TheTwighlight
Bluelighter
This report is unfinished, and left that way intentionally. That's because I forgot I was writing it. I think it's a pretty descriptive narrative of my life on a day that I decided to get some dope with my best homeboy. We get very good shit - I am no beginner and I am able to obtain stuff that is nearly the quality of the glass that I used to get in '03-'05. I used to be a straight-up meth junkie, but I was also hooked on OxyContin and/or fentanyl and Xanax bars (at least 15-20 a day, sometimes much more). I was also prescribed Klonopin, Ambien, Neurontin, Xanax (footballs...I bought the bars), and DextroStat.
I mention this because now, over 10 years later, I am not such a mess. I take Effexor XR (which probably saved my life), and gabapentin (another lifesaver). I smoke weed religiously. That's it. Been off benzos and opioids now since November 2013. I only take a little benzo dose on very rare occasions.
Meth is a completely different drug now, being more clear-headed and less depressed. I have revisited the substance for 1 reason & 1 reason alone - because I love methamphetamine and there is nothing like it. I missed it like an old best friend or lover. I use the drug all ROAs - oral, insufflated, smoked, and IV. I rarely IV, but I love it, for meth. I'm not a needle freak so I've never had a strictly IV addiction to any drug (except hydromorphone in the hospital for months, but that's another ridiculous TR all in itself). I don't know if I can ever quit, and I've already been to the big house once after being busted by the DEA for delivery of meth & pills. Does that stop me? No. I'm an addict through-and-through. Nothing can stop me so far in life, but really I don't want to stop - I love meth, I love drugs, I love the life. I never tire of its endless surprises, and I never get tired of getting high.
Now, onto the trip report...
Drugs ingested already today:
- 300mg Effexor XR (daily)
- lots of gabapentin (prescribed 800mg 4x/day, and I'm probably already there)
- several joints of some very decent mid-grade stuff that my guy had
- 120mg extended-release pseudoephedrine (I'm sick and totally forgot I took this at 6am this morning)
- 3 25mg diphenhydramine throughout the day (like I said I've been sick, but I hate benadryl so I've only been taking half-doses)
~3:10pm - Ingested roughly .2 grams of methamphetamine hydrochloride. Immediately after smoke 3 large hits out of glass piece to get this party started.
3:24pm - Go back out into the eating area at resteraunt. Acting cool, high as fuck, but I'm not tripping. No one notices me. I'm just charging my phone and enjoying a hedonistic pleasure that I imagine most of the people around me have never, and probably will never, experience.
3:34pm - Realize that time seems to be moving in slow-motion. Seems like it's been an hour. I really hope I don't get any shitty side effects still having the pseudo in my system. I completely forgot I took it, as it's become routine lately. I've been sick for 6 days now (blech...).
3:39pm - High. As. Fuck. There's no way that big shard has even started to do it's magic. This high off 3 hits? Man, I can't recommend becoming an occasional recreational user more! I was a junkie once upon a time, and it sure wasn't this much fun when I was ON IT all the fucking time.
It's been a week since I last dropped a shard. That wasn't as nice as this, but I dropped and didn't smoke. I was also very upset at the time, which is yet another reason I consider meth to be a mild psychedelic. My mood has a large impact on my experience. The last week has been really good, and I was already in a great mood today.
-3:45pm - The very reason me and my homeboy Izzle don't smoke much anymore is because of the fiendish, obsessive nature of that route of ingestion. Ever since we started eating it, the highs have been much more controlled and our respective addictions to the substance have been very much under control. It's funny, though...having started out with a few hits, I can hear the pipe in my pocket calling my name. Okay...maybe one more hit...plus I'd better take a piss before my bladder muscles inevitably seize up and prevent me from urinating without difficulty for the unforseen future.
4:05pm - Just heard the original version of "A Rose and a Baby Ruth" come on, so I went to tell Izzle (who is still working) that Marilyn Manson remade this song. I guess I was pretty happy-looking. He laughed, told me to chill out and he'd be off in an hour. I know I'm high as fuck. I can't help but be ecstatic! I fucking love this drug.
4:42pm - been sidetracked (no way! not on speed!). Time to hit the pizzle if those bastard maintenance men are finally done smoking their dope (or whatever maintenance men do).
4:44pm - Take 2 hits and piss like a motherfucker. Feel much better. Peripheral side effects are now present. Muscle tension, stomach a little wobbly, sweating, shaking. I have neurological issues, so I shake when I have an appreciable amount of almost any upper in me, including caffeine. I say "almost" because I don't remember modafinil having that issue. I was physically very comfortable on that drug. I am now, too, but eventually I know I'll be hurting. Izzle & I ate gonna try to find a couple benzos today to combat this problem.
