Disocio0
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 20, 2012
- Messages
- 75
(MXE .3 gram/Alcohol/Kratom 4 grams)-Experienced- Utter Recklessness
This is a pretty lengthy report and this being written a year after this train wreck of a night went down. I will try to give as many details of how MXE affected my thought process but it's been a while. I have been using all sorts of drugs for about 4 years now. I'm familiar with the usuals like LSD, Mescaline, mushrooms, 2C-, DMT, 25I, benzos, opiates, amphetamines, MDMA, Ketamine etc. I was a daily user of DXM for 3 months. I've been using kratom on a daily basis for 2 years.
For a span of about two months I had unlimited access to one of my favorite research chemicals and dissociatives for that matter by means of my best friend. He had received a half ounce of pure mxe through the mail. He split half of the product into pure and a half and half cut. It came in very fine grain white crystals. I had been using the pure in small amounts (dosage unknown) for about a week before this night and got very pleasurable effects from it. In small doses MXE felt similar to MDMA. An antidepressant mood lift.
It was a cold January night in Montana. I was hanging out at my house with my two roommates. We will call the drug friendly one M and the anti-drug one K. This difference plays into the story later on. We had all planned on going to a house party about 20 miles away that night. M and K informed me that they were going out to buy a few bottles of liquor and wanted to know if I wished to come. I declined because I had a haircut appointment to go to. After I saw the headlights of the car disappear I took the gram of mxe which was in a small dope bag out of my pocket and laid two lines about the size of a toothpick each on the glass coffee table in the living room room and used a pen that had the insides removed to snort one in each nostril.
I felt a slight burning sensation that was just strong enough to feel like I had snorted something worthwhile but not extremely painful. The drip wasn't horrible tasting either, it was comparable to ketamine. I slouched back in the couch and played my acoustic guitar as I felt a slight wave of euphoria come over me. I felt loose and light. The guitar strings didn't hurt my fingers as much as they did before and every note sounded deep and rich. I was just improvising and was having a great time, I felt more creative. This went on for a half hour and I was so entranced in my guitar that I jumped when M's recently ex boyfriend opened the door and gathered the rest of his belongings from the house he had been kicked out a day before. I said nothing. This situation was very awkward because I was friends with M and her boyfriend. He was almost in tears from the 3 year relationship that M had ended.
I tried to comfort him but nothing would help. He left leaving me in a slightly tense mood. It was time for my haircut so I hopped in my car and drove to the salon which was about two minutes away from our house. Usually haircuts are very unpleasant for me because I have social anxiety and I hate making small talk and acting I interested in what the barber has to say. This time was different. The warm water felt amazing pouring over my hair the scrubbing with shampoo was engrossing. Even my sense of smell was heightened, I could smell a hundred different fragrances from all over the room. I was the last appointment of the day and it was just us two in the salon. There was no small talk. I wasn't having anxiety to open up and have a real conversation like I usually am. Before I knew it I was done and walking out to my car. This was about an hour and a half since I had snorted the MXE and I wanted another line. I dumped a dose about the same size as earlier out onto my tablet and whiffed it up in one line this time. I pulled out my phone and called K to get directions to the party which they were just arriving at. My phone seemed abnormally bright I was starting to notice a warp in my vision. I started the car and drove through town mesmerized by how empty the town was and the blinking stop lights which seemed to have doubled in size and vibrancy. I listened to some trip hop at high volume letting the sound vibrations wrap around me like a blanket. I sang along, still feeling very euphoric. I was in the woods on a backrode following the directions on my GPS. It had gotten very foggy and I was having trouble seeing the signs.
