llamer
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Mar 22, 2010
- Messages
- 334
At 1000 or so i started putting the stuff under my tounge, but lacking a scale, i ended up going back and forth over what the proper amount might be. By 1030 i'd finished dosing, and while i was careful not to overdo it I still have no clue how much i ingested. my feeling is that it was perhaps just under 100mg, although i am still unsure...
At first I noticed the come up, similar to what i felt the (only) other time i'd tried the substance. distant, but drug-like. Nothing special. That time I'd only taken around 20-30 mg and had nearly written off all my 2gs, but i thought there might be some threshold at work. It was night and I was in my tent in the backyard I lived in at the moment; the moon shone full onto our urban desert landscape, and few people made themselves present, though normally we were a large and happy, communal and loud household, with other backyard dwellers such as myself.
I could feel the come-up like a sign of things to come, big things, and realized I hadn't finished preparing, there were things left to do still, water to be gotten, music to be set up on my mp3 player. I felt rushed, but comfortable all the same; the MXE was bringing me along and wasn't shaking me up like even marijuana would do - it was friendly, and it was telling me to get myself ready, not to worry.
I went inside and started taking care of business, getting at the computer, filling up my water bottle, maybe something else, i can't remember (this was last month). Everything was so far away already - the floor, the computer, my hands, everything. I saw all things that I expected to see in the room, but they were behind a lense of distortion; my vision was tunneling, I was off-balance. But it was great. I felt happy. A smile coursed my face which I could do nothing to help. I went back outside again, thinking I was ready.
I wasn't. For some reason I'd forgotten something and went back in. I heard my housemates and eventually one came into the room where the computer was at. I talked to her, lucidly, but by now, say 1040pm, I was high, very very high, and my words came directly from me and my mind and I heard not a slur, but I felt so very far away from her, like I was speaking from inside my body, and not from it itself. I grinned like a fool, and turned away. None of this frightened me; the MXE was going to take care of me so long as I took care of myself. I finished up at the computer and left the room.
The floor, it was so far from me, my legs were stretched like stilts - it was a miracle I could even walk. Wow, <i> this is really some stuff </i>, I thought. I got into my tent and lay down, taking off my shorts. I was just in my boxers, laying on top of my sleeping bag. Moonlight shone through the tent, casting everything in electric blue shine. I fiddled with my headlamp, talking to myself, making jokes I don't normally make. I wondered what my housemates who lived only 30 feet from me in the backyard thought, if they could figure out my inebriation. It was embarrassing. But again, the comfort from the MXE, leading me by the hand to this place within a place. My heart was pounding, I was thinking too much, about stimulation, things I'd read on the internet about this drug. I went thru my things and found a gabapentin and took it, all the while looking through a telescope at my hands, my surroundings. I had to piss. I got out of the tent, one mile-long spider leg at a time, and pissed, as I always do, right in front by the nopal cactus. I got back into the tent and lay down once again, letting the MXE take over, my thoughts running back and forth, curious about everything, looking for the insight I have felt I have always needed...
COIL's The Ape of Naples went on the headphones, and my eyes closed out the blue moonlight. My skin was numbed, and I knew it was cold but I felt nothing. The music led my imagination go to where its imagery delighted, and for every nuance of every song an entirely new theme and feel was directed to my perceptions. It was far too complicated and unique for me to accurately describe - my thoughts remained available and with me, my immortal and personal undivided soul, yet most of my body and perspective was sent along a course through a somewhat different plane of space. I knew I still lay in my tent, but my body meant nothing, felt nothing, and if I so wanted to I'm sure I could have gotten up, with effort, to piss or tell someone to go away, but it all was irrelevant to my experience at the moment, for I saw myself as if in a dream, just my head from different angles and my voice and me, and as I wanted to know all along but was afraid to ask, I saw myself as perhaps others saw me - LLAMER the guy, LLAMER the dude, LLAMER the likeable shlepp who sometimes wasn't so likeable. LLAMER, from XXXXXX, LLAMER, the skinny one. Who is he again? I was going around him and around, trying to figure that out, all the while the computerized melodies and beats with a very thematic and particular soundtrack would form each expression of my visualizations I was studying.
They were NOT closed-eye-visuals but simply vivid imaginings I had which were only a little more observable and followable than standard waking thoughts I have when I have my eyes closed. It had the interactivity of a dream but the interface of deliberate thought. I still had no answers, but I was having fun!
The music ended after an hour, and one of my thoughts, which did come in rushed waves (it was, actually, quite a confusing and fast-paced experience, mentally), was that I needed to take some B12, and fast, because I thought I might be fucking my brain up due to olney's lesions. So I did, though again, the crazy distortion of space. I managed to snap out of the m-hole and do this, and take another piss, all without serious difficulty, as i expected.
More music, more confusion. Was I getting higher? It didn't feel that way. But more muddled, less direction? Perhaps. The real trip seemed to go on to around 130am, maybe 2am, and then a general feeling of complete dream-fusion with reality seemed to set in. Maybe it was the gabapentin (i'd probably taken another one somewhere in there), maybe it was the mhole, i don't know, but eventually I put in my earplugs and drifted off into an unfeared and very curious sort of unknown mystery time which brings to mind a generalized sort of anesthetized state, similar to passing out or nodding out, where thoughts and reality slow down to a slow sort of fusion...I honestly wish I could describe this better, but sadly it is a near-memory, as if a memory of a memory...
