Dan1584
Bluelighter
INTRODUCTION
Just to let you know a little about me. Recently over the past 8 months I have been experiencing what can only be described as bad anxiety. I guess my pill & meth adventures of last year took a toll on my chemistry and now I suffer from anxiety 24/7 slight panic attacks and this constant physical sensation of my heart beating in my chest. I still haven't gone to the doctor (can't afford it)...ANYWAY...since my anxiety started I have refrained from using drugs...the last time I used anything major was Ecstasy in April. Oh and the last time I tripped was October 8th 2002, it was my first mushroom experience and before that in April of 2002 was my first and only LSD experience...so really I am very inexperienced.
SUNDAY, AUGUST 17TH 2003
A friend of mine had got a hold of a quarter bag of home grown mushrooms from a friend of his at work. They were Psilocybe Cubensis, Thailand-Koh Samui Strain. My friend gave me an 1/8th, approx. 3.5g and then went home because he didn't feel like tripping. I was home alone and felt like having some fun since it has been almost a year since I had my last trip....stupid me...I should have remembered...good things come to those who wait...well that saying soon got thrown out the door....
I'm not even going to attempt to put things in exact order because everything is still really fuzzy. Anyway...at 11:24pm I ingested most of the 1/8th...I ate around 2 grams total...I wanted to start light since I was by myself and have anxiety...I should have know that my mindset wasn't ideal...
11:50 - I'm starting to feel very light...very strange like something is different but I can put my finger on it. I get online to distract myself because my anxiety is starting to flare up. I see my friend M online and talk to her telling her that I ate some shrooms...suddenly I got a rush of warm energy and the room started to slightly breath. The first thing strange I noticed was when I would stare at my keyboard it looked like it was trying to levitate...at this point my anxiety for some reason sky rocketted as my trip went into full effect. I told M that I wasn't feeling good and that I needed her to come over just in case I flipped...she told me she couldn't because her Dad blocked her car in with his and he was no home....I soon signed off and went into the living room.
After 12:30 my concept of time and space and reality had vanished. My anxiety was threw the roof. I felt consumed by fear, angst, and physical misery...my head felt like it was full of jelly and my body felt very unbalanced. I decided to lay down on the couch and watch MTV's animated Spider Man cartoon...as I layed down on the couch I stared at my surroundings I saw that my blinds on my sliding glass windows were wavying around like the window was open...but not window was open. I then looked at my ceiling (which is a popcorn textured ceiling if that makes any sense)...and I saw what looked like water flowing over it like white water rapids. I soon felt so uncomfortable...I felt like my skin was a really uncomfortable shirt...so I ran to my closet and pulled out all of my clothes and tried them all on, and the ones that felt gross on me I threw throughout my house...soon enough my house was covered in clothes. I ended up in just boxers...and soon enough I started walking through my house like a crazy person frantically thinkin "bad trip, bad trip, bad trip"
I finally stopped for a second and thought to myself "It's all in your head, this fear and tension is all just a mindfuck, fucking Relax!!!! Calm down and enjoy this...look around you everything is morphing...isn't this what you wanted!?" So I decided to go to the bathroom....this is where I lost my noggin. I looked at myself in the mirror and I look really deformed, almost like an alien...I then began to talk to myself in the mirror in a very over dramatic manner much like Jim Carrey saying things like "What are you doing here!? Do you understand my Name!? What, How, Why, Where"
I started getting really psycho when I started dancing in my bathroom making animal sounds while making faces at myself in the mirror. My face soon started to frea me out so I went in my room
I got in my room and thought "music!" thats what I need. So I popped in my trippy chill music of Ethneogenic's self titled album. I then layed down and tried to let go and have fun....the music sounded organic, very crisp and clear but alive like it was a living thing. I looked around and saw my poster on my wall waving around like a flag, I told it to stop and it laughed at me. My anxiety began to take over again and now I started to have a panic attack....my heart started racing, my skin went from cold to hot, cold to hot, I started breathing really quickly...I tried my best to calm me down but it wasn't working. I couldn't call my friends because they were all alseep and I would feel guilty if I woke them because of my dumb ass mistake.
Now the clock read 3:30 and that was after hours and hours of feeling like shit. Something deep down inside told me to get a peice of paper and pen and start writing...so I did...and it felt so good...I started writing my thoughts like they were doodles on paper and was drawing little pictures of how I was feeling (like smilie faces like we have here
8) )...writing brought me some concept of peace and it really helped passed the remaining hours....but I still felt crappy.
At 4:30 I started to come down and everything kinda felt dirty...so I went around and cleaned my house...I washed the dishes, collected my clothes and put them back in my closet, and straightend up the house because my Mom was comming home the next day. At the end of the night I took some melatonin pills and had a difficult and uneasy timing falling asleep, but I finally did.
REFLECTION
Needless to say I have learned soooooo much from my bad trip. I have learned that I need to start fighting my everyday anxiety and get myself to a doctor and get my chemistry back on task...once my anxiety is battled then I will consider tripping again, but until then...no way...not worth it even with friends and in a better setting, because my anxiety is just too uncontrollable. Bad trips....jeez now I understand, NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF MUSHROOMS!!!!!
