the way (among other things) and I've really started to appreciate even more than I ever did before trips that can just kind of show me some random crazy shit my brain can do and unlock weird but interesting aspects of my consciousness without it having to have some grand narrative or whatever, and the nutmeg essential oil definitely seems to be good at that for me, so far. It does feel classically psychedelic enough to me that I don't doubt that it could get crazy in that kind of way if pushed hard enough, but at the dosages I've taken so far it definitely has sort of a "Look at all this silly stuff." vibe to me, which I like. Although I imagine the silly stuff and the serious stuff also combine into some pretty damn wild shit at higher dosages too and I'd really like to see that too frankly, although I don't actually recommend trying since I don't know what the safe dosage limit on this stuff is and I'm not sure how far I'll be willing to push it myself, but it's a nice thought.
I quickly made my way to my bedroom to get dressed and relax a bit just lying on the bed.
T+1:20 - I closed my eyes again to stare into the darkness and the whole tentacle/insect/whatever thing was still going on somewhat. I don't think I watched it for long.
T+1:22 - Lying on the bed still, I was just sort of looking around in a daze and reflecting. I'm definitely feeling sedated physically and a little drifty mentally, and the visions are quite clear if sporadic, but I don't think there's too much else yet happening at this point. Notably, there are no negative side effects to speak of, as with my previous trips on nutmeg essential oil. I have gotten a few good sighs and physical releases of euphoria here and there that I felt were similar in nature to a cannabis edible but still different, although I did write in my notes that the euphoria was still mild compared to something like psilocin, although pleasant with the more relaxed and lucid atmosphere of the drug. I also noted that it felt cleaner than psilocin with respect to the lack of nausea still, although otherwise psilocin is quite clean for me too.
T+1:27 - I'm finally standing up to put some clothes on. As I'm pacing around my room, I suddenly see a realistically-colored but sort of extra vivid vision of a palm tree flash before my eyes just briefly. This actually seems to be one of the relatively more common types of images I see when in psychedelic-delirious states including on nutmeg essential oil before.
T+1:29 - I'm debating whether or not to add cannabis, which I have not up to this point. Traditionally, I always used cannabis with psychedelics not long after they started kicking in, but after the move, I decided to try some new things out. Recently, I'd had a 2 g mushrooms trip where I hadn't smoked cannabis for a few hours and I was watching a video essay on YouTube and really getting into it and empathizing with it, and then I smoked cannabis and the visuals became stronger but also weirder and my whole contemplative headspace came crashing down and I was just sort of stupidly giggling at the video and realizing I wasn't paying attention and it really bummed me out, so for this trip I decided to see how long I could go without cannabis too. I decided to leave it out still at this point, and then finally put my clothes on.
T+1:31 - I leave my room, and note that I'm still burping, but with maybe very slightly less nutmeg flavor than before(?).
T+1:33 - I make a note that nutmeg essential oil seems to be good at helping me let weird intrusive thoughts just happen without resistance or anxiety, which is something I deal with normally and am always trying to improve with. I have a specific memory of also feeling this way many years ago about 25 mg of 4-HO-DET, another psychedelic which I find particularly dark, weird, and hallucinogenically delirious.
T+1:35 - I've been making sure to drink water and I note that it tastes pretty good and refreshing right about now. I haven't had any visions in a little while, and I wonder if it's because I've been distracted doing things like opening up the window blinds and other starting-the-day things.
T+1:41 - I just had a couple of burps that had less nutmeg flavor than before. I'm still doing busy things like cleaning the cat food bowls, and note that my body feels relaxed with a slight euphoria in my legs, but I still haven't had any more visions since before.
T+1:44 - I start listening to music, specifically Smooth McGroove on YouTube. I'm enjoying the music, but it's not really a trippy experience.
T+1:49 - I see a vision of some vines briefly start forming for just a moment before vanishing when watching the TV screen. I start to wonder if I'm already past-peak with the visions, which would be a real shame, although I do recall in past experiences with nutmeg essential oil thinking that part seemed to pass too quickly.
T+1:50 - I note that I'm more spaced out in a fun way compared to psilocin, not thinking so much. I'm taking a lot of notes and in retrospect think I probably had a lot of time dilation at this time, but I was kind of lost in it and don't think I really paid attention to the time stamps as I actually took the notes.
T+1:53 - I've been wanting to change my sitting position for what feels like avoiding numbness, but I'm not sure if my body parts have actually been getting numb or if I'm just perceiving things differently. I stop the music after a minute. Suddenly, I have a feeling of physical release where it feels like I take a nice, full breath and get an eye-fluttering euphoric feeling, and I see another quick flash of a geometric tunnel vision, but nothing clear in it.