He & I both used to be fucking severely hooked on benzos, specifically Xanax in this case although I also was prescribed 16mg of Klonopin a day. He was my dealer, too, mostly weed & Xanax, but some of everything else in there, too. He regularly obtained K-Packs (10,000 pills), so I became accustomed to a daily intake of bars that would probably last a normal person a fucking year. Anyhow, I've been off them over 2 years now and 1mg Xanax is fucking fantastic on a good dose of amps. Never would've thought.
5:28pm - Izzle is off and we're getting a ride to Wal-Mart from his manager. Nothing I like more than being in a crazy public place tweaking balls with multiple felonies in my backpack. Illicit contents:
- used meth pipe with dope in it
- crack pipe (not used, am gonna make a pipe for weed with it)
- joint roaches in one pill bottle
- weed and yet another unopened bag of weed stuffed into another pill bottle - a bunch of Seroquel in a baggie stuffed in yet another pill bottle (I have a script, just not with me, so that would be possession of dangerous drugs...I've had 4 or 5 of that charge and got all but 1 dropped)
5:42pm - Izzle is gonna have a haircut so he's sent me on a mission to get stuff. I'll be back whenever to update.
6:24pm - Everything all good, but I am noticeably more tweaked than Izzle is. He always has a very calm disposition, even on this shit. I have known him for half my life at least, and so I'm used to it. It actually probably helps keep me chill as well, or at least chiller than I might be otherwise.
6:37pm - Gonna take a taxi somewhere for the first time in my life, on Izzle. Hellz ya.
6:48pm - No taxi. Ran into Country, one of my best friends since I was 7. Turns out he's about to pick up a fucking teener...this journey must be meant to be. My high is steady by now and the shaking has lessened.
Need to smoke some motherfuckin' ganja, niggas! Wish I had about 10mg of diazepam to calm the peripheral stimulation. A little more gabapentin could help, but too much and that will cause shaking as a side effect, too. Can't I ever have my cake and at least appreciate it, but not eat it because I'm hypoglycemic and lactose intolerant, too?
7:01pm - Just tried Biotene for the 1st time. Read about it in The Wolf of Wall Street (the book).
7:12pm - Fuck. I
drugz. :-D
7:13pm - Gonna get dropped off downtown. Gonna get some herb in my system (more of it, anyway). Then probably dose up again sometime soon. I'll be up all night, but I have some projects planned.
7:31pm - Back at the Salvation Army with Izzle. About to go have a "cigarette" break, which will also include marijuana & possibly vaporized methamphetamine hydrochloride. Gotta be inside at 8. Stealth mode.
8:59pm - In the lobby at the Sally waiting to get my meds. Gonna take some gabapentin. Aleve, too, probably. IDK. Shit. People are all around me right now, and I always wonder who notices, if anyone. I mean, I've settled into the high now, and I didn't even end up smoking weed.
I've usually got the paranoia under control these days, and I truly believe that venlafaxine is to thank for this. Meth is a completely different experience nowadays compared to back when I was strung out on it back in '04-'05. Even after being up for 5 days, I do not hear voices or see anything. The Black Shadow People have not yet come to visit since I have rekindled my romance with meth.
The couple of times I have stayed up 5 days, I was extremely fried out by then, but I take my 300mg of Effexor XR every day at the same time, no matter what. I have read that meth and venlafaxine potentiate each other, both being phenethylamines. I don't know. The main difference I've noticed is that I don't get a rush from it when I smoke it, even massive hits of good shit from a bong. No initial headrush from insufflation, either. The only rush I have been able to get is from banging .3g. Maybe because I'm not a regular IV user, or maybe because that route/dose was enough to break through the reuptake inhibition of the venlafaxine. I have been wondering about this for a long time.
Also, when I banged that .3g, with the lack of tolerance I had, I should have blown a load in my pants and been pretty overwhelmed by the physical rush, but that didn't happen. Everything turned bright gold and then I "felt" myself get way, way spun. It was some sort of rush, but not like back in the day when I wasn't on Effexor.
