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Relapse (Meth) Desperately trying to avoid meth spiral

JBrandon

JBrandon

Greenlighter
Joined
Oct 8, 2009
Messages
1,021
I was sober from meth for about 18 months give or take a little, then I hit it hard again for about three. I stopped myself and started getting my life back on track. A couple hiccups here and there, and I find myself now in a position where I am using meth about once a week. Maybe for a couple days, maybe just one day, then I throw it away and all the paraphernalia. Then like clockwork, a week or so later, I repeat the same mistake.

This is a major problem in my life and it's holding me back from so much. It's not fun, it's not functional, and it's not who I want to be. The effect on my mental state when the cravings hit is unbelievable.

For a while before I was working if I got a craving, I would masturbate or go do some intense cardio and it would abate. Now that I'm working the craving will hit and I'll sit and ignore it until hours go by and next thing you know I'm setting up a deal for after work only to regret it immediately. It is true-blue temporary insanity when the crave hits.

I have Wellbutrin which I've been taking at 150mg SR a day. This worked a miracle for me years ago, but this time it's not as effective. I would like to go back to replacing my meth addiction with the gym.

It has been my experience that my addiction is always much more serious and much further along than it seems. So, I don't want to be casual about it at this time and find myself in ruins again in a few months. I want to fight back with everything I have. I just started working a program again (AA) and my insurance kicks in soon, at which point I'm going to look for a private addiction therapist again.

I was able to beat my polydrug addiction before because I hit a bottom. This time I want to stop while there is still a person here to save.

I've never had the cravings like this before and I'm wondering what the bleeding edge of dealing with this is. I realize the best answer is "simple, not easy" (i.e. just stop), but if anyone has had luck with medical intervention for cravings or any other strategy, I'm all ears. Dexamp is not an option, as I'll abuse that just as badly.

If nothing else, thank you for letting me vent.
 
Hey man, sorry to hear you're going through this. I still get meth cravings after years without, and it wasn't even my primary drug of choice. For me, the urges and cravings seem to come when there's some emotion or situation that I don't want to deal with in a realistic way, so I fantasize about getting high and forgetting about it. But yeah, I used to do the same thing you described - get high for a day or a couple days, get sick of it and throw everything away and resolve to do better and live without it, only to fall back a short time later. And you're right, it's not fun or functional, it's a nightmare.

I'm not sure if there if there is any kind of medical intervention available aside from detox or rehab, but it sounds like you're a little further along and those options might not be the most useful. Exercise, diet, meditation, etc. do help promote health and wellbeing and are all things I try to include in my life, however in my experience, it's not enough to make my problems go away. I think working an AA program and talking to a therapist sound like great ideas. Do you have a sponsor, or know other people in the program you can call when you're having cravings? A lot of times just talking to someone makes a huge difference.
 
JBrandon said:
A couple hiccups here and there, and I find myself now in a position where I am using meth about once a week. Maybe for a couple days, maybe just one day, then I throw it away and all the paraphernalia. Then like clockwork, a week or so later, I repeat the same mistake.

This is a major problem in my life and it's holding me back from so much. It's not fun, it's not functional, and it's not who I want to be. The effect on my mental state when the cravings hit is unbelievable.

For a while before I was working if I got a craving, I would masturbate or go do some intense cardio and it would abate. Now that I'm working the craving will hit and I'll sit and ignore it until hours go by and next thing you know I'm setting up a deal for after work only to regret it immediately. It is true-blue temporary insanity when the crave hits.

I have Wellbutrin which I've been taking at 150mg SR a day. This worked a miracle for me years ago, but this time it's not as effective. I would like to go back to replacing my meth addiction with the gym.

I was able to beat my polydrug addiction before because I hit a bottom. This time I want to stop while there is still a person here to save.

I've never had the cravings like this before and I'm wondering what the bleeding edge of dealing with this is. I realize the best answer is "simple, not easy" (i.e. just stop), but if anyone has had luck with medical intervention for cravings or any other strategy, I'm all ears. Dexamp is not an option, as I'll abuse that just as badly.
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Congrats for quitting the first time, and realizing this time that you don't want to go back down that road again and at least avoiding going all-out back into addiction. What you're doing, though, is the most frustrating, horrible form of using, IMO. I've been there, although my DOC was opiates. I'd start out just chipping on weekends and then work all week, then get paid and spend all my money on the weekend, so my bills didn't get paid but I didn't have that constant fading out and avoiding my problems altogether.

A couple of things I've heard heard of that others have mentioned, though this is all hearsay: Can you increase your dose of Wellbutrin? You've probably developed a tolerance for it. There's also a couple of drugs that aren't specifically used for meth, but that they are trying for all different things. One is something called camprosate or something similar. I heard they were experimenting with stopping cocaine cravings with it, and meth is just coke's bigger badder brother. Also, naltrexone is being used for opiates and now for alcohol, but it's supposed to stop all drugs from activating your dopamine receptors, so it's possible it would work for meth.

Why can't you go to the gym now? You said it had worked in the past, and my experience is that it's the only way I can force my body to produce endorphins and make me "feel good" naturally. Even a brisk walk around the block would probably keep you occupied until the craving left. When I was quitting smoking, I was told that no craving lasts more than about 10 minutes, and if you can distract yourself for that long, it will go away. Eventually it will come back, of course, but that particular craving should be gone after ten minutes of any kind of exercise.

That's all I can think of to suggest. If you do any meditation or mindfulness practice, that's another great way to distract yourself until a craving goes away. There's a lot of information on this site about meditation and mindfulness. Best of luck and good vibes to you!
 
I just want to pop in and say thank you to everyone who replied to me. It is truly appreciated.

I have read your posts and I will try to get back with an update this evening, because I need support in every way possible.

Somehow, in my ?attempt? to stop while I was still casually using, I went off the deep end big time. I?m OMW to work and I haven?t slept in two days, the self-loathing is off the charts.
 
Aw, JBrandon--don't let the wolf pack of self-loathing get in the door.:( You'll be OK. Give yourself time, a plan and lots of support. The path into addiction seems crazily straight while the path out is one hell of a zig zag.
 
Dedication to yourself

Nice man one thing I recommend is getting yourself on a green heavy diet. That's done wonders for my recovery, mixed with Excercise and some mindfulness. Taking supplements like Magnesium, 5-HTP, a good multivitamin, maybe some lithium orotate or some other meth recovery vitamins minerals and supplements. but it would be best to see a professional who's an expert in holistic medicine and addiction. I've found these lay the foundation for recovering a drug Abused brain.
First do no harm.
 
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