Methadone makes me a junkie.

[evvvvvv]

Thanks everyone. A lot of my problem is my social situation. I don't have very much support in the way of family or friends, I really appreciate all your support. I just want to be a happy normal person, I know I have a good personality, and I was such a gifted young musician. I'm 24 now, and if I think about my life I just break down and cry,
I have been sittin here for twenty minutes typin sentance after sentance out and just deleting them afterwards I don't even know what to say that's not cliche bullshit. I know everything, just like every other addict but everything that's completely obvious I seemed to have fucked up and watched myself walk back into what anyone knows is stupid, the mental battle's I am constantly having with myself man, I sometimes think I have real head problems but the drugs dont exist to fix this. I'm living a fucking kafka novel. I AM Josef K. If it wasn't for jazz I really would just get this all over with and IV a mountain of ketamin and really evolve.
Anyway I have to get off this shit because I know the longer I'm on it the harder it will be, people say it gets in your bones and you will be in pain forever ever and shit, I dunno theres just nothing good about this way of life. I'm sick of feeling like a scum bag im a talented respectful person. I want to be respected and loved just like anyone else, I'm not a criminal, I have always even through my addiction held a strong conscience and moral ground and always tried to be a good person, I don't think I am supposed to be mixed up in this mess.

Sorry about my grammar as this is just a big rant that's helped me vent even if alot of it doesn't make sense to you, sorry if i offended anyone, I just really don't have many people to talk to.
thanks for everything everyone.
Evan

 

[amapola]

Hi evvvvvv,

I'm glad you still recognize that you're an amazing individual and worthwhile human being even if you feel like others don't at the moment. Wanting to quit drugs is an important step and no matter the method you try use to do so you definitely sound like you are ready to.

I think you would get a lot out of posting in TDS (The Dark Side) as there are a lot of people over there who are in a similar position as you, have been in a like situation and come out the other side, or just want to listen and help you in anyway that they can. It's a very supportive community and if you'd like I can move this most recent post of yours over there and start it as your own thread if you'd like.

Just let me know but that last post isn't really Other Drugs material as we're more focused on the actual drugs you can use to get off; how they work and such.