The HIGHroller
Bluelighter
MDxA - First time - Seeing the world as it really was for the first time
Substance: MDxA (not tested, but from a very reliable source)
Dosage: 1 pill taken in halves. Red AP. Swallowed
About a month ago I did ecstasy for the first time. The pill was a red AP. I have been partying for 2 years, and I finally decided that it was the right time in my life to dose. I was to dose at my favorite club (who was having their 5 year anniversary this night) and my favorite deejay was spinning (Steve Lawler). It was the perfect night. I had been around people who were dosing all the time for those 2 years and I was always curious of the effects. I did A LOT of reading on Erowid, Bluelight, Dancesafe, etc. I knew all the precautions I had to take, and what I was getting myself into.
I arrived at the club with my friend best friend G, and my other friend H. It was G’s first time taking X as well. H was a fairly experienced user. H advised me to take my pill in halves. So I bit half the pill and gave the other half to my friend. I was expecting a HORRIBLE taste, but it wasn’t that bad. I just bit it, and downed it with a bit of water.
T + 0.00 hours (11.30)
I took the pill and had no idea what to expect. I had heard of it taking anywhere from 20 mins to anywhere over an hour to start kicking in. I was playing the “waiting game” as much as anyone ever could, because I was really curious about the drug. I asked H how would I know when it was kicking in, and he smiled and said, “when you just can’t stop moving”. I kept thinking to myself, “I can’t feel it yet, I can’t feel it yet” until
T + 0.30 hours (12.00)
I finally realized that I couldn’t stop moving! The music was good, but not THAT good, but I was dancing like crazy. I concentrated on staying still but I couldn’t. G kept asking me if I could feel it and claimed that he couldn’t feel it even though I noticed he couldn’t stop moving either. I asked H when I should take the second half and he said “when you feel you need to”. I continued to dance
T + 1.00 hours (12.30)
I “felt the need” to take the second half. By this time, everything seemed to have sped up a bit, my mood was elevated, and I was enjoying the music more than I usually would. I bit half of the second pill and passed G the other half. H said to me as i took it "in about 20-45 mins, this will take you to a whole new level." And boy was he right. The dancing continued.
T + 1.30 hours (1.00)
Steve Lawler came on the decks and all the lights turned off. A crazy tribal drum loop came on in the absolute darkness with some trippy vocals. I started feeling a bit anxious, and really started to feel the effects of the X kick in. G had been talking to me and bothering me all night about when it would be kicking in etc, but he was just standing there looking anxious and looking around like I was. The drum loop went on for what seemed like an age, and I was begging for the bass to be dropped. I was getting really anxious. Finally an ENORMOUS boom came in on the speakers (the bass) and I finally realized I was entering another world. The music sounded completely different.
T + 2.30 hours (2.00)
At this point I started realizing that I was chain smoking and smoking felt REALLY good. I was feeling very happy. Just as I was starting noticed my peak coming on, my friend R passed me a joint and said “this will feel awesome and make the music sound soooo good.” So I took a few of the most monsterous puffs I have ever done which I would not even be able to do half of while sober and passed it back to him. About two minutes later came the worst feeling I have ever felt in my life. It is impossible to put into words the feeling I felt. I was extremely scared and just kept telling myself “there is something wrong, something’s very wrong” it was almost like peaking off E, but the exact opposite. All I could do was stand there. I couldn’t move. It wasn’t even really that I felt “scared” it was just that I was feeling very “wrong”. I decided to splash some cold water on my face and it felt like I went from negative, to baseline, to peaking again. This only lasted about 30 seconds, but it seemed like forever, and I would NEVER want this to happen to anyone. It was horrible. As the set went on, I was peaking higher and higher. As time went on, I felt a profound sense of empathy for the world and everyone in it. Everyone had put a sort of “defense” up, to prevent people from getting to their real selves. We as a race have been hurt so many times by each other that we put up this thick layer of defense that hardly anyone can penetrate. The goal in life was to have this defense penetrated by someone, and to penetrate this someone’s defense yourself, and get to the real inner person. Everyone needs to be loved. Everyone needs to be cared for. That is the meaning of life. This is what the real world really was like, behind all of our habits, and egos. I wondered if this is what drug users refer to as "seperation of the ego". Our goal as a society is to find a way to live in this state constantly, so that we can all care for each other in this way that we were meant to. This is why we strive and work, to get to this state. Is this what heaven felt like?