One of my friends asked me, "Why do you do it, then? Isn't that the whole point?" I couldn't help but think that the rush is only the icing on the cake for this amazing substance. I still get high as fuck, right? And that's the point, right? IDK, I guess people have different reasons for using it. I used to be in love with the rush and pretty much only smoked it. If I knew back then what I know now about the drug, maybe it wouldn't have had such a negative effect on my life at that time, but I was also caught up in a hardcore benzodiazepine & opioid addiction (specifically Xanax & OxyContin). Maybe my mind was too fucked up and clouded to realize what I was doing to myself.
I mean, I was 93 lbs when I quit meth & OC back in September'05. I was planning on dying, actually. I couldn't believe how far down I had fallen, all while maintaining a fairly prestigious job as Lead Floor Director at an NBC news station.
Everyone in my department did drugs, and went to work high, but they were all alcoholics or opioid addicts. I was the 1st one to get into meth (also was prescribed 80mg Addy/day back then). It was pretty obvious I was on it, but I kicked major fucking ass at my job and it was basically a non-issue for the longest, until I had lost so much weight that I was wearing sweaters in the Texas summer. And only God knows what kind of shit I would say...
9:51pm - Time for a shower, but unlike most dope users I know, I won't be jacking off like a psycho spider monkey. I get serious dope dick on meth. Unfortunate I suppose, but I've had friends who would disappear and masturbate to porn for several days sometimes! WTF! By the end of a 2-hour jackoff session on my own, just stoned, I sometimes find myself looking at some pretty strange stuff that wouldn't ordinarily turn me on...I suppose the perversion is progressive. I can't imagine what you'd be whacking it to by the end of a 3-day dope-fueled masturbation marathon!!!
10:10pm - My roommates can't tell.
We're just joking around and shit. Good stuff. Bout time to redose a rice-size shard (how much is that, anyway?). I'll update when I drop.
10:31pm - Bed check is done. I'm getting easily stuck on my poetry or this report. Let's see...
10:32pm - Mmm...I love the bitter, sickly chemical taste of meth. Just like alprazolam, that signature taste means 1 thing...I'm about to be higher! Boost. Wonder how long I'll be awake this time. I work until 2:30pm Saturday, it's Thursday night now. As of right now I've been up 17 hours.
It has begun.
10:52pm - Ok, NOW it's time for a shower. I need to remember that there's NO HURRY! I feel like I gotta do everything fast, but I don't. Got all night. Just keep yourself in check, self. Can still taste the dope in my mouth. Tasty. Must remember to take a multivitamin in the morning. Need those B vitamins! Can I hear an "amen?" Err...I actually probably can if I try since I'm in a Christian recovery center...
12:09am - Where has the time gone? I've taken I think 2 1/2 of those rice-size shards. I think I'm just now coming back up on the dose I took at 10:32pm. Took a while, but you know, I'm still relatively new at oral dosing. It's somewhat unpredictable. Got some stomach issues fucking with me. I never go without bud when I'm on meth, but it's been about 10 hours since I last smoked. Man, a joint in the morning is going to be so awesome. They don't let us go out to smoke until 6am. That seems like a long time but I already know the nature of this game and the little tricks meth likes to play. I still fall for them, though - more & more the longer I'm awake.
I'm about to go downstairs to the cool lady, so I can take a Benadryl to curb the nausea. It should last until I can go outside at 6 to smoke God's anti-emetic. My doctor in Houston told me that marijuana is safer and just as effective as the anti-nausea drugs I was on after my surgery (I was eating ondansetron like candy and they didn't want me taking it anymore, same with the hyoscamine, which I don't think I'm spelling right). Either way, weed is better. Everyone knows this, even God.
12:25am - I think I need more methamphetamine. I don't feel high enough, but I know that oral can take a while, and I'm probably not even up on the last piece I took yet. I don't feel like I'm fiending for it - I don't even want to hit the pipe. I kind of want to snort a line, though. I've come to really appreciate that method of ingestion, although I rarely do it. Now seems like It might be a good time. Ugh, fucking stomach...time to go get me a Benadryl.
12:53am - It wasn't the nice lady, but I got my Benadryl (25mg) and I snuck out the day's newspaper. I'm such a criminal.
1:41am - My stomach is starting to feel a little better. Diphenhydramine is definitely an effective anti-nausea medication.
I was under the impression that meth's length of duration orally was 2nd to IV. But then I also read that the duration is dose-dependant. I have no idea how much I've taken. It has never been too intense, but when I first dropped yesterday, there was a moment when I kept coming up and wondered just how geeked I was going to get.