T+1:58 - I stopped smelling my burps like a lunatic. The nutmeg taste is definitely still there.
T+1:59 - My stomach feels a bit unsettled again in a way that feels like it could progress to feel like nausea, but I suspect that I might really just be hungry, which I know to not be the cause of nausea with the mushrooms for instance.
T+2:04 - I stepped outside to see how it was. There was a nice breeze but it was warm and sunny. The patio is nice in the shade though. I think to myself that nutmeg essential oil would probably be good for swimming in the summer, but sadly we no longer have a pool after the move.
T+2:05 - Back inside, I turn the air conditioner down. I'm definitely thinking cooler is better for nutmeg essential oil so far.
T+2:07 - I'm worried that visions still aren't coming when I'm just relaxing on the couch in silence unlike with the bed before, and thinking they might be kind of over. I say "kind of" because based on my past powerful experience with nutmeg essential oil, I know that the delirious hallucinations and visions do actually seem to last for the entire trip as long as any other psychedelic effects continue to go, which for me is a full day and a half or so, but there's a much shorter-lived period where the visions seem much clearer and more intricate and interesting to me at the beginning of the trip, and after that period and increasingly so as the trip drags on, those interesting visuals becoming less frequent and more sporadic and often fuzzier and more background, and basically what it comes down to is that I think the whole trip is interesting and seemingly useful to me, but it's a long trip with a short really fun part at the beginning for me, and I was afraid at this point that that short really fun part might be basically over already. Since I still haven't added cannabis into the mixture, and I'm assuming that will at least potentiate the visual effect of the trip, I consider adding it an again, but I decide against it for the moment. It's a long trip ahead, and I decide to see where it's going.
T+2:08 - I put on some music again, this time something by The Gregory Brothers.
T+2:11 - As I'm pacing around enjoying the music, I notice that I have a little bit of enhanced imagination and empathy with the singer reminiscent of other psychedelics for me. It's not a heavy trip but it is a notable level of effect. I have another weaker nutmeg-flavored burp.
T+2:16 - I note that I do think the trip feels therapeutic in a way similar to what I was feeling from the 2 g of mushrooms recently before adding in cannabis, and I like that.
T+2:18 - An autotuned version of a food review comes on and as the person is describing the food, I see spontaneous visions of it that match what he's saying. What strange food-relatedness this drug has, I think.
T+2:22 - I think the nutmeg essential oil gives me better energy for pacing around to the music than the mushrooms have been doing. I've been craving something more like that lately, more like what I would get from LSD, so I'm happy with this.
T+2:24 - "What Does The Fox Say?" starts playing on YouTube and as the singer is talking about the different animals, I have mind's eye flashes of visions of their faces. Animals, like food, are another less common thing for me with other psychedelics. There's definitely some funky stuff this is doing to my brain which seems to come out more at times when it's relevant.
T+2:26 - I do feel like there's a slight nausea now that would probably be helped with cannabis, along with an increasing energy and leg tingles. I still think hunger might be part of the nausea, but I also feel like my appetite is low due to the sensations in a way that I also think cannabis might help with. I start thinking about what to do about food.
T+2:30 - Actually, I did just get a good satisfying sort of rush where the nausea seems like it might have largely resolved itself. I wonder if I'm still just coming up on the high and my body is adjust to the trip; despite the fact that I feel the oil quickly, I do find it to also feel a lot like a long-lasting phenethylamine psychedelic, which do often have several hours worth of coming up before you finally really peak, so I could just be going through that kind of phase too.
T+2:38 - I put on a song that makes me nostalgic of my MDMA days. I like it as usual, but it's nothing special in combination with the nutmeg essential oil for me I think. I'm glad the nausea is gone but I'm still hungry.
For what it's worth, while I do find the delirious and psychedelic properties similar to MDMA, I so far don't find nutmeg essential oil to feel like it has the stimulant and empathogen effects of MDMA, which I suppose shows in both the differences in the musical experience as well as the hunger of the oil.
At some point during the song I did note that I had a slight psychedelic phenethylamine-like sensory visual effect, something like a red and white glowing smoke-like visual distortion in my mind's eye for just a moment. I remember thinking that red-pink was sort of the dominant color area of the trip's visuals, which I think is consistent with my previous strong trip on it too....
T+2:41 - I note that as I'm typing notes, my back feels slightly sore in a way that reminds me of how other stimulating psychedelics make me feel after I've spent some time pacing around to the music and bending over taking notes on my phone.
T+2:48 - I'm sitting in silence still trying to figure out what to do about food and whether or not to add in cannabis for it beforehand.
