Okay, so I guess I should talk about the past two or three days before I took the mushrooms. My friend had been binging on cocaine. I do not really approve of cocaine and I did not like her doing it much, since she has an addictive personality. She would stay up late and listen to oldies and play spider solitaire. I had let her come over since I was not really sleeping the night before. The next day, we decided to take shrooms...
The day I came over she was still acting uppity and jittery and I thought she had done a lot of cocaine earlier, but I knew she had ran out of it so I didn't care too much about it. When she was making pasta for us, she was acting neurotic because the water was boiling and bubbling over the pot and she was acting like some cokehead. She also told me how she lost five lbs and she would have to eat a lot to gain it back. She was also in a bad mood because she wanted to have sex and so she would keep talking about that too. We took the shrooms (I ate 1/16 and she ate half of a 1/16 and the ni ate the rest of hers later) and then sat down to watch tv. I could not concentrate on the tv and I couldn't even finish my mac n cheese it did not appeal to me so I gave it to my friend.
We finally went outside and I was excited because it was really beautiful. It was sunny and windy and there were trees and flowers and people and animals everywhere. We walked to this school where we found a baby bird in the grass. She kept talking about wanting sex and cocaine which kind of bothered me. When we were walking a car passed by and some guys were telling us to come to a party and they were offering us alcohol and my friend really wanted to go but I pulled her away. I also kept thinking about this event and I thought it was so stupid. She said we would still have fun and eventually we did when we were just playing around and laughing and everything and I could not stop smiling. I was thinking it was weird that we were having fun because we were on completely different wavelengths. She wanted sex and cocaine and I wanted to enjoy my first shroom trip which I had been anticipating for awhile. We laughed about it, and then bought some candy. When I was in the store, I could not act normal because I kept thinking about how I should act normal but i kept smiling and then I got embarrassed because I did not want anyone to know I was on mushrooms. We left and sat on the curb and we were laughing and having fun but I was getting more paranoid because I did not want people to think I was on mushrooms I don't know why I cared so much.
My friend coughed up a bunch of mucus and then commented on how it was worth a lot which brought me back to the whole cocaine thing. Anyway we finally got back home and I felt like I wanted to be alone and that I didn't really feel like laughing. We sat down and watched tv and she turned on some movie where it was over and some funky music was playing. I was having fun because the music sounded nice.
When the movie was over, my friend turned on a movie where people were snorting cocaine and making out and I kept watching her watch it and I thought she was really stupid and I thought the tv was stupid and I started analyzing her and thinking about how she wanted to be like the people on tv and how the tv was so fake and how everyone on the tv is always smiling or something cuz before there were all these people laughing on the tv and I kept thinking it was so fake and stupid. I left my friend because I did not want to watch the cocaine people so I went to her room. I was lying on her bed and I kept thinking in loops about her and cocaine and the tv and fake people and how I was having a bad trip and I started crying because I kept thinking about how she would turn into some cokehead and I wouldn't have any fun hanging out with anyone and I wanted to talk to someone so bad but I didn't have anyone to talk to. I wanted to call my mom but I couldn't. I couldn't talk to anyone because I didn't want to explain it to anyone and I coudn't talk to anyone about the cocaine.
My friend came in and she was talking on her phone and I thought she didn't care about me at all and I thought she was gonna get more cocaine. She was telling me she was talking to our friend on the phone but i didn't believe her I thought she was talking to the dealer and that she was lying to me.
Then she came over and sat next to me and started playing spider solitaire and oldies and so it made me even sadder and I didn't want to sit next to her so I went away and I cried for a long time and I was going crazy and my mind was going in loops. She asked me if I was okay and I said no and I started crying and telling her I was gonna go crazy and that she was gonna turn into a cokehead.
We talked about it for awhile and I felt better but I guess it just ruined my whole trip I still felt very sad and emotional and I just wanted to go home, I kept thinking that everything was stupid and fake and that I had nobody to talk to. I guess it was a bad idea to do it with her because of the state of mind she was in after her coke binge. I know she cares about me and I know she just was not in a good mood and I understand that. I'm glad that she tried to comfort me but I know that she herself wasn't in the best state of mind and so that probably contributed to the bad trip.
At the end of the night I felt tired but I could not sleep and I was still crying every now and then and my mind kept going in loops I kept thinking about everything. I also felt a sense of boredom, like I wondered how people had fun and how mushrooms could be fun. I have lots of friends but when I was thinking about it last night it just felt like I had no one.
