phillycheese93
Greenlighter
- Joined
- Oct 13, 2014
- Messages
- 42
So I'm not exactly sure how to put this in words, but I am in a serious dilemma and I don't know what to do. I will try to make this as short as possible. I have been using heroin for two years now. 18 months of chronic use, then 3 months clean on Naltrexone (opioid blocker implant), then using for another 6 months on the weekends. For the last 5 months I have been using kratom along with heroin on on the weekends.
The reasons for using heroin are mostly a rare condition which I cannot seem to get much information on by physicians (tonic tensor tympani syndrome), which causes intense pain and deafness inside my inner ear. The condition is made worse by anxiety (social anxiety and OCD). I have already noticed a huge difference in my hearing, which is very saddening. The condition itself is making me think of suicide whenever it reaches a certain threshold when I can't take it anymore.
The problem catalyzing this vicious cycle is social anxiety and OCD (the real root cause to my ear condition). I have a hard time speaking out medically, that is, if I am feeling suicidal, depressed, anxious, ect. mostly because I have a fear of that they will treat me unfair due to being an addict, which has certainly happened many times in the past. Along with my social anxiety which is a hindrance to begin with, I have conditioned myself to not speak out because of judgmental experiences and fear.
I don't know what to do anymore and I am scared. My OCD revolves around obsessing about social situations that will torment me for weeks, causing my ear condition to skyrocket, leading to suicidal thoughts.
I currently take chlonazepam .5 twice daily, ketamine 10mg IV, and am currently withdrawing from opiates/opioids, having on and off thoughts of going back on them. Exercise helps a lot, but I often have too much social anxiety to go outside and exercise or go to a gym.
I have tried 10-15 medication (SSRIs, SNRIs, TCAs, atypical antipsycotics, and the list goes on) and have seen atleast 5 different shrinks and atleast 10 doctors in the past two years since my anxiety and ear condition peaked.
Please help.
The reasons for using heroin are mostly a rare condition which I cannot seem to get much information on by physicians (tonic tensor tympani syndrome), which causes intense pain and deafness inside my inner ear. The condition is made worse by anxiety (social anxiety and OCD). I have already noticed a huge difference in my hearing, which is very saddening. The condition itself is making me think of suicide whenever it reaches a certain threshold when I can't take it anymore.
The problem catalyzing this vicious cycle is social anxiety and OCD (the real root cause to my ear condition). I have a hard time speaking out medically, that is, if I am feeling suicidal, depressed, anxious, ect. mostly because I have a fear of that they will treat me unfair due to being an addict, which has certainly happened many times in the past. Along with my social anxiety which is a hindrance to begin with, I have conditioned myself to not speak out because of judgmental experiences and fear.
I don't know what to do anymore and I am scared. My OCD revolves around obsessing about social situations that will torment me for weeks, causing my ear condition to skyrocket, leading to suicidal thoughts.
I currently take chlonazepam .5 twice daily, ketamine 10mg IV, and am currently withdrawing from opiates/opioids, having on and off thoughts of going back on them. Exercise helps a lot, but I often have too much social anxiety to go outside and exercise or go to a gym.
I have tried 10-15 medication (SSRIs, SNRIs, TCAs, atypical antipsycotics, and the list goes on) and have seen atleast 5 different shrinks and atleast 10 doctors in the past two years since my anxiety and ear condition peaked.
Please help.
