dankhead88
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Oct 19, 2005
- Messages
- 918
This isn't exactly a trip report but more of an experience with the drug through time.
Now, for quite some time I used to be addicted to heroin after my ex-girlfriend broke up with me. Before my ex, I was maintaining an oxycodone habit. I was noticing a pattern that was getting out of control. Watching several people nodding off, people passed out for hours on end from mixing benzodiazpines and opiates, and people calling my dealer at two in the morning trying to get their fix. I was becoming one of them. I was starting to get many visible trackmarks and my life was going to shit. The last time I've done heroin was when I combined it with methamphetamine, which was my first time ever trying meth. Never actually had done meth by itself. One night my parents were wondering why I haven't paid my bills in over two months. While almost in a state of withdrawal, I became furious and told them in an angry manner. Eventually, they got angry and took my car away. Mom in tears, and dad searching my room for drugs and other contrabands. After that whole ordeal, they took my car away and instead drove me to work which lead me to become clean through means of withdrawal. Loperamide helped me a lot through time but eventually, the withdrawals lead me to become a heavy drinker.
After several months of being clean, I've met a friend from a new job, and she was able to get meth. I first got a 20 and this is when things changed for me.
I was in college during that time and decided it was going to be used for school work. I took a hit out of the "oil burner" and felt an immediate fuzzy yet clear sensation in my head. God, this felt amazing, and so I proceeded to take another hit. Another, and another, and another. I was hoping to save some but, ended up smoking more. From what I've had, which was .2 ended up leaving with approximately .04.
I was loving it and was getting things accomplished. I knew this was an addictive substance, and told myself to ease it. However, I still felt I was underestimating it's sheer power. As hours flew by and the sun rose after the night, I was under the impression that I needed more. So after waiting tables, I've proceeded to get more. When I couldn't get some from near by. I drove 40 minutes to another friends house to get some. I was spending more and more money and got to the point where I needed it, being that I'm a student and work fulltime. I had no time to rest, so I've proceeded to keep doing it. Eventually, I got to the point where I can take naps on it and eat small meals. I felt as if this was a bad thing yet a good thing. I couldn't really stand smoking it anymore and hated the burn of insuffulating it. I got out my rigs and started IVing it. The rush was amazing and several times better than smoking it. Within a month, I've lost 8 pounds. I was getting these "visible trackmarks" again and I was under the risk of getting noticed.
One day I ran out, and I started to look in the carpet and started to disassemble my keyboard. I was doing this for a couple hours just to find a small shard that I've "might have dropped". Which to my surprise, I've found a little shard and crushed it up and snorted it.
I've managed to get more money and found a new hookup nearby. It was a house full of tweakers. I felt a little uncomfortable, because it felt like my old dealers house, but instead of nodding off junkies, it was a bunch of tweakers smoking meth on a consistent bases. I felt like I fell back into my old habits again, but this time it was on the opposite spectrum of the drug world. I've noticed little things. Such as the amount of empty bags that was piling up in my stash box and the amount of cotton swabs being used. Also, the little blood stains on the bathroom floor. Not only that, but I was getting nothing accomplished. The things I was hoping for in the beginning, completely backfired and I became completely unproductive. This time I told myself. "No more. You are falling back into old habits. It's time to become clean." I've even told myself I would rather become addicted to heroin. So I've managed to planned things thoroughly, and found a day off. I've slept for about 16 hours and woke up still feeling tired. Now I'm trying to cope with things without it. I don't blame the drug, but myself for getting into that predicament.
One thing I'm glad about is the fact that I've gained a lot of awareness and knowledge about drugs from great resources such as y'all(Bluelight) and erowid.org. I want to thank you guys for giving me the knowledge so I can be aware that I'm developing an addiction and how to cope with crashes and withdrawals and knowing what the right dose is. If it wasn't for you guys, I've probably would've overdosed or would have caused some irreversible damages to my body. Despite feeling like shit now, more methamphetamine would not solve any issues. Other than my usage of meth during the time I was a heroin addict. This all happened in one month after being reintroduced to methamphetamine. If anyone is going to try meth. All I can say is. I can't stop anyone's curiosity, however I do advise to be extremely careful with it and arm yourself with the knowledge atleast to prevent any oncoming demise that one is unaware of.
