cmpetr2k
Bluelighter
My biological father, whom I was too young to remember when my mother left him, left me with a few things passed down genetically. Among these include (current diagnosis) Major Clinical Depression, Panic Disorder, and Obsessive Addiction Personality Trait. My bio father was himself an addict in active addiction, and the severe physical abuse my mother endured is what led to her departure from him. As I said, I was too young to remember these events, and only know of what my mother has told me. I often wonder though, due to certain un-explained emotions, thoughts, and at times non-typical reactions to certain circumstances, if I too experienced abuse from this man.
Anyway, through many years of self medication, then addiction, then realization of the drug problem and the severe consequence, I began the battle for happy living without drugs. At the time this seemed impossible, but I was so desperate to live I figured at least I would die trying or maybe get lucky. At first I thought; 'treat the addiction and the mental disease will fall in line.' I was wrong, and many more years of suffering continued. For reasons unknown I survived (by standard reasoning i should not have), so I decided to try again. This time I thought; 'treat the mental disease, and defeat the addiction.' Again, I was wrong.
Many jails and intitutions later and 6 in-patient treatment programs (all of which I completed), I have finally learned that my war must be fought on two fronts at the same time. Mental disease and addiction. I cannot treat one without treating the other.
For anyone who can relate, or if you wish to comment for any reason, please feel free. Being a good listener helps others, and helping others is what helps me. Thank you.
Anyway, through many years of self medication, then addiction, then realization of the drug problem and the severe consequence, I began the battle for happy living without drugs. At the time this seemed impossible, but I was so desperate to live I figured at least I would die trying or maybe get lucky. At first I thought; 'treat the addiction and the mental disease will fall in line.' I was wrong, and many more years of suffering continued. For reasons unknown I survived (by standard reasoning i should not have), so I decided to try again. This time I thought; 'treat the mental disease, and defeat the addiction.' Again, I was wrong.
Many jails and intitutions later and 6 in-patient treatment programs (all of which I completed), I have finally learned that my war must be fought on two fronts at the same time. Mental disease and addiction. I cannot treat one without treating the other.
For anyone who can relate, or if you wish to comment for any reason, please feel free. Being a good listener helps others, and helping others is what helps me. Thank you.