T + 3.30 hours (3.00)
The night was passing by too quickly. The peak started wearing off but I was still really fucking high. Each bass kick seemed to penetrate every nerve, and every cell of my body. I finally understood what the song meant by “This beat’s all over my body”. G finally started talking to me again because it seemed he passed his peak again. We kept telling each other how good friends we were. The words, “I love you man” must have passed between us at least 100 times that night. I decided that it was time to see what the big deal about light shows were, and wow, that was fucking awesome. G got one too, and he almost started crying haha. Ever since 2.00 I was so floored that I couldn’t dance, I could just groove with the beat.
T + 5.00 hours (4.30)
All of a sudden, my back started to hurt. I was still really happy, but my body started saying “okay, fuck you buddy, I think I’ve had enough for tonight”. I tried telling G that I was going to sit down, but I think he was still peaking, because he said that I should stay, because it was “only one night” (whatever that meant
). Both of us didn’t want to leave each other for the whole night, we wanted to experience this together. So I just stayed on the dance floor with him cause I knew that if he did that to me while I was still peaking I would be heart broken hehe. One of my other friends must have noticed I was holding my back and she gave me a massage. OOOOOOOMG now I know why people like getting massages on E so much. It felt so damn good.
T + 6.30 hours (6.00)
My body finally said, “if you don’t let me sit down right now I’m going to collapse” so I obeyed. So I went into the washroom to take a piss, and then to sit down, and once I entered the washroom, I realized I was coming down. Now I was kind of scared of this because I’ve heard horror stories about coming down, but I was still feeling happy, just less OMFG happy. I sat down for about 20 mins and heard one of my favourite songs come on and I danced until we left
T + 8 hours (7.30)
My friend informed me of an afterparty going down, so I decided to go. On the car ride back I just sat there and felt like I had smoked 8923572395 joints that day (ie. Really stupid). I chilled at the house party for about 30 mins until I decided that the sole purpose of my existence, and the only thing that would make me happy at this point was going home to my bed.
Fin
I would say this was the best night of my life. Not only because of the E, but because I was with my best friend, in my favourite club, listening to my favourite deejay, surrounded by a bunch of good friends. I will definitely do it again, but not for a while, because it is something special that I would only like to do rarely.
Substance: MDxA (not tested, but from a very reliable source)
Dosage: 1 pill taken in halves. Red AP. Swallowed
About a month ago I did ecstasy for the first time. The pill was a red AP. I have been partying for 2 years, and I finally decided that it was the right time in my life to dose. I was to dose at my favorite club (who was having their 5 year anniversary this night) and my favorite deejay was spinning (Steve Lawler). It was the perfect night. I had been around people who were dosing all the time for those 2 years and I was always curious of the effects. I did A LOT of reading on Erowid, Bluelight, Dancesafe, etc. I knew all the precautions I had to take, and what I was getting myself into.
I arrived at the club with my friend best friend G, and my other friend H. It was G’s first time taking X as well. H was a fairly experienced user. H advised me to take my pill in halves. So I bit half the pill and gave the other half to my friend. I was expecting a HORRIBLE taste, but it wasn’t that bad. I just bit it, and downed it with a bit of water.
T + 0.00 hours (11.30)
I took the pill and had no idea what to expect. I had heard of it taking anywhere from 20 mins to anywhere over an hour to start kicking in. I was playing the “waiting game” as much as anyone ever could, because I was really curious about the drug. I asked H how would I know when it was kicking in, and he smiled and said, “when you just can’t stop moving”. I kept thinking to myself, “I can’t feel it yet, I can’t feel it yet” until
T + 0.30 hours (12.00)
I finally realized that I couldn’t stop moving! The music was good, but not THAT good, but I was dancing like crazy. I concentrated on staying still but I couldn’t. G kept asking me if I could feel it and claimed that he couldn’t feel it even though I noticed he couldn’t stop moving either. I asked H when I should take the second half and he said “when you feel you need to”. I continued to dance
T + 1.00 hours (12.30)
I “felt the need” to take the second half. By this time, everything seemed to have sped up a bit, my mood was elevated, and I was enjoying the music more than I usually would. I bit half of the second pill and passed G the other half. H said to me as i took it "in about 20-45 mins, this will take you to a whole new level." And boy was he right. The dancing continued.
