Help me figure this out. I couldn't decide whether to post here on in the dark side.
I've been in a relationship with this guy for 12 years, married for almost 5. About 15mths ago he started nagging me to get my head checked by a doctor, saying he thinks I'm going crazy because I was experiencing some insomnia which is not unusual for me. I generally just deal with it and it passes after a while. The constant nagging though, planted seed of doubt and I was wondering if I was truly going manic again. So I visited our general practitioner and had a chat to him about whether my insomnia should be medicated. We agreed that maybe it should be if it gets worse but in that case I should make another appt and come back. To me this meant the doc wasn't particularly concerned about my mental state.
Two weeks after that my hubby went to the doc for something else and came back saying the doc was asking him how messed up I am and how concerned he is about me having bipolar and going manic. I thought that's serious breach of privacy from a doctor for disclosing I have seen him and discussing diagnosis with my husband. I discussed this with my husband and he agreed that he thinks doc shouldn't have done it and he breached my privacy and professional standards etc. So I lodged a formal complaint and got quite upset that a doctor would go and discuss this with my husband instead of calling me to come back for another appointment if he was so concerned.
However, turns out my husband flat out lied to me and it wasn't the doctor who initiated discussion about me being crazy. My husband actually went to the doctor and in an attempt to get benzos prescribed under the pretence that they are for me he basically told the doc I'm completely crazy. 8( His plot did not succeed and he didn't get the meds. I was left red faced because I lodged the complaint and falsely accused the doctor. I was utterly embarrassed and had a huge argument with my husband about his blatant lies and more lies to cover it up and denial when presented with facts. He promised never to lie to me or anyone else again about matters that can have serious consequences to my reputation e.g. I could have been visited by police, held for mental assessment etc. All over attempt to squeeze a script for benzos from the doc.
Several months pass and my husband is trying to get some friends to get scripts from doctors overseas and bring them to Australia in personal luggage, he does the same thing with his mother and father etc. In the end the friends really did manage to bring to packets of xanax with them.
Fast forward another couple of months we were visiting family overseas and his mum organised more xanax for him. Then some common older friends asked to meet me for a cup of coffee in the city and as we shook hands to greet each other this dude hands me over another two boxes of xanax. Those were supplied by his dad and this guy was just acting as courier. I'm confused and I put them in my purse. When I got home I checked them and there was a piece of paper taped on the boxes with handwriting from my father in law saying "Dear xxx, these are for my dear daughter in law, hope she gets better." Basically I lost my plot again, not so much because I think this consumption of benzos is excessive but because it was clear that he told his father a lie, something along the lines of me being mental and needing meds and his father then went to his doctor to obtain prescription. He lied to his father about me and his father then subsequently unknowingly lied to his doctor to get the script. I'm not cool with that, pop the xanax but really no need to use me as an excuse to source them please. Had a huge argument with my husband again about the no-nos of lying in a relationship as this undermines the basic trust that has to exist for healthy relationship. He responded with anger when outed and then he kept apologising and promising he'll never do it again.
This saga is now some 15 months old. About 10 days ago my husband said he thinks he's coming down with flu and he's been "sick" on the couch, cranky etc. I figure out it's not the flu but some sort of withdrawals/comedown and he said he's been taking some oxycodone in December and he now ran out of it. To my knowledge he wasn't taking much. I thought he gets an occasional no-repeats script from his doctor for pain caused by an accident and I'm aware that he gets a few pills here and there, maybe from some friends or buys it off the internet. Didn't think this occasional extra use would cause withdrawals though. Hubby also says he didn't take much of oxycodone but was supplementing it with some panadol with codeine.
So his admission of how much he's using etc starts getting a bit fishy and I'm thinking okay he might be having some mild withdrawals no big deal, generally he's taking these tablets for legit pain (or so I thought), he'll be sick for a few days at most.
Indeed he was feeling off for about two days, had a bit of insomnia, restlessness, was generally cranky, complained of nausea etc. Then he went back to work for about 2 days and then worked few days from home office. One day he's all over the house, doing work, keeps coming to my office and generally seems weird and aggressive in demeanour and chewing excessively. Didn't think much of it, just that maybe his clients are giving him a hard time.
