Mental preparation.
You must remember this. Do not overhype the moment. Do not worry too much. Relax and let yourself drift.
The first time I had done mushrooms, I had had a glowing time. Nothing too mind blowing or exciting, and I felt good enough after to consider doing it again. I had taken just over a gram the first time (estimated upon dosage, weighed upon purchase) leaving me another gram or so left for another night out. It was mostly powder though...perhaps the magic of my second trip lies in that? (Anyone have any suggestions on how much I actually took? I asked a friend the other day if he could remember what species he sold me, he could not, unfortunately)
A week after my first trip, I decided to use up what I had left. I was leaving on a solo three month trip to Asia in the next two weeks, and didn't want any illegal material hiding in my room for anyone to find. (which was a good plan, for my mom very kindly redesigned my closet while I was away and would have been digging around my hiding space!)
It was a spontaneous spur of the moment thing, and I was frankly more concerned about using the shrooms up as opposed to having a good time. I had a very relaxed, no expectations attitude going into the night.
I was hanging out with a few friends that night, going to see a favorite live techno band (The New Deal) at a favorite club...relaxed, comfortable setting. After eating a bit of pizza, I went to pick up my friend and informed her I would be taking off that night, so to speak.
I showed her what I had left and she doubted the amount. "Are you even going to feel anything on that?" I was adamant I'd atleast feel half as good as my first time (ah, reflections on the second tab of X I took after that magical first time) and told her it didn't even really matter anyhow. Seeds of doubt were planted, though, and my expecations for how high I'd feel fell even lower. At most, I expected to feel tingles for an hour or so.
My friend and I took off, and went to a sad little bar beside the club to chill out and wait for my brother. We each sipped on a beer, and I took off to the women's washroom to take my dose at approximately 10:20pm.
The ziploc bag, jammed, crumpled and twisted, had really crunched up the poor little guys. I had a few big stalks and an awful lot of powder...good, in hindsight. I took the bag and just inhaled into my mouth what was left. It's strange, maybe, but I enjoy the taste of the mushrooms, reminds me of grass or hay. I had a good little paste going due to the large amount of powder, and had to swallow that with some water, and headed back out to the bar floor. I had wished I had parachuted it...is that very successful in a situation like that? My friend raised her eyebrows, I nodded, and slugged my beer back.
About 10 minutes later, we head out and meet my brother. To give some background, this was the first real time I'd been out with my brother in a bar, ever. He was totally unaware I was high, or that I'd ever been high. He's not a bar kinda guy, but I figured he might like to come out, as he gets along with my friends. I'm his big sister and 22 years old.
We waited in line, and things were progressing well. The rest of my friends were 2 people behind us, and the lineup was moving smoothly. Then...*bang*...guestlist people. About 25 people show up from NOWHERE, and hold up the line. The kids on the list are pretty young, and inexperienced, not used to the unusual alley entrance you take to get into the club. They are there for some birthday party. I feel superior in a way, but not too egotistical. I wish they could feel what I was so they would stop complaining about the wait to get in and stop rubbing it in that they are on the guestlist. As they talk, loudly, I realize they have no idea who the band is that is playing. That's when I start to get all giggly...not so much impatient though. I'm feeling a bit fuzzy, happy, not as cold as I should be for the snowy weather we were having.
FINALLY get in at around 11pm, and I'm like a hound from hell, running to the dance floor. I'm in that state of awe when something first hits me...the "wow" feeling. No where near the good stuff, but feeling alright. I grab a double gin and tonic and sip on it periodically. It's not a drinking night, but I need something to hold onto as my hands tend to float away and clench if I'm not careful.
I talk to some people I know, walk around and explore as I often do. The music makes me feel like I'm tunnelling under the club. I'm trying to walk through the packed room, and am misjudging people's distances. My brother asks me why I'm meandering and walking strange. I stop and start in the crowd, unsure if they have stopped moving or if...oh wait, It's me, I realize as people shove past me. I understand now that this clausterphobia and closeness is common from doing mushrooms indoors or in a tight area.
