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My friend may have knocked someone up, should I tell him?

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PlurPsyed

Bluelighter
Joined
Dec 11, 2011
Messages
391
Location
Brooklyn, ny
This girl I know messaged me yesterday to tell me that she found out that she is 3 months pregnant and there is a possibility that my very good friend might be the father. She said that the father is most likely another guy that she slept with around that time but she doesn't want to tell either of them until she knows for sure which one it is. She begged me not to tell my friend but part of me feels I should. Should I stay out of it or should I let him know?
 
No, don't tell your friend yet! She's figuring it out now. Wait until she's figured it out. Stay out of it right now.
 
Definitely not your place to tell him. Imagine you tell your friend that, he either gets completely freaked out or extremely excited, and in the end it wasn't his? He'll either be devastated, or will have wasted time worrying and panicking over nothing. The best you can do for your friend is to keep quiet about it for now and be there for him depending on the news.
 
When does she find out? Does he even want a kid? You can abort a baby at up to 14 weeks, right?

Haha, this is why you use protection.
 
Lustmord said:
When does she find out? Does he even want a kid? You can abort a baby at up to 14 weeks, right?

Haha, this is why you use protection.
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laws vary all over the world and from state to state- having a child isn't a joke

op-let her get in touch with your friend
 
I guess you guys are right. It's just so difficult considering this is my best friend and I know for a fact he doesn't want a kid right now and she's just a casual occasional hookup. The girl is a casual acquaintance of mine so my loyalty lies with him. If it was his I would probably tell him but the fact that she's not sure who's it is makes it pretty difficult. I hope she figures this out soon and doesn't fuck up his life
 
Okay...I want to be sympathetic to your situation but -

PlurPsyed said:
I hope she figures this out soon and doesn't fuck up his life
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....?! How would she be fucking up his life? Last time I checked the guy kinda has some responsibility in making the girl pregnant.
There shouldn't be any matter of 'loyalty' here. If she's pregnant it's not her fault, it's because of both of their actions. Being a good friend doesn't mean being horrible to this girl.

As I said. It sucks to have a secret like that but there's absolutely no point worrying your friend over what may very well be someone else's business and responsibility.
 
You're right, that was a rather harsh statement of me. It's not her fault. I'm pretty upset with all of this. I got my own reasons for taking this so personally but I don't really feel like divulging it on here
 
pofacedhoe said:
laws vary all over the world and from state to state- having a child isn't a joke

op-let her get in touch with your friend
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It isn't a joke. Which is why they both need to talk about whether or not they can have this kid or not before it is too late. It seems like they are closing in on that mark if she's 3 months pregnant.
 
While part of the responsibility may fall on this guy, (he should have asked her if she used birth control) the girl knows what happens when you have unprotected sex. My mother made sure I was on the pill when I was 17. There are so many forms of birth control available nowadays and she was negligent for letting this happen. Yes it takes two to tango. But let's be realistic, young men often don't consider the consequences. You said that to him she was a casual, occasional hook-up. Plus she had sex with another guy within that same period. Who knows how many hook-ups she had?

There's no excuse for this sort of carelessness. How old is she? The only way to find out who the father is, is once the child is born and they do a paternity test. Another thing that bothers me is she told you, his good friend this revelation. Only then begging you not to tell him. Why would she tell you if she didn't want him to find out? I'm jumping to conclusions here, but she's not brave enough to tell him and maybe hoping you will. I won't apologize for my lack of sympathy. This girl needs to grow up already.
 
^You don't even know if she's on birth control. What if they used a condom and it broke or something? Can't believe you're immediately assuming it's the girl's fault.
And don't say that she should be on birth control because that would just be a ridiculous answer. No reason women would have to go through hormonal hell and risks of diseases if they don't want to, when the responsibility can be shared with a condom, for instance.

In having sex with anyone you're accepting the inherant risks involved, pregnancy being one of those. I'm sorry but it's completely unfair to blame the girl for that. He knew what he was getting into, and if it's indeed his kid he needs to accept the responsibility.

So what, just because 'guys don't consider the consequences' means they should be absolved from them or something?! They should consider them...

PlurPsyed said:
You're right, that was a rather harsh statement of me. It's not her fault. I'm pretty upset with all of this. I got my own reasons for taking this so personally but I don't really feel like divulging it on here
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Fair enough fair enough - it's really not a fun situation for you to be in, but I just did need to point out that your phrasing was quite harsh :)
 
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Pagey said:
So what, just because 'guys don't consider the consequences' means they should be absolved from them or something?! They should consider them...
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If you think about it, the only thing making a child any consequence at all to a guy, other than his own will for the child to be in his life, is the court system. The consequence to a guy ultimately could be as small as having to go to court a year or so later and start paying money every month. Or potentially he could not be contacted at all by the court and he would literally have no consequence.
 
BK Bonkey Kong said:
If you think about it, the only thing making a child any consequence at all to a guy, other than his own will for the child to be in his life, is the court system. The consequence to a guy ultimately could be as small as having to go to court a year or so later and start paying money every month. Or potentially he could not be contacted at all by the court and he would literally have no consequence.
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Wow.
I honestly don't have anything to answer to that.
 
your girlfriend has confided in you in this situation and has expressed that she plans on investigating the matter further before alarming anyone of potential accountability. i really dont feel it would be right of you to unnecessarily alarm your male friend or interfere in this circumstance as its extremely personal and has no real effect on you personally.

...kytnism...:|
 
T. Calderone said:
While part of the responsibility may fall on this guy, (he should have asked her if she used birth control) the girl knows what happens when you have unprotected sex.
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Yes. And males of course do not. Calderone your post comes off as remarkably sexist to me, just so you know.

OP, Don't tell your friend. Wait it out, the situation will unfold itself whether you get involved. You have hinted you're already somewhat emotionally involved, any interference from you will likely just stir the pot in a shitty situation.
 
Lustmord said:
It isn't a joke. Which is why they both need to talk about whether or not they can have this kid or not before it is too late. It seems like they are closing in on that mark if she's 3 months pregnant.
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so he should have a say in the termination of what could be another mans child.

explain that to me:D

sounds like this woman doesn't know who is the dad and if thats the case there could be even more men to come out of the woodwork in the future- i watch a lot of jeremy kyle and this kind of thing is the shows main staple
 
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