At the age of 13, I became interested in psychedelics and tried to find out as much as I possibly could about them. When I turned 17, I finally came across LSD and couldn't wait to try it. Before this I'd only had experiences with DXM (twice) and weed.
Anyways, for the sake of having this make sense.. My boyfriend is D, my best friend is A.
The day of the trip, I was with my boyfriend at a park and decided to discreetly slip the tabs under my tongue. I didn't plan for having to go back home, I thought I'd be able to sleep over at his house or at least hide from my parents when I got home without question.
I took two hits because I thought they might have been fake and I was just sold paper with cool art on it. (Big mistake of mine for thinking that
)
About 20-30 minutes later we decide to head back home and go listen to music and relax in my room. On the way back, I can't help but feel that everything looks completely beautiful. Colors are becoming more vibrant, I'm feeling a rush of energy flow through my veins, I can't stop laughing and smiling while admiring my surroundings.. The walk home has never been this fun before. "Wow!" was the first thing that came to mind when I looked at ANYTHING. It was like seeing everything for the first time, I was in awe. I still didn't think that the tabs were real at first, I just thought it was a beautiful day and I was content with that.
So, we get back to my room, put Ratatat's Classic album on Youtube and went to lay down. The music starts sounding.. Different. I'm starting to "feel" the music in my body and it feels great! I'm watching the album cover, just thinking of how amazing this album sounds and how much I love it when the cat (on the album cover) starts to melt. It was melting, morphing outwards and into itself as I watched and I couldn't help but laugh. I kept wondering why D wasn't laughing too but it didn't bother me much. The sunflower painting that was above my bed had started to move. Their leaves were waving around like arms, their stems were swinging and then it seemed like they were smiling at me. My walls started to melt and fold into the floor while I felt as if I was melting into the bed and becoming a part of it or sinking endlessly into it.
D called A for me and she kept asking me "Did you take ALL of it?" She said she'd tell my mom and I told her not to. She asked why I was laughing so much and acting "all happy". I told her "It's fucking beautiful, you should see it. You REALLY need to see this. God, you'd love it. The sunflowers are dancing and I'm seeing rainbows. It's gorgeous, you need to see this, life is really beautiful, everything is just REALLY funny." A asked me if I took ALL three tabs I bought and I couldn't stop laughing at her. I told her that I didn't and she kept asking "How many did you take? Did you take ALL of them? Don't lie. DID YOU?" I said to her "I haven't told D, can you please tell him? Can you? You really need to tell him."
The grains in the hardwood floor were moving in waves like water. Ratatat's Classic album was playing, the start of it had a repetitive "MREOW" noise which made me think a jaguar was in the room somewhere, possibly under my bed. I seen fireworks and laid down onto the bed with D while he was on the phone. I couldn't stop smiling. When he got off the phone, I apologized for not telling him and he assured me it was okay. D said he wasn't mad and he was actually happy for me. I asked him to sort of take care of me during the trip to make sure I didn't do anything too stupid and he said we'd have a good time.
I felt the music in my body somehow, I felt like I was moving along with it when I wasn't even moving. The music affected how I felt majorly. We were listening to Ratatat's Classic album so it went from happy, to happy but paranoid and confusing to feeling like I had bursts of energy to wanting to relax... D started to look like he was melting into the bed too and I seen fireworks shoot all across the room again. He tried kissing me but when I had closed my eyes, I started laughing. I seen leprechauns, fireworks bouncing around, rainbows, a whole bunch of things like that. I kept trying to kiss him but whenever I closed my eyes, I'd get a lot of strange and intense visuals that I thought were hilarious. I apologized for laughing like that and laid down again. I started to get louder though when I spoke to him, I explained in great detail what I was seeing and how I felt. Like how the walls were melting, my sunflowers dancing and me melting into my bed and transporting to somewhere else..
D suggested we go out after a while, he said I was acting really weird and my mom would totally find out what I did if we stayed home any longer. He suggested getting some slurpees from the gas station that was across the street. That sounded like a great idea! Seeing the slurpee machines twirl around while tripping would be interesting, I thought. I was worried about going because a cashier who works there knows me well but I decided that I wanted to go anyways. We had walked towards the door but my mom had stopped us near the kitchen and asked me what was wrong because I wouldn't look at her. I couldn't look at her because it was scary. Her face looked like a rodent's with black holes where her eyes should be and they were oozing black liquid so I couldn't look for long.
