More drama

[BananasAndOranges]

I'm scared, sad, and angry. I don't know why I did this to myself. I fucked up and it follows me everyday. I have three things that happen to me throughout the day get tired, cry, or just have an overall uneasy feeling about everything. It's starting to go a little to far. I'm in mmt again and got my dose raised to twice as much as I was taking before but I still feel like going to my room and curling up in a ball. This is getting pathetic and I don't know how to make this stop. I don't use drugs anymore. I stopped when they started hurting me. I just take my medicine the doctors give me and maybe weed for anxiety. Why is my brain still haywire?

I feel like a hermit, I have always been alone most of my life. I hate being alone but I think its just going to be this way for awhile. I'm not going to kill myself or say it comes to my head a lot, I just want to get better I haven't seen a bright light at the end of a tunnel since I was little. This is getting real old and played out

 

[Legerity]

I'm sorry to hear about how you're feeling. Loneliness can really play with the mind, I have trouble dealing with it too. So now that you're getting your shit together you have the chance to get out there and meet people. I'm pretty socially incompetent but lately I've been doing my best to initiate things more often and be more sociable. It's doable.

Just a thought, could your methadone dose be too high and be causing you fatigue? This thread was about that: http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?t=414584

Good luck!

 

[BananasAndOranges]

No. I wake up sad. That just puts me to a normal state. I don't really know what the issue is. I think I'm just going to quit trying. Every time I think about the past and the people I've met it just makes me even more bummed. I've never had a friend that didn't use me at least once or twice. This is awful. I don't know where I should go. I really want to go home so I have someone to talk to. I really don't like anything I do.

 

[oliphill]

Weed for anxiety? I think possibly it could be the weed. I dunno, I mean when on MMT I felt "fine" all the time, like nothing mattered, didn't feel good, didn't feel bad.

I think you need to try to relax about the fact you've gone back on maintenence. If you do want to get off opiates, I would take this oppurtunity to start lowering your dose slowly and make the 'drop off' as comfortable as possible. Like 1ml every 2 or 3 days.

It seems like your isolating a fair bit, which is no good for anyones mental state. I did the same and it was only rehab that sorted it, by being in a place with a group of like minded people and becoming good friends with them all, it's really boosted my confidence.

Why not try something random like enrol on a college course or some sort of group activity or something? Where are you from mate?