I'm 23, only had one relationship in my life, that was when i was 19 it lasted 2 months. I've never had a one night stand. I have no friends, no family, well my mum and dad talk to me but I hardly see them, and I've got my Nana and papa. Again I've no close relationship with any. I feel guilt about what I've put them through, I've no social life, so when i get my sickness benefits i spend all day in this quiet pub where old men drink,just because It's company. I'm an Alcoholic and smoke weed regular. I get days i feel good and days like tonight I'm so depressed about everything. I'm very skinny as well, hate my body I'm 6ft and weigh 9 stone. Theres times i wouldn't leave the house because I think i look like a tramp. I'm living alone in a bedsit and the neighbour above me was giving me hassle,dropping things during the night to waken me up. My little cousin (who i wasn't really close to) died at the age of 17. I loved her anyway she was my cousin. I've even considered dating sites but how sad would I be. And no-one would want a drunken mess, who can't look after himself,let alone a girl. I've just gave up on life, I'm never going to be anybody and I've decided to just drink myself to death, Everyday i wake up I'm all alone unless people phone me up asking if i want to buy drugs, if i say no they hang up. I'm one of lifes loners and I wish sometimes I'd never been born. I want to die, but I'm to scared to do it. so drinks the next best thing
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My shit life
- Thread starter jungo87
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madswagga
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2010
- Messages
- 508
as a sufferer of depressive bipolar disorder i can never get down on my self. once as i do that it just builds and builds to the point it drives me to the edge. so i always try to stay up. music plays a HUGE role in my happiness.
you dont need dating sites, youre not gunna meet the love of your life off that shit. you gotta go get her. but that doesnt mean you go hunting for the rest of your life. make yourself available by meeting new crowds, trying new things. get involved in a club or organization of which youre really passionate about. youll meet ppl with the same interests from which its alot easier to become friends.
for now just get your life on track, focus on YOU. find a steady job or go to school, get some healthy hobbies, n cut back on the drinking. I think marijuana is a wonderful drug therapy for depression, beats any of the wide-variety of depression medication ive been on. then when youre in a good state of mind you can even cut back on that. im currently in the process of quitting pot now im that good set of mind. exercise will now fill that void. an adrenaline rush is one of the greatest highs, and its "all-natural" ha
you dont need dating sites, youre not gunna meet the love of your life off that shit. you gotta go get her. but that doesnt mean you go hunting for the rest of your life. make yourself available by meeting new crowds, trying new things. get involved in a club or organization of which youre really passionate about. youll meet ppl with the same interests from which its alot easier to become friends.
for now just get your life on track, focus on YOU. find a steady job or go to school, get some healthy hobbies, n cut back on the drinking. I think marijuana is a wonderful drug therapy for depression, beats any of the wide-variety of depression medication ive been on. then when youre in a good state of mind you can even cut back on that. im currently in the process of quitting pot now im that good set of mind. exercise will now fill that void. an adrenaline rush is one of the greatest highs, and its "all-natural" ha
Your right about the music part it really can help, but If i'm depressed i play depressing music. I'd rather meet a girl in person,but i hardly have the confidence to talk to a girl without booze.
I haven't got any hobbies, thats part of the problem, i drink because i've nothing else to do. I might stop the weed and go for that natural high, but i love booze, its been there for me when no-one else has
I haven't got any hobbies, thats part of the problem, i drink because i've nothing else to do. I might stop the weed and go for that natural high, but i love booze, its been there for me when no-one else has
badandwicked
Bluelighter
I can tell just by your post that youre destined for a better future, and will make it happen when you're ready to. You'll figure out a way forward, posting on BL is a good start. Good luck on your journey from here.
Nick Drake is a good artist to listen to when down. He tragically died at 26 of an overdose of Amitriptyline. Apparently he smoked unbelievable amounts of Cannabis, Drank regularly and suffered with depression all his life. Blues run the game is a good song and black-eyed dog.
Legerity
Bluelight Crew
- Joined
- Jul 29, 2010
- Messages
- 2,965
It's a good thing that you're posting here, even if offline there is nobody that you are currently connected to, this can be a great support network for you.
Have you had hobbies/interests in the past that you let go of? It can be difficult to get out and try new things, but that seems to be the only way to find what we like doing. I also feel a bit lost when it comes to knowing what I like to do, it's something that I've neglected to pay attention to. But it can also be exciting because you have all sorts of opportunities to pick and choose from.
Do you really think there is nobody that will love you? Why is that? I'm sure you have a lot of great qualities that other people can see even if you don't see them yourself. Our self-perception is often distorted. So that means you don't have to believe yourself if you feel worthless. Even if there are some behaviors that you would like to change, it doesn't mean that you can't acknowledge what you do like about yourself.
Keep us posted. Often there is a lot that we can learn through the difficult times
Have you had hobbies/interests in the past that you let go of? It can be difficult to get out and try new things, but that seems to be the only way to find what we like doing. I also feel a bit lost when it comes to knowing what I like to do, it's something that I've neglected to pay attention to. But it can also be exciting because you have all sorts of opportunities to pick and choose from.