I didn't say much to her and hurried to the door, as she returned to her room. Hoping D would help me "escape", I waited and stared at the door handle. The thought of being trapped scared me. I wanted to open the door myself but I just couldn't, the handle kept twisting away from my hand when I went to reach for it. When I pulled away, it seemed to melt, fix itself and then twist in strange ways. I asked D, "How are we going to get out? Really, how are we going to get out? We can't get out.. It's not working." He opened the door and his shirt seemed to turn into a suit, my backpack (which he was holding) turned into a briefcase. I felt like we were a married couple, leaving our white picket fence home to go to work.
The hallways felt like Hell to me for some reason. They were bleak and a strange off-white color with a faded mint green trim. D grabbed my hand and led me to the back of the building because I didn't know how to get out of the place. It seemed foreign, although I'd been living in the same building for 5 years now.
We sat on the grass for a while and stared at the night sky. I kept telling D that I couldn't go back home because I thought my parents are going to kill me (literally) and they were terrifying. He told me that everything would be okay, just to relax for a bit outside with him and take a few deep breaths. I took his advice and noticed the grass moving like water rippling or an ocean wave. Rain drops looked like little fairies dancing along the grass and the lightning seemed to be fireworks. I seen planes flying overhead of us and I kept thinking we were stuck in the middle of WWII because of the thunder booming while the planes flew by. It felt like we had been there for hours upon hours admiring the scenery but in reality, it had only been ten minutes.
D got up and walked towards the door of the building, he was moving SO fast but he was just walking. How was that possible? He had a trail behind him, like a ghost coming out of his body but it never went far. We made our way to my room because we needed to find my wallet. D did want us to go to the gas station to get a slurpee but I felt like I had to go through a ton of obstacles to even find my room. Objects kept growing and blocking my way, walls were melting, the floor was rippling.. I felt like I was in a maze or someone played some sort of sick joke on me.
We finally found my wallet and went out into the hallway of the building which was Hell. I was following him down a long tunnel, the walls kept squishing inwards and then outwards like they were closing in on us and going to either trap or kill us. I kept wondering if we'd ever get out of Hell, because the tunnel went on what seemed like forever. With every door that was opened, the tunnel seemed more and more dreary and confusing. I kept thinking to myself "Where am I?" D leads me into the laundry room and we stare out the window, it looked like a war was going on outside but the colors were so vibrant and intriguing. It was cloudy, stormy and there was lightning. There were many neon lights outside and lights from cars, fast food joints, etc..
D and I then made our way to the front door of the apartment and there's more lightning outside. I end up thinking we're in WWII again. There's bombs being dropped to the ground by the planes that are flying over top of us, there's fireworks going off and everyone is moving at a shockingly fast pace even though they were only walking. Cars looked like they're shooting stars beaming across the road and they kept shrinking into hot wheel cars before getting realllly big again. The process of that kept repeating. I kept questioning how this could possibly be. How could everything be moving so fast when time is really going by as slow as it was? Does time even exist?
Walking to the gas station, I kept asking D why exactly we were going there, what IS the point of going there? What is the point of walking? I had so many thoughts running through my head, so many questions that I wanted answers to. There were cop cars parked at the gas station and I panicked when I seen them, I told D that we couldn't dare go there. He told me it would be okay and I told him that someone probably called the cops on me, like my parents and they set me up so I could be taken away forever. I really felt that someone had set me up and this was my punishment for taking LSD. (Lol. 8) ) I wanted to get as far away as we could from there, so we kept walking down the road instead. I felt my upper thighs melt into my knees, my knees melting into my feet and my feet into the ground. They felt like jello and I was worried I was walking strange. I asked D if I was and he said "You are walking a little bit strange, you keep crashing into me." I kept bumping into D and walking in a slight zig-zag pattern on our way to the Dollar Store.