Finding the party was difficult. I had a difficult time concentrating on navigat ing my way to the party. What should have been a 20 minute drive took me an hour. I kept missing the turn and was becoming frustrated. I was having a hard time remembering where to go but I finally arrived to see about 15 cars in front of the house.I knocked on the door and was welcomed into the house. Music was on and everyone was already pretty drunk. People were at the table playing drinking games and in the kitchen shots were being poured by M. I didn't know anyone at this party but M and K. These were friends of my drug sensitive friend so I kept my drugs to my self. Most everyone smoked weed there but none had done anything harder than that. There was one guy who was tripping on mushrooms there. These people were all in their twenties and were obviously all pretty straight shooters if you know what I mean. I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb. I was wearing big yellow lensed aviator sunglasses had a pompom Volkswagen beanie ,and a dirty green and purple and green flannel on with moccasins. An obvious drug user in a house full of straight arrow college students. I felt uncomfortable so I took a shot of whiskey that was being passed around the kitchen. I stuck with M for comfort and told her I was pretty buzzed on horse tranquilizer she laughed and gave me look like she wasn't surprised. I introduced myself to some random people and found my anxiety slip away as I kept sipping whisky. I was at about 4 shots at this point and was feeling warm, energized, and confident. I snuck into the bathroom and laid out a line of mxe that wAs about four times the size of the first dose of the night on the running washer machine and inhaled heavily
I held my breath till I felt light headed then returned to the party. 5 minutes later I was utterly fearless waltzing around the house jabbering to any one who would listen. I disconnected the iPhone that was playing some sort of folk music on two big speakers and plugged in my phone without asking. I put put on some electronic music and turned it up. I sat down on the couch next to m and let the music take me away. I closed my eyes and felt the dissociative rush fall over me. CEVs blasted into my field of vision. Dark swirling shapes that were in sync with the music pulsed and transformed. I would compare how I felt at this point to a 3rd plateau dxm trip without the lethargy and confusion. I bobbed my head to the music forgetting I'm in a room full of people. It was the music and me. Brilliant euphoria coupled with tunnel vision. M asked me what MXE felt like and I replied "disconnected bliss" she was pretty drunk at this point and just laughed. I knew she had never experienced anything psychedelic so I offered her a bump but she declined. I desperately wanted someone else to expierience what I was. To share my thoughts and join me in this strange space. She leaned and put her head in my lap.
The time slipped away for a while when I awoke my trance the party had calmed down a bit but was still popping. I went to the bathroom and snorted another heavy duty dose. Things get pretty hazy from this point on. I remember taking another 3-4 shots. At some point people were jumping off the 1st story balcony onto a giant bean bag in the living room. Somebody suggested I do it and I didn't think twice. I jumped and landed ass first. A horrible pain shot up my tailbone. I rolled off the bag in pain .A crowd was all around me asking if they should call an ambulance because I had the wind knocked out of me and couldn't talk. They all looked freaked out as I writhed in pain. After 5 minutes I was able to stand and walk. I was like "what the fuck? You guys said I couldn't get hurt."
I thought they had me hurt on purpose, I didn't trust these trust fund kids. Apparently everyone who was jumping was just belly flopping with their bodies spread out to avoid hitting too hard. I had done a cannonball. Apparently the first to do so. Things went blank for about another hour before I noticed that there was a group of 7 people huddled in a circle studying something. I heard someone say "what is it? Is it meth" then it hit me.
My bag had fallen out of my pocket. I ran over and grabbed and said it was mine. They all stared at me like I was a pedophile. "What is it!?" Someone said. I then began to explain that it was a dissociative anaesthetic. "What!$" they looked so bewildered. "It's like ketamine" still not getting it, they wanted an explanation. "It's a horse tranquilizer, it disconnects mind from body" Not pleased, I knew what they were thinking "what is this junkie fuck doing here" My chest tightened with anxiety as everyone walked away. I was so embarrassed and annoyed. How the fuck did my drugs fall out of my pocket in front of the worst group of people for it to do so? I went outside in the 20 degree weather and laid down on a bed that was in the lawn, M joined me. I told her how embarrassed and paranoid I was, my heart was beating so heavily that she could feel it when she hugged me through our winter clothes. My mind was reeling, is someone going to call the cops? No way I thought but maybe? I got to get out of here I said.
M said no, that I was too intoxicated to drive and she was right but there was no way I was staying I had to get away from those judgemental cockwaffles. K must have heard about the incident because she came out and bitched me out for bringing drugs to her friends house. "Fuck this" I said while getting in my car, "I'm out of here". K objected as well. She was irritated with me but she still was my friend and was rightfully concerned. I ignored her as I started the engine, slammed my door and sped off. She chased me for a few seconds while yelling and kicking the back of my car. I was hammered off whiskey and so gone off MXE that my field of vision was like if you looked through a pair of binoculars backwards. I couldn't read the gauges or my speedometer. The road shrunk and expanded. It was either too big or too small. I have experienced this on large doses of DXM and Ketamine but nothing this severe. I was all over the road. It was still very foggy, I felt like I was the only person in the world. The car and I were one; I was the car. An extraterrestrial being hovering through space. I couldn't feel my body I must have been driving on autopilot.