T+2:50 - I was watching a "calming lanterns" screensaver image playing on the TV when suddenly I saw vision of a psychedelic face, more abstract than the earlier visions but also animal-like and detailed, kind of like Louis Wain's schizophrenic cat art and alike something I saw on 50 mg of oral Δ9-THC about a year prior. Sadly I don't really remember it, I had forgotten about it until reading this note for writing this trip report. I made a note that this trip continues to have a theme of showing me things that look like artistic interpretations of ayahuasca trips I've seen before but not things I've actually seen on my DMT trips before.
T+3:00 - I decided to order some Mexican food hoping that my appetite would grow and I could decide whether or not to smoke cannabis before the food arrived.
T+3:06 - I got a notification that my favorite Twitch streamer was streaming, so I put him on to see what he was up to. However, I mostly just found the stream distracting and hard to pay attention to, so I put it on silent at first, but having it on also made me feel kind of nauseous. The lingering built up nutmeg flavor in my mouth from all that burping and no eating food after any of it was starting to get to me too, and I think I'm probably reaching my breaking point of not smoking cannabis yet, although still glad that I'm pushing it off. After I stopped the stream, the nausea faded away, and I put more music on. Getting up and pacing around again seems to resolve any bodily discomforts I have, much like other stimulating psychedelics.
I spent all the time until the food arrived just listening to the music, letting myself think and get emotional about different things.
T+3:31 - The food is here!
T+3:43 - Finally eating, and I decided to watch another video essay by the same creator as from the 2 g of mushrooms trip to give this another shot without smoking cannabis this time to allow myself to absorb the whole video in a "psychedelic-only" headspace.
T+3:51 - The food is pretty good. I was dreading having a nutmeg-flavored burp during eating, but it happened and it wasn't too bad. I was hoping having more other flavors in my belly might help drown that out going forward too.
T+4:18 - I'm done eating and was pretty satisfied with my meal. I'm still only about halfway through the video.
At this time I still definitely feel like I'm high on something, but it doesn't feel very distinct in a way that's easy to put words to. I wait to see how it feels once I'm not distracted by food and a video though. I note that I'll probably finally smoke some cannabis once the video is over.
The burps after eating do still taste nutmeggy, but the flavor has become muted and is less unpleasant as a result.
T+4:36 - While relaxing on the couch, I did have a sudden good feeling of relief while breathing out with a slight colorful geometric image appearing before me. I note that the meal was definitely a distraction and I'm feeling things a bit more again, and I'm actually feeling satisfied enough again to question whether or not I really want to add cannabis in just yet.
I'm still burping, but the lingering bad taste in my mouth is gone and it's a definite improvement.
T+4:44 - I just had a series of burps with notably almost no nutmeg flavor, almost like normal burps.
T+5:16 - The video is over. I liked it, but I usually do with this creator. I'm glad that I got to the end without smoking cannabis unlike on the mushrooms, although I'm not sure the nutmeg essential oil put me in quite the same mindset for it that the mushrooms did. I'm happy I allowed myself to have a potentially more contemplative mindset for it nonetheless. I do think there’s at least a chance that the nutmeg essential oil is therapeutic in that same sort of way that the mushrooms were, this dosage might just not be as strong as that was for that.
T+5:19 - I decide to try Twitch again and see if I can handle it. It's been five and a half hours almost and I'm starting to feel ready to just relax and not focus as much as before.
T+5:21 - I note that there's definitely still some subtle psychedelic trippiness, I’d say along the lines of blue lotus intensity, but red rather than blue. I haven't written a full trip report on blue lotus extract capsules as of yet, but I actually do get some genuine psychedelic effects out of them, but they're very, very mild. Nutmeg essential oil's long-lived subtlety can remind me of the blue lotus effect at times, but the former is definitely a stronger psychedelic for me than the latter, much fuller and more like other psychedelics, just still kind of subtle at times nonetheless.
I saw the slightest little burst of red aura sensory visuals around the face of my favorite streamer for just a quick flash and then it dissipated.