In short, I'm not sure if I will try mushrooms again. If I do them, I will have to make sure that the I and the people I do it with are at a settled state of mind.
The day I came over she was still acting uppity and jittery and I thought she had done a lot of cocaine earlier, but I knew she had ran out of it so I didn't care too much about it. When she was making pasta for us, she was acting neurotic because the water was boiling and bubbling over the pot and she was acting like some cokehead. She also told me how she lost five lbs and she would have to eat a lot to gain it back. She was also in a bad mood because she wanted to have sex and so she would keep talking about that too. We took the shrooms (I ate 1/16 and she ate half of a 1/16 and the ni ate the rest of hers later) and then sat down to watch tv. I could not concentrate on the tv and I couldn't even finish my mac n cheese it did not appeal to me so I gave it to my friend.
We finally went outside and I was excited because it was really beautiful. It was sunny and windy and there were trees and flowers and people and animals everywhere. We walked to this school where we found a baby bird in the grass. She kept talking about wanting sex and cocaine which kind of bothered me. When we were walking a car passed by and some guys were telling us to come to a party and they were offering us alcohol and my friend really wanted to go but I pulled her away. I also kept thinking about this event and I thought it was so stupid. She said we would still have fun and eventually we did when we were just playing around and laughing and everything and I could not stop smiling. I was thinking it was weird that we were having fun because we were on completely different wavelengths. She wanted sex and cocaine and I wanted to enjoy my first shroom trip which I had been anticipating for awhile. We laughed about it, and then bought some candy. When I was in the store, I could not act normal because I kept thinking about how I should act normal but i kept smiling and then I got embarrassed because I did not want anyone to know I was on mushrooms. We left and sat on the curb and we were laughing and having fun but I was getting more paranoid because I did not want people to think I was on mushrooms I don't know why I cared so much.
My friend coughed up a bunch of mucus and then commented on how it was worth a lot which brought me back to the whole cocaine thing. Anyway we finally got back home and I felt like I wanted to be alone and that I didn't really feel like laughing. We sat down and watched tv and she turned on some movie where it was over and some funky music was playing. I was having fun because the music sounded nice.
When the movie was over, my friend turned on a movie where people were snorting cocaine and making out and I kept watching her watch it and I thought she was really stupid and I thought the tv was stupid and I started analyzing her and thinking about how she wanted to be like the people on tv and how the tv was so fake and how everyone on the tv is always smiling or something cuz before there were all these people laughing on the tv and I kept thinking it was so fake and stupid. I left my friend because I did not want to watch the cocaine people so I went to her room. I was lying on her bed and I kept thinking in loops about her and cocaine and the tv and fake people and how I was having a bad trip and I started crying because I kept thinking about how she would turn into some cokehead and I wouldn't have any fun hanging out with anyone and I wanted to talk to someone so bad but I didn't have anyone to talk to. I wanted to call my mom but I couldn't. I couldn't talk to anyone because I didn't want to explain it to anyone and I coudn't talk to anyone about the cocaine.
My friend came in and she was talking on her phone and I thought she didn't care about me at all and I thought she was gonna get more cocaine. She was telling me she was talking to our friend on the phone but i didn't believe her I thought she was talking to the dealer and that she was lying to me.
Then she came over and sat next to me and started playing spider solitaire and oldies and so it made me even sadder and I didn't want to sit next to her so I went away and I cried for a long time and I was going crazy and my mind was going in loops. She asked me if I was okay and I said no and I started crying and telling her I was gonna go crazy and that she was gonna turn into a cokehead.
We talked about it for awhile and I felt better but I guess it just ruined my whole trip I still felt very sad and emotional and I just wanted to go home, I kept thinking that everything was stupid and fake and that I had nobody to talk to. I guess it was a bad idea to do it with her because of the state of mind she was in after her coke binge. I know she cares about me and I know she just was not in a good mood and I understand that. I'm glad that she tried to comfort me but I know that she herself wasn't in the best state of mind and so that probably contributed to the bad trip.
At the end of the night I felt tired but I could not sleep and I was still crying every now and then and my mind kept going in loops I kept thinking about everything. I also felt a sense of boredom, like I wondered how people had fun and how mushrooms could be fun. I have lots of friends but when I was thinking about it last night it just felt like I had no one.
In short, I'm not sure if I will try mushrooms again. If I do them, I will have to make sure that the I and the people I do it with are at a settled state of mind.
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