There are things I like about oral dosing, and things I don't. I like the smooth ascent, and the lack of fiendish behavior when committed to this method of ingestion. What I don't like is that I never know how long it's going to last, and how much to dose next. I wish I wasn't wasting any of the drug, you know? And I've tried to increase absorption - mainly Tums. I'll try cimetidine and baking soda sometime. Maybe tomorrow. The Tums seemed to make little-to-no difference, not that I could tell.
I've noticed that the peripheral stimulation is not as severe as the last time I used. This dope feels very "heady". Last week I couldn't stop fidgeting and shit. Honestly, I couldn't stop it, it seemed beyond my ability to control...if I took my mind off staying chill for even a brief moment, I would find myself tweaking again. Not a problem this time.
2:02am - I've noticed there isn't much outright euphoria, but a great feeling of well-being. Great Moody , awesome concentration/focus, and some decent pain relief. I think amphetamines are a fantastic painkiller, although I totally understand why they're not used for this purpose!
2:40am - Oh yeah, I'm fucking feeling it now! What a lovely surprise after doubting. Truth be told, meth never really disappoints so long as I'm taking decent care of myself during my little binge. It is the king of stimulants for a reason.
I truly believe that I understand why WW2 was such a mess for the Germans. I mean, no one knew what long-term effects this shit would have. It truly does feel like a wonderdrug. I think Hitler did a lot of what he did because of amphetamine psychosis & paranoia. Who knows what was going on in his brilliant, but warped, mind. I honestly believe he was a junkie, and was pretty fucking strung out by the time of his death. There is no doubt in my mind that methamphetamine directly contributed to his and Germany's downfall.
2:52am - Fucking stomach...only 3 hours til I fire one up. Can't wait.
3:06am - Today has been very productive for writing poetry/song lyrics. I can keep track of ideas and move them around in my head, creating little stories or lyrical images with whatever theme I have in mind. I can see why Ayn Rand liked using speed to write. Shit, I wanna use speed to do everything! Ah, but there's that damned pitfall again. Occasional amphetamine use at recreational doses is totally worth not being under its influence 24/7.
3:20am - Time to try to entertain and/or compose myself for a bit. Been on overdrive for 12 hours now, and a little time to think is good. I really don't even know wtf I'm talking about right now. Drugzzz! They fry your brain in precisely the same way one might cook an egg. I know this because I saw it on a commercial when I was a wee lad back in Scotland or Ireland or wherever wee lads tend to come from.
5:47am - Well, it's about time to get high, and as I suspected, time warped. Now I'm in the future. I am Futureman.
7:00am - Bout to head out. Need to dose again. Didn't smoke bud at 6, but I'm gonna leave now and get this romance on the road.
7:30-8:30am - Izzle & I smoke weed and dope. I also ate a good parachute.
8:51am - I'm high as fuck, here at the bus stop. I'm having to put real effort into talking slower & not fidgeting. I am way spun right now. Work in an hour. I'll be fucked up, but I'll be all good.
12:34pm - Work has been a bitch cuz my fucking head hurts so bad.
1:48pm - Ingested 1mg clonazepam.
2:43pm - The Klonopin is hitting me nice and strong. I dosed a couple shards, too. Decent sized ones. I'm gonna be up again soon, but the klonopin will l keep everything cool. Still got another 1mg dose for later. I'm pretty toasty right now...think I'm gonna insufflate some.
6:50pm - Doped up again, with the klon working its magic. Bout to pick up 2 more dimes of bud.
11:06pm - Took all of my dope, the last of it about 3 hours ago. Took my other 1mg of klon about 10 minutes ago. Dude, a small dose of clonazepam saved my motherfucking ass at work. I smoked so much fucking weed before I came back in here. I am so high. I am so chill. I am still enjoying the meth, since I'll be down after this dose. I feel fucking great. I can't wait for the klon to hit - I'm hoping for a little benzo buzz. I know I'll get one cuz I never take benzodiazepines anymore.
11:14pm - I have written some fucking awesome shit this binge. The effect meth has on my poetry & lyrics is astounding. I see the structure from a completely different perspective, and I don't even know that I'm writing a story because my psychedelic subconscious has taken hold of the driver's seat. It's such intense lyrical imagery, and so hard to keep track of the onslaught of vocabulary and abstract descriptions of the idea being formed at light speed. And I adore every second.
12:19am - I am feeling nice, but I want more energy. It's all good. The klonopin is doing what it's supposed to. I want tobacco and weed and caffeine.
3:08am - Been playing games on my phone. Fun. I wish I had a lot more dope cuz this is bad news. Been up 46 hours now. I need, like, a lot more dope. This sucks. I'm gonna need more weed. No doubt. I wish I could get high now...not wait til 6am. Cuz I would love it.