I made it home miraculously but what I didn't know was that K and M followed me in K's car. When I got out of the car I could hardly walk. I felt like I was being pulled into the ground. Like trying to walk with 100lb ankle weights on. K came up to me and started yelling at me "You were all over the road! You almost hit an oncoming car! You could've killed yourself or someone else." I wasn't going to stay at the house with her so I got back In my car and drove away. I was so angry, I hit my dash as hard as I could with my fist. I don't know where I was for an hour but I remember ending up in the Wal-Mart parking lot with my car running and the lights off. I snorted another line straight out of the bag. I felt myself slipping away Into the dissociative rabbit hole. Another snort. I curled up in my backseat and drifted away while listening to psytrance. Visuals overpowering me. My thoughts were physical objects flying through my mind. I could hear my music get fainter and fainter till I heard nothing and felt nothing. Like walking deeper and deeper into a dark cave. I wish I remembered what happened when I went down the M-hole clearly but the whiskey fogged the whole experience.
I must have been blacked out for an hour. When I awoke I didn't know where or who I was. My phone was ringing, I answered it was M. She was trying to get me to come back to the house she said she was worried about me. I struggled to speak but I could only blurt incoherent babble. "Where are you?" She asked I hung up and tried to get out of the car. I crumpled to the ground and pulled myself back into the front seat. I was paranoid someone would figure out I was driving drunk. I started my car and made my way home at 3 am. The distance from Wal-Mart to my house is 5 miles but I didn't make it back till 6:30 am. I cruised around the town parking at random spots to just sit and daze. I took pictures of the street lights because they appeared to be green and purple flames. I was still fully disassociated / tripping when I stumbled into the house. M was still awake and very relieved to see I was ok.
She let me sleep in her bed but I couldn't sleep. As I slowly came down I got a pounding headache and my back and tailbone were giving me terrible shooting pains. I blame the headache on the whiskey. I took 4 grams in capsules of Borneo green kratom and in 20 minutes I was in a peaceful and numb state of exhaustion. I drifted off to sleep and didn't wake up till 2 the next day. I don't know how much MXE I actually took that night. I know I had a gram bag when I did my first dose and in the morning there was a little more than a half g. Some could have gotten lost but I'm Damn sure I snorted most of it. I smoked weed and watched tv the rest of the day to ease the hangover. I was extremely depressed and anxious for a few days after. I don't know if I overdosed on MXE or if it was the alcohol on top but I had one of the worst hangovers of my life I wouldn't recommend drinking heavily on mxe. Looking back on this I realize how lucky I am I didn't get pulled over or crash. Mxe on its own can be amazing and if mixed with kratom even better. I personally prefer ketamine but I would choose MXE over DXM anyday. My personal opinion is less is more when using MXE. Thanks for reading. Peace
This is a pretty lengthy report and this being written a year after this train wreck of a night went down. I will try to give as many details of how MXE affected my thought process but it's been a while. I have been using all sorts of drugs for about 4 years now. I'm familiar with the usuals like LSD, Mescaline, mushrooms, 2C-, DMT, 25I, benzos, opiates, amphetamines, MDMA, Ketamine etc. I was a daily user of DXM for 3 months. I've been using kratom on a daily basis for 2 years.
For a span of about two months I had unlimited access to one of my favorite research chemicals and dissociatives for that matter by means of my best friend. He had received a half ounce of pure mxe through the mail. He split half of the product into pure and a half and half cut. It came in very fine grain white crystals. I had been using the pure in small amounts (dosage unknown) for about a week before this night and got very pleasurable effects from it. In small doses MXE felt similar to MDMA. An antidepressant mood lift.
It was a cold January night in Montana. I was hanging out at my house with my two roommates. We will call the drug friendly one M and the anti-drug one K. This difference plays into the story later on. We had all planned on going to a house party about 20 miles away that night. M and K informed me that they were going out to buy a few bottles of liquor and wanted to know if I wished to come. I declined because I had a haircut appointment to go to. After I saw the headlights of the car disappear I took the gram of mxe which was in a small dope bag out of my pocket and laid two lines about the size of a toothpick each on the glass coffee table in the living room room and used a pen that had the insides removed to snort one in each nostril.
I felt a slight burning sensation that was just strong enough to feel like I had snorted something worthwhile but not extremely painful. The drip wasn't horrible tasting either, it was comparable to ketamine. I slouched back in the couch and played my acoustic guitar as I felt a slight wave of euphoria come over me. I felt loose and light. The guitar strings didn't hurt my fingers as much as they did before and every note sounded deep and rich. I was just improvising and was having a great time, I felt more creative. This went on for a half hour and I was so entranced in my guitar that I jumped when M's recently ex boyfriend opened the door and gathered the rest of his belongings from the house he had been kicked out a day before. I said nothing. This situation was very awkward because I was friends with M and her boyfriend. He was almost in tears from the 3 year relationship that M had ended.
