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My new girlfriend is Christian and I am not?

K

Kyl

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 21, 2015
Messages
54
So I have this new girlfriend, we've been dating for about three weeks as of now. We have great chemistry, she digs me, I dig her. Things are well. When we first started talking she asked if I believed in God. So I'll explain what I told her and what exactly I believe.

I told her that I don't not believe in God but when I think about it rationally and logically it seems very unlikely. It's possible but likely? no.

Don't get me wrong, I tried it out. I was saved when I was about 14, attended church camp, my entire family is Christian. Once I started thinking for myself and went through what I would call an existential crisis I realized that God is most likely a fairy tale. Not to be offensive to anyone who believes.

I should also say I have no problem with people who believe in Christianity and I truly believe in loving everyone no matter what race or religion they are affiliated with.

However, about four nights ago, I go up to her work to see her when she got off (we always do this) she was in a bad mood due to a conflict between her and another person that happened while she was working. We got in her car to chat and she said this: "you know I can't have a long-term relationship with someone who doesn't believe in God. If you ever ask me to marry you I could not do it because you are not a Christian." I was taken back by this and quite frankly insulted. I live in the bible belt region of America so it's a pretty big deal when someone doesn't believe in God where I'm from so I know where she is coming from. But at the same time she doesn't care to listen to my point of view on the issue. She just wants to focus on me not being a Christian. Anyway, I replied with "Well maybe you should date someone else who believes because they're a way better person than me" I was hurt and frustrated at her and I just jumped out of her car and left in mine.

I told her I'm not going to just stick around and get closer to her when I ultimately know our relationship is going to end and I told her to just leave me. She refused and we are still together and things went back to how they used to be. We still have great sex, meaningful conversations, and she still looks at me the same way. However, she has made it clear we will end up breaking up simply because our religion doesn't match so I'm debating on breaking up with her before I end up falling for this girl because I really do like her a lot.

I'm at a loss as to what to do and that is why I am coming here. I would really appreciate a reply on what I could/should do. I don't want to break up with her but I also don't want to get closer. It's a really big dilemma.

Thanks if you read this book
-Kyl

 
If you can accept and embrace the fact that she is Christian but she can't accept and embrace your views, then she can't love you for who you are. It also shows a lack of respect for you. It has only been 3 weeks so it's good to have learned this sooner rather than later. I'm sorry to say this but you'd be best leaving her. There will be other wonderful people out there who will love and respect you for who you are. I hope it all goes ok for you. If you need to chat personally, please feel free to PM me. Good luck hon.
 
idk to be honest i would weird me out and turn me off personally, if i was seeing someone and they didn't accept me because i wasn't a part of the same religion.

to me it is a very tunnel vision perspective on life, that christianity is the only way to salvation, and you have to accept jesus/god as your lord and saviour otherwise you will perish in the fires of hell.

depends what you want out of the relationship, and how annoying she is about it.
 
Mysterie said:
idk to be honest i would weird me out and turn me off personally, if i was seeing someone and they didn't accept me because i wasn't a part of the same religion.

to me it is a very tunnel vision perspective on life, that christianity is the only way to salvation, and you have to accept jesus/god as your lord and saviour otherwise you will perish in the fires of hell.

depends what you want out of the relationship, and how annoying she is about it.
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Exactly, it is a very tunnel-vision way to live your life. She isn't too annoying about it and I mean I would like a long-term relationship with her. I don't plan on marriage because I still barely even know her. But yeah I like her and I would like us to last.
 
I'm not too sure how it would work out. You are obviously very accepting of her views and that's great, unfortunately she isn't of yours. I personally could never date anyone who was religious, I don't believe in any sort of 'God'. I've got religious friends but as far as dating, can't do it as we would have different views on attending church etc and if we were to have children would our children be raised as religious or athiest etc so I think you two could have those sort of issues. Maybe that's what she was getting at when she said she wouldn't accept your proposal if you did ask which is a pretty shitty thing to say to someone you're dating. Might be fun now but later down the track it could be a bit messy. Would her family accept you to marry into the family knowing you aren't Christian? I don't know..good luck with it though.
 
It's a good thing this came up sooner rather than later. This should be a big red flag for you, because unless she can get rid of her close-mindedness, there will be more problems down the road. Are you serious about the relationship? If somebody said to me what she said to you, I would probably get out of there right away, because to me it just sounds like she wants to play around for a while, but not build a home together. And I'm not interested in games.

The way I see it, belief in religion, especially if it's more of the fundamentalist type, requires a certain degree of narrow-mindedness, arrogance, and egoism. Neither of those qualities are desirable in a partner IMO. If she is unwilling to commit to a long-term relationship with you simply because you don't believe in fairy tales from a book written some odd 2000 years ago by barbaric peasants, then... well, need I say more?
 
belligerent drunk said:
It's a good thing this came up sooner rather than later. This should be a big red flag for you, because unless she can get rid of her close-mindedness, there will be more problems down the road. Are you serious about the relationship? If somebody said to me what she said to you, I would probably get out of there right away, because to me it just sounds like she wants to play around for a while, but not build a home together. And I'm not interested in games.