Just to let you know a little about me. Recently over the past 8 months I have been experiencing what can only be described as bad anxiety. I guess my pill & meth adventures of last year took a toll on my chemistry and now I suffer from anxiety 24/7 slight panic attacks and this constant physical sensation of my heart beating in my chest. I still haven't gone to the doctor (can't afford it)...ANYWAY...since my anxiety started I have refrained from using drugs...the last time I used anything major was Ecstasy in April. Oh and the last time I tripped was October 8th 2002, it was my first mushroom experience and before that in April of 2002 was my first and only LSD experience...so really I am very inexperienced.
SUNDAY, AUGUST 17TH 2003
A friend of mine had got a hold of a quarter bag of home grown mushrooms from a friend of his at work. They were Psilocybe Cubensis, Thailand-Koh Samui Strain. My friend gave me an 1/8th, approx. 3.5g and then went home because he didn't feel like tripping. I was home alone and felt like having some fun since it has been almost a year since I had my last trip....stupid me...I should have remembered...good things come to those who wait...well that saying soon got thrown out the door....
I'm not even going to attempt to put things in exact order because everything is still really fuzzy. Anyway...at 11:24pm I ingested most of the 1/8th...I ate around 2 grams total...I wanted to start light since I was by myself and have anxiety...I should have know that my mindset wasn't ideal...
11:50 - I'm starting to feel very light...very strange like something is different but I can put my finger on it. I get online to distract myself because my anxiety is starting to flare up. I see my friend M online and talk to her telling her that I ate some shrooms...suddenly I got a rush of warm energy and the room started to slightly breath. The first thing strange I noticed was when I would stare at my keyboard it looked like it was trying to levitate...at this point my anxiety for some reason sky rocketted as my trip went into full effect. I told M that I wasn't feeling good and that I needed her to come over just in case I flipped...she told me she couldn't because her Dad blocked her car in with his and he was no home....I soon signed off and went into the living room.
After 12:30 my concept of time and space and reality had vanished. My anxiety was threw the roof. I felt consumed by fear, angst, and physical misery...my head felt like it was full of jelly and my body felt very unbalanced. I decided to lay down on the couch and watch MTV's animated Spider Man cartoon...as I layed down on the couch I stared at my surroundings I saw that my blinds on my sliding glass windows were wavying around like the window was open...but not window was open. I then looked at my ceiling (which is a popcorn textured ceiling if that makes any sense)...and I saw what looked like water flowing over it like white water rapids. I soon felt so uncomfortable...I felt like my skin was a really uncomfortable shirt...so I ran to my closet and pulled out all of my clothes and tried them all on, and the ones that felt gross on me I threw throughout my house...soon enough my house was covered in clothes. I ended up in just boxers...and soon enough I started walking through my house like a crazy person frantically thinkin "bad trip, bad trip, bad trip"
I finally stopped for a second and thought to myself "It's all in your head, this fear and tension is all just a mindfuck, fucking Relax!!!! Calm down and enjoy this...look around you everything is morphing...isn't this what you wanted!?" So I decided to go to the bathroom....this is where I lost my noggin. I looked at myself in the mirror and I look really deformed, almost like an alien...I then began to talk to myself in the mirror in a very over dramatic manner much like Jim Carrey saying things like "What are you doing here!? Do you understand my Name!? What, How, Why, Where"
I started getting really psycho when I started dancing in my bathroom making animal sounds while making faces at myself in the mirror. My face soon started to frea me out so I went in my room
I got in my room and thought "music!" thats what I need. So I popped in my trippy chill music of Ethneogenic's self titled album. I then layed down and tried to let go and have fun....the music sounded organic, very crisp and clear but alive like it was a living thing. I looked around and saw my poster on my wall waving around like a flag, I told it to stop and it laughed at me. My anxiety began to take over again and now I started to have a panic attack....my heart started racing, my skin went from cold to hot, cold to hot, I started breathing really quickly...I tried my best to calm me down but it wasn't working. I couldn't call my friends because they were all alseep and I would feel guilty if I woke them because of my dumb ass mistake.
Now the clock read 3:30 and that was after hours and hours of feeling like shit. Something deep down inside told me to get a peice of paper and pen and start writing...so I did...and it felt so good...I started writing my thoughts like they were doodles on paper and was drawing little pictures of how I was feeling (like smilie faces like we have here
8) )...writing brought me some concept of peace and it really helped passed the remaining hours....but I still felt crappy.At 4:30 I started to come down and everything kinda felt dirty...so I went around and cleaned my house...I washed the dishes, collected my clothes and put them back in my closet, and straightend up the house because my Mom was comming home the next day. At the end of the night I took some melatonin pills and had a difficult and uneasy timing falling asleep, but I finally did.
REFLECTION
Needless to say I have learned soooooo much from my bad trip. I have learned that I need to start fighting my everyday anxiety and get myself to a doctor and get my chemistry back on task...once my anxiety is battled then I will consider tripping again, but until then...no way...not worth it even with friends and in a better setting, because my anxiety is just too uncontrollable. Bad trips....jeez now I understand, NEVER UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF MUSHROOMS!!!!!