T+5:33 - I left the TV on but went to lie down in bed again. I was thinking about a trip I had many years ago with a friend on LSD. We were walking around a field outside at night, and we sat down in the middle of the field and then laid in the grass. While we were there, I was trying to keep it cool for my friend who was a less experienced tripper than I, but I had a feeling that there were scary predator animals all around us just waiting for us to let our guards down so they could come and attack and make us their prey. At the time I started thinking that the effect we were experiencing from LSD was the same one that psilocybin mushrooms evolved so that when animals eat them they became sloppily incapacitated and lie in fields just waiting for prey to come eat them and remove them from the biome so that the mushrooms can continue to thrive - something that I have no idea if it has any relevance to real life or not, but it's what I was thinking at the time. Now, here on the nutmeg essential oil, I had something of a flashback to that trip as I felt something very similar, albeit with the total safety of being home alone, and it's not like I felt any fear or anything, it just felt like the same kind of incapacitating effect where all I could do was lie around. At this point, I enjoyed this feeling because I associated it with the anti-addictive properties of psychedelics, like helping me to stave off the cannabis smoking for instance, by just sort of being okay lying around instead. And I was feeling okay; there was a good body high at this point, and I was enjoying doing things like rubbing my closed eyelids.
The above being said, it was making me think about how I was happy with the fact that I had managed to hold off my compulsive cannabis smoking up to this point, and I decided I was ready to have a little bit more fun with it at this point, so I grabbed my partially-smoked bowl of cannabis from the previous night and took the first hit at T+5:37.
T+5:38 - I took the last couple hits in the bowl too just to finish it.
T+5:39 - After putting the bowl down, I had a twisting spiral geometry suddenly appear and felt a strong feeling of release, which I much enjoyed.
T+5:43 - As I'm walking around, the combo produces a very pleasant and powerful synergistic high feeling more relatable I think to combining cannabis with LSD than with mushrooms. It reminds me of my second time with blue lotus extract capsules and cannabis later on, where the cannabis made the high go from nice and subtle to very fried-feeling and dreamy in a way that definitely does not occur with cannabis alone and was distinctly different from the high without it. I'm smiling again, feeling light and good, the stomach tension I had was relieved, and my toes are increasing their tingling and wiggling.
T+5:50 - I'm starting to get more into watching the stream now. The cannabis has increased the high substantially, but it hasn't made it much trippier as of yet.
T+5:51 - The outside world out the window looks very overwhelming and sensory. It reminds me of eating a couple of weak mushroom chocolates while drunk and high recently.
T+5:53 - I'm walking around the living room as the high settles in, and suddenly I have a burst of complex imagery in my mind's eye. It starts with red visual patterns, and then a spiking white light geometry that becomes a crown sort of like the one on the Statue of Liberty, worn by an entity that looks sort of like a Mesoamerican god, at least based on what little knowledge I have of that. The entity seems clearly alive and animated, and he greets me as soon as he is fully realized (in my mind's eye, where he remained). He starts to ask me a question about what I think I might have left to learn from psychedelics, but he doesn't actually finish his sentence - and yes, it was a fully audible, clear, English sentence, although I still heard it in my headspace rather than as if with my ears - instead just kind of awkwardly pausing in the middle of his sentence, and waiting. As he was doing this, I got the impression that he was waiting for me to finish his sentence for him, but not in a way like he was wanting it, more like he was seeing if I would. This all happened very quickly so it's not like I stopped to think about it or anything, but I just stood there waiting for him to keep talking, rather than interrupting with my own thoughts. Seemingly realizing that I've done this, the entity then says to me something alone the lines of, "You don't have anything left to learn because you've already learned to listen." To make sure I remember this experience precisely, I start writing my notes about it in my phone, with my entity watching from over my shoulder in my mind's eye (but also behind me somehow). I write what he said down, but then ask myself: "Does that make sense?" and then conclude "I'll think about it." to which the entity says "That's fair!".
The entity himself is impressively detailed, still with red as the main, but not only color. Once again, I am amazed that I am seeing something more in line with the artistic stereotype of ayahuasca I've seen so much of, but not something like what I've actually seen on DMT. In fact, the hallucinations of this nature caused by nutmeg essential oil for me are remarkably profound, being of the kind I would stereotypically expect from very deep "spiritual" and "visionary" psychedelics, and surpassing their frequency on at least most, if not all other psychedelics for me. That is to say, nutmeg essential oil hasn't given me my strongest trips ever (yet...), but for how subtle other things like the level of geometric visuals and sensory distortions there are, I'm absolutely blown away by just how deep and complex and entity-involved and such it gets. I think this is actually the most ostensibly "ayahuasca-like" hallucinogenic trip I've ever had, at least with respect to things like the human and snake entities, insects and mammal face visions, and other things more on that level, even though there's also more MDMA-like silly delirious hallucinations with themes of food like cake and pizza mixed in, and with sensory visuals that feel more like a deep but subtle phenethylamine psychedelic. I really, really like it and this entity interaction experience obviously really stood out to me.
