My story- support on how to cope with loved one through withdrawals.

[Doxiemomma90]

My boyfriend was an avid drug user- he was hooked on oxy for several years and it destroyed our relationship. He tried getting off of opiates but only replaced that addiction with benzos, adderall and cocaine instead- and it was a really negative experience for everyone involved-

I had suffered psychotic episodes because I got to the point where I started using whatever he used. I was extremely codependent and deeply depressed that my behavior seemed justified at the time- I wanted to understand the addiction. I studied the matter, I read countless books, forums, talked to doctor and psychiatrists and I just wanted to so badly understand why my boyfriend was choosing this life. I never found the answer I was looking for- I just found myself drunk, high and ever so lonely.

The benzos turned my boyfriend into a monster- he was not a functioning human anymore and his memory was so foggy he would do horrible things to me and forget that he had ever done it. It got to the point where we both ended up in jail and that's when I decided I needed to change my life.

I spent 6 months away from drugs and alcohol- started seeing a counselor and attended meetings. I never used enough of the drugs long enough to go through withdrawals when I got off them-
So I never understood how painful it was.
After I cleaned up my life- I told my then ex- boyfriend that this was my plan- and if he wants to be wth me he can join me or he can continue down the road he was on without me in his life. I decided that what he was doing with his life was out of my control.

He made his own decision to get clean. He was tired of living the way he was living- he
Was tired of getting into trouble- not remembering what he's Done, and he was tired of feeling the way he was feeling and he was just tired of being tired.

7 months ago he decided to completely quit using adderall, cocaine, and benzos and only use suboxone along with citalopram for depression.

He still bought suboxone illegally through his dealers- I understood that this could potentially make it hard to resist old habits but at this point in time I just trusted him to do what's best for him.

Things were great during that time- he got his life back on track- a stable job, a girlfriend that was No longer codependent and much more emotionally stable. This meant there was no more nagging, more time to himself, a much healthier home dynamic. We learned how important respect was in a relationship- even more so than love. The more I respected him and the less I treated him like he was a "drug addict" surprise- the less he acted like one. Respect goes a long ways. I stopped snooping or trying to catch him in lies- I trusted him.

Last week he decided to get off of suboxone- for me this was devastating news because I felt safe that the subs stopped the cravings and prevented him from drinking (he drinks heavily when he isn't on opiates and he can be a jerk when he is drunk) but he wanted to do this for him and for us- he was tired of being dependent on drugs and wanted to get away from that life for good. He didn't want to waste money on that crap and He wants to be normal and I support that 100% he's very brave to do that- he said he was taking more subs than normal and wants to get away from the ball and chain because he is happy with how life is going and he wants to move forward.

It's been one week. He is going through withdrawals bad- he has been so grumpy and hasn't slept the last three days. He has been going to work still and it's been awful for him. He didn't make it past lunch Friday. He's been irritable- beyond irritable and I feel awful that I have no idea what he's going through.

I don't know how to help- and it seems like he takes his frustration out on me because I'm here. I am practicing mindfulness and Not taking anything he does or say personally because I get this the withdrawal showing its ugly face- and it seems uncontrollable at this moment.

I've read a lot about different things he can do to help with the withdrawals but whenever I open my mouth- he does not want to listen to anything I have to say or has a sarcastic response.

I don't know how to be supportive without annoying him- I feel so helpless. I have been keeping up on the house doing more chores than I normally would -and staying out of his way. Our commnunication the last week has been minimal- to the point where we sleep in separate rooms so he doesn't keep me Up with his RLS.

I'm scared that if he feels alone through this he could relapse and lose all this progress he has made. I also don't know how this will affect me- I can live like this short term but we value respect and his respect for me when he is in this condition is low- I've read that symptoms can last months- and I know that having a fight with him while he's in this mood will push him to use again-

In the past he would secretely try to stop using drugs And we would get into these huge fights because he would have the worst attitude with me and I wouldn't understand why and I would call him out on it and we would fight so bad that he would run off to score more drugs.

Any advice to make this period a more Bearable experience?

Thank you

 

[Moreaux]

Hi Doxiemomma90 - welcome to Bluelight! It's sounds like you are doing what you can - being supportive. Acute withdrawal shouldn't continue for months - only a week or two depending on the dose he was on before he quit. When did he take his last one, and what was the amount he was using before he quit?

There is a secondary component to withdrawal known as protracted withdrawal syndrome (PAWS), and that can go on for months, but it's different from acute withdrawal. Expected him to be all over the place emotionally with higher than usual anxiety and depression. This too is only temporary.

Is your boyfriend using and supportive medications to get through withdrawal? Other things that may help is eating healthy (clean), adequate sleep (if possible), exercise, and meditation. Is he addressing the underlying issues motivating his addiction? Also, once he has quit has he considered any "insurance" such as the Vivitrol shot which blocks the ability to get high from opiates or booze, and helps minimize anxiety and cravings?

