I have been there. The stress. The dissasociatives. The uncertainy. While psychedelics or dissasociatives might lead us towards the answer, at a certain point we need to lay off.
I was in the same spot a few months ago and MXE was the only thing that brought me any happiness. Now all I can say is that reality is psychedelic.
All you need to do is stop stressing, carry positive energy every where you go and do things in a different way.
Certain people are drawn towards certain drugs, what worked for me was to take what I learned from those experiences and use them to illuminate my mind. Drugs can be more like a torch in a deep dark cave than the sun. Once you learn to navigate the cave, you can find your truth.
It is so ridiciously simple. The only thing in the way is self doubt and lack of action. Being in a familiar spot can be comforting but comfort does not equal growth. If you want to change you must grow.
First things first put down the dust. Instead try to meditate, eat right, engage your senses and look into transcendentalism.