D insisted that I eat something, he suggested Quiznos because it was right there. I said no because it had reminded of an earlier attempt at eating which resulted in nothing but laughter and paranoia. He made me a toasted bagel with cream cheese, he said he'd be happy if I even ate just half of it. He just wanted me to eat something. I had the bagel in my hand but then it started to change shape, it looked like a pile of guts and I was too grossed out to eat it. I told him Quiznos would be terrifying to eat, it would look like blood and guts.
I gave him a few dollars to buy me something from the Dollar Store instead. On our way in, I couldn't feel my arms. I keep thinking that they'd fallen off and that's why everyone was staring at me. Or they were staring because my legs were wobbling like jello and my body was all flimsy. I kept turning really small, smaller than the size of a mouse, before returning to my normal size. I couldn't stop touching my arms and shoulders as we walked around the Dollar Store in search of a snack. I asked D if my arms were still attached to my body, he smiled as he told me they were and then asked what I wanted to eat. I couldn't decide, my chest felt tight and my limbs kept melting into the floor, aside from my arms which I was convinced really did melt or fall off.
Panicked, I told D to just pick something for me because I need to get out of there. Everyone is staring because I'm acting strange and my arms are melting off. Meanwhile, the bags of candy are melting into the shelves and I'm overwhelmed. I run out of the store and call my mother while waiting for D. I asked if I could sleep over at his house. She kept saying no but I didn't hear her and ask again, repeatedly. Her voice seemed to fade in and out, I couldn't figure out why. "I'll let you know another time why you can't sleep over. Tonight is just not the night." I asked her again why not and she wouldn't answer. D came out of the store with pop, chips and a small bag of individually wrapped chocolates so I told my mother that I'd call her later.
I told D that I was really hungry but I thought eating was weird so I didn't want to. I kept trying to explain why it's weird, with the whole process of opening your mouth, chewing, swallowing it and then it sits in your stomach, etc... But my mind was racing faster than I could try to explain to him. D said that I had to eat and I thought he was trying to communicate with me telepathically somehow.. because we're connected in that way, that the food he's trying to feed me is like a life force.. Like the hearts you get in Zelda to revive you and give you 1+ or something? I felt like he's trying to tell me that if I don't eat the life force, I'm going to start withering away right there, grow old and die and these are some part of a smaller objective to get to an even bigger one!
It was exciting, I felt like my heart was racing and my limbs were still melting but I came to so many realizations. (Or I thought I did, at least.) He handed me a chip and I try to put it in my mouth but I couldn't even open my mouth, the act of eating is too weird! I tried again but I couldn't do it. D could tell that I was frustrated, I pouted and he told me to open my mouth, close it and then chew. I did as he said but I peered at the chip and it looked like an old, hairy, moldy ogre toe. I asked him why he's making me eat an ogre toe but he tells me to listen and just try to eat it. I did as he told me to, although reluctantly. I was disgusted thinking he's fed me an ogre toe and confused as to WHY he did. How rude of him. Gross. I thought he had chips for me! The act of eating felt like this absolutely brand new thing though, it was as if I was learning it all over again. I went on and on about it, questioning why people have to chew, the reason for saliva, the reason for tongues, the reason for everything to do with that topic.
Then we walked across the street and there's more planes flying overhead of us and dropping bombs (that was just lightning), I kept thinking I was going to die and I needed to run undercover. We found this undercover area by Talize (huge thrift store) and hung out there for a bit. People walking by started to look like ghosts and the tunnel became longer and longer then darker. I heard children's voices directly in my ear but they were at the total opposite side of the tunnel. I started panicking and thinking I'm going to get hurt by these people so I wanted to run away and find somewhere safe to go. At the same time, I had to use a washroom so I asked D to escort me there.
Talize looked like this huge maze, it was way too bright, there were tons of people and I felt anxious like they're all going to hurt me. (I had quite a few people stare at me so I guess I was acting weird?) I kept feeling like I was melting into the ground and really small but my feet were big like I was a baby or an infant/small child and D was my father.. We were walking down the aisles which seemed to take forever, they were endless and I had no idea where we were. Finally we found the washroom.. I tried to open the door but it wouldn't open. It was heavy and it was just not possible to get in there so I look at D, frustrated. He walks up to the door and it opens right away with ease for him. I walk in, lock the door and I feel like I'm in a spaceship for NASA. I'm on my way to space and this is my mission.. The toilet was the chair and I felt like I had an astronaut suit on. I sat down and felt like the spaceship was taking off and I was terrified because I couldn't leave earth just YET, I still had to accomplish my mission first. I stood up and looked at the wall more and it started melting in circles into itself, outwards and into the floor then it bent towards me and away from me. The room kept looking smaller and bigger. I walked towards the mirror and seen my reflection which was the fucking worst.