I'm chattier with people. Especially with my brother... We were standing at the back of the room and he said something very out of character. It made me, in my messed up mind, think he had taken something as well. I feel incredible relief and start to tell him about how "I'm on something" and, due to the loud music, he mishears me.
I freak out and tell him "I *once* took some stuff, you know" and he gets very disapproving and upset. He's 2 years my junior, but is a paramedic and does not believe in drug use at all. He starts to tell me about how he used to look up to me, and how I'm a bad person...I immediately think of that phrase "She's someone's daughter"
I run away, down to the bathroom. My female friend comes with me, and I stare at myself in the mirror for a while. The mirror is pulsing. I take my curly hair down from it's ponytail, and admire it's fluffiness. I touch it, and it's like the seeds that come off of a dandelion or pussywillow. My shirt deepens in color to be a dark pink, and my eyes look interminably green..the bits I can see around my pupils anyhow. Water from the tap is a fresh babbling brook.
I then race back upstairs after my friend calms me, and we chomp down on some strong gum. The menthol comforts and lifts me up, and I feel better.
Then at around 12:30, I see my ex boyfriend across the room.
I had broken up with him a few months previous, and he had taken it hard. It was not a good breakup, as they say. All of my friends and my brother go to talk to him. I stand in a corner, wondering what to do. I don't want to give him the wrong impression, but at the same time, I want to feel familiar and comforted by his presence, and I also am battling sympathetic feelings towards him. The emotions were overwheming. Looking back, if I had known both him and my brother were going to be there, I would not have gone, let alone gone shroomed up!
Finally a little while later, friend in tow, I go talk to him. I tell him right up front that I'm high, just to cover my ass for anything I may say or do. The music is pulsing through my body, and I'm trying not to run to the dance floor. Smells of weed and cologne are intoxicating, distracting. He's got a notebook and a pen, and I write for a bit. I don't end up talking too much, but mostly talk around him to others and my friends.
I leave him, and try to focus on the feelings of deja vu I'm battling rather than the guilt over the breakup. I'm living out a dream I had had 2 nights previous about a waterfall and zoo, and want to try and tell someone, but can't explain it well enough. Time is racing beyond me, but I feel stuck in a zone.
My brother, friend and I go to sit down. People (well, guys) walk past and grin at me, and only me, I feel. We are sitting under a blue light, and I turn to talk to my brother. I stare at him, without blinking and he mentions it. He does not notice my pupil dilation. As I stare at him, he turns into some sort of toad..his skin a slight green/blue, and his acne red warts. It reminded me of Toad from "X Men". I was really freaked out and instead concentrated on some gridding that was happening beyond him on a fence/barrier to the dance floor below. I got past the bad moment.
My vision was splitting a bit, and I was only able to hear half of what was going on at my table, as other people's conversations seemed to be coming in loud and clear.
I then went to dance...and dance...and dance. Everytime I closed my eyes, it's as if vines were growing over them. Ice crystals formed once, and the light I saw when I opened my eyes refracted more and more. I didn't necessarily feel like I was acting strange, but felt like others were. I thought almost everyone was high on something, and that everyone who looked at me knew I was, too. It was a sort of paranoia, and also like some sort of comraderie and secret society sort of thing. I hadn't felt that way since going to an afterhours club for the first time.
As the night went on, I came down a little more, it wasn't a drop out of the sky episode. 3 hours later, I was pretty much sober again, although really tired. I tried to eat at a diner with my brother and friend around 2:30am, but found the people there too strange and the food too gross to eat.
The next day, after a good sleep, I felt great. A few memory problems in the next few days, but I have a bad memory anyhow.
It was a great night though. The dream sequencing, the music, the friends (for the most part). A disclosure my brother made to me later in the car about choices in his own life... Thinking back now, almost 7 months later, I can only recall acknowledging one other female there the entire night, even though I'm positive there were other women there. I only remember the guys. Strange, eh?
