My mum won't listen? Or is she right? Don't know what to think.

[Moguta]

I've been trying to talk to my mum about me feeling depressed recently - She keeps telling me that if I'm truly depressed then I wouldn't be going out. I wouldn't be leaving the house.

I don't think she understands that me leaving the house = me getting fucked up on something or another = me forgetting about life. And she KNOWS that's what I do. It's not like I ever leave the house to do anything other than that or work.

She's been through heavy depression herself and she spent her depressed years alternating between going to work and then sleeping. And that's about all. I know at the time she felt too depressed to leave the house or do anything.

I think that personally I'm using alcohol and drugs as a coping mechanism for my life. But then I question whether I'm just another addict lying to myself and my family trying to make excuses to keep abusing my body.

I'm sure that I'm depressed. I've been diagnosed by a psych, I feel depressed, i hate myself and I hate my life. I feel worthless and fantasize about suicide regulalry. But it seems like every time I try and speak to my mum and ask her for help she throws it in my face by saying you can't be THAT depressed because of X reason.

I don't know what to think. Am I just a pathetic fuck trying to use mental illness as an excuse to drink and take drugs?

 

[Cyc]

I think her narrow definition of depression is colored by her own experience. It's tough to sell nuance to someone who thinks they have it all figured out.

Maybe tell her that just because your depression doesn't have you bed-ridden, doesn't mean it isn't real. Different people cope in different ways, and experiences vary.

At the end of the day, she isn't qualified to diagnose you. Your subjective experience along with the help of health care professionals are the only things that can do that with any accuracy.

 

[Jabberwocky]

It sounds like talking about depression with your mom tends to frustrate you and her. She isn't a means for support or understanding on this at this time by what you have said here. I'm sorry. I know we all have big expectations of our parents and they often don't pan out.

Am I just a pathetic fuck trying to use mental illness as an excuse to drink and take drugs?

You are not just anything. It sounds like you have mental health problems mixed with substance use/abuse. If the drugs are making things worse decreasing or stopping seems like a logical place to start.

Life is a struggle a lot of the time. An expectation that life should be easy or that we should be more expert at coping can actually make life more burdensome.

I'd suggest that you lighten up on yourself and your mom. Make a decision to take two actions a day towards making your life better and improving your ability to cope. If a professional is available I'd utilize them. Especially if you have found drugs to be more overall misery than overall relief I'd look at getting help to minimize or stop my drug use.

A lot of stuff has to happen to have a better life and believing that things can possibly get better might be the single biggest part. Next might be enlisting help from people who are willing and capable of helping

 

[TJ5]

I'm assuming your Mom didn't take drugs or alcohol to relieve her depression, so if that's the case, of course she wouldn't understand. From what you've said, for a while blacking out allows you temporary relief from it, but that's all. I've always had spells of depression, serious thoughts of suicide since age 12, no attempts though. In my case before dope, I wasn't ALWAYS like that, but varying degrees of high-low moodiness. I tried talking to my parents about it when I was 11, 12, & 13 and they got pissed off & threatened me with all sorts of punishment if I didn't "snap out of it" and "stop that BS kind of talk" and how I had no right to complain because too many people world wide had it way worse than I did, blah blah. Hell I was even forbidden to get counseling so when I was 17, I went behind their backs and went to one of those "sliding scale" clinics based on ability to pay. It helped to have someone tell me I wasn't an asshole deliberately trying to be selfish for suffering the intensity of these moods. Looking back though, I realize improving mental health requires a lot of work and committment--work & committment that you have to follow through with. Partying on a regular basis definitely isn't going to allow that. I don't know how my life would have been altered had I heeded my own advice 29 years ago, but I continued partying, that got heavier until at 26, I had a real serious Rx addiction. My first addiction was to coke that went on & off for 7 years, and although I was able to finally kick that one on my own, the pills had started a deeper, intensive path to where the switch in my brain had crossed the line from binge user/heavy partier to drug addict. For me, age 26 on it's like my main focus was

drugs, even during dry spells whether voluntary or forced because from then on I didn't care how much time had gone by, how many meetings I went to, how little or how far I got in "recovery," there was nothing more alluring than that massive hard core dopemine rush I got one way & one way only---IV meth. No activity, NOTHING ever compared or compares to it. I can only wonder if I had taken my therapy alot more serious than partying, how different I might have been. I picture myself as somehow not being a 46 y/o loser Ma thinks I am because I have a small income as a nurse, but could have a lot more if I would accept way more responsibility--but don't dare. What I "have" is this seemingly endless fucking debt to Ma from 2 lawyers plus now a fuckn car that I need to get to work 5 nights a week, & being frustrated I can't ever get ahead for having to pay her back, so I'm stuck in her house, listening to her rag, but if I'd had the foresight at 17 maybe I wouldn't be in this situation. In your case, it sounds like you just want escape from constant misery. I think you ought to seek out a therapist plus a shrink. I understand these days shrinks pretty much stick to the medical strictly Rx stuff while a therapist or psychologist does the counseling. Since you've already been diagnosed as having depression, at least research and look for a counselor that you can connect with, but in the mean time if these overwhelming thoughts of suicide attack, go to the ER and tell them you're having these thoughts. They have to put you on 3 day hold if you threaten to harm yourself & if worse comes to worse it's better that than dead.