T+5:59 - The entity seems to be hanging around in my headspace in the background, though not doing much. In my experience, when I talk to others in my head, whether from drugs or not, it seems to open up a "permanent connection" so to speak, in the sense that if something were to meaningfully trigger that same other back out again, they would come back and continue being their same self, with full memory of our previous interactions and such. I expect this entity will be much the same (and a note from the future, he has been so far, though there hasn't been much interaction since). This is basically the same as my alters who I see without drugs, but notably this entity looks very much like a standard psychedelic entity still, and uses different colors and clothing designs than the alters I see without psychedelics. Actually, just thinking about it... I think he looks quite a lot like a human entity yet again from the "Blueberry" ayahuasca scene. Weird.
T+6:10 - I've gone back to doing normal things like feeding the cats and watching my favorite streamer. I think the cannabis probably brought that entity interaction flash out, but it may have been too late to potentiate the trip that much at this point.
T+6:29 - I've been really into the stream so not taking notes. I do note that the high reminds me of the later hours of a long-lasting phenethylamine psychedelic right now, where the trip is mostly reduced to a high but it's still a good high with energy and some not-too-uncomfortable back tension and such. I'm enjoying myself and know that it's probably going to be like this for a very long while going forward.
T+6:48 - A burp with no nutmeg flavor. Good to have a time stamp on that.
I've been sitting in quiet for a minute and contemplating things. It's a good headspace but not much to mention. I checked the news of the day and such.
From this point on quite a lot of the trip and notes is just me lying around the house enjoying the body high with some jelly legs (still too sedated to do much but feeling good nonetheless) so I'm going to cut out big parts of the notes that would just be tedious to read. I'll still include things that seem important.
T+7:22 - Some burps with a little nutmeg flavor again.
T+7:37 - I found a recipe for nutmeg essential oil hard candies online. Interesting. They're definitely meant for medical use and not tripping, but that doesn't mean I couldn't learn from it....
T+7:52 - I take my first hit out of a fresh bowl of cannabis. I smoked cannabis more regularly from this point forward, I probably won't mention each time again unless something significant happens. I noted that this time nothing crazy happened like the first time I smoked, but I was just taking a hit or two every now and then I think. At T+8:02 I did get a mild flowery pattern spinning in my mind's eye.
For the next many hours I just did normal stuff I would do during my free time when just on cannabis or something, but with a good high going. It mostly remained a body high with the mix of psychedelic energy and some extra sedation kind of weighing me down, with the slightest flash of red or pink sensory visuals in my mind's eye here and there, but no concrete imagery, just abstract distortions.
T+12:02 - It's getting late and the streamer is still going but I'm getting a bit tired of it. I decide to load another bowl, brush my teeth, go to the bathroom, and take another shower to relax and refresh. After I turned off the TV and started loading the bowl, I said to myself "Good day." and the male entity from before said "I agree."
T+12:21 - My legs feel a bit sore, but nothing uncomfortable. I've had kind of a dissociative feeling of watching the bathroom from bird's-eye view too. I also had a gentle geometric spiral image pass over in my mind's eye and I felt I could feel it pushing over me like a wave.
T+12:25 - I'm feeling kind of delirious in more of a tired way at this point, but the delirious aspect of the hallucinations is blending in with it too. While in the bathroom still, I felt like there was a plane of window glass between my consciousness and my external perceptions, and the glass was shattering and spinning around in trippy trajectories, and I could hear it shattering a little bit too. I think this might be from a scene in the movie "Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium" which I only saw once many years ago at some random person's apartment while doing drugs or something, but I can't remember that clearly if that's what the movie was. But I do remember the scene about the character running through trippy shattering glass and having it stand out to me.
I get light, sparkly and wavy cartoony but 3D psychedelic enhanced imagination-type visions in colors like dark blue, green, and red around this time too, although I only know that from my notes because I don't really remember them. I note that it reminds me of MPT as nutmeg essential oil has done before. I actually wrote in my notes that the trip seemed to get a little stronger again at this point, closer to a full level of effect like before again, but I actually don't remember this at all. I must have been too tired. Maybe that's part of what brought the trippiness back out?... Who knows.
T+12:31 - I wrote: "Feels like a slight psychedelic sensory overload feeling building, like the later hours of 10 mg of 5-MeO-DiPT but thankfully without the headache or other discomforts, feels more like just an impressive classical psychedelic experience feeling with auras multiplying to full rainbow-like spectrums but in more alien but pastel colors." I do actually remember that visual vaguely, the colors were quite nice.
The last note I wrote for this first night was at T+13:42, while lying in bed. It says: "Fun, mild, colorful, geometric, 3D psychedelic abstractions with eyes closed like a winding wire with a colorful backdrop surrounding where it goes like glowing edges." I don't know what that means but it sounds fun.
