wow. i'm just going to let this flow, so if you don't want to read a bunch of random shit, stop now. i think i'm going to dump a bundle of frustrations on yall, since they feel like coming out right now, and you guys are the only people awake to talk to, so to speak. wow. 430am. tonight has been a night to remember, no doubt about this. broke up with my girlfriend of two years. it was mutual, but the whole evening i've been mindfucked. trying to deal with the idea of life without her, she's been so integral to everything about me, every shaping event of my past two years, which is more or less the beginning of my life, as i see it, since i've become independant. rambling. sorry. trying to deal with the idea of whatever this means. we're still close friends, and i'm going to see her for thanksgiving but this opens things i've never approached before.
she's been a support for me these past two years a security blanket and something to fall back on, to remind me that things aren't that bad. she makes me truly happy. but right now things just don't feel right between us. it's almost forced. i know that distance is a part of this. i need to see her. thinking about taking the train tomorrow. don't know where i can find the money right now. otherwise i would in a second. maybe i should call my mom. she's always good. regardless, back to my story of the nights events. after talking to friends, and struggling independantly on all the things that singularity brings with it. independance, and i'm not sure if i want to be independant. i figured i'd just smoke some weed. it's escapism sort of, i know this, and it does suck but whatever. anything to change the way i feel right now sort of thing. had an 1/8 of weed, and one of shrooms. i was supposed to save those but it's a bit late for that now. i can get more. treated my friend to the shrooms, not really sure why i decided to dose. escapism i guess? discovered i don't much like my environment here. i think i've kept it buried, or bottled up inside me somewhere. they're all drunks here.
whatever. wow. 30minute phone conversation with my friend. miss home too. so much. i've never had an isightful trip on shrooms or acid before, this is really an experience. i wish i could share it more interactively, but then it wouldn't be this experience, it would be very different. my life is so undetermined right now, it scares me. i have no idea where i am going, but i don't mind all that much either... just need a chance to get away. i can't wait for this thanksigiving this place is just cracking me out.
oh wow. i'm going to leave this message, whatever it is, some odd rambling fragment. i need to sit in a warm shower and ponder everything. g'night all...
i love you guys, i haven't met a single one yet, but you still are like a second family
peaaaace, plur and all that nice shit that goes along with it.
j. l. smith,
------------------
I think, therefore I ambient...
she's been a support for me these past two years a security blanket and something to fall back on, to remind me that things aren't that bad. she makes me truly happy. but right now things just don't feel right between us. it's almost forced. i know that distance is a part of this. i need to see her. thinking about taking the train tomorrow. don't know where i can find the money right now. otherwise i would in a second. maybe i should call my mom. she's always good. regardless, back to my story of the nights events. after talking to friends, and struggling independantly on all the things that singularity brings with it. independance, and i'm not sure if i want to be independant. i figured i'd just smoke some weed. it's escapism sort of, i know this, and it does suck but whatever. anything to change the way i feel right now sort of thing. had an 1/8 of weed, and one of shrooms. i was supposed to save those but it's a bit late for that now. i can get more. treated my friend to the shrooms, not really sure why i decided to dose. escapism i guess? discovered i don't much like my environment here. i think i've kept it buried, or bottled up inside me somewhere. they're all drunks here.
whatever. wow. 30minute phone conversation with my friend. miss home too. so much. i've never had an isightful trip on shrooms or acid before, this is really an experience. i wish i could share it more interactively, but then it wouldn't be this experience, it would be very different. my life is so undetermined right now, it scares me. i have no idea where i am going, but i don't mind all that much either... just need a chance to get away. i can't wait for this thanksigiving this place is just cracking me out.
oh wow. i'm going to leave this message, whatever it is, some odd rambling fragment. i need to sit in a warm shower and ponder everything. g'night all...
i love you guys, i haven't met a single one yet, but you still are like a second family
peaaaace, plur and all that nice shit that goes along with it.
j. l. smith,
------------------
I think, therefore I ambient...