Do you really think there is nobody that will love you? Why is that? I'm sure you have a lot of great qualities that other people can see even if you don't see them yourself. Our self-perception is often distorted. So that means you don't have to believe yourself if you feel worthless. Even if there are some behaviors that you would like to change, it doesn't mean that you can't acknowledge what you do like about yourself.
Keep us posted. Often there is a lot that we can learn through the difficult times
xtcnation
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jul 16, 2010
- Messages
- 462
Weed could be the thing that is bringing you down the most without you even realising it. Whilst you feel relaxed and chilled while on it, it turns people unsociable and paranoid. You may find without it you feel alot clear headed. Only a suggestion mate, but it could help
Depressicaa
Bluelighter
Hello.
Its nice to meet you man. You sound just like me when I was around 17-18. The world around is awful isn't it?
Now you may have read a few of my posts before. I have a neat little saying "People get what they deserve." Its not a moral or judgmental saying, you do things to get things. If you really want to change your life you already know that the way you're handling life isn't right.
What does going to the pub do for you? Its not changing things is it? Does it make you happy? Of course not, you wouldn't be posting in the dark side if it was, right?
Dating sites, although it seems like a loser thing to do might be worth looking into. Hey it works for a lot of people! My mom's boyfriend came from there, and even though its annoying he calls at odd hours of the night and makes little racist Chinese remarks my mom loves him, and if my mom is happy, I'm not inclined to be upset.
Go ahead and try it. Are you losing anything by doing that?
Well you are what you tell yourself. If you really wanted to die you would have done it already, but here you are seeking help. I'm sure you don't want to drink yourself to death, you just don't have a better alternative.
Why not tell your neighbor that dropping things is bothering you? Why not get earplugs? I just stick my headphones in when I sleep so that I can't hear my mom talking to her boyfriend at ungodly hours. These things aren't difficult to solve, you're just depressed and aren't clear headed.
Mentioning your cousin means that you have a depressed way of thinking. You are depressed because your life sucks, its time to change it, no? I think you have an 'all or nothing' approach to life. Everyone is against you or with you aren't they?
Listen to some brighter music. My favorite is female vocals.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=goSb43G4myM
I was the same way you were, how did I solve it? Very hard work. If you haven't worked before do some hard labor and you're going to appreciate life a lot more. Working 10AM-12AM does really change you, I was surprised at how happy I was most of the time even though I was killing roaches, dumping out sewage, and cutting myself while trying to chop food faster. The more problems you deal with, the less you think about yourself, and the less depressed you get, it worked for me. Volunteer. It would be nicer to do something like picking up trash and cleaning the area around you than watching those old men right? You sound like you might have an addictive personality so I don't recommended amphetamines for you, but for me they were a godsend. I was depressed, didn't feel like doing anything, and then the pills fixed it. I didn't take more than I was given, so maybe if one of your parents held it for you and dispensed them it could work.
Work towards a better life for yourself. You really do get what you deserve. Even if everyone was there to help you, you have to help yourself, thats the most important thing you can ever do. Do something, and do it not to please your family, friends or me, do it because you want to. Act for yourself, because you're worth whatever value you attach to you.
Its nice to meet you man. You sound just like me when I was around 17-18. The world around is awful isn't it?
NSFW:
Now you may have read a few of my posts before. I have a neat little saying "People get what they deserve." Its not a moral or judgmental saying, you do things to get things. If you really want to change your life you already know that the way you're handling life isn't right.
What does going to the pub do for you? Its not changing things is it? Does it make you happy? Of course not, you wouldn't be posting in the dark side if it was, right?
Dating sites, although it seems like a loser thing to do might be worth looking into. Hey it works for a lot of people! My mom's boyfriend came from there, and even though its annoying he calls at odd hours of the night and makes little racist Chinese remarks my mom loves him, and if my mom is happy, I'm not inclined to be upset.
Go ahead and try it. Are you losing anything by doing that?
Well you are what you tell yourself. If you really wanted to die you would have done it already, but here you are seeking help. I'm sure you don't want to drink yourself to death, you just don't have a better alternative.
Why not tell your neighbor that dropping things is bothering you? Why not get earplugs? I just stick my headphones in when I sleep so that I can't hear my mom talking to her boyfriend at ungodly hours. These things aren't difficult to solve, you're just depressed and aren't clear headed.
Mentioning your cousin means that you have a depressed way of thinking. You are depressed because your life sucks, its time to change it, no? I think you have an 'all or nothing' approach to life. Everyone is against you or with you aren't they?
NSFW:
Listen to some brighter music. My favorite is female vocals.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=goSb43G4myM
I was the same way you were, how did I solve it? Very hard work. If you haven't worked before do some hard labor and you're going to appreciate life a lot more. Working 10AM-12AM does really change you, I was surprised at how happy I was most of the time even though I was killing roaches, dumping out sewage, and cutting myself while trying to chop food faster. The more problems you deal with, the less you think about yourself, and the less depressed you get, it worked for me. Volunteer. It would be nicer to do something like picking up trash and cleaning the area around you than watching those old men right? You sound like you might have an addictive personality so I don't recommended amphetamines for you, but for me they were a godsend. I was depressed, didn't feel like doing anything, and then the pills fixed it. I didn't take more than I was given, so maybe if one of your parents held it for you and dispensed them it could work.
