My fiance has been doing meth behind my back...what should I do?

[Seedlesss]

I can't decide whether I think it is okay or not okay for him to be smoking weed. Anyone have any thoughts on this particular matter?

Thoughts on the matter...

Why is it that you feel its up to you to decide whether or not its ok for him to smoke weed?

If I had a girlfriend that was saving a chunk of crystal with no intentions of using it, and then turns around and gets pissed I have been using it, I don't think I would be with her to much longer.

I'm doing what I can to get him treatment (psychological, pscyhiatric, etc). I think he has preexisting depression/mental health issues as well which compound the matter.

What about him...?

I'm doing what I can... I, I, I, me, me, me (starting to see the problem?)

I think HE should be the one getting help (if he thinks he needs it, which it sounds like to me he doesn't). Does he think he has mental health issues?

Dont take this wrong...but

It seems like you are playing the part of 'Doctor/nurse/whatever' and taking it a little to seriously. Its occasional amp use, big deal. If my g/f started getting on my case telling me that she thinks I have a pre-existing mental condition, and that I need help with my drug problem (or in your case the drug problem you perceive him to have) I would laugh in her face. It seems like you are turning molehills into mountains. Face it, he stole your meth and did it behind your back. It makes me wonder why he felt the need to do that, could it be that you are to controlling? Or could it be that he knew how you would react (or over-react) and didn't even want to deal with that. Or could it be he needed to do meth in order to tolerate the relationship?

True does hurt... Did he leave you yet?

 

[Negro-kitty]

^^^
Wow, you sure are a perceptive fellow!8(

Daily meth use for over three months straight is NOT 'occasional amp use' -- it is a problematic addiction.

I value honesty in a relationship very highly -- did you miss the parts about how he LIED to me and DECIVED to me many times?

 

[Seedlesss]

QUOTE] I value honesty in a relationship very highly -- did you miss the parts about how he LIED to me and deceived to me many times?[/QUOTE]

No, but I missed the part where you kicked him to the curb because he lacked the honesty you desired. 8(

It just seems a little weird that all your posts talk about how YOU cant believe he did this to YOU. What about him? He is the one with the problem (?) but yet this is all about you. If you still want to stay with this guy maybe suck it up for a bit. You know, make it seem like you care about his well-being and addiction rather than "Oh man HE lied to me, He's a drug addict, loser right? I think he has addiction issues, I think he has a mental health problem...yadda yadda"

I think you should focus on whats important...HIM. Since you have been with addicts/boyfriends before you should know that lie'n is a common characteristic of an addict. Instead of focusing on his actions, why not focus on the cause of his actions?

So he lied, He lied because he was using drugs, Why was he using drugs? Why did he feel that it was best to use drugs behind your back? possibilities are endless...

Why wouldn't you tell your g/f that you live with that you are using drugs...?



Its just a pet-peeve of mine when people say well "Since I am not using drugs I don't think you should use drugs" <--- lame

 

[blahblahblah]

So.......

what happened


hi-5 seedless more dead than alive

 

[dj_hypersonic]

Hmm.... all this talk of stealing drugs... I have a terrible habit of liberating weed if I see it lying around my house (I have 4 housemates who all smoke).... like I won't steal anyone's whole stash or something,or go look for it in their rooms, but if I've run out, I'll probably make myself a small joint with it if I see it sitting there. And then I feel really guilty about it afterwards... but I give loads of mine out to them all the time when they are out, ity's just I feel really shitty about asking... wierd, innit....

but, Negrokitty, I think taking large amounts of drugs off you is pretty bad... esp. when he can probably just go and get them anyways from the dealer...

 

[MynameisnotDeja]

If I had a girlfriend that was saving a chunk of crystal with no intentions of using it, and then turns around and gets pissed I have been using it, I don't think I would be with her to much longer.

WOAH! Okay, hold up. The meth was HERS. Period! If she wanted to keep it forever, that is her business! I mean, it was her property, and what he did was steal it from her, PLAIN AND SIMPLE!
Negro-Kitty, I can really relate to your situation. Very much so..my boyfriend and I have a similar "deal" about how when we do drugs, we do them together or with the others permission. I have always been very true to this deal..even so much as when I went down to EDC 2001 in LA with a friend, he made me promise to not roll or do any other drugs at the rave. I longingly watched friends on mine roll, but didn't touch anything, because I love him and would expect the same if that is what I asked.
I also know exactly what you mean about meth being "your drug" that you two shared..it is the same with us and coke/crack..we haven't ever abused it or anything..but I can't imagine him doing it without me..I would flip. I also don't like him smoking weed or ciggarettes without talking to me first. He used to be a serious smoker and was very unhealthy..I helped him quit. Some might say I am controlling, but it is only because I care so much about him, and because what he does influences me.
Lately we have come very close to breaking up, because he has been abusive to me in a lot of ways, and I know I am controlling of him. It is because I care..but it's still bad and has led to a lot of other problems. Things are pretty messed up for us right now, but we are working on healing the relationship.
He is also a former tweaker (looong before he met me, like when he was in Jr. High), and over the course of our relationship, he has slipped up and used behind my back twice. Both times the truth ended up coming out..after a couple of days of him acting guilty, angry and sad, and me being like "I know your hiding something from me, you can talk to me when your ready ok?" When he finally told me he was afraid I was gonna dump him, but I was more concerned with him..then again, that was a different situation, and I would be REALLY pissed if anyone stole something that was my personal property..that has got nothing to do with the fact that this is drug related, it's an invasion of privacy, and robbery, period.
Kitty, I don't know what else to say, except that what you do now is up to you. If you choose to stay and help him through this, I think that is an honorable decision, and it takes a strong person to do that. I also think that if you make the choice to leave this guy, that is the right choice for you. Remember that he didn't choose to be honest with you for a long, long time, and that means a lot. I hope that if you do stay, you make him earn your trust again...he needs to.
Good luck, and big *hugz*
-andi-