• S E X
    L O V E +
    R E L A T I O N S H I P S


    ❤️ Welcome Guest! ❤️


    Posting Guidelines Bluelight Rules
  • SLR Moderators: Senior Staff

My plentyoffish.com meet-up gone wrong...

Status
Not open for further replies.
KoreyS

KoreyS

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 23, 2009
Messages
642
Location
Ontario, Canada
Where do I start? I've been talking to this chick on and off on the online dating site plentyoffish for a while now. I want to make it clear that she has always typed very brief messages from her phone to me, and as a result, we never got to really know each other through the messages. I had barely any idea of what type of girl she was until today. I like to use the net to my advantage to to test the waters, but the physical meet-up was supposed to do this this time.

The plan was to meet up last Monday. I had hard liquor on deck that I gulped frantically as doomsday approached. My nerves were shot. I was plagued with anxiety as I usually am while anticipating any sort of human contact. I had just about finished the bottle while receiving online messages from her saying she's on her way. The last message I received stated she was 5 min away from the train station behind my house that we planned to meet at and I waited... waited... and nothing. I was so drunk I blacked out at this point. Signed on later and no response. I proceeded to call her a liar, a coward, told her to see a shrink and countless other insults. Then she signed on hours later and made some excuse about her phone dying. We argued online for almost days from what I seemed were such farfetched excuses I was actually being trolled.

Fast forward to tonight (Saturday) and we plan to make it happen again. She parks on my street and I get in and we drive to the GO Station to chill. She made it very clear there would be NOTHING physical as she wanted only a relationship. This was fine with me. I have very severe mental health issues and am probably one of the most anti-social people on Earth. This is obviously a huge barrier as I decided not to drink booze (my medicine) this time.

It didn't take any more than 2 or 3 minutes before I realized she was far too "normal" for someone like me and I was in for a very awkward 20 min (all that we planned to chill for) and she wasn't my type. I wanted out desperately. We spoke about music, stuff we do, etc. She told me she's bipolar and on meds and disability. It was difficult to tell she had mental illness - I am far worse off. The only time I felt the convo went anywhere was when we spoke about anxiety and medications we are on or have been on in the past. FYI, I do not take any psych meds now after having years of firsthand experience with them - they are not the answer.

She asked me how I could be 25 and still not have a car or a phone. I told her I didn't talk on the phone, to which she responded "How exciting" sarcastically. I told her I didn't work and didn't do a whole lot with my spare time and that I stay up all night and sleep all day. She said repeatedly that I seemed very nervous, shy and quiet and commented that I appeared to "just stare off ahead". She kept looking over and it was awkward as fuck.

I have no similar interests as anyone. I'm into like theology type shit, spirituality, occult shit, paranormal shit, etc. I never wanna bring that up cause it sounds weird. She mentioned a song on the radio that I obviously didn't recognize cause I don't know anything about mainstream culture. There was nothing I could say man. There was so much awkward silence it was causing a great deal of tension and I began getting more and more worked up. I awkwardly sipped my coffee over and over again while my hands shook with anxiety which I know looked weird as fuck.

Then she started talking about the messages I sent which I admit were quite insulting out of anger. I told her I don't wanna hear it. She scrolled through them on her phone until finally I got angry and said "So what did you just meet up for? To say all this?" And then she said "well I thought you forgot them?". Then there was some silence until she made some silly sarcastic remark. She looked over at me smirking and I just stared ahead saying nothing. I saw her looking at me in the corner of her eye until finally I just said "CAN YOU STOP STARING AT ME!?". ANd she was takern aback and she was like "Woooahh... umm...". Then, as you can expect, we were left with extreme awkward silence to which I relieved with "Well, I'll see you later". She's like "Are you serious?" And then I'm like "Thanks for the coffee" and left teh car and walked home.

Basically I want advice on how I can handle the situation more maturely and effectively. I wanna pretend that she pissed me off to the point where just taking off like taht was justified, but I know it's just me being an anti-social, shy loser.

Anyone have any advice on how I can handle future situations smoothly without using alcohol, which I want to quit?
 
You should probably work on just making friends and not trying to get involved in relationships. Really the only advice I can give you is practice trying to be social, don't use drugs as a life line, and don't try and aim for anything more than a friendship at this point.

Also see a therapist. Sounds like you need one, even if you don't want to take any medications (I feel therapy is more important than medications in most cases, and should always be used if medications are included)
 
lol. plenty of fish has bad vibes.
you, uh...sound like an abusive cunt. you should probably avoid dating. you take your insecurities and frustrations out on women.
you should also stop not bringing up you interests. who the fuck cares if anyone thinks it is weird. that's how you find like minded people. that's how people get to know you.
 
It's weird. I have one of the most bizarre, outlandish, "out there" (I won't say eccentric, because that word describes someone who is content and not dealing with mental illness) personalities, but in situations like this - with someone I haven't developed any amount of social comfort with - it's masked by a thick layer of social anxiety that gives off the erroneous impression I am one of the dullest, boring, run-of-the-mill people imagineable. I've met up with chicks where I almost had no problem being crazy me and that's where I always excel. The ice is usually broken online first in those situations. This chick from the get-go was just too... too normal man. I dont get criticizing someone just for being a little out there and not conforming to certain cultural norms like owning a cell phone.
 
