more thoughts of suicide

[toomuchpain]

im having continuous thoughts of suicide, knowing that once i get my refill of ambien plus my valium and serequol, on top with some liquor i know ill finally be able to kill myself, it will be my 3rd attempt.

i try so hard, so incredibly hard to do better and nothing positive comes back to me, and thats something thats killing me inside, than i start to think about what good am i here for?

 

[BananasAndOranges]

I feel you man. I dont know what to do anymore. RIght now im praying I didnt sniff to much shit. I feel very very uncofortable..its 2am...fu ck

 

[Sweet P]

Don't do it. I've tried to kill myself countless times (literally, more times than I can remember... I'm well-known at the emergency department) by overdosing on benzos/z-drugs and alcohol, and each time I've woken up in hospital. I'm in a similar situation to you. To put it bluntly, my life fucking sucks and I can feel the years ticking by. But hang in there. You never know what's around the corner in life. Things can and do improve.

 

[versd]

abuse of all your prescribed drugs and alcohol on top of that can contribute to your instability and increase the number of thoughts youre having of suicide. the fact that you are coming here and speaking about it indicates that you would like some help. please go and ask for help, for someone to speak to. find the strength, perhaps with the help of others to address this by not getting your repeat, or for someone to hold onto your script and dispense properly.

the road back from depression and suicidal thoughts is immensely difficult, you have to hold that hope inside no matter what, and there are moments where many of us have lost that hope. look around you and look here on bluelight, try the search function here in the TDS, there are many people here who have been in a difficult place like you are right now, seeing no other way out despite continued efforts to pursue a positive life. there are stories of getting through these times. try to hold onto the same hope and get some help which directly addresses your issues.

 

[Jekyll and Hyde]

Don't do it. I've tried to kill myself countless times (literally, more times than I can remember... I'm well-known at the emergency department) by overdosing on benzos/z-drugs and alcohol, and each time I've woken up in hospital. I'm in a similar situation to you. To put it bluntly, my life fucking sucks and I can feel the years ticking by. But hang in there. You never know what's around the corner in life. Things can and do improve.

I've been there, and all it got me was a one week paid vacation to the hospital's lock down psych ward. It was so miserable.

 

[Sweet P]

^ You're lucky it was still part of the general hospital. I've been shipped off to a separate high-security psychiatric facility a few times, cos I was deemed an "immediate threat to myself and others." Last time it took 6 cops to take me there, handcuffed, ankle-tied, and a spit hood over my head. I got a few punches and kicks in though.

 

[Jekyll and Hyde]

^ You're lucky it was still part of the general hospital. I've been shipped off to a separate high-security psychiatric facility a few times, cos I was deemed an "immediate threat to myself and others." Last time it took 6 cops to take me there, handcuffed, ankle-tied, and a spit hood over my head. I got a few punches and kicks in though.

Ha, I was still really out of it from all the klonopin I took that I didn't realize what they were doing to me. The next thing I knew was that they took my sneakers and any clothing I had with strings on it.

 

[woamotive]

I think a lot of us can relate to how you're feeling. A lot lately I've been feeling the same way. Each night it's the worst-finding myself all alone, lying in my bed screaming into my pillow, crying like a baby and feeling like shit for it. It's scary, closing your eyes and feeling like you're going to nod out and not wake up. At the same time you think, would it be a relief ? Not just for you but for everyone else that has to DEAL with your shit ?

But that's irrational. There will be better days. It's total cliche but true. Things will get better. For you, for me, for us all. If we choose to live we can choose to change our lives. Keep your chin up. Take your pills as prescribed...and 'keep on truckin'. Make yourself useful. Talk to people. I hope you're doing alright today...

 

[graugeist]

im having continuous thoughts of suicide, knowing that once i get my refill of ambien plus my valium and serequol, on top with some liquor i know ill finally be able to kill myself, it will be my 3rd attempt.

i try so hard, so incredibly hard to do better and nothing positive comes back to me, and thats something thats killing me inside, than i start to think about what good am i here for?

Have you considered that you might fail in your attempt and wake up with irreversible brain damage or some other nasty souvenir? Such things are, unfortunately, quite common. It isn't worth killing yourself over. I tried to kill myself once and I am very glad that I woke up the next day and that I have been in good health since.

If you take enough ambien, you may end up sleepwalking and who knows what you could get yourself into then. You may end up getting into your car and losing a limb. Of course, you could also die, but that's what you want. I think you stand a better chance of waking up with even more problems to deal with, though, if you make an attempt.

Have you considered checking yourself into a short-term psychiatric hospital? That would probably be the best thing for you right now. At least tell some people in your family so that the people who love you can try to help you find a proper solution to your problem.

 

[toomuchpain]

Have you considered that you might fail in your attempt and wake up with irreversible brain damage or some other nasty souvenir? Such things are, unfortunately, quite common. It isn't worth killing yourself over. I tried to kill myself once and I am very glad that I woke up the next day and that I have been in good health since.

If you take enough ambien, you may end up sleepwalking and who knows what you could get yourself into then. You may end up getting into your car and losing a limb. Of course, you could also die, but that's what you want. I think you stand a better chance of waking up with even more problems to deal with, though, if you make an attempt.

Have you considered checking yourself into a short-term psychiatric hospital? That would probably be the best thing for you right now. At least tell some people in your family so that the people who love you can try to help you find a proper solution to your problem.

yeah, i know about having brain damage if what i do doesnt kill me, i knew that a long time ago, its not going to stop me.
ive taken ambien before and actually have done all that sleepwalking/talking, even driving, and somehow made it back home in one piece.

i dont know if u have ever been to a mental hospital but checking myself into one is ridiculous, only because i know the system, ive been there 2 times already and its a fucking joke, they dont help u at all, group therapies last for less than 5 minutes...basically unless u got money, u can get proper help, mental hospitals are bullshit, and they can make a sane person crazy