nephil
Bluelighter
Well, this was my 4th time eating mushrooms, and i must say, the experience was completely unique to the other 3.
The plan:::To ingest an 8th of mushrooms per person, along with some good friends, B, J, and L,
enjoy the fireworks in town, then head to J's house for a little party between all of us and some others.
The outcome:::An evening of personal chaos and mental trauma, spent with two not-so good friends...E and D.
8pm--Ingest an eighth of mushrooms with E and D, then meet up with J, B, and L at J's house.
8:30pm--Begin to feel different. I am noticing a silly, yet speedy like feeling consuming my body and mind. All in all I feel really good, and happy that I decided to partake, looking forward to the night. E is claiming to feel the mushrooms already as well. We then go to J's house to meet J and L, and we all proceed to walk to the park, where the fireworks would be taking place.
As we are walking, I am noticing that my legs feel very wobbly, and my knees feel like they want to give out. It feels neat to walk with a long stride, dipping my butt towards the ground.
As we approach the park, the streets become more crowded. I notice the voices in the crowd mostly. I am hearing every conversation as if they are being directed towards me personally. I am noticing a change in the way I am seeing other people, like they are covered with shadows and dark spots due to the street lights shining from above.
We get to the park, and it is almost complete darkness. The crowd is thick and there is a concrete path that leads into the center. I remember feeling as if i am entering a mystical forest, and these mumbling voices that i hear are beckoning me to come along and follow the grey road...
The crowd is now getting onery, waiting for the show to begin, so there is alot of whistling and shouting going on. But to me, it is all blending together, like a wind of sound flowing out of the bushes and trees.
We eventually find a spot to sit, and wait for the fireworks to begin.
9:30pm--the show begins. I realize that i am more interested in the formations of the smoke from the fireworks then i am in the fireworks themselves. As i sit and watch, i am really feeling the effects of the mushrooms come on strong. After the show, the crowd rises, and there are people hustling everywhere. The 5 of us decide to just sit and wait for the crowd to thin out. As we sit there, i felt as if the 5 of us were in an orderly, calm world, and all outside of our bubble was pure chaos. Robots hustling all over the place with voided looks on their faces.
As the crowd thinned out, we decide to walk to J's, which was less than a mile away. As we are walking through the crowd, i feel as if we are puppets, moving steadily, yet awkwardly through the masses like we are being pulled by a string. Colors start to look super intense, and i said to J..."our world is 'technicolor'", he responded by saying..."wtf, it's real color", obviously not seeing things the way i was.
That statement is where the negativity began to consume me.
11pm--the walk took forever, but we finally arrived at J's, where he and L decide to take off to another party. I was somewhat upset by this, as I was forced to hang out with E and D for the rest of the trip. All I can say is the next hour is a blur. I was trapped in a world of negative mental torture, as E and D made my trip take a turn for the worse. I kept feeling all of my insecurities surface, and kept seeing everyone around me as ugly and distorted...enhancing all of their negative characteristics and bringing them to surface. Then, i would dwell on what i was doing, and how ridiculous it was that I was living the life I am living. I was having thoughts of hopelessness, of despair, like wtf am I doing with my life...
We were heading to meet up with B, who was just getting off of work, and to my surprise, this was the only thought that gave me hope. I could not control the horror that was occuring in my mind until I was around B. For some reason, his positive energy totally canceled out all of the negative feelings I was recieving from E and D. Being around him totally reset my karma back to its proper order, and everything became almost calm again. The main thing was, I was able to better control the bad feelings.
12:30am--we head back to J's house where he and L claim to be "going crazy". This also brought comfort to my mind, as I knew we would all be back together. However, when we get to J's (who BTW is my very very good buddy), I try to talk and tell him of the horrible feelings I am having, and he rudely brushes me off, as if it's not important right now. This finished me for the night. I hung out for a while, but couldn't get the bad thoughts about everyone out of my head, and was not in an environment that would allow me to sort these feelings out thoroughly. So, I decided to go home, and be by myself.
To cut this short, I will end here, due to the length of this post already. But to sum it all up, this night has impacted my thoughts about these people. Why does this happen? Is it an effect of the drug, or is it their "true colors"? And why would one person's positive energy be able to re-direct my trip from downhill to steady or uphill???
I guess, for me, some drugs are better left to experience alone.