Tagged by Xorkoth
substancecode_methamphetamine
substancecode_meth
substancecode_amphetamines
explevel_veryexperienced
exptype_positive
exptype_addiction
roacode_smoked
roacode_inhaled
I mention this because now, over 10 years later, I am not such a mess. I take Effexor XR (which probably saved my life), and gabapentin (another lifesaver). I smoke weed religiously. That's it. Been off benzos and opioids now since November 2013. I only take a little benzo dose on very rare occasions.
Meth is a completely different drug now, being more clear-headed and less depressed. I have revisited the substance for 1 reason & 1 reason alone - because I love methamphetamine and there is nothing like it. I missed it like an old best friend or lover. I use the drug all ROAs - oral, insufflated, smoked, and IV. I rarely IV, but I love it, for meth. I'm not a needle freak so I've never had a strictly IV addiction to any drug (except hydromorphone in the hospital for months, but that's another ridiculous TR all in itself). I don't know if I can ever quit, and I've already been to the big house once after being busted by the DEA for delivery of meth & pills. Does that stop me? No. I'm an addict through-and-through. Nothing can stop me so far in life, but really I don't want to stop - I love meth, I love drugs, I love the life. I never tire of its endless surprises, and I never get tired of getting high.
Now, onto the trip report...
Drugs ingested already today:
- 300mg Effexor XR (daily)
- lots of gabapentin (prescribed 800mg 4x/day, and I'm probably already there)
- several joints of some very decent mid-grade stuff that my guy had
- 120mg extended-release pseudoephedrine (I'm sick and totally forgot I took this at 6am this morning)
- 3 25mg diphenhydramine throughout the day (like I said I've been sick, but I hate benadryl so I've only been taking half-doses)
~3:10pm - Ingested roughly .2 grams of methamphetamine hydrochloride. Immediately after smoke 3 large hits out of glass piece to get this party started.
3:24pm - Go back out into the eating area at resteraunt. Acting cool, high as fuck, but I'm not tripping. No one notices me. I'm just charging my phone and enjoying a hedonistic pleasure that I imagine most of the people around me have never, and probably will never, experience.
3:34pm - Realize that time seems to be moving in slow-motion. Seems like it's been an hour. I really hope I don't get any shitty side effects still having the pseudo in my system. I completely forgot I took it, as it's become routine lately. I've been sick for 6 days now (blech...).
3:39pm - High. As. Fuck. There's no way that big shard has even started to do it's magic. This high off 3 hits? Man, I can't recommend becoming an occasional recreational user more! I was a junkie once upon a time, and it sure wasn't this much fun when I was ON IT all the fucking time.
It's been a week since I last dropped a shard. That wasn't as nice as this, but I dropped and didn't smoke. I was also very upset at the time, which is yet another reason I consider meth to be a mild psychedelic. My mood has a large impact on my experience. The last week has been really good, and I was already in a great mood today.
-3:45pm - The very reason me and my homeboy Izzle don't smoke much anymore is because of the fiendish, obsessive nature of that route of ingestion. Ever since we started eating it, the highs have been much more controlled and our respective addictions to the substance have been very much under control. It's funny, though...having started out with a few hits, I can hear the pipe in my pocket calling my name. Okay...maybe one more hit...plus I'd better take a piss before my bladder muscles inevitably seize up and prevent me from urinating without difficulty for the unforseen future.
4:05pm - Just heard the original version of "A Rose and a Baby Ruth" come on, so I went to tell Izzle (who is still working) that Marilyn Manson remade this song. I guess I was pretty happy-looking. He laughed, told me to chill out and he'd be off in an hour. I know I'm high as fuck. I can't help but be ecstatic! I fucking love this drug.
4:42pm - been sidetracked (no way! not on speed!). Time to hit the pizzle if those bastard maintenance men are finally done smoking their dope (or whatever maintenance men do).
4:44pm - Take 2 hits and piss like a motherfucker. Feel much better. Peripheral side effects are now present. Muscle tension, stomach a little wobbly, sweating, shaking. I have neurological issues, so I shake when I have an appreciable amount of almost any upper in me, including caffeine. I say "almost" because I don't remember modafinil having that issue. I was physically very comfortable on that drug. I am now, too, but eventually I know I'll be hurting. Izzle & I ate gonna try to find a couple benzos today to combat this problem.