Now, for quite some time I used to be addicted to heroin after my ex-girlfriend broke up with me. Before my ex, I was maintaining an oxycodone habit. I was noticing a pattern that was getting out of control. Watching several people nodding off, people passed out for hours on end from mixing benzodiazpines and opiates, and people calling my dealer at two in the morning trying to get their fix. I was becoming one of them. I was starting to get many visible trackmarks and my life was going to shit. The last time I've done heroin was when I combined it with methamphetamine, which was my first time ever trying meth. Never actually had done meth by itself. One night my parents were wondering why I haven't paid my bills in over two months. While almost in a state of withdrawal, I became furious and told them in an angry manner. Eventually, they got angry and took my car away. Mom in tears, and dad searching my room for drugs and other contrabands. After that whole ordeal, they took my car away and instead drove me to work which lead me to become clean through means of withdrawal. Loperamide helped me a lot through time but eventually, the withdrawals lead me to become a heavy drinker.
After several months of being clean, I've met a friend from a new job, and she was able to get meth. I first got a 20 and this is when things changed for me.
I was in college during that time and decided it was going to be used for school work. I took a hit out of the "oil burner" and felt an immediate fuzzy yet clear sensation in my head. God, this felt amazing, and so I proceeded to take another hit. Another, and another, and another. I was hoping to save some but, ended up smoking more. From what I've had, which was .2 ended up leaving with approximately .04.
I was loving it and was getting things accomplished. I knew this was an addictive substance, and told myself to ease it. However, I still felt I was underestimating it's sheer power. As hours flew by and the sun rose after the night, I was under the impression that I needed more. So after waiting tables, I've proceeded to get more. When I couldn't get some from near by. I drove 40 minutes to another friends house to get some. I was spending more and more money and got to the point where I needed it, being that I'm a student and work fulltime. I had no time to rest, so I've proceeded to keep doing it. Eventually, I got to the point where I can take naps on it and eat small meals. I felt as if this was a bad thing yet a good thing. I couldn't really stand smoking it anymore and hated the burn of insuffulating it. I got out my rigs and started IVing it. The rush was amazing and several times better than smoking it. Within a month, I've lost 8 pounds. I was getting these "visible trackmarks" again and I was under the risk of getting noticed.
One day I ran out, and I started to look in the carpet and started to disassemble my keyboard. I was doing this for a couple hours just to find a small shard that I've "might have dropped". Which to my surprise, I've found a little shard and crushed it up and snorted it.
I've managed to get more money and found a new hookup nearby. It was a house full of tweakers. I felt a little uncomfortable, because it felt like my old dealers house, but instead of nodding off junkies, it was a bunch of tweakers smoking meth on a consistent bases. I felt like I fell back into my old habits again, but this time it was on the opposite spectrum of the drug world. I've noticed little things. Such as the amount of empty bags that was piling up in my stash box and the amount of cotton swabs being used. Also, the little blood stains on the bathroom floor. Not only that, but I was getting nothing accomplished. The things I was hoping for in the beginning, completely backfired and I became completely unproductive. This time I told myself. "No more. You are falling back into old habits. It's time to become clean." I've even told myself I would rather become addicted to heroin. So I've managed to planned things thoroughly, and found a day off. I've slept for about 16 hours and woke up still feeling tired. Now I'm trying to cope with things without it. I don't blame the drug, but myself for getting into that predicament.
One thing I'm glad about is the fact that I've gained a lot of awareness and knowledge about drugs from great resources such as y'all(Bluelight) and erowid.org. I want to thank you guys for giving me the knowledge so I can be aware that I'm developing an addiction and how to cope with crashes and withdrawals and knowing what the right dose is. If it wasn't for you guys, I've probably would've overdosed or would have caused some irreversible damages to my body. Despite feeling like shit now, more methamphetamine would not solve any issues. Other than my usage of meth during the time I was a heroin addict. This all happened in one month after being reintroduced to methamphetamine. If anyone is going to try meth. All I can say is. I can't stop anyone's curiosity, however I do advise to be extremely careful with it and arm yourself with the knowledge atleast to prevent any oncoming demise that one is unaware of.