Last edited:
Jean-Paul said:
lol. plenty of fish has bad vibes.
you, uh...sound like an abusive cunt. you should probably avoid dating. you take your insecurities and frustrations out on women.
you should also stop not bringing up you interests. who the fuck cares if anyone thinks it is weird. that's how you find like minded people. that's how people get to know you.
Click to expand...

Thanks for your honesty and advise Jean-Paul. I still feel many of the things I said to her were warranted (in the initial POF message on Monday), considering the shit she pulled with me on Monday.

I understand not caring if they think it';s weird. I agree with you copmpletely about that really. My last post speaks on this a bit more.
 
Considering you sent her a message full of insults, I'm honestly surprised she still agreed to meet you at all.
 
Just wanted to add that I don't think your interests are weird or boring or anything. I'm really into the occult myself and have told people all about my fascination with Aleister Crowley and the likes and they actually tend to find that really cool rather than strange. Be yourself around others.
Other than that I agree with everything everyone else said.
 
Tude said:
Considering you sent her a message full of insults, I'm honestly surprised she still agreed to meet you at all.
Click to expand...

I don't understand why that would surprise you. I didn't explain the entire story, but you can see I briefly explained what happened that Monday in the original post. She had stood me up and vanished without any explanation for several hours on me, She was lucky that I was the one meeting up with her after that
 
^Honestly? Insulting her that much after what she did sounds really uncalled for, especially sicne it sounds like you didn't even wait for an explanation. There could have been plenty of reasons why she didn't show up that day and insulting her like that really isn't the way to resolve anything....
 
KoreyS said:
I don't understand why that would surprise you. I didn't explain the entire story, but you can see I briefly explained what happened that Monday in the original post. She had stood me up and vanished without any explanation for several hours on me, She was lucky that I was the one meeting up with her after that
Click to expand...

Because, if someone insulted me like that, I wouldn't agree to meet with them. Insults are, to me, indicative of having a low opinion of someone. I don't waste my time on people who have a low opinion of me. Maybe her phone died. Someone getting so enraged just because things didn't go as planned sends a HUGE red flag up to me. She didn't vanish without explanation, you just didn't like hers. You say y'all argued for days over the internet. It's just...surprising to me.
 
Pagey said:
Just wanted to add that I don't think your interests are weird or boring or anything. I'm really into the occult myself and have told people all about my fascination with Aleister Crowley and the likes and they actually tend to find that really cool rather than strange. Be yourself around others.
Other than that I agree with everything everyone else said.
Click to expand...

Hello, thanks very much for the response Pagey. I was myself around her - that's why the whole fiasco failed so horribly haha. I guess you might have misunderstood because I may have explained that part a tad poorly. It was a bit of an isolated situation with this individual chick. I'm always weird and anti-social, sometimes crazier than other times - there are sometimes situations with others where I think to myself that putting in any effort to express myself would be wasted, and other times I go ahead and be my outlandish self because I can tell the person is on the eccentric side as well. My main gripe with her became apparent almost immediately. I'm looking for an open-minded individual like myself who can accept the fact that not everyone is a brainwashed clone or pop culture sheep, blindly conforming to run-of-the-mill mainstream cultural norms, and that obviously wasn't going to happen with her. Like when I told her I don't own a car because I don't want one, don't need to - I love to walk. It's one of my favourite things to do. I mentioned I sleep during the day and stay up all night. I said I didn't own a cell phone because I simply do not talk on the phone period, and she said snide and sarcastically "Oh wow, you're real exciting." I want people who can understand and appreciate things like that; not scratch their head at them. Mentioning anything even remotely foreign or obscure like the things I mentioned above would have been no doubt futile with a person like this, as it unfortunately is with so many others. My better judgement told me she had little knowledge of anything beyond the current top 40 music hits and prime time television. Plus my interest/ knowledge of spirituality goes a little beyond a fascination with Aleister Crowley or somebody. lol

There was one point where she claimed she had two heart attacks in September and this was such a shock to me considering her age. I asked about how much it hurt and asked if she was prescribed morphine or pxys and she replied "no, I'm allergic to codiene." lol, this sparked up a friendly argument between us, as she swore up and down that codiene was the same as oxycodone, claiming it was actually "oxycodiene" lmao

She kept making these smart-ass, sarcastic remarks and then staring at me with this creepy smirk as I stood ahead. At one point she's like "Can you see I'm very sarcastic?" She mentioned I looked nervous at one point for the umpteenth time and I just said "Uhh it's kind of awkward having you stare at me like that?"

Thanks again for the responses guys. By the way, she wanted to get coffee and I specifically requested that we just hang out somewhere in the late evening outside and talk, so it ended up being us in her car at the train station.
 