The way I see it, belief in religion, especially if it's more of the fundamentalist type, requires a certain degree of narrow-mindedness, arrogance, and egoism. Neither of those qualities are desirable in a partner IMO. If she is unwilling to commit to a long-term relationship with you simply because you don't believe in fairy tales from a book written some odd 2000 years ago by barbaric peasants, then... well, need I say more?
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You are very right. What you described as Christians is exactly why I ended up abandoning the entire religion itself.
 
that's a pretty common one, but I can see how it'd create a big dilemma. Religion has lots of practical consequence in ones life, and these types of scenarios may be the ones playing back and forth in her head. Let me ask: Does she go to church regularly? Are her parents very religious? Does she read religious texts in her free time?

In other words, how much of the strain is coming from incompatibility with her own values and religious views and how much is a societal and social incompatibility? If she is deeply committed to the ways of the church because of her own values and practices and expects you to be a part of that, then I'm afraid it could be a show stopper. Could be she doesn't have strong values of her own, but her parents are devoutly religious and expect her to carry on the family tradition and that is causing her a lot of stress.
 
levelsBeyond said:
that's a pretty common one, but I can see how it'd create a big dilemma. Religion has lots of practical consequence in ones life, and these types of scenarios may be the ones playing back and forth in her head. Let me ask: Does she go to church regularly? Are her parents very religious? Does she read religious texts in her free time?

In other words, how much of the strain is coming from incompatibility with her own values and religious views and how much is a societal and social incompatibility? If she is deeply committed to the ways of the church because of her own values and practices and expects you to be a part of that, then I'm afraid it could be a show stopper. Could be she doesn't have strong values of her own, but her parents are devoutly religious and expect her to carry on the family tradition and that is causing her a lot of stress.
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That's a fair comment, and perhaps a more sober way to look at it than what I said. It is true, you should consider whether she is the way she is because of societal pressure, or because she intrinsically is that way. I personally am an agnostic if you go by beliefs, and a strong anti-theist if we talk about religion as it influences society. My brother ran into this problem with his wife, who is along with her parents a strong believer. Apart from everyday issues, her religion was also a problem when they were having their first child. But it was all because she herself really believes in all the bullshit. If your lady can see the truth and not let her religion influence her and your life too much, then I guess there's no harm done.

I'm more strict than my brother or an average person is when it comes to questions like this. I just cannot stand someone who holds strong beliefs despite there either being no evidence supporting those beliefs, or yet worse, where there is strong counter-evidence. In any case, you shouldn't give everything up based on this one occurrence, but you should also think very carefully about what it might mean for your relationship.
 
I guess its a good thing she has brought it up just 3 weeks in. From a biblical perspective it isn't advised to be 'unequally yoked' which doesn't mean anything anout not being an equal person, just different beliefs. She obviously likes you or she wojldnt have started dating you in the first place but she has obviously realised it sadly most likely cannot work out long term etc. I hope you work things out or find someone with whose beliefs you are more in line with. Good luck.
 
Religion is such a cult. It's a deal breaker for me. If anyone believes in fairy tales and cares more about a fictional guy in the sky than me, then I'd rather not deal with crazy. I like people who can think for themselves without latching on to craziness to cope.

You're just dodging a bullet by her bringing it up now.
 
Lysis said:
Religion is such a cult. It's a deal breaker for me. If anyone believes in fairy tales and cares more about a fictional guy in the sky than me, then I'd rather not deal with crazy. I like people who can think for themselves without latching on to craziness to cope.

You're just dodging a bullet by her bringing it up now.
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oh my days! this this this

i have friends who are religious, thats cool but come marriage etc. it would all be iffy.

its like me and people who dont want kids - er okay bye then... doesn't have to be immediately but the possibility must overlap between us
 
op, sounds like her relationship with her faith is more important to her than you (singular) or what you (plural) may become. sucks to learn that but i'd advise you to break up, walk away and learn a lesson.

alasdair
 
Kyl said:
"you know I can't have a long-term relationship with someone who doesn't believe in God. If you ever ask me to marry you I could not do it because you are not a Christian."
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You hardly know this girl and she's already told you straight out that your relationship is going to end whenever it suits her. Why on Earth would you choose to stay with her?

Kyl said:
I told her I'm not going to just stick around and get closer to her when I ultimately know our relationship is going to end and I told her to just leave me. She refused and we are still together and things went back to how they used to be.
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You told her that you're not going to "just stick around and get closer to her," yet that's exactly what you're doing? I'd suggest not making statements like this unless you're willing to follow through, or it just makes you look weak. Why did you tell her to leave you, after you told her that you won't stick around? Did you make your choice or didn't you? She "refused" to leave, but you don't need her permission - it only takes one person to end a relationship. The fact that she is opting to drag this out after making it clear that your relationship is going nowhere makes it seem like she's using you until she finds a nice Christian boy who she is more compatible with.

Things didn't go back to how they "used to be" - you now know that your girlfriend sees no future with you. Sticking around now just waiting for the axe to fall seems quite desperate to me - you've only been with this girl for three weeks and she's told you that she'll be done with you soon. Let it go.
 
She told you she couldn't marry you because you're not a Christian? But she can have pre-marital sex? lol.
 
StarOceanHouse said:
did you guys have sex before marriage? that's actually worse than marrying a non-christian. she's probably going to hell
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Yup exactly.

If religion is important to someone, it can be more important than a relationship. I couldn't be with someone who was religious. All our views would be different. There are certain things that would make or break a relationship. Sometimes it's religion, politics, etc.
 
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