Two days ago I notice his office bin is full so I go to empty it and I sort rubbish into recyclable and general waste. I find empty blister packs, some weird envelopes, one that says agricultural product, spores, sterile & apply immediately upon opening. Agricultural product, free sample?! The fuck?! So I search his office and find a whole stash of pharmaceuticals, 3 different types of opiate meds, ativan, valium, temazepam, some powdery stuff in bagies (might have been there from a long time ago), more suspicious envelopes. Duh, ordering stash off the internet, obviously and hiding it from me. He offered me some of those temazepam tablets in December and he told me he got them from the doctor. Then he offered me some more just a few days and I asked if he got more from the doctor but he said they were from his coworker. It's not exactly that I was buying that story but I'm confused as to why he thinks he needs to lie about the source to me.
So I do inventory of all his stuff and put it away. Decide to wait till he gets home and figures out I know and we can talk about it then. He comes home wired as hell, goes straight to his office and tries to find his hidden stash which wasn't there any more. He asks if I went through his stuff and I say yes, would you like to discuss it. Lets just say he wasn't willing to talk rationally about it. Told him I figured out he's been ordering all sorts of pharmaceuticals off the internet and hiding it from me, lying where I asked questions relating to consumption etc. I'm not particularly bothered by recreational use of drugs but this seemed to cross the line into chaotic use and that's where I got worried. Only more lies came out of his mouth, attempts to cover up e.g. the envelopes went to a friend not to our home address which is clearly not the case because address was on the envelope.
So basically what's been happening recently is some sort of withdrawal/comedown from opiates/benzos, subsequent pick me up in the form of unknown stimulant and some more benzos to soothe the nerves.
So now I'm wondering... do you think he's lying cause he has a problem with substances or just in general because the trust in relationship is broken down to the point where he'll just generally continue to lie to me out of lack of respect? Any advice as to how I should proceed?
Sorry about the long post.
I've been in a relationship with this guy for 12 years, married for almost 5. About 15mths ago he started nagging me to get my head checked by a doctor, saying he thinks I'm going crazy because I was experiencing some insomnia which is not unusual for me. I generally just deal with it and it passes after a while. The constant nagging though, planted seed of doubt and I was wondering if I was truly going manic again. So I visited our general practitioner and had a chat to him about whether my insomnia should be medicated. We agreed that maybe it should be if it gets worse but in that case I should make another appt and come back. To me this meant the doc wasn't particularly concerned about my mental state.
Two weeks after that my hubby went to the doc for something else and came back saying the doc was asking him how messed up I am and how concerned he is about me having bipolar and going manic. I thought that's serious breach of privacy from a doctor for disclosing I have seen him and discussing diagnosis with my husband. I discussed this with my husband and he agreed that he thinks doc shouldn't have done it and he breached my privacy and professional standards etc. So I lodged a formal complaint and got quite upset that a doctor would go and discuss this with my husband instead of calling me to come back for another appointment if he was so concerned.
However, turns out my husband flat out lied to me and it wasn't the doctor who initiated discussion about me being crazy. My husband actually went to the doctor and in an attempt to get benzos prescribed under the pretence that they are for me he basically told the doc I'm completely crazy. 8( His plot did not succeed and he didn't get the meds. I was left red faced because I lodged the complaint and falsely accused the doctor. I was utterly embarrassed and had a huge argument with my husband about his blatant lies and more lies to cover it up and denial when presented with facts. He promised never to lie to me or anyone else again about matters that can have serious consequences to my reputation e.g. I could have been visited by police, held for mental assessment etc. All over attempt to squeeze a script for benzos from the doc.
Several months pass and my husband is trying to get some friends to get scripts from doctors overseas and bring them to Australia in personal luggage, he does the same thing with his mother and father etc. In the end the friends really did manage to bring to packets of xanax with them.