 

[Modify_you]

I don't think she understands that me leaving the house = me getting fucked up on something or another = me forgetting about life. And she KNOWS that's what I do. It's not like I ever leave the house to do anything other than that or work.

I went through something similar when my parents split. I wanted to spend as little time possible at the house because thats where all of the negativtiy in my life was coming from at the time. On that same note when I was home I wanted to be fucked up as much as possible. It was as though all of my sense of security that home was supposed to provide went out the door with pops when he left.

I know things are rough right now, but everything happens for a reason. You will get through this and become a stronger person for it.

If you think you are in a place where you need help don't be afraid to seek it out. And I'm sure plenty of people on the board are more than willing to listen if you just need to ramble. I know I do from time to time.

 

[Modify_you]

"seeking help" doesn't always mean you have to pay a shrink. Sometimes the best help in the world is someone that will just sit and listen, especially if said person has similar past experiences. Saying YOU have to deal with YOU isn't always the right course of action. Spending too much time dwelling on your current situation can often times make things worse.

I'm not saying that you need to go get help from a professional, though I truely belive they have there place and for thos who benefit from them its a grat thing. For me they didn't do anything more than load me up on different drugs than i was already on. Just the act of taking them every morning was a constant reminder that I was in a bad place, and made things worse. What helped me more than anything was finding someone that was in a similar situation and befriending them. it gave me someone to talk to that understood what I was going through, not someone who asked me how I feel at the end of every sentance.

I'm not trying to start an argument by any means. but telling someone they need to be self reliant and learn to cope on their own, then telling them that there current coping mechanism is a poor choice isn't going to help a person. If anything your just bringing another level of confusion to a situation that is already a shaky one.

 

[Lolie]

Mental health is a continuum and two people with the same Axis I diagnosis can have totally different levels of functioning (a formal diagnosis rates your level of functioning on a hypothetical scale).

Psychosocial retardation - losing the capacity the ability to carry out daily living activities and the desire to interact with others - is common in all of the depressive disorders, but its extent can vary dramatically.

Parents aren't always the best people with whom to share stuff. It's possible that talking about depression makes your mother feel down herself (I find this happens to me in groups and I'll end up walking out feeling worse than when I went in). It's possible that she's feeling overwhelmed by the possibility of having to pick up the pieces if you crash and burn - I've been down that road with my own kids and it's a shitty place to be in.

Whether you're making excuses to abuse drugs and alcohol is almost irrelevant. The question is what you are going to do about your depression - because the person responsible for doing something about it is you. You don't have to do anything but if you don't make your own choices it's likely that you'll find choices being made for you and you mightn't like them.

You don't mention how long this pattern has been going on. I think that's relevant because it's not a healthy situation for anyone and the longer it continues the greater potential for resentment and drama.

 

[Use2Be]

I disagree with your Mum. Like others have said depression does not manifest itself the same way in everyone. When I was severly depressed and had thoughts of suicide, going out and getting fucked up was the only diversion that gave me the will to hang on.

 

[godlovesugly]

Am I just a pathetic fuck trying to use mental illness as an excuse to drink and take drugs?

no no and no! i really hope you dont believe that. i understand completely though. i have major depression with hypomanic episodes, OCD, PTSD, anxiety/panic attacks. i have self-medicated with alcohol and drugs since i was 18 - when i took my first sip of alcohol, then i moved onto drugs. there is a major connection between people who have mental illnesses and addictions. they almost go hand in hand. are you currently on any medications for your depression? do you go to therapy? you've been diagnosed already. you need to now do something about it. you know this already, drugs and alcohol arent gonna do anything but make things soooo much worse.

 

[anonymous_mouse]

Drugs change a lot of things. It sounds like your mom never did drugs, though, so her depression was about the same all the time, the classic symptoms of lying in bed and not being able to do much all day. Of course if she hasn't researched, she would think that you're just fine, because all she knows about is those classic symptoms, and not the part about self-medicating with drugs.

I have seasonal depression which gets extremely bad. If I don't have drugs, I will just lie in the same spot all day and all night, like your Mom, but if I get opiates or speed (they work the best for me) then I am flying around getting things done while I have that short window of time. Needless to say, I choose the self-medicating option as often as possible - if you can escape the pain, escape it!! Right.

Anyway, I think your Mom is mistaken, and you probably are depressed. But she isn't informed or understanding about the aspect of drug use related to depression, so you really can't blame her for thinking the way she does. Do your best to explain it to her, and if you can't, just plain do your own thing and seek help on your own. Good luck, man

 

[pLur4eVer<33]

dude i know exactly where ur coming from. and i do the same thing to escape the depression

 

[heythatsmybike]

Maybe you should stop the booze/drugs or at least cutback drastically. I was in a simular situation once and believed I was doing so many drugs to escape my sad reality. Then one day I came to realize that the drugs were actually were what causing alot of my depression. I don't mean to sound like an arsehole bu you have to have a can of hardenthefuckup and face the roots of yor depression with real, untainted raw emotions. You can return to substances but at the moment they aren't helping.