Detox Message into the void / "It's just codeine haha" to "how tf I finished a gram of heroin in a day?"

[soulwentmia]

Void

It’s just codeine is what I said last year. After more research I realised that in the big picture this doesn’t really matter, opioids are opioids and addiction to them does the same type of damage and changes to your lifestyle, personality, mental health, hygiene, etc. Maybe the degree of damage is different but nonetheless we all end up in the same mental prison. I debated going on suboxone/methadone which I will do if I fail this time.

Six hundred milligrams of codeine as a daily need is the dose I reached and I was extremely surprised to realise how strong this substance is to me when I did oxy and 4 years later heroin (albeit the heroin was paired with cathinones, cocaine or meth) and I didn’t get much of an upgrade.

Sure I could get more zombie like easily but I was never quite the fan of nodding out on opioids. I experienced the nod before knowing about it from a mix of insane doses of lyrica and baclofen sometimes with diazepam. From what i’ve seen and read, there’s virtually no difference between the nod I saw/read about and what happened to me in the state described above. To me, what I love about opioids in short is that they do for me what stims do but without being too much and basically without almost all negative aspects. Besides the physical dependency. But that's another discussion.

Anyway for the last 6 ish months idk what got into me but I approached this with a manly man type of vibe, ditching (cold turkey) my self prescribed gabapentin dose which was above 2 grams a day and also clonidine, despite easily accesible to me, I didn’t reach for it. And in the peak of gaba wd's, like 6-7 days in, i'd quit codeine. And I don't wanna go deep into how it was but I couldn't handle it.

Maybe obviously to most readers who have experienced the gaba (or god forbid lyrica) + opioid dependency, I ended up in the most uncomfortable state imaginable. First day was already hell. By day 2 I had every symptom in the book worst of all being restlesness and insomnia.

At the present moment, I’m attempting it in the way which I’ll write about below, without prior thought, planning or anything. I’m stacked with gabapentin 400mg, clondine 0.15 ug, ketamine, had a lil bit of 3-cmc and cocaine to push thru thursday/friday and paracetamol with (god bless) clorpheniramine maleate which despite being a second gen anti histamine it's first gen sorry, works to make me drowsy and kinda sleep.

IMO, in my case, the worst part and what fuels my addiction is the fact that I get it over the counter, no questions asked (usually). I obviously loved heroin but because I have to do shady nerdy things to get it and then wait a few weeks to get it, I managed to stick to my initial mantra of, if I can "tl:dr" this, "it always called for you so try it but know the risk and use it solely as landing gear as in paired with various stims".

Not gonna lie, after the first heroin experience when I did a full gram of afghan in less than 24 hrs paired with 3mmc and coke I thought about it and craved it after about 5 ish days. But I literally waited and the desire was gone. With this OTC codeine, it's about the same tragic pull that alchoolics experience of being able to get your fix wherever you are, just get the money. No dealer, no delivery, no nothing. Kinda insta crave satisfaction. Often times I'd surprise myself on autopilot driving/walking to a pharmacy to get this shit when I said I wouldn't. I'm pretty sure the ketamine I have plays a huge role in why I'm 48 hrs in and don't even think about it. And it's a multi faceted assistance, of which I'll name a few:

-depression reduction

-so tired, anesthetized that I won't go to a pharmacy

-WD symptoms at a score of like 4 max 5 instead of 11/10

But i also think there's an entourage effect off all the shit I have. In any case, I will finish the ketamine on saturday evening or maybe sunday afternoon and with that I'm past the worst, the gabapentin is horrid to quit like I kept trying cold turkey but simultaneously easy to taper if you put your mind to it and with the clonidine I never experienced dependence type things even after 8ish months of daily use at high doses. But everybody is different.

This post turned out way way longer than I initially thought and intended but I guess I had to let this out. After about 10ish days I will taper the gabapentin for like a month at most and just stop the clonidine and hopefully take a minimum 2-3 month break from all mind altering substances.

If there's anything I wanna send out to the world, it's don't punish yourself or attempt quitting "like a man" because help exists. Very probable that all of my protocol is wrong/harmful for some or even for me but there are always options. Subs/methadone, gabapentinoids, weed if it's your thing, clonidine as a must imo, don't "tough it out". You deserve gentleness.

 

[Hannah Capps]

Thoughtful post, thank you for sharing.

 

[sHR00m]

Void

It’s just codeine is what I said last year. After more research I realised that in the big picture this doesn’t really matter, opioids are opioids and addiction to them does the same type of damage and changes to your lifestyle, personality, mental health, hygiene, etc. Maybe the degree of damage is different but nonetheless we all end up in the same mental prison. I debated going on suboxone/methadone which I will do if I fail this time.

Six hundred milligrams of codeine as a daily need is the dose I reached and I was extremely surprised to realise how strong this substance is to me when I did oxy and 4 years later heroin (albeit the heroin was paired with cathinones, cocaine or meth) and I didn’t get much of an upgrade.