I tried to comfort him but nothing would help. He left leaving me in a slightly tense mood. It was time for my haircut so I hopped in my car and drove to the salon which was about two minutes away from our house. Usually haircuts are very unpleasant for me because I have social anxiety and I hate making small talk and acting I interested in what the barber has to say. This time was different. The warm water felt amazing pouring over my hair the scrubbing with shampoo was engrossing. Even my sense of smell was heightened, I could smell a hundred different fragrances from all over the room. I was the last appointment of the day and it was just us two in the salon. There was no small talk. I wasn't having anxiety to open up and have a real conversation like I usually am. Before I knew it I was done and walking out to my car. This was about an hour and a half since I had snorted the MXE and I wanted another line. I dumped a dose about the same size as earlier out onto my tablet and whiffed it up in one line this time. I pulled out my phone and called K to get directions to the party which they were just arriving at. My phone seemed abnormally bright I was starting to notice a warp in my vision. I started the car and drove through town mesmerized by how empty the town was and the blinking stop lights which seemed to have doubled in size and vibrancy. I listened to some trip hop at high volume letting the sound vibrations wrap around me like a blanket. I sang along, still feeling very euphoric. I was in the woods on a backrode following the directions on my GPS. It had gotten very foggy and I was having trouble seeing the signs.
Finding the party was difficult. I had a difficult time concentrating on navigat ing my way to the party. What should have been a 20 minute drive took me an hour. I kept missing the turn and was becoming frustrated. I was having a hard time remembering where to go but I finally arrived to see about 15 cars in front of the house.I knocked on the door and was welcomed into the house. Music was on and everyone was already pretty drunk. People were at the table playing drinking games and in the kitchen shots were being poured by M. I didn't know anyone at this party but M and K. These were friends of my drug sensitive friend so I kept my drugs to my self. Most everyone smoked weed there but none had done anything harder than that. There was one guy who was tripping on mushrooms there. These people were all in their twenties and were obviously all pretty straight shooters if you know what I mean. I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb. I was wearing big yellow lensed aviator sunglasses had a pompom Volkswagen beanie ,and a dirty green and purple and green flannel on with moccasins. An obvious drug user in a house full of straight arrow college students. I felt uncomfortable so I took a shot of whiskey that was being passed around the kitchen. I stuck with M for comfort and told her I was pretty buzzed on horse tranquilizer she laughed and gave me look like she wasn't surprised. I introduced myself to some random people and found my anxiety slip away as I kept sipping whisky. I was at about 4 shots at this point and was feeling warm, energized, and confident. I snuck into the bathroom and laid out a line of mxe that wAs about four times the size of the first dose of the night on the running washer machine and inhaled heavily
I held my breath till I felt light headed then returned to the party. 5 minutes later I was utterly fearless waltzing around the house jabbering to any one who would listen. I disconnected the iPhone that was playing some sort of folk music on two big speakers and plugged in my phone without asking. I put put on some electronic music and turned it up. I sat down on the couch next to m and let the music take me away. I closed my eyes and felt the dissociative rush fall over me. CEVs blasted into my field of vision. Dark swirling shapes that were in sync with the music pulsed and transformed. I would compare how I felt at this point to a 3rd plateau dxm trip without the lethargy and confusion. I bobbed my head to the music forgetting I'm in a room full of people. It was the music and me. Brilliant euphoria coupled with tunnel vision. M asked me what MXE felt like and I replied "disconnected bliss" she was pretty drunk at this point and just laughed. I knew she had never experienced anything psychedelic so I offered her a bump but she declined. I desperately wanted someone else to expierience what I was. To share my thoughts and join me in this strange space. She leaned and put her head in my lap.
The time slipped away for a while when I awoke my trance the party had calmed down a bit but was still popping. I went to the bathroom and snorted another heavy duty dose. Things get pretty hazy from this point on. I remember taking another 3-4 shots. At some point people were jumping off the 1st story balcony onto a giant bean bag in the living room. Somebody suggested I do it and I didn't think twice. I jumped and landed ass first. A horrible pain shot up my tailbone. I rolled off the bag in pain .A crowd was all around me asking if they should call an ambulance because I had the wind knocked out of me and couldn't talk. They all looked freaked out as I writhed in pain. After 5 minutes I was able to stand and walk. I was like "what the fuck? You guys said I couldn't get hurt."
I thought they had me hurt on purpose, I didn't trust these trust fund kids. Apparently everyone who was jumping was just belly flopping with their bodies spread out to avoid hitting too hard. I had done a cannonball. Apparently the first to do so. Things went blank for about another hour before I noticed that there was a group of 7 people huddled in a circle studying something. I heard someone say "what is it? Is it meth" then it hit me.
