Heck
@finitelifeform this sounds pretty much like what I got from deschloroketamine, this paradox mix of pro- and anti-social, of anti-depressing but numbing, on top of the world but on the edge of losing control, in the moment etc.pp. Yeah, I lost control over it a bit, yet I didn't mention that yet so what brought you to the conclusion that I'd be an example of what can go wrong, or maybe I didn't understand you correctly, then sorry. Somehow I blame more the opioids for what I did (next to myself, of course, but it's also common knowledge that continued use of drugs can and does impair judgement), on dissociatives alone I never really lost control unless dosed recklessly high, but I did some bad stuff like manipulating or even stealing as in to get benefits from, while with opiods it was bad stuff as in bad for me in the long run - which is also pretty paradox in itself as opioid users are somewhat known to betray people..
Don't get me wrong, of course the main effect of DCK is to be a dissociative, but I learned to distinguish these effects from others which aren't NMDA related. Dissociation alone is pretty cold and as itself not always enjoyable. I found DCK maybe the dissociative which has the biggest bunch of not directly dissociative related effects, it had strong empathogenic, cuddle-fluff-flying-carpet and slightly psychedelic effects. DXM, while very different, was also somewhat similar in the lowest "plateau" (something I never really got but I understand what they mean). Now all is gone and I'm just left with the disassociating and sedating side effects. As it isn't tolerance but a loss of, if you want so, enjoyable side-effects (in fact I have abused DCK just for them, my hunch now is that the dissociation isn't even what I was after) and this set in with the prolonged opioid use together with a handful other symptoms of low T like hair loss (mostly temporally), weakness/fatigue, insomnia, oversleeping and sleep being no more refreshing, intolerance to coldness (while sounding minor, this is very pronounced. In other time I enjoyed going to wellness on low dose dissociatives - a heavily comforting experience, including to plunge into ice cold water and feeling but not feeling the coldness at the same time, granter here you need disassociation but I still get that and even with added painkilling morphine it's still shuddering just to think of coldness), gonad pain, etc..
Yeah, will know more after I managed to have my blood analyzed. Or buy some T, realized that T gel is OTC here.
So far I'd say that DCK is very probably indeed acting as a steroid, be it directly or indirectly and for sure oxytocin/estradiol-ergic but maybe also androgenergic. Or maybe just a load of dopamine which causes these effects but I know stims and they are very different, there is only without tolerance and in the lowest dosages sometimes a very subtle bit of this specific effects/feelings I'm referring to.
Interesting that more T means also more estradiol at the same time.