He & I both used to be fucking severely hooked on benzos, specifically Xanax in this case although I also was prescribed 16mg of Klonopin a day. He was my dealer, too, mostly weed & Xanax, but some of everything else in there, too. He regularly obtained K-Packs (10,000 pills), so I became accustomed to a daily intake of bars that would probably last a normal person a fucking year. Anyhow, I've been off them over 2 years now and 1mg Xanax is fucking fantastic on a good dose of amps. Never would've thought.
5:28pm - Izzle is off and we're getting a ride to Wal-Mart from his manager. Nothing I like more than being in a crazy public place tweaking balls with multiple felonies in my backpack. Illicit contents:
- used meth pipe with dope in it
- crack pipe (not used, am gonna make a pipe for weed with it)
- joint roaches in one pill bottle
- weed and yet another unopened bag of weed stuffed into another pill bottle - a bunch of Seroquel in a baggie stuffed in yet another pill bottle (I have a script, just not with me, so that would be possession of dangerous drugs...I've had 4 or 5 of that charge and got all but 1 dropped)
5:42pm - Izzle is gonna have a haircut so he's sent me on a mission to get stuff. I'll be back whenever to update.
6:24pm - Everything all good, but I am noticeably more tweaked than Izzle is. He always has a very calm disposition, even on this shit. I have known him for half my life at least, and so I'm used to it. It actually probably helps keep me chill as well, or at least chiller than I might be otherwise.
6:37pm - Gonna take a taxi somewhere for the first time in my life, on Izzle. Hellz ya.
6:48pm - No taxi. Ran into Country, one of my best friends since I was 7. Turns out he's about to pick up a fucking teener...this journey must be meant to be. My high is steady by now and the shaking has lessened.
Need to smoke some motherfuckin' ganja, niggas! Wish I had about 10mg of diazepam to calm the peripheral stimulation. A little more gabapentin could help, but too much and that will cause shaking as a side effect, too. Can't I ever have my cake and at least appreciate it, but not eat it because I'm hypoglycemic and lactose intolerant, too?
7:01pm - Just tried Biotene for the 1st time. Read about it in The Wolf of Wall Street (the book).
7:12pm - Fuck. I
drugz. :-D 7:13pm - Gonna get dropped off downtown. Gonna get some herb in my system (more of it, anyway). Then probably dose up again sometime soon. I'll be up all night, but I have some projects planned.
7:31pm - Back at the Salvation Army with Izzle. About to go have a "cigarette" break, which will also include marijuana & possibly vaporized methamphetamine hydrochloride. Gotta be inside at 8. Stealth mode.
8:59pm - In the lobby at the Sally waiting to get my meds. Gonna take some gabapentin. Aleve, too, probably. IDK. Shit. People are all around me right now, and I always wonder who notices, if anyone. I mean, I've settled into the high now, and I didn't even end up smoking weed.
I've usually got the paranoia under control these days, and I truly believe that venlafaxine is to thank for this. Meth is a completely different experience nowadays compared to back when I was strung out on it back in '04-'05. Even after being up for 5 days, I do not hear voices or see anything. The Black Shadow People have not yet come to visit since I have rekindled my romance with meth.
The couple of times I have stayed up 5 days, I was extremely fried out by then, but I take my 300mg of Effexor XR every day at the same time, no matter what. I have read that meth and venlafaxine potentiate each other, both being phenethylamines. I don't know. The main difference I've noticed is that I don't get a rush from it when I smoke it, even massive hits of good shit from a bong. No initial headrush from insufflation, either. The only rush I have been able to get is from banging .3g. Maybe because I'm not a regular IV user, or maybe because that route/dose was enough to break through the reuptake inhibition of the venlafaxine. I have been wondering about this for a long time.
Also, when I banged that .3g, with the lack of tolerance I had, I should have blown a load in my pants and been pretty overwhelmed by the physical rush, but that didn't happen. Everything turned bright gold and then I "felt" myself get way, way spun. It was some sort of rush, but not like back in the day when I wasn't on Effexor.
One of my friends asked me, "Why do you do it, then? Isn't that the whole point?" I couldn't help but think that the rush is only the icing on the cake for this amazing substance. I still get high as fuck, right? And that's the point, right? IDK, I guess people have different reasons for using it. I used to be in love with the rush and pretty much only smoked it. If I knew back then what I know now about the drug, maybe it wouldn't have had such a negative effect on my life at that time, but I was also caught up in a hardcore benzodiazepine & opioid addiction (specifically Xanax & OxyContin). Maybe my mind was too fucked up and clouded to realize what I was doing to myself.
