Lymphoma
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Jan 18, 2012
- Messages
- 9
Hi everyone, since I'm new and bored I thought I'd describe my life story...
When I was in middle school I was a normal shy kid who liked math and science. I guess in my early years of high school I made the decision that I really didn't care about anything I did socially. So I was in a sense the class clown, but still looked down upon as a sort of dunce. I would chase geese on the feild for a dollar if only to get out of running for gym class and I would greet random people in the hallway which is fairly unheard of in my public high school. I had a handful of friends and things were ok. I did develop horribly debilitating OCD and anxiety. One day I was recollecting a conversation about the most disgusting thing ever. I thought of something that was gross. "How about a bundle of rat penises all amputated and shit." I quickly forgot about this passing thought, but about 3 days later this thought would torment me. Not because I had some obsession with it, but because I couldn't stop thinking about it which would cause me to think I was crazy, something I was terrified of. I dodn't specifically tell anyone what it was I was obsessing over for a while because I thought of it strictly to be disgusting and I was scared that people would think I was ceazy to obsess over rat penises or whatever. It wasn't exclusive to this though. I would get songs stuck in my head for days straight and worry about my health and death Eventually I got prescribed Zoloft and after a few months it tapered off surprisingly well. Life went on and I went to college 2 years ago. I did bad in high school so I went to a sort of easy learning disability college just to get better grades and transfer. I really liked it and everyone had really bad social and mental problems in my dorm so I felt like the normal one. I slowly fixed my crazy social behavior since I was seeing other peoplke doing things I would do and it made me feel like an idiot. There were plenty of normal people and smoking pot was very common since it was such a rural place. I have never done any drug up to thus point without a perscription and I guess I would consider myself straight-edge, if only because I have anxiety about taking things not told I could take. I was always fascinated with chemistry and drugs. I read a lot of pihkal and tihkal and was just fascinated with receptors in the brain that could change your mood and perception and how different chemicals can be very similar and cause completely different responses and vice-versa.
Anyway, in halfway through last semester I had these weird chest pains. Very uncomfortable pains that would last for a few days and then go away. it happened once a month and the third time I just went to the hospital. Probably one of the worst experience in my life. They were of course worried I had a heart problem, yet I knew that wasn't it, the pain kinda felt around my heart and I've never have a reason to beleive it was from that. they ordered an EKG, an xray and a pet scat. all came back ok except the xray. They said the need to do a cat scan and ship it to india over the computer. This entire process so far took 7 hours and I was in a hospital room with just a bed. I was cold and terrified not knowing what was wrong. After this they said I had a tumor the size of an orange in my cheat. Naturally I panicked. the doctor said to go back to my local state and have a oncologist look at it immediately. I went home that day and got a chest biopsy which was horribly painful. Apparently I had lymphoma. This news actually wasn't too bad for me. I sort of slowly eased myself into getting familiar with what it could be and ALL is very treatable in young adults. doon after I went to sloan kettering and was barraged by intense chemo. I felt like poison for a few weeks, staring at the clocks second hand aimlessly and sleeping. I was thoroughly taxed and nothing mattered, people would ask me if I wanted anything, and I never did. I got a handful of spinal taps which were horrible including one which was botched and was the most painful thing I've ever experienced (doctor failed to get it in the right spot twice, head doctor came in, got it in and hit a nerve that made it feel like my entire left leg was on fire, every pain sensor went off.). and an allergic reaction that caused my kidneys to fail for a few days. Through this I have gotten morphine which I kinda hate oxycodeine/contin which is nice APAP/Codeine which was just like a stronger version of tylenol and Dilaudid which is FUCKING WONDERFUL. As of very recent I only have to take pills and come in once a month for vincristine. I have to appreciate cancer to a small extent since I sort of experienced something uniqe and feel I know what feeling shitty really does feel like.
I guess I'm bored and have nothing to do as usual. So yeah, I'll just press submit...
When I was in middle school I was a normal shy kid who liked math and science. I guess in my early years of high school I made the decision that I really didn't care about anything I did socially. So I was in a sense the class clown, but still looked down upon as a sort of dunce. I would chase geese on the feild for a dollar if only to get out of running for gym class and I would greet random people in the hallway which is fairly unheard of in my public high school. I had a handful of friends and things were ok. I did develop horribly debilitating OCD and anxiety. One day I was recollecting a conversation about the most disgusting thing ever. I thought of something that was gross. "How about a bundle of rat penises all amputated and shit." I quickly forgot about this passing thought, but about 3 days later this thought would torment me. Not because I had some obsession with it, but because I couldn't stop thinking about it which would cause me to think I was crazy, something I was terrified of. I dodn't specifically tell anyone what it was I was obsessing over for a while because I thought of it strictly to be disgusting and I was scared that people would think I was ceazy to obsess over rat penises or whatever. It wasn't exclusive to this though. I would get songs stuck in my head for days straight and worry about my health and death Eventually I got prescribed Zoloft and after a few months it tapered off surprisingly well. Life went on and I went to college 2 years ago. I did bad in high school so I went to a sort of easy learning disability college just to get better grades and transfer. I really liked it and everyone had really bad social and mental problems in my dorm so I felt like the normal one. I slowly fixed my crazy social behavior since I was seeing other peoplke doing things I would do and it made me feel like an idiot. There were plenty of normal people and smoking pot was very common since it was such a rural place. I have never done any drug up to thus point without a perscription and I guess I would consider myself straight-edge, if only because I have anxiety about taking things not told I could take. I was always fascinated with chemistry and drugs. I read a lot of pihkal and tihkal and was just fascinated with receptors in the brain that could change your mood and perception and how different chemicals can be very similar and cause completely different responses and vice-versa.
Anyway, in halfway through last semester I had these weird chest pains. Very uncomfortable pains that would last for a few days and then go away. it happened once a month and the third time I just went to the hospital. Probably one of the worst experience in my life. They were of course worried I had a heart problem, yet I knew that wasn't it, the pain kinda felt around my heart and I've never have a reason to beleive it was from that. they ordered an EKG, an xray and a pet scat. all came back ok except the xray. They said the need to do a cat scan and ship it to india over the computer. This entire process so far took 7 hours and I was in a hospital room with just a bed. I was cold and terrified not knowing what was wrong. After this they said I had a tumor the size of an orange in my cheat. Naturally I panicked. the doctor said to go back to my local state and have a oncologist look at it immediately. I went home that day and got a chest biopsy which was horribly painful. Apparently I had lymphoma. This news actually wasn't too bad for me. I sort of slowly eased myself into getting familiar with what it could be and ALL is very treatable in young adults. doon after I went to sloan kettering and was barraged by intense chemo. I felt like poison for a few weeks, staring at the clocks second hand aimlessly and sleeping. I was thoroughly taxed and nothing mattered, people would ask me if I wanted anything, and I never did. I got a handful of spinal taps which were horrible including one which was botched and was the most painful thing I've ever experienced (doctor failed to get it in the right spot twice, head doctor came in, got it in and hit a nerve that made it feel like my entire left leg was on fire, every pain sensor went off.). and an allergic reaction that caused my kidneys to fail for a few days. Through this I have gotten morphine which I kinda hate oxycodeine/contin which is nice APAP/Codeine which was just like a stronger version of tylenol and Dilaudid which is FUCKING WONDERFUL. As of very recent I only have to take pills and come in once a month for vincristine. I have to appreciate cancer to a small extent since I sort of experienced something uniqe and feel I know what feeling shitty really does feel like.
I guess I'm bored and have nothing to do as usual. So yeah, I'll just press submit...