Tude said:
Because, if someone insulted me like that, I wouldn't agree to meet with them. Insults are, to me, indicative of having a low opinion of someone. I don't waste my time on people who have a low opinion of me. Maybe her phone died. Someone getting so enraged just because things didn't go as planned sends a HUGE red flag up to me. She didn't vanish without explanation, you just didn't like hers. You say y'all argued for days over the internet. It's just...surprising to me.
Click to expand...

Yes, this is all accurate. I sent her the messages because I did infact have a very low opinion of her after what she pulled. She actually did claim her phone died. She's 15 min away and literally waited hours before contacting me. She claimed she sat at the train station directly behind my house waiting and her phone died. You don't make plans like this all day long and not make sure your phone isn't charged during the important part where she's supposed to drive there and message/ phone me to tell me she's there. lol Skip to last night and she parks on my street because she says she couldn't find the train station, which she supposedly was at earlier this week when her phone died. I was so pissed off at her antics that if you asked me that day I would have never guessed I'd end up meeting her in the future after the stunt she pulled. Earlier the next morning, after exchanging several heated messaged the night before, I felt there were so many red flags that I thought she had actually been trolling me. At one point she said "this chick wants you bad" and then gave me the username of this morbidly obese chick's profile. After that I was almost certain she was playing games, and I held back in no way in telling her how I felt about it.

Also, you said "She didn't vanish without explanation". I know she didn't. I never said that. I clearly said that "she had vanished without any explanation for several hours on me." She lived 15 min away. There's no excuse for having me sit there for hours and hours without finding any sort of phone, mobile device or computer without letting me know what happened. I don't know why you just tried to flip my words around like that?
 
Pagey said:
^Honestly? Insulting her that much after what she did sounds really uncalled for, especially sicne it sounds like you didn't even wait for an explanation. There could have been plenty of reasons why she didn't show up that day and insulting her like that really isn't the way to resolve anything....
Click to expand...

Yes, I definitelyt went overboard with the insults. I was past the point of trying to resolve it because I thought it was a lost cause in the first place. Still not a wise idea I know. Thanks for the replies.
 
Oh my bad. Sorry about that. The main insults that were the worst were me saying she had severe mental issues and was a pathological liar. At the time I actually thought this may have been accurate. Afterwards, I clearly realized it was a little too much. She actually apologized for it a different day and said "Don't you want to try and work this out and meet up still?" That's when I asked her why, if she still was interested in meeting, did she tell me to hook up with this huge fat chick she linked me to
 
Are you seeing a therapist right now? I would probably advise you to start (if you aren't already) ... it really could help.
Next, a job. Why don't you have a job? Why don't you try and get a job? I'm not saying you can't date while being unemployed, but it does make it more difficult to. As well, a job would give you more social interaction. I'm not saying that you need to find a full time career type job. But even a part time job for now, like 10 hours a week. It would get you out of the house and earn you a bit of money.
Also, friends. Do you have friends? Maybe you should try working on friendships first.

Sometimes it is important to understand "mainstream" stuff, in order to connect with others on some level. I have some interests that I cannot share with most people so I make sure I'm relatively up to date with the news and stuff like that so that I can have decent conversations with my coworkers and other people. I read the local newspaper. I check out the news online. I try to watch some TV shows that are "popular" (or at least an episode). Things like that. It isn't fun ... but it is good to learn about things outside of your knowledge, even if it seems pointless to you.
 
Dude. It's just as well she didn't show up the first time, seeing as you blacked out from drinking so much booze.... imagine how that would have gone down if the 2 of you were having your first-ever conversation??

You need help, man. Plain and simple. You need to stop analysing shit (for shit's sake) and wanting so badly to gain other peoples' approval (especially while knowingly going to great lengths to receive anything but). You also don't sound like you're willing to make much effort as far as accommodating other people goes (this girl came out to you on both occasions - you could have offered to meet her halfway at least one time, no?), and are very keen to pass judgement by put others into some kind of box (i.e. "normal" - even though the individual admitted to having severe mental issues...?!?), YET you despise the very possibility of falling prey to such treatment, yourself. There is no other term for this besides hypocrisy.

sounds more or less like all this girl did was give you a mild dose of your own medicine... not so sweet, now is it??

FYI: there are also plenty of people who share your interests... it is, after all, the 21st Century that we are now living in... not to mention, that hiding such a significant aspect of yourself is entirely pointless when attempting to date. Best you grow up a bit and learn to be more accepting (of yourself and other people) before even re-attempting the charade....you may then find that confidence is not something you must feign in order to be around strangers. best of luck to you...this is not an overnight job by any means
 
Last edited:
KoreyS said:
Plus my interest/ knowledge of spirituality goes a little beyond a fascination with Aleister Crowley or somebody. lol
Click to expand...

This is so condescending, especially when Pagey was trying to help you. You say you 'don't get criticizing somebody for being a little out there and not conforming' while in the same breath criticizing her for being 'too normal' - in other words, being too different for you. I think you're premptively bitter towards other people because you've been hurt in the past. It comes through so strongly even just through your writing, so perhaps it comes through strongly in person too. I think you need to stop hating people before you meet them, people can sense that, and it's not at all attractive.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Top