I mean, I was 93 lbs when I quit meth & OC back in September'05. I was planning on dying, actually. I couldn't believe how far down I had fallen, all while maintaining a fairly prestigious job as Lead Floor Director at an NBC news station.
Everyone in my department did drugs, and went to work high, but they were all alcoholics or opioid addicts. I was the 1st one to get into meth (also was prescribed 80mg Addy/day back then). It was pretty obvious I was on it, but I kicked major fucking ass at my job and it was basically a non-issue for the longest, until I had lost so much weight that I was wearing sweaters in the Texas summer. And only God knows what kind of shit I would say...
9:51pm - Time for a shower, but unlike most dope users I know, I won't be jacking off like a psycho spider monkey. I get serious dope dick on meth. Unfortunate I suppose, but I've had friends who would disappear and masturbate to porn for several days sometimes! WTF! By the end of a 2-hour jackoff session on my own, just stoned, I sometimes find myself looking at some pretty strange stuff that wouldn't ordinarily turn me on...I suppose the perversion is progressive. I can't imagine what you'd be whacking it to by the end of a 3-day dope-fueled masturbation marathon!!!
10:10pm - My roommates can't tell.
We're just joking around and shit. Good stuff. Bout time to redose a rice-size shard (how much is that, anyway?). I'll update when I drop.10:31pm - Bed check is done. I'm getting easily stuck on my poetry or this report. Let's see...
10:32pm - Mmm...I love the bitter, sickly chemical taste of meth. Just like alprazolam, that signature taste means 1 thing...I'm about to be higher! Boost. Wonder how long I'll be awake this time. I work until 2:30pm Saturday, it's Thursday night now. As of right now I've been up 17 hours.
It has begun.
10:52pm - Ok, NOW it's time for a shower. I need to remember that there's NO HURRY! I feel like I gotta do everything fast, but I don't. Got all night. Just keep yourself in check, self. Can still taste the dope in my mouth. Tasty. Must remember to take a multivitamin in the morning. Need those B vitamins! Can I hear an "amen?" Err...I actually probably can if I try since I'm in a Christian recovery center...
12:09am - Where has the time gone? I've taken I think 2 1/2 of those rice-size shards. I think I'm just now coming back up on the dose I took at 10:32pm. Took a while, but you know, I'm still relatively new at oral dosing. It's somewhat unpredictable. Got some stomach issues fucking with me. I never go without bud when I'm on meth, but it's been about 10 hours since I last smoked. Man, a joint in the morning is going to be so awesome. They don't let us go out to smoke until 6am. That seems like a long time but I already know the nature of this game and the little tricks meth likes to play. I still fall for them, though - more & more the longer I'm awake.
I'm about to go downstairs to the cool lady, so I can take a Benadryl to curb the nausea. It should last until I can go outside at 6 to smoke God's anti-emetic. My doctor in Houston told me that marijuana is safer and just as effective as the anti-nausea drugs I was on after my surgery (I was eating ondansetron like candy and they didn't want me taking it anymore, same with the hyoscamine, which I don't think I'm spelling right). Either way, weed is better. Everyone knows this, even God.
12:25am - I think I need more methamphetamine. I don't feel high enough, but I know that oral can take a while, and I'm probably not even up on the last piece I took yet. I don't feel like I'm fiending for it - I don't even want to hit the pipe. I kind of want to snort a line, though. I've come to really appreciate that method of ingestion, although I rarely do it. Now seems like It might be a good time. Ugh, fucking stomach...time to go get me a Benadryl.
12:53am - It wasn't the nice lady, but I got my Benadryl (25mg) and I snuck out the day's newspaper. I'm such a criminal.
1:41am - My stomach is starting to feel a little better. Diphenhydramine is definitely an effective anti-nausea medication.
I was under the impression that meth's length of duration orally was 2nd to IV. But then I also read that the duration is dose-dependant. I have no idea how much I've taken. It has never been too intense, but when I first dropped yesterday, there was a moment when I kept coming up and wondered just how geeked I was going to get.
There are things I like about oral dosing, and things I don't. I like the smooth ascent, and the lack of fiendish behavior when committed to this method of ingestion. What I don't like is that I never know how long it's going to last, and how much to dose next. I wish I wasn't wasting any of the drug, you know? And I've tried to increase absorption - mainly Tums. I'll try cimetidine and baking soda sometime. Maybe tomorrow. The Tums seemed to make little-to-no difference, not that I could tell.
