So this was my fifth time tripping on shrooms. Every previous trip had been accompanied by fear/paranoia at some point, but when I got over it the trip would be very fun and enlightening, not this trip though.
I was so excited to take the shrooms that when we put them in the blender to make or orange juice/shrooms smoothie, I didn't even pay attention to how much we had. They were sold as a little less than two eighths. Now that I look back on it, I could have ingested anywhere from 6-8 grams. I knew I had made a big mistake when I started noticing open eye visuals only minutes after finishing the drink. I can only recall very little of what followed in the next 6 hours.
I became very paranoid and preoccupied with the idea of death. I had not been in a great mindstate the previous few days, and I know I shouldn't have taken the shrooms. I was with one friend who began doing things which I cannot rationalize. I came to the conclusion that he was my guardian angel or god or something similar. He would be walking around swing a bat pretending to hit baseballs and it seemed like he was doing miraculous things. He would move and take a swing and when my eyes caught up with him again they would immediately move to look directly above him, and everytime this happened it seemed he ended up standing under a cloud, like a halo. I thought he had completely control over this and thats where my entire reality left me and it was like I had been alive for all my life, but everything I had ever learned meant nothing.
Due to my depressed state I did some self-reflection, which made thigns so much worse, I hated every part of myself. This got me to thinking that it was judgement day. And that I still might have a chance to redeem myself. Now let me make it clear that I in no way believe in God, Satan, Heaven, or Hell. But for some reason it seemed like I was going to pay for not believing.
The trippiest, most real, frightening part of the experience happened when we proceeded to play some paddle tennis, which is like tennis just played on a court about a third the size of a normal one. I thought that my friend was using the game to teach me how to live a happy life. And that all I had to do was have fun, and not think to much about anything. So I started hitting the ball with no technique or thinking whatsoever. It felt like a noodle, I would just loosely swing my arm and hit the ball perfect almost everytime. I felt like I was doing nothing but just flailing around, that had me convinced the real world was gone forever.
The rest of the trip I was just confused as hell trying to pass "test" after test after test. All I did was worry the whole time whether I was going to spend eternity in this awful mind state (which it felt like I WAS doing at the time) or if I'd spend it in complete and utter bliss. There were parts where I didn't know where the past hour had gone, then parts where seconds seemed like years. I also predicted the future at some points, or so I thought I was predicting it.
I finally came down after about 7 hours to something that resembled a world I had once known in a past lifetime. Those 7 hours were the most signicant in my life. All my time before, and seemingly after, pales in comparison to what went on then. Now the problem is that my feelings tell me that I did actually experience what was going on, all the supernatural aspects. But my logic KNOWS that I just ingested a large amount of a chemical that can severly alter ones perception for a period of time. I dont think the problem is so much that I don't know what is reality or not, but that this experience is going to stick with me, and keep me thinking "how the fuck did that happen?". The future seems to hold nothing for me, like that I have acquired true knowldge of existence...that it doesn't really MEAN anything. All life is is an illusion, sure we don't know why things are the way they are, but the fact is that they exist, and for the same reason we do. Which is things just turned out this way. There is no big plan, no eternal happiness, or sadness for that matter. You live, do what you do, die, then you just go to sleep and never wake up.
I know this sounds extremely pessimistic, and that in a few days my outlook will probably improve somewhat. But for now I am just miserable. I'd like to hear from someone who's gone through something like this and tell me how and if you recovered and how long it took. Or how I can use this experience to learn from and improve the quality of life. Thank you for reading. And if this is better suited in The Dark Side, feel free to move it, I just figured I'd hear from more experienced psychonauts in this forum,
Edited title to meet forum standards.
[ 24 August 2002: Message edited by: shannabanana ]
I was so excited to take the shrooms that when we put them in the blender to make or orange juice/shrooms smoothie, I didn't even pay attention to how much we had. They were sold as a little less than two eighths. Now that I look back on it, I could have ingested anywhere from 6-8 grams. I knew I had made a big mistake when I started noticing open eye visuals only minutes after finishing the drink. I can only recall very little of what followed in the next 6 hours.
I became very paranoid and preoccupied with the idea of death. I had not been in a great mindstate the previous few days, and I know I shouldn't have taken the shrooms. I was with one friend who began doing things which I cannot rationalize. I came to the conclusion that he was my guardian angel or god or something similar. He would be walking around swing a bat pretending to hit baseballs and it seemed like he was doing miraculous things. He would move and take a swing and when my eyes caught up with him again they would immediately move to look directly above him, and everytime this happened it seemed he ended up standing under a cloud, like a halo. I thought he had completely control over this and thats where my entire reality left me and it was like I had been alive for all my life, but everything I had ever learned meant nothing.
Due to my depressed state I did some self-reflection, which made thigns so much worse, I hated every part of myself. This got me to thinking that it was judgement day. And that I still might have a chance to redeem myself. Now let me make it clear that I in no way believe in God, Satan, Heaven, or Hell. But for some reason it seemed like I was going to pay for not believing.
The trippiest, most real, frightening part of the experience happened when we proceeded to play some paddle tennis, which is like tennis just played on a court about a third the size of a normal one. I thought that my friend was using the game to teach me how to live a happy life. And that all I had to do was have fun, and not think to much about anything. So I started hitting the ball with no technique or thinking whatsoever. It felt like a noodle, I would just loosely swing my arm and hit the ball perfect almost everytime. I felt like I was doing nothing but just flailing around, that had me convinced the real world was gone forever.
The rest of the trip I was just confused as hell trying to pass "test" after test after test. All I did was worry the whole time whether I was going to spend eternity in this awful mind state (which it felt like I WAS doing at the time) or if I'd spend it in complete and utter bliss. There were parts where I didn't know where the past hour had gone, then parts where seconds seemed like years. I also predicted the future at some points, or so I thought I was predicting it.
I finally came down after about 7 hours to something that resembled a world I had once known in a past lifetime. Those 7 hours were the most signicant in my life. All my time before, and seemingly after, pales in comparison to what went on then. Now the problem is that my feelings tell me that I did actually experience what was going on, all the supernatural aspects. But my logic KNOWS that I just ingested a large amount of a chemical that can severly alter ones perception for a period of time. I dont think the problem is so much that I don't know what is reality or not, but that this experience is going to stick with me, and keep me thinking "how the fuck did that happen?". The future seems to hold nothing for me, like that I have acquired true knowldge of existence...that it doesn't really MEAN anything. All life is is an illusion, sure we don't know why things are the way they are, but the fact is that they exist, and for the same reason we do. Which is things just turned out this way. There is no big plan, no eternal happiness, or sadness for that matter. You live, do what you do, die, then you just go to sleep and never wake up.
I know this sounds extremely pessimistic, and that in a few days my outlook will probably improve somewhat. But for now I am just miserable. I'd like to hear from someone who's gone through something like this and tell me how and if you recovered and how long it took. Or how I can use this experience to learn from and improve the quality of life. Thank you for reading. And if this is better suited in The Dark Side, feel free to move it, I just figured I'd hear from more experienced psychonauts in this forum,
Edited title to meet forum standards.
[ 24 August 2002: Message edited by: shannabanana ]