 

[Doxiemomma90]

He was using over 16mg when he quit cold turkey- he said the first three days didn't feel so bad but he's on day 9 right now and he is feeling like it's getting worse not better. He takes a lot of ibuprofen, between 150-200mg of trazodone and Benadryl to sleep, he's on 30 mg of citalopram for the depression but he says nothing's really helping- he's trying to exercise- some he's losing motivation fast and it's heart breaking to witness- Thank you for your reply- if we can make it through acute withdrawals I'll definitely discuss insurance options with him to prevent him from relapsing.

 

[ATLL765]

16mg is a pretty high dose to go cold turkey off of. Also, at day 9, he's going through the worst of it right now. If he hadn't already made it 9 days, I would have suggested he try to taper off of the suboxone, but in lieu of going back to that now, I'd just try your best to be supportive and loving despite the way he may be acting. He's probably suffering quite a bit and the fact that he's pushing through it and still working is incredible. I know I wouldn't be able to do that, I'd be curled up in my bed for days like a big baby.

I don't know if this would be safe for him or if it might just lead him to use again, but if you could get him some benzos to help with sleeping and the anxiety that he's likely experiencing due to the withdrawal, that might help a lot. I would only do that if you both feel like that he could take it just to aid in getting through withdrawal and wouldn't increase the chance that he'd abuse it or possibly go back to using opiates again because of it.

 

[Moreaux]

Agreed - 16mg is really high to stop cold turkey. If this doesn't work for him have him taper down to 1mg. Getting sober isn't a race, and trying to rush the process can lead to a relapse in some cases. I would advise against self administered benzos if he has a problem with booze as they are very closely related, and are readily abusable. He may want to consider adding 1mg of melatonin to the trazodone for sleep. They gave that combination out at the last rehab I attended - it worked very well. Trazodone is also an antidepressant, though not in the traditional sense. If withdrawal becomes unbearable have him try small amounts of kratom - be careful with the kratom though as it can become addictive, though nowhere as bad as an opiate addiction.

 

[ATLL765]

Agreed - 16mg is really high to stop cold turkey. If this doesn't work for him have him taper down to 1mg. Getting sober isn't a race, and trying to rush the process can lead to a relapse in some cases. I would advise against self administered benzos if he has a problem with booze as they are very closely related, and are readily abusable. He may want to consider adding 1mg of melatonin to the trazodone for sleep. They gave that combination out at the last rehab I attended - it worked very well. Trazodone is also an antidepressant, though not in the traditional sense. If withdrawal becomes unbearable have him try small amounts of kratom - be careful with the kratom though as it can become addictive, though nowhere as bad as an opiate addiction.

Tapering is really the best thing I can imagine to do. Although having made it this far cold turkey, I'd suggest taking a significantly lower dose than the 16mg he was taking before. I'd try something like 4mg and then if needed take 2mg more every 30-45 minutes until he feels you found the right dosage. That way you can start the taper from there rather than from all the way at 16mg.

 

[Doxiemomma90]

Thank you so much! Yes by day 10 it was not looking well for both of us- he is back on it- now using 8mg daily- I'm not sure he's ready to try to get off of it again- i guess we will see what happens next. Thank you all for the advice!!

 

[Muzda Jonxx]

Good Lord!

Tell your man 'KUDOS' from the random forum bloke Jonxx for making it as far as he did jumping off at 16mg. That's just insaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaane! It must have been a special living hell for the both of you, really sorry you had to go through it.

I know an awful lot about subs, as I took them for 5 years in total and always research everything I take thoroughly. The major problem is the insane halflife (time it takes for half the drug to be out of your system) of buprenorphine. It's 72 hours IIRC. So, that means 8mg takes 3 days to leave your system. So the amount is going up day on day, not down (until the dose is cut).

What I found was that tapering bupe was easy at the higher doses. 4mg did pretty much the same for me as 12mg did. Probably because of the accumulation effect explained above, coupled with the 'ceiling effect' of bupe (above a certain dose, it won't have any more of an effect). Dropping from 4mg to 2mg was no biggie either, really. What your bloke needs to do is get down to no more than 400 micrograms (0.4mg) before even thinking about jumping off. Otherwise, it's going to hurt too much for too long, and it'll cause no end of bother. I lost my last lovely girlfriend jumping off subs too high, spinning out and then going on a mad benzo bender. That's a pain I got to live with, but it needn't have been that way. I found that sexual dysfunction and headaches aside, I could lead an otherwise entirely normal life on subs.

My point is, to reiterate what's mentioned in the wise posts above, there is no rush here. Take the taper good and slow, and get down to 400ug, or preferably 200ug before jumping off. Even at that microscopic dose it's not going to be easy, but it's not hell on earth either.

Much love and luck to the both of you, sounds like you've both been to hell and back but have stuck with it. One day not too far down the road this will all be a memory to be laughed at.