sounds depressing as fuck.... how old are you?
jesus christ , help yourself! get involved, participate.... get a job for goodness sakes... you don't sound all too disabled... i can imagine how you must be kind of confused .... when you've been diagnosed with something , and maybe that actually coundts f
your situation, is unfortunately all to common in todays socio-economic climate. everybody is a victim and innocent; no one wants to work. everyone is entitled and disabled and has their hand out asking for just a little more....
guess what , when I was young i thought that i couldn't work sometimes due to what I THOUGHT was crushing anxiety and depression.... but low and behold when i would get to work it would sort of work itself out... i would usually go home feeling more or less happy.... and ironically when i wouldn't attend work/school I would inevitably start to get crushing depression the more I spent at home unoccupied.
When I would get super depressed , I would sometimes have actual physical reactions to my depression/anxiety ... suddering in bed, teeth clattering... just sitting on the toilet trying to push some fecal out or masterbate just to feel ANYTHING. .. a tiny speck of dopamine....
Now I feel pretty strongly about this last piece of advice.... don't let false information inform your reality any longer! for instance; I've been diagnosed as ADHD, anxiety, manic-depression, RLS, lime disease, bipolar, AND DO I BELIEVE ANY OF THAT HORSE SHIT... absolutely not!
the last person i would ever trust after a lawyer is a fucking doctor.... especially the "doctors" that are more or less optional , and who believe(d) it was prudent to put a 11 year old middle-schooler on 30mgs of adderall a day, which would fuck up my entire reality... .I didn't KNOW you COULD BE ON DRUGS... the concept was over my head, even if i consciously was aware that people "could be high on dope" - I couldn't even conceptualize "high" --- all i know is i would come home from school and would not feel "right" ... I would spend an hour or two balling sobbing crying thinking that I was biggest loser and that everyone hated me...then I would repeat the cycle. . .
now i think all doctors can kiss my ass right after they fuck up trying to heal it. they don't cure shit, they manage "symptoms" - which could be something as innocuos as a short attention span
Also when I would hit rock bottom, i would do things just be open to new things; and i went running/jogging with my father .... i suddenly discovered that if I went running religiously 5 miles at least every other day... I dare you to go run five miles to the best of your ability and tell me you still feel depressed afterwards