My passion for electronic music but drug problem.....

A

ATLGIRL

Bluelighter
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Mar 15, 2010
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Richmond, VA
I am absolutely passionate about electronic music. I love exploring new types, genres within genres, a good long mix. I actually get high instantly when I hear music I like. Next think I know, my brain wonders "What Next???". It has been conditioned over the past two years to roll or get high or get fucked up on something. To the point, where shit didn't affect me anymore.

I used to always brag and say " I can go to raves without doing drugs", well the truth is that I can't. The last time I have been to a rave was in July and I miss it. I tried to go to a rave when I was in New Orleans but it was lame....that was my only excuse for not getting fucked up. The truth of the matter, I should give myself more credits. I have attended a rehab treatment recently (a really nice place), and I haven't even smoked cigarettes since. I don't even take a Tylenol for a headache. I am no longer addicted to my ex bf. I am not addicted to anything....anymore. But that doesn't mean that I would go to a rave and challenge my will, or call my ex everyday and wonder why I can't leave him. The bottom line is this, How would you suggest on enjoying electronic music and not do drugs? or should I just explore a new style all together? i.e Country......which I never had any business in.

I am not sure if this is the right site for this question.
 
I understand where you are coming from. Some times when I'm cruising down the highway and i put on my favorite electronic music i cant help but get a big ass grin on my face. I went to a rave stone sober once. I had a good time but i must admit it was a little awkward not rolling, especially when i looked around and noticed how fucked every one was. My advice would be, if the music still makes you feel good when you hear it, then keep listening.
 
I love electronic music. I took a year of sobriety in clubs before I started taking E.

Talking to the opposite sex at raves is fun too
 
Try listening to it only at home/work/headphones for awhile until you get more used to being sober around not-sober people... if you jump right back in too early you may still be in a mindframe where it's "ok just this one time" kinda thing... It took me years to be able to go to something like that without rolling.
 
Here's something very important that I've learned.

Drugs like MDMA do something to your mind that opens you up to a new level of depth and emotion in the music you listen to. They automatically put you in a state that is more receptive and connected to the all of the subtlety and beauty and feeling in music.

But the catch is that you don't actually need the drugs to get there (at least, not completely). They just show you what's really possible. They offer you a glimpse of the fantastic connection to the beauty of the world that you can achieve in sobriety, if only you put in the required effort.

I would suggest putting on a pair of headphones and listening to an album every night, in the dark, before bed. Listen with the intention of really listening, of really becoming connected to the music, like you do when you're rolling. It'll be frustrating at first, because, well, rolling balls without molly is a tall order. But gradually you'll learn to dissolve your ego, free yourself, and let your mind soar! Believe me, I've been there, and it's NOTHING short of AMAZING!

What you're really learning to do is to achieve a state of being that is the focus and crossroads of many religions, spiritualities, and ideologies. It's what the Buddhists achieve in meditating on a koan, it's what the Taoists achieve in "fasting the heart", it's what the positive psychologists document as "flow". And it's what ravers call "rolling", and trippers call "ego loss". These are all different perspectives on a single phenomenon in which we can tap into a sort of deep, great human potential that we all share, and of course in which we can take part in communication with the universal language of music, among a wide spectrum of other fundamentally human experiences.
 
Wow.....great advice.....I am pretty impressed that others can connect. I will listen to the music more often in more controlled environments. Really thats how I started liking it, I used to listen to music while I am trying to accomplish stuff. Then you are right, I visited the state of "rolling" where it was a higher state of mind......its what you feel after mediating. The hard part is achieving it without anything. I will "roll" again when I can actually prove to myself that I can go for sometime without doing anything. I would love to result to alcohol but drunk people and people on "E" are so different so its hard to connect with everyone.
 
I'll start out by saying that I, too, attended a rehab in February....

Since then I've done drugs a few times, but mostly live a sober life. I took MDMA at a Doctor P show and hated it. I was just thinking the entire time. Wondering why I needed to take MDMA to have a good time. The truth is I didn't.

Prior to that I attended like 15 shows maybe drinking a bit of alcohol, but for the most part sober. Music has been my biggest release of energy and best friend since getting "clean". Plain and simple - if you enjoy the music, you don't need drugs. If you don't enjoy the music... DON'T GO! It is NOT all about drugs. So many people think it is, and that is what is so fucked up and wrong about the entire EDM scene. I guess it's always been like that? I don't really know, I'm only 21.

If you love the music, attend a good show - not a rave. In my opinion, 95% of the people at raves are high on something, the rest maybe drunk... where is the fun in that for someone trying to get clean?