You must remember this. Do not overhype the moment. Do not worry too much. Relax and let yourself drift.
The first time I had done mushrooms, I had had a glowing time. Nothing too mind blowing or exciting, and I felt good enough after to consider doing it again. I had taken just over a gram the first time (estimated upon dosage, weighed upon purchase) leaving me another gram or so left for another night out. It was mostly powder though...perhaps the magic of my second trip lies in that? (Anyone have any suggestions on how much I actually took? I asked a friend the other day if he could remember what species he sold me, he could not, unfortunately)
A week after my first trip, I decided to use up what I had left. I was leaving on a solo three month trip to Asia in the next two weeks, and didn't want any illegal material hiding in my room for anyone to find. (which was a good plan, for my mom very kindly redesigned my closet while I was away and would have been digging around my hiding space!)
It was a spontaneous spur of the moment thing, and I was frankly more concerned about using the shrooms up as opposed to having a good time. I had a very relaxed, no expectations attitude going into the night.
I was hanging out with a few friends that night, going to see a favorite live techno band (The New Deal) at a favorite club...relaxed, comfortable setting. After eating a bit of pizza, I went to pick up my friend and informed her I would be taking off that night, so to speak.
I showed her what I had left and she doubted the amount. "Are you even going to feel anything on that?" I was adamant I'd atleast feel half as good as my first time (ah, reflections on the second tab of X I took after that magical first time) and told her it didn't even really matter anyhow. Seeds of doubt were planted, though, and my expecations for how high I'd feel fell even lower. At most, I expected to feel tingles for an hour or so.
My friend and I took off, and went to a sad little bar beside the club to chill out and wait for my brother. We each sipped on a beer, and I took off to the women's washroom to take my dose at approximately 10:20pm.
The ziploc bag, jammed, crumpled and twisted, had really crunched up the poor little guys. I had a few big stalks and an awful lot of powder...good, in hindsight. I took the bag and just inhaled into my mouth what was left. It's strange, maybe, but I enjoy the taste of the mushrooms, reminds me of grass or hay. I had a good little paste going due to the large amount of powder, and had to swallow that with some water, and headed back out to the bar floor. I had wished I had parachuted it...is that very successful in a situation like that? My friend raised her eyebrows, I nodded, and slugged my beer back.
About 10 minutes later, we head out and meet my brother. To give some background, this was the first real time I'd been out with my brother in a bar, ever. He was totally unaware I was high, or that I'd ever been high. He's not a bar kinda guy, but I figured he might like to come out, as he gets along with my friends. I'm his big sister and 22 years old.
We waited in line, and things were progressing well. The rest of my friends were 2 people behind us, and the lineup was moving smoothly. Then...*bang*...guestlist people. About 25 people show up from NOWHERE, and hold up the line. The kids on the list are pretty young, and inexperienced, not used to the unusual alley entrance you take to get into the club. They are there for some birthday party. I feel superior in a way, but not too egotistical. I wish they could feel what I was so they would stop complaining about the wait to get in and stop rubbing it in that they are on the guestlist. As they talk, loudly, I realize they have no idea who the band is that is playing. That's when I start to get all giggly...not so much impatient though. I'm feeling a bit fuzzy, happy, not as cold as I should be for the snowy weather we were having.
FINALLY get in at around 11pm, and I'm like a hound from hell, running to the dance floor. I'm in that state of awe when something first hits me...the "wow" feeling. No where near the good stuff, but feeling alright. I grab a double gin and tonic and sip on it periodically. It's not a drinking night, but I need something to hold onto as my hands tend to float away and clench if I'm not careful.
I talk to some people I know, walk around and explore as I often do. The music makes me feel like I'm tunnelling under the club. I'm trying to walk through the packed room, and am misjudging people's distances. My brother asks me why I'm meandering and walking strange. I stop and start in the crowd, unsure if they have stopped moving or if...oh wait, It's me, I realize as people shove past me. I understand now that this clausterphobia and closeness is common from doing mushrooms indoors or in a tight area.