I woke up early, and the next day felt a little wierd, still buzzing, still excited about trying this unique new chemical.
At first I noticed the come up, similar to what i felt the (only) other time i'd tried the substance. distant, but drug-like. Nothing special. That time I'd only taken around 20-30 mg and had nearly written off all my 2gs, but i thought there might be some threshold at work. It was night and I was in my tent in the backyard I lived in at the moment; the moon shone full onto our urban desert landscape, and few people made themselves present, though normally we were a large and happy, communal and loud household, with other backyard dwellers such as myself.
I could feel the come-up like a sign of things to come, big things, and realized I hadn't finished preparing, there were things left to do still, water to be gotten, music to be set up on my mp3 player. I felt rushed, but comfortable all the same; the MXE was bringing me along and wasn't shaking me up like even marijuana would do - it was friendly, and it was telling me to get myself ready, not to worry.
I went inside and started taking care of business, getting at the computer, filling up my water bottle, maybe something else, i can't remember (this was last month). Everything was so far away already - the floor, the computer, my hands, everything. I saw all things that I expected to see in the room, but they were behind a lense of distortion; my vision was tunneling, I was off-balance. But it was great. I felt happy. A smile coursed my face which I could do nothing to help. I went back outside again, thinking I was ready.
I wasn't. For some reason I'd forgotten something and went back in. I heard my housemates and eventually one came into the room where the computer was at. I talked to her, lucidly, but by now, say 1040pm, I was high, very very high, and my words came directly from me and my mind and I heard not a slur, but I felt so very far away from her, like I was speaking from inside my body, and not from it itself. I grinned like a fool, and turned away. None of this frightened me; the MXE was going to take care of me so long as I took care of myself. I finished up at the computer and left the room.
The floor, it was so far from me, my legs were stretched like stilts - it was a miracle I could even walk. Wow, <i> this is really some stuff </i>, I thought. I got into my tent and lay down, taking off my shorts. I was just in my boxers, laying on top of my sleeping bag. Moonlight shone through the tent, casting everything in electric blue shine. I fiddled with my headlamp, talking to myself, making jokes I don't normally make. I wondered what my housemates who lived only 30 feet from me in the backyard thought, if they could figure out my inebriation. It was embarrassing. But again, the comfort from the MXE, leading me by the hand to this place within a place. My heart was pounding, I was thinking too much, about stimulation, things I'd read on the internet about this drug. I went thru my things and found a gabapentin and took it, all the while looking through a telescope at my hands, my surroundings. I had to piss. I got out of the tent, one mile-long spider leg at a time, and pissed, as I always do, right in front by the nopal cactus. I got back into the tent and lay down once again, letting the MXE take over, my thoughts running back and forth, curious about everything, looking for the insight I have felt I have always needed...
COIL's The Ape of Naples went on the headphones, and my eyes closed out the blue moonlight. My skin was numbed, and I knew it was cold but I felt nothing. The music led my imagination go to where its imagery delighted, and for every nuance of every song an entirely new theme and feel was directed to my perceptions. It was far too complicated and unique for me to accurately describe - my thoughts remained available and with me, my immortal and personal undivided soul, yet most of my body and perspective was sent along a course through a somewhat different plane of space. I knew I still lay in my tent, but my body meant nothing, felt nothing, and if I so wanted to I'm sure I could have gotten up, with effort, to piss or tell someone to go away, but it all was irrelevant to my experience at the moment, for I saw myself as if in a dream, just my head from different angles and my voice and me, and as I wanted to know all along but was afraid to ask, I saw myself as perhaps others saw me - LLAMER the guy, LLAMER the dude, LLAMER the likeable shlepp who sometimes wasn't so likeable. LLAMER, from XXXXXX, LLAMER, the skinny one. Who is he again? I was going around him and around, trying to figure that out, all the while the computerized melodies and beats with a very thematic and particular soundtrack would form each expression of my visualizations I was studying.
They were NOT closed-eye-visuals but simply vivid imaginings I had which were only a little more observable and followable than standard waking thoughts I have when I have my eyes closed. It had the interactivity of a dream but the interface of deliberate thought. I still had no answers, but I was having fun!
The music ended after an hour, and one of my thoughts, which did come in rushed waves (it was, actually, quite a confusing and fast-paced experience, mentally), was that I needed to take some B12, and fast, because I thought I might be fucking my brain up due to olney's lesions. So I did, though again, the crazy distortion of space. I managed to snap out of the m-hole and do this, and take another piss, all without serious difficulty, as i expected.
More music, more confusion. Was I getting higher? It didn't feel that way. But more muddled, less direction? Perhaps. The real trip seemed to go on to around 130am, maybe 2am, and then a general feeling of complete dream-fusion with reality seemed to set in. Maybe it was the gabapentin (i'd probably taken another one somewhere in there), maybe it was the mhole, i don't know, but eventually I put in my earplugs and drifted off into an unfeared and very curious sort of unknown mystery time which brings to mind a generalized sort of anesthetized state, similar to passing out or nodding out, where thoughts and reality slow down to a slow sort of fusion...I honestly wish I could describe this better, but sadly it is a near-memory, as if a memory of a memory...
I woke up early, and the next day felt a little wierd, still buzzing, still excited about trying this unique new chemical.