My bag had fallen out of my pocket. I ran over and grabbed and said it was mine. They all stared at me like I was a pedophile. "What is it!?" Someone said. I then began to explain that it was a dissociative anaesthetic. "What!$" they looked so bewildered. "It's like ketamine" still not getting it, they wanted an explanation. "It's a horse tranquilizer, it disconnects mind from body" Not pleased, I knew what they were thinking "what is this junkie fuck doing here" My chest tightened with anxiety as everyone walked away. I was so embarrassed and annoyed. How the fuck did my drugs fall out of my pocket in front of the worst group of people for it to do so? I went outside in the 20 degree weather and laid down on a bed that was in the lawn, M joined me. I told her how embarrassed and paranoid I was, my heart was beating so heavily that she could feel it when she hugged me through our winter clothes. My mind was reeling, is someone going to call the cops? No way I thought but maybe? I got to get out of here I said.
M said no, that I was too intoxicated to drive and she was right but there was no way I was staying I had to get away from those judgemental cockwaffles. K must have heard about the incident because she came out and bitched me out for bringing drugs to her friends house. "Fuck this" I said while getting in my car, "I'm out of here". K objected as well. She was irritated with me but she still was my friend and was rightfully concerned. I ignored her as I started the engine, slammed my door and sped off. She chased me for a few seconds while yelling and kicking the back of my car. I was hammered off whiskey and so gone off MXE that my field of vision was like if you looked through a pair of binoculars backwards. I couldn't read the gauges or my speedometer. The road shrunk and expanded. It was either too big or too small. I have experienced this on large doses of DXM and Ketamine but nothing this severe. I was all over the road. It was still very foggy, I felt like I was the only person in the world. The car and I were one; I was the car. An extraterrestrial being hovering through space. I couldn't feel my body I must have been driving on autopilot.
I made it home miraculously but what I didn't know was that K and M followed me in K's car. When I got out of the car I could hardly walk. I felt like I was being pulled into the ground. Like trying to walk with 100lb ankle weights on. K came up to me and started yelling at me "You were all over the road! You almost hit an oncoming car! You could've killed yourself or someone else." I wasn't going to stay at the house with her so I got back In my car and drove away. I was so angry, I hit my dash as hard as I could with my fist. I don't know where I was for an hour but I remember ending up in the Wal-Mart parking lot with my car running and the lights off. I snorted another line straight out of the bag. I felt myself slipping away Into the dissociative rabbit hole. Another snort. I curled up in my backseat and drifted away while listening to psytrance. Visuals overpowering me. My thoughts were physical objects flying through my mind. I could hear my music get fainter and fainter till I heard nothing and felt nothing. Like walking deeper and deeper into a dark cave. I wish I remembered what happened when I went down the M-hole clearly but the whiskey fogged the whole experience.
I must have been blacked out for an hour. When I awoke I didn't know where or who I was. My phone was ringing, I answered it was M. She was trying to get me to come back to the house she said she was worried about me. I struggled to speak but I could only blurt incoherent babble. "Where are you?" She asked I hung up and tried to get out of the car. I crumpled to the ground and pulled myself back into the front seat. I was paranoid someone would figure out I was driving drunk. I started my car and made my way home at 3 am. The distance from Wal-Mart to my house is 5 miles but I didn't make it back till 6:30 am. I cruised around the town parking at random spots to just sit and daze. I took pictures of the street lights because they appeared to be green and purple flames. I was still fully disassociated / tripping when I stumbled into the house. M was still awake and very relieved to see I was ok.
She let me sleep in her bed but I couldn't sleep. As I slowly came down I got a pounding headache and my back and tailbone were giving me terrible shooting pains. I blame the headache on the whiskey. I took 4 grams in capsules of Borneo green kratom and in 20 minutes I was in a peaceful and numb state of exhaustion. I drifted off to sleep and didn't wake up till 2 the next day. I don't know how much MXE I actually took that night. I know I had a gram bag when I did my first dose and in the morning there was a little more than a half g. Some could have gotten lost but I'm Damn sure I snorted most of it. I smoked weed and watched tv the rest of the day to ease the hangover. I was extremely depressed and anxious for a few days after. I don't know if I overdosed on MXE or if it was the alcohol on top but I had one of the worst hangovers of my life I wouldn't recommend drinking heavily on mxe. Looking back on this I realize how lucky I am I didn't get pulled over or crash. Mxe on its own can be amazing and if mixed with kratom even better. I personally prefer ketamine but I would choose MXE over DXM anyday. My personal opinion is less is more when using MXE. Thanks for reading. Peace
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