I've noticed that the peripheral stimulation is not as severe as the last time I used. This dope feels very "heady". Last week I couldn't stop fidgeting and shit. Honestly, I couldn't stop it, it seemed beyond my ability to control...if I took my mind off staying chill for even a brief moment, I would find myself tweaking again. Not a problem this time.
2:02am - I've noticed there isn't much outright euphoria, but a great feeling of well-being. Great Moody , awesome concentration/focus, and some decent pain relief. I think amphetamines are a fantastic painkiller, although I totally understand why they're not used for this purpose!
2:40am - Oh yeah, I'm fucking feeling it now! What a lovely surprise after doubting. Truth be told, meth never really disappoints so long as I'm taking decent care of myself during my little binge. It is the king of stimulants for a reason.
I truly believe that I understand why WW2 was such a mess for the Germans. I mean, no one knew what long-term effects this shit would have. It truly does feel like a wonderdrug. I think Hitler did a lot of what he did because of amphetamine psychosis & paranoia. Who knows what was going on in his brilliant, but warped, mind. I honestly believe he was a junkie, and was pretty fucking strung out by the time of his death. There is no doubt in my mind that methamphetamine directly contributed to his and Germany's downfall.
2:52am - Fucking stomach...only 3 hours til I fire one up. Can't wait.
3:06am - Today has been very productive for writing poetry/song lyrics. I can keep track of ideas and move them around in my head, creating little stories or lyrical images with whatever theme I have in mind. I can see why Ayn Rand liked using speed to write. Shit, I wanna use speed to do everything! Ah, but there's that damned pitfall again. Occasional amphetamine use at recreational doses is totally worth not being under its influence 24/7.
3:20am - Time to try to entertain and/or compose myself for a bit. Been on overdrive for 12 hours now, and a little time to think is good. I really don't even know wtf I'm talking about right now. Drugzzz! They fry your brain in precisely the same way one might cook an egg. I know this because I saw it on a commercial when I was a wee lad back in Scotland or Ireland or wherever wee lads tend to come from.
5:47am - Well, it's about time to get high, and as I suspected, time warped. Now I'm in the future. I am Futureman.
7:00am - Bout to head out. Need to dose again. Didn't smoke bud at 6, but I'm gonna leave now and get this romance on the road.
7:30-8:30am - Izzle & I smoke weed and dope. I also ate a good parachute.
8:51am - I'm high as fuck, here at the bus stop. I'm having to put real effort into talking slower & not fidgeting. I am way spun right now. Work in an hour. I'll be fucked up, but I'll be all good.
12:34pm - Work has been a bitch cuz my fucking head hurts so bad.
1:48pm - Ingested 1mg clonazepam.
2:43pm - The Klonopin is hitting me nice and strong. I dosed a couple shards, too. Decent sized ones. I'm gonna be up again soon, but the klonopin will l keep everything cool. Still got another 1mg dose for later. I'm pretty toasty right now...think I'm gonna insufflate some.
6:50pm - Doped up again, with the klon working its magic. Bout to pick up 2 more dimes of bud.
11:06pm - Took all of my dope, the last of it about 3 hours ago. Took my other 1mg of klon about 10 minutes ago. Dude, a small dose of clonazepam saved my motherfucking ass at work. I smoked so much fucking weed before I came back in here. I am so high. I am so chill. I am still enjoying the meth, since I'll be down after this dose. I feel fucking great. I can't wait for the klon to hit - I'm hoping for a little benzo buzz. I know I'll get one cuz I never take benzodiazepines anymore.
11:14pm - I have written some fucking awesome shit this binge. The effect meth has on my poetry & lyrics is astounding. I see the structure from a completely different perspective, and I don't even know that I'm writing a story because my psychedelic subconscious has taken hold of the driver's seat. It's such intense lyrical imagery, and so hard to keep track of the onslaught of vocabulary and abstract descriptions of the idea being formed at light speed. And I adore every second.
12:19am - I am feeling nice, but I want more energy. It's all good. The klonopin is doing what it's supposed to. I want tobacco and weed and caffeine.
3:08am - Been playing games on my phone. Fun. I wish I had a lot more dope cuz this is bad news. Been up 46 hours now. I need, like, a lot more dope. This sucks. I'm gonna need more weed. No doubt. I wish I could get high now...not wait til 6am. Cuz I would love it.
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substancecode_amphetamines
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Meth is just meant to be IVed, IMO...I never really "tweaked out", never stayed up for more than 3 days at a time with no sleep, never went to jail or the hospital because of the drug...I hit that shit and kept it legit 