Open your mind, put on a smile, and feel the music.
 
THANK the drugs and experiences for getting you to appreciate the electronica you like now! I used to HATE any trance/house, it made me totally anxious and I associated it with coke, which I can't stand and makes me sick. But E and great friends and my ex conditioned me to "GET" electronica... but not just electronica (and I've gotten SUPER PICKY with it, I veer to hard house, hardstyle, hard dance, sometimes hardcore)...

Music's a great thing, and it's cool you are listening to what you feel, not what you think you HAVE to like, like SOOOOO many people.... ugh, lol.

Yeah, drugs or drinking, or certain guys, or certain things, turned me on to certain styles, but didn't MAKE me like them, just made me REALIZE what I liked really. I like classic rock, musical theater, blues, 1990s alternative, and my post-major-rolling time I found industrial, darkwave, EBM, goth, like German stuff, which i love just as much as hard house now.

Sober or not, you'll know what moves you! Be glad you're so into music, because I can't understand how people aren't... it's like they won't understand some things that make life LIFE.

Have fun.
 
I can't agree more, theAppleCore. You just say it way better than I could! Some of the best music experiences I had (mainly when I was in my teens) was just listening to a whole album while reading all the lyrics. It IS really about being able to be FREE and not worried about how you might come across to others. That is one of the main things rolling with music made me understand real fast. And my bond with music grew from there. We all go through phases and such, but what vibes with us at heart is going to stay strong, it may change but being able to find that is key. Even though I CAN'T vibe with most hip hop, right now I just keep thinking of Eminem, "You better lose yourself in the music, the moment you own it, you better never let it go, you only get one shot, do not miss your chance to blow
This opportunity comes once in a lifetime yo." %)
 
TheAppleCore said:
Here's something very important that I've learned.

Drugs like MDMA do something to your mind that opens you up to a new level of depth and emotion in the music you listen to. They automatically put you in a state that is more receptive and connected to the all of the subtlety and beauty and feeling in music.

But the catch is that you don't actually need the drugs to get there (at least, not completely). They just show you what's really possible. They offer you a glimpse of the fantastic connection to the beauty of the world that you can achieve in sobriety, if only you put in the required effort.

I would suggest putting on a pair of headphones and listening to an album every night, in the dark, before bed. Listen with the intention of really listening, of really becoming connected to the music, like you do when you're rolling. It'll be frustrating at first, because, well, rolling balls without molly is a tall order. But gradually you'll learn to dissolve your ego, free yourself, and let your mind soar! Believe me, I've been there, and it's NOTHING short of AMAZING!

What you're really learning to do is to achieve a state of being that is the focus and crossroads of many religions, spiritualities, and ideologies. It's what the Buddhists achieve in meditating on a koan, it's what the Taoists achieve in "fasting the heart", it's what the positive psychologists document as "flow". And it's what ravers call "rolling", and trippers call "ego loss". These are all different perspectives on a single phenomenon in which we can tap into a sort of deep, great human potential that we all share, and of course in which we can take part in communication with the universal language of music, among a wide spectrum of other fundamentally human experiences.
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+1, excellent post. I get high without drugs all the time :D

There are many paths, drugs are one, religions/spiritualism are others... the semantics are really irrelevant :)
 
TheAppleCore said:
Here's something very important that I've learned.

Drugs like MDMA do something to your mind that opens you up to a new level of depth and emotion in the music you listen to. They automatically put you in a state that is more receptive and connected to the all of the subtlety and beauty and feeling in music.

But the catch is that you don't actually need the drugs to get there (at least, not completely). They just show you what's really possible. They offer you a glimpse of the fantastic connection to the beauty of the world that you can achieve in sobriety, if only you put in the required effort.

I would suggest putting on a pair of headphones and listening to an album every night, in the dark, before bed. Listen with the intention of really listening, of really becoming connected to the music, like you do when you're rolling. It'll be frustrating at first, because, well, rolling balls without molly is a tall order. But gradually you'll learn to dissolve your ego, free yourself, and let your mind soar! Believe me, I've been there, and it's NOTHING short of AMAZING!

