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Making friends with the opposite sex?

nuttynutskin

nuttynutskin

Bluelighter
Joined
May 15, 2011
Messages
10,732
Not sure if anyone here has done this, but maybe someone can shed some light... And that is as the title says, how do you make friends with someone of the opposite sex who you don't know personally? I know more or less how to ask someone on a date, but what do you say to someone you're just looking to be friends with (at least for the time being)? If you ask them to coffee it sounds like a date obviously, but what else is there?
 
All you do is go up to them and say something stupid but act confident. If they don't insult you and walk away, talk to them for a few minutes. If you think you have anything in common with them, then ask them for coffee.
 
I've talked to her twice about cartoons lol, (she works at a convenient store by me). I just feel like if I try to get her number she's going to take it as a date when that's not necessarily what I'm looking for currently. Maybe I'm just over-thinking things, but I wonder what a female perspective is... If a guy asks you for your number do you automatically assume it's for a romantic date? Shit, it would be easy if it were just that.
 
^I would. Are you new to the area & looking to make friends? Why are you wanting to just be friends?

If a guy approached me & said, "I'm just wanting to grab a coffee with you as a friend", I'd probably feel insulted. What's your agenda here?

I have a lot of male friends, but I've made them through the common channels. School, uni, work etc. Why do you want to form a friendship with someone you don't know? Afaik it's usually that you get to know someone then decide you want to become better friends. So, you've just singled this lady out & want to befriend her, nothing romantic to it?

Rtp
 
Runtoparadise said:
^I would. Are you new to the area & looking to make friends? Why are you wanting to just be friends?
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Nope, I've lived here for quite a while. As for why am I just wanting to be friends, I don't know, why does anyone want to be friends? I wouldn't say that that's set in stone, but I'm just not really looking for dating or relationship shit right now. If it happens with someone it happens, it's just not something I'm actively pursuing.

Runtoparadise said:
If a guy approached me & said, "I'm just wanting to grab a coffee with you as a friend", I'd probably feel insulted. What's your agenda here?
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I don't really have an agenda, she just seems like a cool chick.

Runtoparadise said:
Why do you want to form a friendship with someone you don't know?
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Because besides the acquaintances I talk to at the gym I have no social life basically lol. I'm not in the position right now where I'm around a lot of people so I don't have that to my advantage.

Runtoparadise said:
Afaik it's usually that you get to know someone then decide you want to become better friends. So, you've just singled this lady out & want to befriend her, nothing romantic to it?
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Not necessarily, she just seemed like someone I would like to know better.
 
Is the reason you want to see her that you would like to get to know her better with the hope that something romantic could result?

Shop girls like her are hit on all the time, and they have no way to escape it. If you don't want to be a nuisance to her, just get it over with and give her your phone number and tell her you'd like to have coffee with her some time. If she says yes, congrats. If she says no, you have your answer. Avoid her shift for a few weeks until she forgets about it.
 
This is a really good question...that I have no good answer for.

Like Rtp, I have tons of male platonic friends but I know them through school, work or other friends.
 
Since you work close by could you ask her if she'd like to grab a coffee in her break? That's if you could have your break at the same time. Or if she's going to pick up her dry cleaning you could offer to walk with her. It is a tricky question to answer.

Rtp
 
Generally, if a guy asks for my number, it's cuz he wants to ask me out. It has been that way almost all the time. A few exceptions but generally when there is a legit reason (school? work?) or if my boyfriend is there. It does get harder to make friends when you're older. And, unfortunately, we automatically assume that guys being overly friendly just want to date us or have sex with us. It's not great. Most of them do. But not all. Just hard for the guys who legit don't want anything more. I'd say put it out there. Say you're not looking for anything romantic or sexual and then maybe invite her to something that you're doing with a group of friends. Or some small event.
I have quite a few male friends but I've met them through work and events and stuff. Although I don't work at a convenience store, if I were just at a grocery store, or the park, and a guy started chatting with me, yes I would assume he was hitting on me. Because 99% of the time, they are. (OK I don't know exact stats but you get what I mean)
Asking if she'd like to grab coffee is a good idea though.
If she has a boyfriend and you let her know you'd just like to hang out or whatever, that should be fine. I often get pretty tense when a guy approaches me. If he opens up with "I'm not hitting on you" or anything like that, I honestly feel much more comfortable and more willing to talk to him. This is more at a club but should be similar for other social situations.
 
