My life story about drugs reaad and learn

[Yomaukkis]

Age 14-15: Smoking joint or two every other weekend with friend.

Age 16: Weed every night before sleep and extacy (Pure mdma pills) First time buying got hold of 30 or 40 these and took about 2 to 3 every weekend until got extrem anxiety so I stopped and half year anxiety from E went away.. 1 pill was maybe 120mg mdma or atleast it only got me so fucking loved up euphoria I couldnt move or didnt want to. mostly took em alone or with 1 or 2 friends at somenes house wheres everbody else just drank alcohol. maybe smoked weed.

Age 17: Only weed and trying to cope with the mdma anxiety and depression. I quit my job and schools.

Age 18: Turning 18 birthday was a rave and for first time I consumed 2-5 extacy pills at the rave and few fine lines of amphetamines at the after party and was so feeeling it. at the house am party I met speed dealer and bought a gram took it all during the day then next day was first day at new job so I smoke a joint with friend and pop some xanax due to OD on speed.

I managed to get to work (got for first time also 2mg xanax bars knocked myself out with 4 or 6mg) and succeeed the first day somehow seeing shadows and people from the rave everywhere until I went into psychosis..

Quit speed for good few months until daily snorting grams and finally my brain felt so bad I went to doc for OCD he gives me 6mg xanax a day instantly so I just increase xanax + speed to age 20. some little not important shit happens on those years mainly speed + benzos all day maybe speed like only 80% of the days.

Christmast 20: I was taking e's, weed, speed, GBL, alcohol, Benzos, lyricas all kind of shit I was totally losing it (Never IV'ed though) got few friends to help me but I had and have so huge desire to amphetamines Its hard to go a day without. Now Im doing speed randomly you could say weekly and just dealing with the benzo addiction. Ive lost friends,family fell apart, jobs, to point I just dont give a fuck about anything some days...

2 things I regret the most or atlest kept in control and not get addicted.

Amphetamines I Benzodiapamines. Im permanently hurt in ways you couldnt even think of. Probably GABA receptors and Dopamine receptors are permanently not working fine anymore. Atleast dopamine aint.

I think I need script for dexedrines to repair the amphetamine caused damages. Only time will tell how things work out for me.

This post is just me trying to kill time while on speed. Maybe someone will read it or someone may close it. I wanna go back to the times when there was just weed and first time loves with extacy no benzos or amphetamines.. Age 15-17 Fuckkkkk welll life is what you make it, right? Sad it had to end this way.

 

[Mr Blonde]

What permanent damage do you have from speed use?

And how do you think dexedrine will help? It won't repair the damage, it does the same thing just not as strong as meth.

 

[Yomaukkis]

Obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) Sick as hell.Everyone think I mean something with the weird looks, it goes away when im on speed though...
Restlesssness (whole body)
depression (extreme)
no motivation (bad)
loss of hope...

well this is just my current state of mind

 

[Yomaukkis]

I think time could heal it all if I'd just be able to be sober for a year. Im only 21 (in a month)

 

[Mr Blonde]

I think sobriety is probably the best thing, but I'm not one to talk I can't stay sober for shit.

Have you talked to a doctor or therapist about your symptoms? Maybe your not ready yet but when you are, they could probably help by Rx'ing meds, talking to you about it and giving you coping techniques. Therapy helps me sometimes, though sometimes things are just too overwhelming and it's hard to distance myself from thoughts.

 

[ilikeboomboom]

hm doesnt sound like of fun... I partake in speed now and again eg now just wondering what you would constitute as addiction i prob have it once a week to once a fortnight...

i have only recently started having it a bit more regularly... how addictive can it be say in for instance in comparison with k or tobacco ... i generally find i do not have addictive personallity i have always managed to be a casual smoker etc

 

[Mr Blonde]

^ Ketamine is not that addictive, tobacco is very fucking addictive.

I imagine speed would be closer to tobacco then ketamine, I've never used enough to have a problem but I know a LOT of people who have.

OP, where are you from? Is speed methamphetamine or amphetamine, I think I remember reading in Europe speed refers to amphetamine.

 

[deadhead507461]

They say weed is not a gateway drug. Thats true for 50% of people.
I wish I could also go back to a simple pipe and nugget, smoking to get high, not to get by.
But weed leads to ecstacy and that leads to prescriptions and that leads to psychedelics and that leads to Heroin and that leads you to Meth and that leads to an early death..
Its a shitty reality, you need to have self control which is tough when you only see positives to getting high, you really dont think about the future.

 

[unsettled]

First off, I can completely relate to your post. I started smoking weed at the same age as you and was heavily dependent on prescription amphetamines and I'm still dependent on benzos. The thing is you can't give up, I know the feeling of hopelessness you describe, I fight it daily at times.

I'm far from completely sober, but when I reached the point you are at now I realized I needed to make changes and made an appointment with my Dr. got on some antidepressants which actually gave me a feeling of hope for a while. I'm slowly feeling more hopeful and making changes that allow me to move forward and feel less hopeless.

Anyway, my point is you have to be proactive in your situation, don't just accept it as hopeless, especially at your age. Life is what you make it and I doubt you've done any real permanent damage. You just have to make the decision to move forward and stick to it. It's not easy, but you're much too young to just give up. Do what you gotta do, it's your life, make it a life you love.

P.S. I quit school and all normal forms of employment at your age too, now I'm 31 and I make my living playing and teaching music, which is what I wanted to do all along. You can be anything you want, it's not the end of your world. Just take it one day at a time.