Fast forward another couple of months we were visiting family overseas and his mum organised more xanax for him. Then some common older friends asked to meet me for a cup of coffee in the city and as we shook hands to greet each other this dude hands me over another two boxes of xanax. Those were supplied by his dad and this guy was just acting as courier. I'm confused and I put them in my purse. When I got home I checked them and there was a piece of paper taped on the boxes with handwriting from my father in law saying "Dear xxx, these are for my dear daughter in law, hope she gets better." Basically I lost my plot again, not so much because I think this consumption of benzos is excessive but because it was clear that he told his father a lie, something along the lines of me being mental and needing meds and his father then went to his doctor to obtain prescription. He lied to his father about me and his father then subsequently unknowingly lied to his doctor to get the script. I'm not cool with that, pop the xanax but really no need to use me as an excuse to source them please. Had a huge argument with my husband again about the no-nos of lying in a relationship as this undermines the basic trust that has to exist for healthy relationship. He responded with anger when outed and then he kept apologising and promising he'll never do it again.
This saga is now some 15 months old. About 10 days ago my husband said he thinks he's coming down with flu and he's been "sick" on the couch, cranky etc. I figure out it's not the flu but some sort of withdrawals/comedown and he said he's been taking some oxycodone in December and he now ran out of it. To my knowledge he wasn't taking much. I thought he gets an occasional no-repeats script from his doctor for pain caused by an accident and I'm aware that he gets a few pills here and there, maybe from some friends or buys it off the internet. Didn't think this occasional extra use would cause withdrawals though. Hubby also says he didn't take much of oxycodone but was supplementing it with some panadol with codeine.
So his admission of how much he's using etc starts getting a bit fishy and I'm thinking okay he might be having some mild withdrawals no big deal, generally he's taking these tablets for legit pain (or so I thought), he'll be sick for a few days at most.Indeed he was feeling off for about two days, had a bit of insomnia, restlessness, was generally cranky, complained of nausea etc. Then he went back to work for about 2 days and then worked few days from home office. One day he's all over the house, doing work, keeps coming to my office and generally seems weird and aggressive in demeanour and chewing excessively. Didn't think much of it, just that maybe his clients are giving him a hard time.
Two days ago I notice his office bin is full so I go to empty it and I sort rubbish into recyclable and general waste. I find empty blister packs, some weird envelopes, one that says agricultural product, spores, sterile & apply immediately upon opening. Agricultural product, free sample?! The fuck?! So I search his office and find a whole stash of pharmaceuticals, 3 different types of opiate meds, ativan, valium, temazepam, some powdery stuff in bagies (might have been there from a long time ago), more suspicious envelopes. Duh, ordering stash off the internet, obviously and hiding it from me. He offered me some of those temazepam tablets in December and he told me he got them from the doctor. Then he offered me some more just a few days and I asked if he got more from the doctor but he said they were from his coworker. It's not exactly that I was buying that story but I'm confused as to why he thinks he needs to lie about the source to me.
So I do inventory of all his stuff and put it away. Decide to wait till he gets home and figures out I know and we can talk about it then. He comes home wired as hell, goes straight to his office and tries to find his hidden stash which wasn't there any more. He asks if I went through his stuff and I say yes, would you like to discuss it. Lets just say he wasn't willing to talk rationally about it. Told him I figured out he's been ordering all sorts of pharmaceuticals off the internet and hiding it from me, lying where I asked questions relating to consumption etc. I'm not particularly bothered by recreational use of drugs but this seemed to cross the line into chaotic use and that's where I got worried. Only more lies came out of his mouth, attempts to cover up e.g. the envelopes went to a friend not to our home address which is clearly not the case because address was on the envelope.
So basically what's been happening recently is some sort of withdrawal/comedown from opiates/benzos, subsequent pick me up in the form of unknown stimulant and some more benzos to soothe the nerves.
So now I'm wondering... do you think he's lying cause he has a problem with substances or just in general because the trust in relationship is broken down to the point where he'll just generally continue to lie to me out of lack of respect? Any advice as to how I should proceed?
Sorry about the long post.