Work towards a better life for yourself. You really do get what you deserve. Even if everyone was there to help you, you have to help yourself, thats the most important thing you can ever do. Do something, and do it not to please your family, friends or me, do it because you want to. Act for yourself, because you're worth whatever value you attach to you.
Last edited:
badandwicked
Bluelighter
Hello.
I was the same way you were, how did I solve it? Very hard work. If you haven't worked before do some hard labor and you're going to appreciate life a lot more. Working 10AM-12AM does really change you, I was surprised at how happy I was most of the time even though I was killing roaches, dumping out sewage, and cutting myself while trying to chop food faster. The more problems you deal with, the less you think about yourself, and the less depressed you get, it worked for me.
Oh so it wasn't such a bad life ruining thing your parents made you do then? lol
Depressicaa
Bluelighter
Well there were better way to do it, and that was a huge waste of my mind. It certainly did help, but not as much as other things would have. I do have a lot of mental damage, I'm a lot less social, I can't smoke weed anymore (my friend gets a lot and he gets hurt because I can't smoke anymore) but I wouldn't say that it was all bad.
All in all there are pluses and minuses, but I can appreciate it as well as dislike it at the same time.
I'm much more focused on making money rather than having a social life at this point. I'm good at it, but theres always room for improvement in every aspect of my life. I have an awful fear of the state of Michigan and would never return. But its not all static, I'm regenerating social skills (7 months of not bathing and wearing the same clothes for months while working in a sweaty kitchen not talking does tend to retard someone socially) it is and will get better. I know it will.
All in all there are pluses and minuses, but I can appreciate it as well as dislike it at the same time.
I'm much more focused on making money rather than having a social life at this point. I'm good at it, but theres always room for improvement in every aspect of my life. I have an awful fear of the state of Michigan and would never return. But its not all static, I'm regenerating social skills (7 months of not bathing and wearing the same clothes for months while working in a sweaty kitchen not talking does tend to retard someone socially) it is and will get better. I know it will.
You've pretty much exactly described me. And I'm 23 as well
Since I'm in a similar situation to you, I'm not sure how much advice I can really give. I've been trying to make an effort to turn things around recently, and I've come to the conclusion that it might be better to focus on one thing at a time. For instance, I've moved to a new city and basically have no friends/zero social life, and can't really think of a way to change that at the moment.
So instead I'm trying to fill out my life in other ways. I've recently taken up boxing and even though it sounds like such a small thing, I can really see how it is making a bit of a difference in my life. I feel a bit more confident, happier and actually have a goal now (even if it is a small one).
Once I've got that going as a regular thing, I'll start adding more things in to my life to try and make it better. Maybe you should try just picking one thing which you see as being a positive step and taking it? It doesn't even have to be big, it could be something as small as cleaning your place and taking the trash out every night.
I know it might seem like a slow method but I think it's easier to take one small step at a time and incrementally make your life better. I've wasted too much time sitting around waiting for something big to come along and completely transform my life into the life I've always wanted, so I'm trying to do the next best thing.
Good luck, and let us know how it goes!
Ixchellian
Bluelighter
O_O
Hey, at least the music is good there, and home-prices are at rock-bottom!
Just think, a 3-story brick 120yr-old lumber baron house near the river (Belle Isle side), for $64,000!
And your next closest neigbors are a block down!
BananasAndOranges
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 25, 2010
- Messages
- 1,982
I am the same way except I dont do any real self harm anymore. I just keep to myself and do what I do best, paint, draw, or shred on my skateboard when the sun says come out and play. It gets better. Quit drinking. I know this may get a lot of oh nos, but switch to benzos. Or quit drinking. That was my issue forever. I almost died so many times its gross thinking about. 15mgs klonopin, 14mg xanax, and always some ativan and other things in the mix.....and like a fifth......fuck that shit. Just be nice to your body. Try to find what you like. I use a dating site occasionally infact I'm seeing someone from one right now. Were not together we just hang out sleep together and what not. When you're not 21 its hard to meet people. I guess that would cancel out the 21 thing if I saw quit drinking just don't do it as much. I used to be a mess of a mess. I gave birth to messes, but you gotta respect yourself and I promise you'll get friends. Even when I don't talk people will talk to me or try to now that I'm not all eyes closed slurred mess.....seriously.
MeddieFrac
Bluelighter
Loneliness is the worst feeling in the world. The type of loneliness where you are in a crowd of people, yet feel disconnected from the world. Like you are a singular entity, and will always be alone, but will never stop wishing you had someone to share life with.
I have a constant yearning to have a network of friends who I could call up at any time and go do something fun. People to laugh with, smile with, feel connected with. But it will never happen. I am broken. Something is wrong with me.
I have a constant yearning to have a network of friends who I could call up at any time and go do something fun. People to laugh with, smile with, feel connected with. But it will never happen. I am broken. Something is wrong with me.