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made up mind! I'm committing to this!

turnin_AcEs

turnin_AcEs

Greenlighter
Joined
Jan 25, 2011
Messages
7
Location
colorado
Hello there BlueLighters! I have been scanning these forums privately alone for quite some time now and they have done great things for me, you are all amazing people truly. I decided to join and start making some posts for two reasons. 1. I am in the first couple days of a very low sub taper after my most recent oxy binge..I have been on a roller coaster of using lots for days and weeks and then wd'ing when the money or the pill ran out just to start again on day 4 or 5. In this roller coaster I lost a lot of what I had..I have finally hit a point where I want off the roller coaster and made the leap two days ago. Feeling pretty good so far its just the mentals that always seem to get me after a long enough time line..not this time though. For the first time I am actively seeking support from many different resources and this is a great one! 2. I would like to lend any knowledge i can to anyone who has or is going through what I went through. So hello finally BlueLighters! Any tips/advice/words of encouragement are greatly appreciated in this what is always my hardest time. Thanks to you all :) ACE
 
Man your's and my stories sound really really similar minus the methadone. I could not do this because no body in my life, serious gf, family, no one knew how bad I was. As usual started with some 7.5 percs i got for tradding a class mate some notes. Having had almost no experience with drugs other than selling them temporarily like an idiot, and when i say almost no experience i mean to this day still never tried coke, never tripped, and smoked weed a handfull of times in early high school but it affects my athletics which in my entire life of growing up as an obese kid have become god lol. sorry, long story short*started with7.5 percs just one to two, that escalated immediately and within a month i was introduced to my DOC-oxy. This is where everything started to go way down hill. at first i could swallow a 40 and be content for and entire day. it didnt take long to get to 300-450 mg's a day because i was getting so many of the ir30s. what had my life become. thanks to an amazing gf i cared about very much i quit cold turkey last december until feb. best most clear time period i had had in about 2 years. then i fucked up. under a lot of personal pressure and someone i thought was long gone popped back into my life with great deals...that was all she wrote. over the last spring and summer i lost just about everything. my wonderful valedictorian gf, both my jobs and i was denied entry to defend my state jiu jitsu championship due to a failed drug test. I quit on life at this point, thought i had nothing left, stopped working out and doing anything that was positive. i lost me. this fall and winter i have been constantly checking these board and trying to find a way to do the drugs and still have me. not possible. over the last few months i went cold turkey more times than i remember off oc and the pain to make it to day 4,5,6 and break. since i started again i havent done one week clean..I am finally ready to do this FINALLY. when i say low on subs i mean low, i have 6 2mg subs, i went the first 24 completely clear, took two 2mg's throughout the day on day 2, i will do the same for day three, and on days four and five i will do one and break them in half and do a half in the morning and a half in the afternoon for the last two days. Given your experience do you think i should feel any mild wd's from that? I am also exercising daily and eating much healthier already to get a running start for when these run out. im ready to get my life and my championship back lol! Thanks for any advice and support. It means a lot to be able to finally talk about this with people. Thank You.
ACE
 
I think the most important thing I've learned from this whole experience is, regret is the biggest waste of time. I'm what I like to call a rare breed; I had everything given to me, and anyone struggling to pay for school and bills would call me a bastard (for taking such advantage of my situation). I have nothing to show for my last two years of opiate abuse.

I honestly think you're taking too much sub. That shit builds up in your system quicker than you think. You'll become psychologically dependent, which then leads to a physical dependence to THAT. Trust me, you're better off cold turkeying OC (in my opinion) than subs. Some would call it mild, but shit, it was hell for me. And I've been forced to cold turkey oxy several times, due to a dryspell in my town.

After you take 2 mgs in the morning, do you feel like crap before you go to bed? I mean, do you feel cold and all that poopy stuff? I'd say right now, you're good, but after a week, that sub will be harder to quit than the oxy. I was in pain for about 2 weeks (cold sweats, aches, lethargy, depression, everything). I never thought it would end.

On days 4 and 5, try to take around 1mg the whole day. Keep me posted.
 