Sure I could get more zombie like easily but I was never quite the fan of nodding out on opioids. I experienced the nod before knowing about it from a mix of insane doses of lyrica and baclofen sometimes with diazepam. From what i’ve seen and read, there’s virtually no difference between the nod I saw/read about and what happened to me in the state described above. To me, what I love about opioids in short is that they do for me what stims do but without being too much and basically without almost all negative aspects. Besides the physical dependency. But that's another discussion.

Anyway for the last 6 ish months idk what got into me but I approached this with a manly man type of vibe, ditching (cold turkey) my self prescribed gabapentin dose which was above 2 grams a day and also clonidine, despite easily accesible to me, I didn’t reach for it. And in the peak of gaba wd's, like 6-7 days in, i'd quit codeine. And I don't wanna go deep into how it was but I couldn't handle it.

Maybe obviously to most readers who have experienced the gaba (or god forbid lyrica) + opioid dependency, I ended up in the most uncomfortable state imaginable. First day was already hell. By day 2 I had every symptom in the book worst of all being restlesness and insomnia.

At the present moment, I’m attempting it in the way which I’ll write about below, without prior thought, planning or anything. I’m stacked with gabapentin 400mg, clondine 0.15 ug, ketamine, had a lil bit of 3-cmc and cocaine to push thru thursday/friday and paracetamol with (god bless) clorpheniramine maleate which despite being a second gen anti histamine it's first gen sorry, works to make me drowsy and kinda sleep.

IMO, in my case, the worst part and what fuels my addiction is the fact that I get it over the counter, no questions asked (usually). I obviously loved heroin but because I have to do shady nerdy things to get it and then wait a few weeks to get it, I managed to stick to my initial mantra of, if I can "tl:dr" this, "it always called for you so try it but know the risk and use it solely as landing gear as in paired with various stims".

Not gonna lie, after the first heroin experience when I did a full gram of afghan in less than 24 hrs paired with 3mmc and coke I thought about it and craved it after about 5 ish days. But I literally waited and the desire was gone. With this OTC codeine, it's about the same tragic pull that alchoolics experience of being able to get your fix wherever you are, just get the money. No dealer, no delivery, no nothing. Kinda insta crave satisfaction. Often times I'd surprise myself on autopilot driving/walking to a pharmacy to get this shit when I said I wouldn't. I'm pretty sure the ketamine I have plays a huge role in why I'm 48 hrs in and don't even think about it. And it's a multi faceted assistance, of which I'll name a few:

-depression reduction

-so tired, anesthetized that I won't go to a pharmacy

-WD symptoms at a score of like 4 max 5 instead of 11/10

But i also think there's an entourage effect off all the shit I have. In any case, I will finish the ketamine on saturday evening or maybe sunday afternoon and with that I'm past the worst, the gabapentin is horrid to quit like I kept trying cold turkey but simultaneously easy to taper if you put your mind to it and with the clonidine I never experienced dependence type things even after 8ish months of daily use at high doses. But everybody is different.

This post turned out way way longer than I initially thought and intended but I guess I had to let this out. After about 10ish days I will taper the gabapentin for like a month at most and just stop the clonidine and hopefully take a minimum 2-3 month break from all mind altering substances.

If there's anything I wanna send out to the world, it's don't punish yourself or attempt quitting "like a man" because help exists. Very probable that all of my protocol is wrong/harmful for some or even for me but there are always options. Subs/methadone, gabapentinoids, weed if it's your thing, clonidine as a must imo, don't "tough it out". You deserve gentleness.

Some users cope better with quitting cold turkey, particularly if their tolerance isn't too high or if they don't have the self control for tapering. It all depends on the person and the circumstances. Some low dosed loperamide (16mg is the daily max usually) and minerals, maybe a multivitamin could have helped you. But yes, jumping off from a high tolerance without at least a rapid taper is likely gonna be unnecessarily harsh. What also helps somewhat is trying to stay calm. If you get all worked up and be like "this is the worst feeling in the world!" then you likely wont make it. If you treat it as a really bad case of a flu (something you just have to accept as a given) it might overall go better. Quitting from several drugs at once sounds quite problematic as well indeed.

Also btw, kratom might be a more elegant substitute especially if codeine still works for you. Kratom often also can be somewhat easier tapered than traditional opioids and its certainly more relaxed to taper with it than methadone or suboxone for example. You could try up to 10 grams of maeng da red, that's usually a good strain. Once or twice a day, etc and then maybe reducing 1 gram per week. Chances are even substituting with moderate kratom doses your tolerance will likely lower by itself over time.

I found the opiate nod almost psychedelic or deliriant like with pronounced closed eye visuals. Like the mythical stories about opium. From what I could gather I have those kind of nods on opioids that are also kappa agonists while the kappa antagonists like buprenorphine or kratom for the most part don't do that.

Good luck with getting clean.