T + 1.30 hours (1.00)
Steve Lawler came on the decks and all the lights turned off. A crazy tribal drum loop came on in the absolute darkness with some trippy vocals. I started feeling a bit anxious, and really started to feel the effects of the X kick in. G had been talking to me and bothering me all night about when it would be kicking in etc, but he was just standing there looking anxious and looking around like I was. The drum loop went on for what seemed like an age, and I was begging for the bass to be dropped. I was getting really anxious. Finally an ENORMOUS boom came in on the speakers (the bass) and I finally realized I was entering another world. The music sounded completely different.
T + 2.30 hours (2.00)
At this point I started realizing that I was chain smoking and smoking felt REALLY good. I was feeling very happy. Just as I was starting noticed my peak coming on, my friend R passed me a joint and said “this will feel awesome and make the music sound soooo good.” So I took a few of the most monsterous puffs I have ever done which I would not even be able to do half of while sober and passed it back to him. About two minutes later came the worst feeling I have ever felt in my life. It is impossible to put into words the feeling I felt. I was extremely scared and just kept telling myself “there is something wrong, something’s very wrong” it was almost like peaking off E, but the exact opposite. All I could do was stand there. I couldn’t move. It wasn’t even really that I felt “scared” it was just that I was feeling very “wrong”. I decided to splash some cold water on my face and it felt like I went from negative, to baseline, to peaking again. This only lasted about 30 seconds, but it seemed like forever, and I would NEVER want this to happen to anyone. It was horrible. As the set went on, I was peaking higher and higher. As time went on, I felt a profound sense of empathy for the world and everyone in it. Everyone had put a sort of “defense” up, to prevent people from getting to their real selves. We as a race have been hurt so many times by each other that we put up this thick layer of defense that hardly anyone can penetrate. The goal in life was to have this defense penetrated by someone, and to penetrate this someone’s defense yourself, and get to the real inner person. Everyone needs to be loved. Everyone needs to be cared for. That is the meaning of life. This is what the real world really was like, behind all of our habits, and egos. I wondered if this is what drug users refer to as "seperation of the ego". Our goal as a society is to find a way to live in this state constantly, so that we can all care for each other in this way that we were meant to. This is why we strive and work, to get to this state. Is this what heaven felt like?
T + 3.30 hours (3.00)
The night was passing by too quickly. The peak started wearing off but I was still really fucking high. Each bass kick seemed to penetrate every nerve, and every cell of my body. I finally understood what the song meant by “This beat’s all over my body”. G finally started talking to me again because it seemed he passed his peak again. We kept telling each other how good friends we were. The words, “I love you man” must have passed between us at least 100 times that night. I decided that it was time to see what the big deal about light shows were, and wow, that was fucking awesome. G got one too, and he almost started crying haha. Ever since 2.00 I was so floored that I couldn’t dance, I could just groove with the beat.
T + 5.00 hours (4.30)
All of a sudden, my back started to hurt. I was still really happy, but my body started saying “okay, fuck you buddy, I think I’ve had enough for tonight”. I tried telling G that I was going to sit down, but I think he was still peaking, because he said that I should stay, because it was “only one night” (whatever that meant
). Both of us didn’t want to leave each other for the whole night, we wanted to experience this together. So I just stayed on the dance floor with him cause I knew that if he did that to me while I was still peaking I would be heart broken hehe. One of my other friends must have noticed I was holding my back and she gave me a massage. OOOOOOOMG now I know why people like getting massages on E so much. It felt so damn good.T + 6.30 hours (6.00)
My body finally said, “if you don’t let me sit down right now I’m going to collapse” so I obeyed. So I went into the washroom to take a piss, and then to sit down, and once I entered the washroom, I realized I was coming down. Now I was kind of scared of this because I’ve heard horror stories about coming down, but I was still feeling happy, just less OMFG happy. I sat down for about 20 mins and heard one of my favourite songs come on and I danced until we left
T + 8 hours (7.30)
My friend informed me of an afterparty going down, so I decided to go. On the car ride back I just sat there and felt like I had smoked 8923572395 joints that day (ie. Really stupid). I chilled at the house party for about 30 mins until I decided that the sole purpose of my existence, and the only thing that would make me happy at this point was going home to my bed.
Fin
I would say this was the best night of my life. Not only because of the E, but because I was with my best friend, in my favourite club, listening to my favourite deejay, surrounded by a bunch of good friends. I will definitely do it again, but not for a while, because it is something special that I would only like to do rarely.