What you're really learning to do is to achieve a state of being that is the focus and crossroads of many religions, spiritualities, and ideologies. It's what the Buddhists achieve in meditating on a koan, it's what the Taoists achieve in "fasting the heart", it's what the positive psychologists document as "flow". And it's what ravers call "rolling", and trippers call "ego loss". These are all different perspectives on a single phenomenon in which we can tap into a sort of deep, great human potential that we all share, and of course in which we can take part in communication with the universal language of music, among a wide spectrum of other fundamentally human experiences.
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good post applecore.

i agree with you though i would express it in different terms.
Personally the OP's dillema has been a massive issue for me.
Having been a DJ for 20 years and now also running my own record label, organizing, and performing alongside big and small artists alike mainly in Asia and Europe, electronic music is my fucking life!!

I have pretty much done every substance commonly known and tons that arent.
personally mdma and amphetamines, which i started to consume when i was 14, have gone hand in hand with my work and play.
now married with a family i have more responsibilities and can't always afford the commitment to taking a substance.
However try DJing late in Holland on a thursday, flying to Tokyo on the friday, to perform all night on the saturday, please the organisers, put on a good show for your followers, when youve lost 9 hours of time and youve gotta play till like 7am, then flying back to the studio and trying to work on a track with a deadline for release, and then squeezing in family committments....its tricky.
for years i used small amounts of amphetamines to keep my focus and motivation up without being visibly wasted.

The problem is you can't keep it up forever, but when I tried this kind of lifestyle without it, i found it really really tough.

basically due to the production of endorphines and release of dopamine with association to certain behavioural patterns like DJing, dancing, sex etc, your brain becomes accustommed to this and due to neuroplasticity, it can be very hard to get the same buzz from your activities.

personally I started listening to my music on headphones whilst i excersised, or rode my motorbike, or skateboarded or anything that released endorphines, dopamine, seratonin etc.
of course my music went with the buzz of performance too.
slowly, over time, things began to change.

I had to be strict with myself, patient, change some of my behaviour i associated with drugs, change some places i hung out and some of the friends i hung out with.
bring someone with you that doesnt get trashed,
take it a day at a time,
realize that the people at events who are sweaty twitchy and gurning arent necessarily having more fun than you,
keep listening, i mean listening, not hearing, the music outside of that enviroment.
slowly you'll realise that music is fucking amazing,
and is a perfect soundtrack to the already magnificent joy of existence.
everyday is good because of being alive,
beauty is everywhere,
youve just gotta open your eyes ears and mind to experience it,
and this is very real and possible without inebriation of any kind!!

and lastly, try some of my music, you certainly wont need drugs to enjoy it!! (>_-)*

techno/house here
http://soundcloud.com/djfreebass/tekkenhaus

beats breaks and dubstep here
http://soundcloud.com/djfreebass/damonsta

enjoy!!
 
Great post. I really appreciate you sharing this information. I love the music especially dubstep. I recently just became a fan of dubstep (it just happened).

Well, I went to an electronic music festival this weekend. It was a camp out..which a friend of mine used to always advise me not to go. First of all, it was by myself. Which is the worst idea ever? To be a 5'3 girl that weighs a 100 pounds to go. I thought it would be well-lit, organized and lots of people. It was literalily in the woods, with grass up to my knees. SCARY

Everyone was amazing to get to know, they respected me so much for driving for 3 hours and doing this by myself. I was drinking the first night and couldn't stop on Sat but to roll. There was lots of 2 c-b, MDMA, L, DMT, amephatmines, cocaine......its hard to be around that many fucked up people with 3 stages of music, in the middle of the woods for 3 days.

I came with no camping gear. Just me, my car, beer and water. I endured 30 C weather at night and 85 C during the day weather. I had to get fucked up being around that many people that were fucked up too. I got scared at times at the camp so I had to remain calm because I couldn't leave at certain hours.
 
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ATLGIRL said:
Everyone was amazing to get to know, they respected me so much for driving for 3 hours and doing this by myself. I was drinking the first night and couldn't stop on Sat but to roll. There was lots of 2 c-b, MDMA, L, DMT, amephatmines, cocaine......its hard to be around that many fucked up people with 3 stages of music, in the middle of the woods for 3 days.