I'm chattier with people. Especially with my brother... We were standing at the back of the room and he said something very out of character. It made me, in my messed up mind, think he had taken something as well. I feel incredible relief and start to tell him about how "I'm on something" and, due to the loud music, he mishears me.
I freak out and tell him "I *once* took some stuff, you know" and he gets very disapproving and upset. He's 2 years my junior, but is a paramedic and does not believe in drug use at all. He starts to tell me about how he used to look up to me, and how I'm a bad person...I immediately think of that phrase "She's someone's daughter"
I run away, down to the bathroom. My female friend comes with me, and I stare at myself in the mirror for a while. The mirror is pulsing. I take my curly hair down from it's ponytail, and admire it's fluffiness. I touch it, and it's like the seeds that come off of a dandelion or pussywillow. My shirt deepens in color to be a dark pink, and my eyes look interminably green..the bits I can see around my pupils anyhow. Water from the tap is a fresh babbling brook.
I then race back upstairs after my friend calms me, and we chomp down on some strong gum. The menthol comforts and lifts me up, and I feel better.
Then at around 12:30, I see my ex boyfriend across the room.
I had broken up with him a few months previous, and he had taken it hard. It was not a good breakup, as they say. All of my friends and my brother go to talk to him. I stand in a corner, wondering what to do. I don't want to give him the wrong impression, but at the same time, I want to feel familiar and comforted by his presence, and I also am battling sympathetic feelings towards him. The emotions were overwheming. Looking back, if I had known both him and my brother were going to be there, I would not have gone, let alone gone shroomed up!
Finally a little while later, friend in tow, I go talk to him. I tell him right up front that I'm high, just to cover my ass for anything I may say or do. The music is pulsing through my body, and I'm trying not to run to the dance floor. Smells of weed and cologne are intoxicating, distracting. He's got a notebook and a pen, and I write for a bit. I don't end up talking too much, but mostly talk around him to others and my friends.
I leave him, and try to focus on the feelings of deja vu I'm battling rather than the guilt over the breakup. I'm living out a dream I had had 2 nights previous about a waterfall and zoo, and want to try and tell someone, but can't explain it well enough. Time is racing beyond me, but I feel stuck in a zone.
My brother, friend and I go to sit down. People (well, guys) walk past and grin at me, and only me, I feel. We are sitting under a blue light, and I turn to talk to my brother. I stare at him, without blinking and he mentions it. He does not notice my pupil dilation. As I stare at him, he turns into some sort of toad..his skin a slight green/blue, and his acne red warts. It reminded me of Toad from "X Men". I was really freaked out and instead concentrated on some gridding that was happening beyond him on a fence/barrier to the dance floor below. I got past the bad moment.
My vision was splitting a bit, and I was only able to hear half of what was going on at my table, as other people's conversations seemed to be coming in loud and clear.
I then went to dance...and dance...and dance. Everytime I closed my eyes, it's as if vines were growing over them. Ice crystals formed once, and the light I saw when I opened my eyes refracted more and more. I didn't necessarily feel like I was acting strange, but felt like others were. I thought almost everyone was high on something, and that everyone who looked at me knew I was, too. It was a sort of paranoia, and also like some sort of comraderie and secret society sort of thing. I hadn't felt that way since going to an afterhours club for the first time.
As the night went on, I came down a little more, it wasn't a drop out of the sky episode. 3 hours later, I was pretty much sober again, although really tired. I tried to eat at a diner with my brother and friend around 2:30am, but found the people there too strange and the food too gross to eat.
The next day, after a good sleep, I felt great. A few memory problems in the next few days, but I have a bad memory anyhow.
It was a great night though. The dream sequencing, the music, the friends (for the most part). A disclosure my brother made to me later in the car about choices in his own life... Thinking back now, almost 7 months later, I can only recall acknowledging one other female there the entire night, even though I'm positive there were other women there. I only remember the guys. Strange, eh?
