alltimejoe
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Aug 23, 2017
- Messages
- 1
long time viewer, first time poster. this is going to be a long one. and i'm not really quite sure what i'm looking for by posting this. reassurance would be nice, but this is the internet and nothing is certain 
.
short history on myself: somewhat of a veteran drug user. i've tried everything under the sun at least once, but i fancy me some uppers the most (mdma, cocaine...not meth, meth falls under the "at least once" category). 14 year daily marijuana user, occasional cocaine user (2-4 times a month, under 1 gram each time). mdma maybe 3-4 times a year. nothing serious. i'm 28 years old. have smoked cigarettes for damn near 13 years. i'm an army veteran. served a combat tour in iraq as a medic for an infantry platoon. no mental or physical illness history for me until i returned from overseas in 2009. i've been diagnosed with PTSD and think i suffer from my own kind of anxiety/depression. slightly out of shape at the moment. clocking in at 220 lbs and 6 feet tall. probably carrying 25 lbs of fat that ive gained over the last 2.5 years... right in my midsection, sadly...lol.
lets go back to winter 2016. i pop some adderall for the first time in a few years. it was early morning at work. i think it was 40 mg over the course of 4-5 hours. probably drank an energy drink of some kind...don't ask me why. so i get home around 5 pm and sit on my computer and chain smoke cigs and herb until about 11 pm. my lady gets home from work and we lay in bed. and this is where it all starts. every symptom you can think of while having a heart attack. incredible pain, pressure and numbness radiating from center chest all the way down the left side of the arm. jaw tingling, shoulder blade numbness/tingling. i thought this was it for me...(how uncool to die off 40 mg of adderall and some herb). this lasts for about 2 hours before i can get myself to fall asleep. sadly, i have to hide all my drug use, so i couldn't just blurt out what was happening...although i suffer from PTSD/anxiety so i blamed my 'panicking' on that. no more than 2 weeks later i'm at a VA appt and tell them about the situation (without telling them about the adderall), but i assure them i was having a small heart attack or something. they run EKGs, blood tests, the whole 9. they come back saying that if there was any type of event that happened with my heart, it would've shown on these tests. i'm seen once a month or so for my PTSD and they'll get vitals on me....now all of a sudden my blood pressure spikes sometimes. i'll continue on the BP later.
so lets continue...over the last year and a half or so, occasionally (more often than not), when i smoke some herb (and i'm talking only 2-4 good rips from a bowl)...i find myself feeling that same pressure/tingling. only maybe 5 times over the course of that time has it brought to super discomfort to where i have to, once again, pretend i'm having an anxiety attack (even though that might be what it is lol!) super super uncomfortable. and it all lies center chest, spreading left, into my armpit and around my left shoulder/shoulder blade. now here's the curve ball. i've been to a few music festivals and concerts in this time where i've consumed a pretty decent amount of mdma over the course of 2-3 days. at least .3 a night for 2 hours. throw in some boomers too. NO ISSUES AT ALL AT THESE EVENTS. have never felt any discomfort with mdma. even when smoking after the comedown, i'm clam and collected and frankly, cool as hell.
about 5 months ago, i was introduced to coke. never ever got into it before. used it recreationally maybe 5-10 times my whole life. but the past 5 months it's been a few times a month. i stretch >1G out over 4-6 hours for the most part, but almost every time, it ends with me thinking i'm doing some damage to my heart. i got some today, took 2 key bumps and smoked 1 cigarette. i stopped at rite aid to take a piss and decided to check my BP. 168/98!! of course this triggers me to think awful things, which leads to me thinking about heart, which triggers the chest discomfort. i always look at myself in the mirror without a shirt when i'm feeling the pain. i swear you can see my left chest muscles looking like they're flexed up. i just massaged in my armpit because i felt a pretty sharp pain while touching it and it seems like it almost relaxed my intercostal muscales from my back all the way to my sternum. i do this occasionally but sometimes it makes it worse. sometimes when i'm having an episode, jerking off helps too. as i sit here typing this, my mind is off the discomfort, although it's lingering slightly.
so here we are...is it all anxiety or am i a masochist who is destroying my lovely little heart? i like getting high here and there, so this really sucks. does anxiety have the power to literally tense up one side of my chest/back muscles which eventually leads me to think about impending doom, which leads to more heart attack symptoms? why does coke/weed make my blood pressure sky rocket into extreme discomfort, but i can take .4 mdma in a night and not have a negative feeling all night? i'm not so much asking questions as i am trying to start a discussion with some people who maybe have been through something similar. i've been meaning to write this for months but never get around to it. thanks for reading. sorry for the awful rambling. appreciate your feedback/insight.
