My name is Gina

[PLATINUMPLAT_GG]

Hello,

My name is Gina. I'm from San Francisco, California. I'm 24, a navy wife, no children, a cosmetologist , a former cutter, a self abuser, chronic depressive bipolar disorder, a domestic violence survivor, a cancer survivor, a child abuse survivor, an emancipated former foster youth, a child sex-trafficking survivor, and an epileptic. I have plans to one day end my but only at the right time.

 

[Smoky]

Hi Gina, Welcome to Bluelight ! !

I'm going to move your post as you have been through a tremendous amount of suffering it seems. Please don't hesitate to ask me any questions about the site.

Best,
Smoky

 

[neversickanymore]

Welcome to BL Gina.

Sorry you have had to endure so much.

I agree.. I would figure out how to heal from that life, thus ending it, and begin a new one.

Think you could ever forgive them.. Forgiveness heals us and realeases us from their power. Sets us free, but they remain burning in the flames they lit and are broiled alone.

 

[David Wooderson]

Hey Gina,

You sound very resilient, I spent most hours of my days in my 20's contemplating suicide, still fantasize about it when I'm at my breaking point, but it's no longer an acceptable option for me, which made me change allot of things which made me ultimately more at peace with life and myself.

It took a few near death experience to realize, that what I wanted instead of death was to be numb or unconscious to the stress of life.
When things are too intense I fantasize about going to sleep forever, that is what I want, but that is not death.

Take things as they come and know that some people wouldn't have been able to survive one of the struggles you went through, which means that you can impart your wisdom and enlighten others in darkness

Welcome to bluelight!

 

[Pilll_head]

Hi Gina, I am so sorry that you have been through such hell, nobody deserves this kind of crap happening to them. The best advice I can give you from personal experience of dealing with childhood abuse / bullying and spending many many days contemplating suicide is to try to help others who have been through it too. Just being a shoulder to cry on or a source of advice to someone else who is in the same boat can have a really positive benefit on your own psyche. Each day that you can help someone else who knows exactly what you are feeling is a day worth living.