I came with no camping gear. Just me, my car, beer and water. I endured 30 C weather at night and 85 C during the day weather. I had to get fucked up being around that many people that were fucked up too. I got scared at times at the camp so I had to remain calm because I couldn't leave at certain hours.
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Sounds like a blast, can't believe you went to your first festival all on your own like that! Definitely good to at least have a buddy to watch your back, but it really depends on where you're at and what sort of trouble you might be getting into :) Do be careful though, back around the end of August I was at an event that sounds a lot like what you described going to, and the number of inexperienced or entirely unexperienced campers coming in there with no supplies and usually just sleeping in their cars (or picking up tents from walmart just for the weekend, boxing them back up and returning them once they are back home) can definitely cause some problems. At least you brought water, that's more than I can say for some of the people I've helped out. I gave away a half dozen pairs of dry socks to people who couldn't be bothered to bring a change of clothes to a four day, three night camping festival. I loaned my shoes out and got my last dry pair of socks soaked to help a girl wandering barefoot get back to my campsite to get warm as she was too spun to find her way back to her own and told me how she had almost been raped at the campsite she tried to crash out at before she ran into me. I love festivals and the whole scene, and I think it's awesome that a lot of smaller promoters are seeing the possibilities in these kind of events, plus if you're gonna have a bunch of raver kids tripping out and rolling face why not have the party go on for the whole weekend so there's hopefully a higher chance that they'll be sober driving home. I figure it's at least gotta be safer than a bunch of spun out kids leaving the club or the afterhours and hitting the roads at 6-7AM just in time to deal with the first traffic in the morning. Plus there's nothing better than watching this younger generation of ravers and womp kids learning that when you're partying for four days in a row it's an endurance race, not a sprint. You learn that lesson fast, no fun being a spunout zombie for some unforgettable music!
 
Wow this is one of the most interesting discussions I've read about on BL recently! Thanks for the insight apple core! I was thinking of some of the same thoughts as I read the original post so it was very interesting to see you articulate them so well. I have experienced this same problem in many aspects of music. Making music, listening to music at home and going to concerts, festivals and raves. I have been a hardcore tripper for many many years now, tripping at least once a week for over five years. When you have a heavy drug habit and you are used to taking high doses of drugs in your daily life festivals and raves where its socially acceptable to over do it a bit can be quite problematic! I've had times where I take several psychedelics at once to try and really feel the music and have that transcendental experience with it, and find myself just distracted by thoughts about, did I take enough, am I really felling it this time? Should I add another drug? And then other times where I combine too many drugs, especially dissociatives like ketamine and find myself isolated, miles away in my mind, double vision and zombiefied, and not present right there is those amazing moments with my friends. I actually had that experience at burning man this year.

I did better than last year, but I still ended up having trouble with ketamine. I stuck to taking it orally to try and avoid the mindless compulsion snorting creates, but I still became attached to its anesthetic euphoria. What was I doing spending my time in a hole, unable to walk around and talk to people and explore the best party on earth!? On the last day of burning man (it's a week long) they burn the temple, the largest structure there, and everyone sits around it silent. 50 thousand people silent watching a beautiful temple burn to the ground. The impermanence of life struck me hard and I realized it was time to change my life and my mind. I decided to do atleast 3 months totally sober. I am now on week 11 of 12, and I have only messed up by smoking pot three times! And drinking coffee, but I am still very happy considering the massive amount and variety of drugs I was taking before.

I have been practicing zen meditation every day and it has greatly helped me in realizing the wonders of being alive and feeling the transcendent feelings of oneness that I had always sought after on drugs. A couple of activities seem to compliment music the same way drugs do. Riding my bike and listening to electronic music is absolutely amazing. The endorphins that excersize releases, the visual aspects of seeing the landscape flow by you and the hypnotic rhythm of the music, certainly better than some drug experiences, and much more healthy, and its free transportation! And you're saving the earth by not using a car! Brilliant!

Another is listening during the transition into sleep. I am a huge fan of ambient and droning experimental music. I have many fond memories of this music floating through the depths of my mind on many drugs, but I find the hypnogogic state between wakefulness and sleep can be almost as good. If you want to check out some music like this I recommend stars of the lid, greg davis, pelt or la monte young. Some dreams can certainly be more strange than you're average drug experiences. All drugs do is activate parts of your brain that already exist anyways, they are just windows into places that are already there, (although some drugs make me think there is quite ALOT going on there, and maybe there is MORE in my head than just me) there aren't experiences contained in that molecule, the molecule is just a mirror for your mind. I mean what are the chances of all of this happening in a vast and cold universe! It is abosultley ridiculous to be existing as a human, and you dont necessarily need to be on a huge dose of acid to realize that.

I know I will probably abuse drugs to some extent again, but I am satisfied with the fact that I am making great strides forward day by day. To be doing your best to move in the right direction in each moment of each day, that is all i need. In meditation you teach yourself patience , you watch your mind drift away on tangents over and over, and you accept this and redirect it back to your breath, over and over. Such is life, is there really anyone who doesn't make mistakes? I don't believe so, so we all watch ourselves drift off the path, calmly accept this, and again redirect our attention. Thanks for the inspiring post!
 
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