T+20:52 - First note upon waking up the next day: I thought I heard locust sounds in my bedroom, but it was actually the fan. Strange.
T+20:55 - I flipped over on to my stomach in bed, and noticed that I definitely still had a good body high all over, but especially in my toes. I did (and generally do) still compare it to a psychedelic phenethylamine-like high.
Waking up still high on a long-lasting drug is one of my favorite experiences. It feels great feeling great while still just rolling around in bed in the morning.
T+21:21 - Eyes closed, I thought I was on my laptop at the end of another dream sequence. I opened my eyes in bed and was like, "Oh."
T+21:51 - Getting up finally. I go to the bathroom, finish my cannabis bowl from the previous night, and jump in the shower.
T+23:20 - I took another long shower. Not much notable, but it still felt trippy with self-reflective thoughts and enhanced imagination and such. The effects are undeniably weakening but also clearly still going. Again, I'll skip to mainly the important notes.
T+25:07 - When sitting down on the sofa, the way my knees bent felt incredibly good in a stretchy way. I'm still really enjoying myself and the little surprises like that. I also do some more stretching my back and rubbing my eyelids, all feels great.
T+26:55 - I notice that my appetite is still affected and I order different food than usual. I wonder if this is still related to lingering nutmeg flavors or because of the high/trip in some way.
T+27:04 - I note that day two is a really good one, which I remember from my previous experience on 3 mL of nutmeg essential oil years ago. The trip is mostly over on the second day, but there's still a really nice high making its way out slowly. It's very enjoyable in my opinion, although more so in a relaxed and satisfying way than in an addictive sort of way, not rushy but very happy.
T+27:09 - I smoked a half-gram joint. This is my first time using cannabis during this experience where I took more than just like a hit or two off of a pipe at one time.
T+27:23 - As the cannabis was kicking in, I started getting weaker but still clear mind's eye visuals again, starting with a glowing red neon pattern. The patterned lines were narrow and there wasn't much color, it reminded me of getting a resurgence of weak visuals late after other psychedelics from smoking a lot of cannabis at once, only most of the time with those I just get geometric patterns in that way and nothing else. With this, instead the glowing red neon lines actually formed the outline of a Chinese dragon-like creature, which was slithering around in a very realistically lifelike way in the space between my consciousness and my perception, and I found this quite impressive. I believe that was all of it that occurred though, and then things started fading again. I think to myself that being less conservative with the cannabis early on in the trip obviously would have made a big difference, but it's too late to go back and change any of that now.
T+31:13 - I've been going about normal "day off" stuff and there's not much to say other than that I'm still high. At this point, I note that when getting up to walk around, I have a good, "under-the-skin" massage-type feeling going on that at times becomes very powerfully pleasurable. It's really nice. I am feeling a bit tired though, with a bit of a headache, and my stomach is making noises. I'm feeling a bit funky but not uncomfortable, and think I just need to relax a little bit.
T+31:26 - I note that nutmeg essential oil seems to have a very deep and powerful vibe throughout for me, even while subtle, one that words like 'tribal' and 'spiritual' seem to instinctively come to mind to describe for me. It's part of what makes the trip seem very classical and meaningful to me despite the easygoing nature and MDMA-likeness.
T+32:01 - I took another shower (I tend to take a lot while tripping as they feel great) and in there, I had a sudden vision of a sexy naked man towering over me while throwing my head back in euphoria. The same thing happened to me recently on 2 g of mushrooms in connection with a very powerful moment of release for the trip. Interesting that it suddenly happens now so late into the experience, it shows me how much the effect is really still going despite how much I've adjusted to it at this point. Without going into detail, it very clearly touches upon a sexual part of my brain. Both times this happened, I swallowed instinctively.
I also wrote a note about having a mild trippy vision of flower petals blowing in the wind to backdrop of colorful auras while in the shower. I described it as feeling like an image of rose petals swirling around that likely went along with the other sensual imagery that was occurring at the time, as well as seeming to match the whole red-pink vibe of the visuals/visions for me.
T+32:05 - As good as I feel, I am increasingly reminded that I have sort of a love-hate relationship with nutmeg essential oil due to the long duration and the aforementioned vaguely annoying sedative effect. Again, it doesn't feel bad, but it sort of gets to a point where I increasingly think to myself, "Welp, this has been great.... It can be over now." And yet, it just doesn't end.... It goes on and on and on. It gets to me a little bit. But I still end up thinking it was worth it in the end (I promise).
T+32:32 - The relaxation really is nice nonetheless. I can feel my face pleasantly drooping around my eyes, and stuff like that. I also wrote a note at this point about how I forgot to mention earlier that this trip weirdly makes my butt feel more appealing than normal, kind of like more tight but more relaxed at the same time. I don't think much about it but I like it.
