Major Relapse.

[Subdivisions]

Well, I relapsed. Started to get clean around June 2010, was clean totally by September of 2010. Relapsed the past 3 months. Just crashed like a plane that lost all its engines.

I've spent a ton of money on pills to the point of having to declare bankruptcy. My life still isn't fully recovered from my last spell...financial and using problems set me back socially and mentally.

Long story short, I come from a strict muslim family. I am definitely the black sheep of the family. I been in music for awhile (club DJ) which I absolutely love...but I decided to quit to try to make peace with my family. Well, that's when the using started...I got really depressed and couldn't take not being myself anymore, and I just went off the rails I guess. I still haven't really done much to clear up my problems with my family, I guess that's part of the problem.

I did SMART Recovery last time...I think I am going to check into an outpatient (daytime) clinic just to try a different approach...I am a believer in trying out all the options (I have come to realize that none of the addiction approaches are perfect...we know little about addiction compared to other diseases).

Any suggestions on how my fellow BL'ers have dealt with relapse? I know I can search it...but it feels better to write. Ahhh.

 

[Material541]

Don't beat yourself up over this. Relapse is often a part of recovery. The important thing is to get right back up on that horse. Just realize that a relapse is NOT a failure! Stay positive and jump back to where you left off. I have relapsed many a time and at first would get into a negative mindset of "I am a failure...I might as well keep getting high since I already relapsed." Eventually, I realized that I was digging this hole for myself -- I started to view my relapses as part of the process; as minor setbacks. Once I realized that it became easier to stay positive and strong which is what will really drive you towards your goal...

 

[Jabberwocky]

Being able to share and talk honestly and openly with others, to communicate what you have just experienced, is key. You're not alone.

I feel like what is necessary for the individual to move forward past their "relapse." One must hash out what happened, which basically boils down to simply talking about the relapse and circumstances surrounding it. Otherwise I find it's too easy to become consumed by guilt and shame. You can avoid feeling guilty and ashamed of yourself, and move on, most effectively imho by trying to unravel the how's and why's surrounding the relapse in question.

Just don't let it get you down. You're no less of a person. You're still beautiful. And awesome. You're passion(s) give you reason to smile.

Would you mind giving us some details about this episode? What was your DOC? How does your work and family's religious predilections clash specifically?

 

[Vaya]

Look at it this way - the time you spent sober wasn't a waste of time. You haven't reset to zero. You've encountered an understandable setback and ought to take the most immediate action to get back on track as you can, but you mustn't convince yourself that you've failed. In sobriety I have relapsed many times.

...many times.

But, upon re-entering the mindset of mending what I can and accepting what I can't, I have consistently found faith, wisdom and strength from those periods of abstinence I held in the past. I was sober for three years at one point, and I will never forget the success and serenity I am able to achieve, if only I maintain the clarity of mind I once held.

And look at yourself - you're already doing the right thing. You're hopping into action immediately, actively planning to try out other options that you haven't attempted before. That's seriously admirable. And guess what? Now you know that you are capable of doing it. Bearing that in mind, move forward with courage and self-assuredness. And above all, do not forget to give yourself positive credit where credit is due!!! As one who has struggled with staying sober for many years, I know that my natural predisposition is to run myself into the mud for the things that I've done wrong. Pausing for a moment to congratulate myself for the positive steps I take is such an integral part of my recovery that I literally cannot emphasize it enough.

You, me, the homeless guy on the inner city street corner - we all deserve to be happy, freed from the bondage of self-seeking behavior and self-defeating thinking. You're right where you need to be and, as long as you remain vigilant, you'll be just fine

If you'd like to talk more in-depth in private, always feel free to send me a PM. Relapse is painful, but it does not define you. Addiction has a recovery rate less than that of most cancers - and we wonder why finding permanent success is so exceedingly difficult!

~ vaya

 

[Missykins]

Does SMART recovery place much of an emphasis upon peer support? If not, perhaps you should find a program that does. Most outpatient programs do, and that typically comes in the form of 12 Step fellowship groups. You should expect to spend most of your time in outpatient treatment in group therapy: that is the mainstay of treatment. You might find this beneficial, as you are not getting support from your family at this time.

Is it hard for you to work in clubs and avoid using?

 

[Subdivisions]

I never had a problem staying away from drugs in the club Missy. It's definitely a business where you need to be careful, but all of my using has occurred at home, and at one particular person's home.

I have always wondered that, though...I see all these musicians who are recovering alcoholics and heroin addicts (Slash, Elton John, Eminem, etc)...they are surely surrounded by temptation all the time yet stay clean. I admire that, and I aspire to that.

 

[Urgez]

I never had a problem staying away from drugs in the club Missy. It's definitely a business where you need to be careful, but all of my using has occurred at home, and at one particular person's home.

I have always wondered that, though...I see all these musicians who are recovering alcoholics and heroin addicts (Slash, Elton John, Eminem, etc)...they are surely surrounded by temptation all the time yet stay clean. I admire that, and I aspire to that.

you're not alone brother. i've come to the conclusion after years of chasing my artistic passion, drugs are the proverbial contract that one signs with the devil. and unfortunately, it's *not* just a matter of perception. its actually your willing commitment to explore the full-spectrum of human emotion, to sacrifice something essential to give your art credibility. artists are societies guinea pigs, after all. *however*.. you have to live to tell the tale or risk crashing and burning. take these times as life experience and envision a future in which your talent has been enhanced by past suffering, not destroyed.

being an artist isn't an excuse to use drugs, it's only an excuse if you're not good... or alive

 

[Subdivisions]

I sort of follow you on that Urgez...lol...but I don't feel that is my case. My art receives credibility when people, including myself, enjoy it and can dance to it. I feel, and am quite certain (genetic disposition or not)...that I am using to hide the feelings of deep fright that I feel when I am faced with the task of confronting myself, and realizing who I really am...and the fear that one day I will probably have to let my family know that version of me.

Or...did I just confirm what you said? Hehe.

 

[Subdivisions]

Toothpastedog- my DOC was opiates- mostly hydro and oxy, with tramadol here and there. My work clashes with my family because Muslims, for starters, are not supposed to mix with the opposite sex outside marriage. Alcohol is also forbidden, as is provocative music- all things that my family adheres to. So...yeah, being a DJ doesn't fit well with them.