Recently I've gotten involved with a girl I've known for a long time. We've been friends since we met in high school nearly ten years ago. To get through this quickly, basically we had been romantically involved a couple times over those years, but it never worked out. Mostly because we were dating other people, then she moved away. We kept in contact via text after she moved away about 7-8 years ago.
Fast forward a few years to the present and she calls me up just before New Years saying she has no place to stay. I wouldn't be able to stomach saying no to someone that close in that position because I've been there myself.
The problem is she's definitely mentally ill. I think it's BPD because her highs and lows aren't clearly defined and she wavers between moods quickly, telling me she loves me and then saying she'd hit me if I don't do exactly as she says. Usually something like not talking to her or staying off "her" side of my car.
3 separate incidents occurred over the past week. First one was on the 9th when she had been up drinking all night at a friend's we were staying at. At 7 am, my buddy told her to stfu because she was being too loud. She flipped out and told everyone she'd kill them. I got her to the car, she hits me, I thought I broke my nose it bled so much. Later that day we call her parents and got permission to stay for a night. The next morning at 3am she wakes me up and was clearly enraged, possibly drinking again. She tells me to give her my phone or she'll cut me open with one of the knives that was about 1' away from us. Her father comes in, drags her down the stairs and beats her. I couldn't do anything as her sister pushed me out the door very quickly.
A week later I pick her up again and as I had to work and since we both are basically homeless at the moment, I asked her to stay at a local mall for a few hours and I'd return for her later. She got panicked right before I had to leave and when I said she really could not come she threw coffee and a plant I bought her at me. Covered in coffee and dirt, she then calls the police, who just let her back into my car and tell us to get the fuck off mall property.
20 mins later and about 10 miles away, she's opening the door to my car as we're driving threatening to jump out. I pull over, she starts kicking, scratching and biting me. She calls the cops again, who then arrested her for domestic violence, which had to happen as I was bleeding when they showed up.
She's now on an involuntary hold at a psychiatric facility in lieu of going to county jail.
My question is how do I deal with this? I love this girl, she's been a great friend for 10 years and really helped me out while I was addicted to heroin for 3 years. I know she's just not in a good place right now, but she's really a great person who only needs a little help and stability in her life. If I'm not the one to help her, she really doesn't have anyone else who's stable or patient enough to do it. Her family just doesn't care and most of them told me to forget about her because she just doesn't care about anyone else. I know this isn't true. I can see the sincerity in her eyes when she's calm and it kills me to see her like this. It doesn't help that I have pretty bad anxiety and sometimes her behavior sets off a panic attack, which only makes things worse as I lose the ability to communicate clearly or calmly. This usually only makes her angrier.
Anyone out there dealt with this kind of situation? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Fast forward a few years to the present and she calls me up just before New Years saying she has no place to stay. I wouldn't be able to stomach saying no to someone that close in that position because I've been there myself.
The problem is she's definitely mentally ill. I think it's BPD because her highs and lows aren't clearly defined and she wavers between moods quickly, telling me she loves me and then saying she'd hit me if I don't do exactly as she says. Usually something like not talking to her or staying off "her" side of my car.
3 separate incidents occurred over the past week. First one was on the 9th when she had been up drinking all night at a friend's we were staying at. At 7 am, my buddy told her to stfu because she was being too loud. She flipped out and told everyone she'd kill them. I got her to the car, she hits me, I thought I broke my nose it bled so much. Later that day we call her parents and got permission to stay for a night. The next morning at 3am she wakes me up and was clearly enraged, possibly drinking again. She tells me to give her my phone or she'll cut me open with one of the knives that was about 1' away from us. Her father comes in, drags her down the stairs and beats her. I couldn't do anything as her sister pushed me out the door very quickly.
A week later I pick her up again and as I had to work and since we both are basically homeless at the moment, I asked her to stay at a local mall for a few hours and I'd return for her later. She got panicked right before I had to leave and when I said she really could not come she threw coffee and a plant I bought her at me. Covered in coffee and dirt, she then calls the police, who just let her back into my car and tell us to get the fuck off mall property.
20 mins later and about 10 miles away, she's opening the door to my car as we're driving threatening to jump out. I pull over, she starts kicking, scratching and biting me. She calls the cops again, who then arrested her for domestic violence, which had to happen as I was bleeding when they showed up.
She's now on an involuntary hold at a psychiatric facility in lieu of going to county jail.
My question is how do I deal with this? I love this girl, she's been a great friend for 10 years and really helped me out while I was addicted to heroin for 3 years. I know she's just not in a good place right now, but she's really a great person who only needs a little help and stability in her life. If I'm not the one to help her, she really doesn't have anyone else who's stable or patient enough to do it. Her family just doesn't care and most of them told me to forget about her because she just doesn't care about anyone else. I know this isn't true. I can see the sincerity in her eyes when she's calm and it kills me to see her like this. It doesn't help that I have pretty bad anxiety and sometimes her behavior sets off a panic attack, which only makes things worse as I lose the ability to communicate clearly or calmly. This usually only makes her angrier.
Anyone out there dealt with this kind of situation? Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
She'll appreciate it one day.