T+32:40 - Bursts of vague but colorful abstract mind's eye visions continue. I once again compare it to MPT, specifically smoking like 20 or 30 mg, "only pinker, like a good bright (but not too light) pink, darker cool neon green, and white sparkles flowing like watercolor paints."
T+32:52 - I ate around 22 mg of Δ9-THC in the form of brownies made from concentrate. First time mixing edibles with nutmeg essential oil. I've almost never mixed them with any psychedelics before, but I did take one at the end of one of my mushroom trips recently and the high was really, really, really nice, so I was thinking about that when I did this.
I remember the mix of highs feeling nice in an abstract way, but I didn't take many notes about it. I actually got lost in thinking a lot about personal stuff going on in my life right now, which I suppose is a good note about the synergy. I think the effect of the nutmeg essential oil was definitely in the process of wearing off already at this time though. Before too long I got hungry and ordered food. At T+34:44 the food was almost here and I smoked a joint laced with concentrate to further prepare myself for it.
T+34:58 - Suddenly, I feel remarkably normal, albeit still quite high on cannabis. There was a very drastic drop-off in effect of the nutmeg essential oil, and it's the sedative aspect I think that did it: suddenly that was gone, and the difference was incredibly obvious. I no longer felt inhibited, and even though it was late and I was tired, I was able to move and think more normally again, and fully engage myself in things that felt exhausting while the effect was still going. I wanted to make note of this because despite this clear and rapid drop-off, there is another aspect of the trip/high that definitely still continued beyond this point, and was very much like I've experienced with some other phenethylamines like in my 5 mg of DOPR trip report, and I've also had people mention to me it being a thing on mescaline (which I still haven't tried myself). Specifically, it's a feeling where like the high just kind of... never ends, and it seamlessly goes from being the high to being the afterglow to just being you feeling good about your normal life, like the high integrates itself into your normal feeling rather than ever completely disappearing, and I think it's part of what makes these molecules in particular feel so therapeutic. This defintiely did occur to me with this nutmeg essential oil trip, and I really liked it. Nonetheless, as I said, the sedative effects did very clearly end at this exact moment.
I started having some interesting creative ideas during the rest of the night, but nothing worth noting for the trip report. At T+36:05 I started falling asleep in the sofa chair, confusing the thing I was watching on TV for strange commercials. At T+36:10 I wrote: "This time I saw nice autumn-like outdoor nature scenery with paved walkways like a park with lots of trees and leaves falling off them or something, turning orange/brown whatever but still some green as I recall...." I have no memory of this whatsoever, but it sounds nice. At T+36:15 I also wrote: "Thought I was walking into my bedroom talking to someone when I tripped over a wire trap in my doorway and the shock woke me up.... Hmmmmm." Clearly I was quickly fading in and out at this point, although I will say, I do remember from my last 3 mL nutmeg essential oil trip report that on the night of the second day I believe, falling in and out of sleep did seem extra delirious like this.
T+39:13 - I woke up on the couch and moved into bed. I wrote that I felt down enough to consider this the end of the experience.
I wrote that the afterglow the next day was really nice, and for at least a couple days afterword my appetite still seemed altered. At T+77:05, I wrote that I was developing a headache, which I remember lasting at least a good few hours that day. While this headache was annoying, it's not out of line with other psychedelics for me, which often give me a headache the day after the trip, and I've even read a scientific paper documenting this effect in volunteers who took psilocybin, so I assume it's probably pretty normal here too. That's assuming it was caused by the nutmeg essential oil at all, of course, which it may not have been, but it wouldn't surprise me if it was.
And that's the end of my meaningful notes on the experience.
I did continue to feel a great afterglow for days, unable to distinguish any point where I stopped feeling good in the way the trip made my feel, as like I said it was like the high just sort of blended into my normal state. I felt very happy and satisfied by this experience, and spent a lot of time contemplating the things I experienced during it, especially the entity interaction and what I had supposedly learned.