[ 08 July 2002: Message edited by: nephil ]
The plan:::To ingest an 8th of mushrooms per person, along with some good friends, B, J, and L,
enjoy the fireworks in town, then head to J's house for a little party between all of us and some others.
The outcome:::An evening of personal chaos and mental trauma, spent with two not-so good friends...E and D.
8pm--Ingest an eighth of mushrooms with E and D, then meet up with J, B, and L at J's house.
8:30pm--Begin to feel different. I am noticing a silly, yet speedy like feeling consuming my body and mind. All in all I feel really good, and happy that I decided to partake, looking forward to the night. E is claiming to feel the mushrooms already as well. We then go to J's house to meet J and L, and we all proceed to walk to the park, where the fireworks would be taking place.
As we are walking, I am noticing that my legs feel very wobbly, and my knees feel like they want to give out. It feels neat to walk with a long stride, dipping my butt towards the ground.
As we approach the park, the streets become more crowded. I notice the voices in the crowd mostly. I am hearing every conversation as if they are being directed towards me personally. I am noticing a change in the way I am seeing other people, like they are covered with shadows and dark spots due to the street lights shining from above.
We get to the park, and it is almost complete darkness. The crowd is thick and there is a concrete path that leads into the center. I remember feeling as if i am entering a mystical forest, and these mumbling voices that i hear are beckoning me to come along and follow the grey road...
The crowd is now getting onery, waiting for the show to begin, so there is alot of whistling and shouting going on. But to me, it is all blending together, like a wind of sound flowing out of the bushes and trees.
We eventually find a spot to sit, and wait for the fireworks to begin.
9:30pm--the show begins. I realize that i am more interested in the formations of the smoke from the fireworks then i am in the fireworks themselves. As i sit and watch, i am really feeling the effects of the mushrooms come on strong. After the show, the crowd rises, and there are people hustling everywhere. The 5 of us decide to just sit and wait for the crowd to thin out. As we sit there, i felt as if the 5 of us were in an orderly, calm world, and all outside of our bubble was pure chaos. Robots hustling all over the place with voided looks on their faces.
As the crowd thinned out, we decide to walk to J's, which was less than a mile away. As we are walking through the crowd, i feel as if we are puppets, moving steadily, yet awkwardly through the masses like we are being pulled by a string. Colors start to look super intense, and i said to J..."our world is 'technicolor'", he responded by saying..."wtf, it's real color", obviously not seeing things the way i was.
That statement is where the negativity began to consume me.
11pm--the walk took forever, but we finally arrived at J's, where he and L decide to take off to another party. I was somewhat upset by this, as I was forced to hang out with E and D for the rest of the trip. All I can say is the next hour is a blur. I was trapped in a world of negative mental torture, as E and D made my trip take a turn for the worse. I kept feeling all of my insecurities surface, and kept seeing everyone around me as ugly and distorted...enhancing all of their negative characteristics and bringing them to surface. Then, i would dwell on what i was doing, and how ridiculous it was that I was living the life I am living. I was having thoughts of hopelessness, of despair, like wtf am I doing with my life...
We were heading to meet up with B, who was just getting off of work, and to my surprise, this was the only thought that gave me hope. I could not control the horror that was occuring in my mind until I was around B. For some reason, his positive energy totally canceled out all of the negative feelings I was recieving from E and D. Being around him totally reset my karma back to its proper order, and everything became almost calm again. The main thing was, I was able to better control the bad feelings.
12:30am--we head back to J's house where he and L claim to be "going crazy". This also brought comfort to my mind, as I knew we would all be back together. However, when we get to J's (who BTW is my very very good buddy), I try to talk and tell him of the horrible feelings I am having, and he rudely brushes me off, as if it's not important right now. This finished me for the night. I hung out for a while, but couldn't get the bad thoughts about everyone out of my head, and was not in an environment that would allow me to sort these feelings out thoroughly. So, I decided to go home, and be by myself.
To cut this short, I will end here, due to the length of this post already. But to sum it all up, this night has impacted my thoughts about these people. Why does this happen? Is it an effect of the drug, or is it their "true colors"? And why would one person's positive energy be able to re-direct my trip from downhill to steady or uphill???
I guess, for me, some drugs are better left to experience alone.
[ 08 July 2002: Message edited by: nephil ]