. short history on myself: somewhat of a veteran drug user. i've tried everything under the sun at least once, but i fancy me some uppers the most (mdma, cocaine...not meth, meth falls under the "at least once" category). 14 year daily marijuana user, occasional cocaine user (2-4 times a month, under 1 gram each time). mdma maybe 3-4 times a year. nothing serious. i'm 28 years old. have smoked cigarettes for damn near 13 years. i'm an army veteran. served a combat tour in iraq as a medic for an infantry platoon. no mental or physical illness history for me until i returned from overseas in 2009. i've been diagnosed with PTSD and think i suffer from my own kind of anxiety/depression. slightly out of shape at the moment. clocking in at 220 lbs and 6 feet tall. probably carrying 25 lbs of fat that ive gained over the last 2.5 years... right in my midsection, sadly...lol.
lets go back to winter 2016. i pop some adderall for the first time in a few years. it was early morning at work. i think it was 40 mg over the course of 4-5 hours. probably drank an energy drink of some kind...don't ask me why. so i get home around 5 pm and sit on my computer and chain smoke cigs and herb until about 11 pm. my lady gets home from work and we lay in bed. and this is where it all starts. every symptom you can think of while having a heart attack. incredible pain, pressure and numbness radiating from center chest all the way down the left side of the arm. jaw tingling, shoulder blade numbness/tingling. i thought this was it for me...(how uncool to die off 40 mg of adderall and some herb). this lasts for about 2 hours before i can get myself to fall asleep. sadly, i have to hide all my drug use, so i couldn't just blurt out what was happening...although i suffer from PTSD/anxiety so i blamed my 'panicking' on that. no more than 2 weeks later i'm at a VA appt and tell them about the situation (without telling them about the adderall), but i assure them i was having a small heart attack or something. they run EKGs, blood tests, the whole 9. they come back saying that if there was any type of event that happened with my heart, it would've shown on these tests. i'm seen once a month or so for my PTSD and they'll get vitals on me....now all of a sudden my blood pressure spikes sometimes. i'll continue on the BP later.
so lets continue...over the last year and a half or so, occasionally (more often than not), when i smoke some herb (and i'm talking only 2-4 good rips from a bowl)...i find myself feeling that same pressure/tingling. only maybe 5 times over the course of that time has it brought to super discomfort to where i have to, once again, pretend i'm having an anxiety attack (even though that might be what it is lol!) super super uncomfortable. and it all lies center chest, spreading left, into my armpit and around my left shoulder/shoulder blade. now here's the curve ball. i've been to a few music festivals and concerts in this time where i've consumed a pretty decent amount of mdma over the course of 2-3 days. at least .3 a night for 2 hours. throw in some boomers too. NO ISSUES AT ALL AT THESE EVENTS. have never felt any discomfort with mdma. even when smoking after the comedown, i'm clam and collected and frankly, cool as hell.
about 5 months ago, i was introduced to coke. never ever got into it before. used it recreationally maybe 5-10 times my whole life. but the past 5 months it's been a few times a month. i stretch >1G out over 4-6 hours for the most part, but almost every time, it ends with me thinking i'm doing some damage to my heart. i got some today, took 2 key bumps and smoked 1 cigarette. i stopped at rite aid to take a piss and decided to check my BP. 168/98!! of course this triggers me to think awful things, which leads to me thinking about heart, which triggers the chest discomfort. i always look at myself in the mirror without a shirt when i'm feeling the pain. i swear you can see my left chest muscles looking like they're flexed up. i just massaged in my armpit because i felt a pretty sharp pain while touching it and it seems like it almost relaxed my intercostal muscales from my back all the way to my sternum. i do this occasionally but sometimes it makes it worse. sometimes when i'm having an episode, jerking off helps too. as i sit here typing this, my mind is off the discomfort, although it's lingering slightly.
so here we are...is it all anxiety or am i a masochist who is destroying my lovely little heart? i like getting high here and there, so this really sucks. does anxiety have the power to literally tense up one side of my chest/back muscles which eventually leads me to think about impending doom, which leads to more heart attack symptoms? why does coke/weed make my blood pressure sky rocket into extreme discomfort, but i can take .4 mdma in a night and not have a negative feeling all night? i'm not so much asking questions as i am trying to start a discussion with some people who maybe have been through something similar. i've been meaning to write this for months but never get around to it. thanks for reading. sorry for the awful rambling. appreciate your feedback/insight.