Within about a week of tripping, I ended up becoming very busy and distracted for the next almost a month, since the trip was almost a month ago now. After that I didn't have a lot of time to think about the trip, but I did occasionally reflect upon it. Notably, something very interesting has happened in the past month: I've had many experiences where, seemingly undeniably, I noticed that for the first time since we moved to this new state a year ago, I finally started feeling like this new state is my "home" now. For context, the state we moved to is one we had vacationed to many times in my younger life to visit family, and it always felt like a "second home" to me anyway, but in that way, it still felt like a vacation destination to me too. What I feel I've realized now is that in this past year of being here, while clearly consciously knowing and understanding that this is my new home, I wasn't really quite "feeling" it yet, instead feeling something more like maybe that we were just on a long, long extended vacation. However, since this trip and specifically only since this trip, I've had many experiences of doing something normal and being like, "Hey... this feels like normal now. Like home. That's interesting." It has been exactly a whole year now, so it's possible that it's just coincidentally been enough time now, but I can't shake the feeling that it's also very possible that this nutmeg essential oil trip has helped me to adjust to living here in a way that I just hadn't managed to yet. This is something that's really sticking out to me right now and I'm thinking a lot about it, especially because I'm still actively going through it.
So in the end, yes, I would definitely say it's worth the long duration, the vaguely annoying sedation, the painfully short-lived truly powerful hallucinations, and the many nutmeg-flavored burps. Despite not being absolutely perfect in every way, I still find the trip produced by nutmeg essential oil to be quite pleasurable, remarkably memorable, deeply intriguing, powerful and meaningful yet silly and fun, and to feel therapeutic both in the moment and significantly after it ends. It very clearly feels like any other worthwhile psychedelic to me, with an unusually high amount of concrete and realistic hallucinations mixed in to boot. Overall, I would say that to me, it feels like it has the general visual and mental style of a phenethylamine psychedelic, the very long duration of an amphetamine derivative like the DOx molecules, the funny delirious aspects of MDMA that other psychedelics generally don't have without having the stimulant and empathogen properties of MDMA, and surprisingly deep classical psychedelic effects when they really hit despite being subtle, to the point that I can readily compare it to things like ayahuasca stereotypes and things I personally have experienced on some base tryptamines like MPT and DiPT for instance, even if less so DMT specifically. Frankly, I think it's one of my all-time favorite drugs, and I am repeatedly blown away by how great it is in my opinion and how much I like it. It is undeniably one of my favorite psychedelics and I've tried at least fifty of them at this point.
I will mention a couple of caveats. First of all, because nutmeg essential oil use is so rare, I can't confidently say that other people will get as much out of it as I do. It's possible that sensitivity varies a lot, and that I am unusually sensitive. That being said, I can't confidently say that that is definitely the case either. Maybe lots of people would like it if they just gave it a shot. I am aware of multiple other people trying it, just a handful but still, and most of them like it. Some reports I've come across in my research go as far back as saying they used nutmeg essential oil as a substitute for MDA in the 1990s and really liked it, so this is definitely not new and it's not just me, it's just a lesser known thing for whatever reason. And second, I've encountered multiple people who worry about the possibility of liver damage from nutmeg essential oil due to the known carcinogenic properties of safrole, which do seem to apply to a lesser extent to other allylbenzenes like myristicin as well. What I will say about that is this: first of all, from what I have seen, the potency of myristicin in this way is low and the damage is not heavy, but this type of damage does seem like it does actually occur when enough is ingested; however, I'm not convinced that this is the meaningful risk that people worry it is. From what I have researched, it seems that the type of liver damage done by safrole and myrsiticin is the same kind of damage done by alcohol, and while we all know that alcohol can induce severe liver damage, it generally takes decades of heavy use to do so, and the vast majority of people who use alcohol, most of whom do use it reasonably for their entire lives, never experience liver problems as a result. Personally, I'm very doubtful that I could ever use enough nutmeg essential oil to do meaningful liver damage to myself just based on this information. I don't really consider it a likely significant risk at all with the way I use it, although I wouldn't recommend using it every day for long periods of time or something like that, or combining it with heavy alcohol abuse, and such. If I ever get liver damage from using nutmeg essential oil, I'll most certainly come back and report it, but until that occurs, my official statement is that I have serious doubts that it's an actual concern with regard to tripping on this stuff. It's an amateur opinion, so I'll leave it at that.
And, that ends my fifth experience with nutmeg essential oil, and maybe with trip reporting for the most part for a while, since for now I'm mostly using substances that have plenty of information written about them already, unlike before with my esoteric research chemical stash, although of course nutmeg essential oil is an exception there too. I don't know what the future holds for me right now, but I am very optimistic about where my own path is headed at least, and with the path I've taken to get here so far. I don't know to what extent I'll still be using psychedelics going forward, but I do still think they're as special as I always did before, and credit them with giving me many things in my life that I never would have experienced otherwise, and which I truly do believe improved my life in ways that are genuinely meaningful and important to me.
To anyone reading this and following a similar path, I hope you are able to find just as much success with it in your life, and I wish you all the best going forward. I do believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel, but you do actually have to work to make it there too.
Safe travels, friends.
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