Thanks for the reply's and support! So I took your advice and today was my final day and I took 1 mg worth of sub, I was feeling pretty fine all day through to the night morning with the 2 mg sub in the morning, i've been sleeping pretty well with the help of a small dose of ambien at night and forcing exercise during the day. I definitely did NOT want to switch my addiction to a sub one cause I have heard similar stories of that and methadone being HELL to come off of so i kept enough for today and gave any extra away. It's a mental battle for the most part usually for me, i tough physical pain out pretty well but have a tough time going through the lethargy and stuff because I always feel I should be doing more and pissed I got myself in this situation. I have a script to adderall that I have been hesitant to take any while going through the initial few days out of fear of sleep and restlessness, do you have any experience with this during the first little while after wd? I only use as prescribed and am considering taking some in the mornings like i used to for an energy boost during the day, any experience in that area at all?
 
Everyone would recommend against using addies during withdrawal. I personally found it to be beneficial. A very small dose (10mgs) would make the lethargy sort of disappear. But during the post acute withdrawal stage (anxiety, rls, stomach pains, etc) it'll make your anxiety so much worse. But I think as long as you're not feeling the "high" from them you'll be alright.

Stimulants are not the answer. Exercise and eating well is your best option. Drink lots of water and stock up on some Imodium.

http://www.bluelight.ru/vb/showthread.php?t=296086
^Here is a thread based on Loperamide (Imodium). It's up to you which route you decide to take. I honestly would have tapered to a lower dose of Suboxone but it sounds like you're out already.
 
Subs at a low dose for a few days makes kicking quite straight forward IMO - to each there own.

most important though is to exercise get your natural endorphins up, get some omega 3s in there, immodium won't be needed if you take subs i've found (even low dose 2-4mg so long as you don't have a tolerance).

Benzos are great if you don't find you have a love affair with them ALSO !! Be safe - best of luck.

Sweat it out in a sauna and working out , seriously working out and sex is the best thing in the world while goin thru opiate WD's imo.
 
I always went cold turkey with the aid of other drugs like weed, booze, and benzos. I was never close to your daily dose of oxy however. If you kick the oxys and get addicted to other drugs, you might need to seek drug treatment and start working a program. One piece of advice, honesty with everyone is key to recovery.
 
just giving y'all an update! really startin to feel better finally, i did some immodium at low doses for a couple days just to try it out, I was just about over most everything and that stuff kicked the rest which was nice! I had never tried that before, always just cold turkeyed it and sat for two days as my eyes leeeeaked water. I hated that part lol. Working out has been awesome again! definitely startin to feel like me again. still got some cravings hate those but i deleted anyone that could hook me up with anything to eliminate as much pressure as possible, my problem has been the down time. ive stayed somewhat busy with school and startin to workout again but i was trying to remember when i used to lay around watching tv and movies and loving every second of it, now i feel this kinda guilt about it but hey my brain has a long balancing act to go. i am really thinking positive that this is inly the beginning of feeling so much better and i havent even broken the tip of the ice burg, thats what keeps me going. finding bluelight and all your guys' support has been truely amazing and I am grateful. thank you all. i will try everyday to fight the good fight and keep posting here so hopefully i can help pull someone else out of that dark hole you fall in. I feel truely blessed to even have this kind of mind state, forgot what it feels like. feels like hope. thank you all again and i wish the best for everyone here.
ACE
 
^
=D
cool

yeah, the thought of suicide sometimes is so so comforting...
it really pisses me off how stubborn i am sometimes -lol

buuut, then reality, and your inner-vision can smack you right out of it.
or an odd, coincidental seeming conversation or comment from a stranger or something, can flip that switch suddenly.
this is were TDS, or BL rather can be useful.
;)
like atm
:D
haha

sometimes an Ace is only a 1, or sometimes an 11.
either way, it can be played to your advantage,,, at some point.

"I feel truely blessed to even have this kind of mind state, forgot what it feels like. feels like hope."
it is hope brother, and its contagious.
having this 'trek' to the bottom seems to of shown you the confidences you deserve to have in yourself, so many don't see it this way...
after all this time here, and IRL,,, i can not dismiss anyones plea for help, they are not always hallow.
:|
so keep sharing man, we all need the help and inspiration from time to time, some times more then others.

<3
 
p.s. to anyone who has been following this! i just got a call and take over as head of security at my new job next week! SO HAPPY AND GRATEFUL FOR THESE CHANGES! just had to tell lol
ACE
 
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