I think if I see her again I'll see if she's on Facebook, or if all else fails I guess I'll just go the coffee route. I usually don't over-think things like this, but I guess part of it is I'm just not really in any shape to be dating right now but could use some new friends. Either way, thanks for the responses.
 
Nutty: Let us know how it goes. I'm curious because I have had similar situations as yours. I ask girls I don't know out for coffee sometimes too. Half the time, it's girls I don't have and will never have any interest in romantically. However, I want to get to know them better and see if they are somebody I can be friends with and have outings with but nothing more. The other half the time, it is with the hope that there is the possibility that somethign romantic could happen. I get shot down half the time, nothing romantic usually happens, but I've made a few friends.
 
nuttynutskin said:
I've talked to her twice about cartoons lol, (she works at a convenient store by me). I just feel like if I try to get her number she's going to take it as a date when that's not necessarily what I'm looking for currently. Maybe I'm just over-thinking things, but I wonder what a female perspective is... If a guy asks you for your number do you automatically assume it's for a romantic date? Shit, it would be easy if it were just that.
Click to expand...

I would automatically assume that, yes. But I wouldn't be weirded out or insulted if the guy told me clearly he just wanted to be friends! So that would be my best advice - simply tell her the truth if you think she'll take it as you asking her out :)
 
Yeah, just be honest. If you have some hidden, deep down desires to actually date the girl, she's probably gonna know by your body language. And if this is the case, you may want to rethink your strategy.

But yeah, like you originally stated, if you are just looking for a new friend or two, check out with a bottled water, maybe something else, be like, and don't act too excited, but be like "I work across the street. I've seen you in here, didn't know if you'd like to hang out a bit?"

Wait, I'm too sleepy, that didn't go the way I wanted it. I just feel like, asking if she wants to have coffee is completely asking someone out for a small date, only because they are a stranger.
Asking a good friend out for coffee is another story.
 
I still would say being upfront and saying you're not looking for anything romantic or sexual. That could put her more at ease and less pressure on her. But I know personally that always makes me feel better when someone approaches me.
 
socko said:
Nutty: Let us know how it goes. I'm curious because I have had similar situations as yours.
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Yeah I will if I see her again. Problem is I hardly ever go to the convenience store anymore since I more or less quit drinking. If I do I'm just gonna keep it casual. I'm definitely not going to say I'm not looking for anything romantic or sexual tho... That just seems like a weird thing to say to someone (no offense Llama). And like I said, those thing's aren't even out of the question, it's just not my main focus right now.
 
That is a good question.

Why not make plans to hang out with women you would sleep with anyways? That is what I do. I usually make friends with woman I want to sleep with and if we do end up being just friends, then she introduces me to her friends and down the line I might sleep with a woman I have been just friends with.

I suppose you could ask a woman to have a drink with you and if she says she is not interested, at that point you say that "I am new in town and I just want to get out" and maybe she will introduce you to some of her friends or you will make some new friends at the bar. Just getting out usually is the best way to make friends other than work and school.

School is a super easy way to make friends. I always do the study budy system and I am study buddies with at least 2 women. That way you can email each other notes if you miss a class and then you have contact info and shit to talk about after class and on break if it is a night class. You could study together for the mid and final exam. That is good for your marks and for making friends.

You can always stay friends with your ex gfs. I usually stay friends with my ex's and that usually is a good thing.
 
I'm still on good terms more or less with everyone I've ever been with except for one psycho, but they all have their own lives now and I don't see them or anything. Either way, I might go pick up a 40 (yeah I'm classy) Saturday and see if she's still working there. I'm just afraid that there will be a bunch of customers like usual and I wont really have a chance to talk to her. I may just slip her a note with my Facebook address on it and write something like "Hey you seem cool, add me if you'd like".
 
I think the only way to start a friendship would be to ask her to do something, and then once you're hanging out just explain that you're interested in being friends. I think it will require a little more explanation than may occur while you're chatting with her as she rings up your beer.
 
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