I started getting really old and wrinkly and ugly and I seen all the bad things I think of myself on a normal basis (like nose is messed up, legs are too weird, etc). My nose kept growing and shrinking and I kept getting really fat and old then skinny and young again. I stared for a while before I wanted to cry and scream, I felt like it was too real. I was being faced by my inner demons and I couldn't handle it. I thought to myself, "I have to return to earth now, I have to get off my spaceship." I went to unlock the door but the lock started running away from my hand and I got really frustrated. I worried I was going to get locked in there and I wanted to start screaming for help because I was trapped but I tried to focus on catching the lock. I finally get a hold of the lock and it opens, there's D out there and I receive a token (aka chocolate), mission accomplished, proceed to next objective which is find my way out of the maze.
I told D I didn't think we'll find our way out and we're going to be stuck here forever so he made me grab his hand. I felt like a little girl again, like he's my father and he's taking me away from danger. We find our way out and we're back in the scary tunnel again, we stand beside some newsstand which has flying carpets on it (the flying carpets were the mats on the floors of cars) and that entertained me for a while.
A lot of people kept walking by and they all looked dead, they're ghosts. I put my hand down onto the flying carpet but then my hand melted into that and I kept moving my shoulders because I thought my arms had melted off and they're not coming back, my bag is gone, etc and I keep asking D to make sure they havent fallen off.
I don't remember much after that little part, but I remember sitting on the other side of the long tunnel-dungeon looking thing and I was melting into the ground, I was becoming a baby again and I wasn't sure what to do. I was cold and felt helpless so I asked D if we could go inside because the trip was starting to go REALLY bad. The colors outside were dreary; grey, dark blue, black, dark brown and I thought I was going to die or it was the end of the world and I needed a safe place to go. Everything seemed terrifying.
D called a friend of his and we walked to their house. On the way, I remember my legs disappeared into my knees into my feet into the ground again and they felt heavy, I was shrinking into a TINY TINY TINY person, as small as an ant but then I came back to normal, until the buildings around me got huge and everything got bigger. I shrank again, so did D but not as small and cars passed by. The cars looked like hot wheel cars and I told him what was going on and I said "We're just lego people driving hot wheel cars, life is just one big game!" people looked pixel-y and like lego, the street lights flashing were really vibrant and I still had the same visual effects as earlier but more intense (melting, warping, vibrant colors, things dancing or growing eyes, warping their form ex: adult turning into a baby, person turning into a "monster", seeing planes overhead),
I couldn't figure out why it took so long to get to their house because before it seemed to be quicker. I kept questioning the point of everything I was doing and we were doing. What IS the point of this, WHY are we doing this? There has to be a point. What if there is NO point? Everything is just a game, we're all being played, nothing is real. We're lego people. Then we finally got to his friend's house and I had to use the washroom again but that was UPstairs. D walked me up and the walls kept bending towards me trying to crush me but then I'd step and they'd go away but as that happened, the stairs got REALLY big, they were taller than me and it seemed like I'd have to climb over them but I took a step and they SANK.
In the washroom, I stared at my reflection for a while. I lifted my shirt to see my stomach/side, I seen my ribcage and I thought I was a zombie but then I got too into my own thoughts so I tried escaping the bathroom again.
Walking down the stairs was weird, I turned into a giant, then shrunk as D turned into one and vice versa, then there's this one corner at the end of the stairs that I got lost in and I didn't know how I'd ever get out. D lead me to the couch and I laid down on it while he played video games with his friends. When I closed my eyes I felt like I was turning into a baby again and going back into the womb, when I opened my eyes I had been reborn.
(D and I have been back at my house for a while, since around 10:00, it's 11:30 now.) D had to leave, so I'm stuck at home "alone". My mom was home but I was acting really strange so I kept trying to hide from her. I thought the trip was ending earlier. I thought, oh that was a nice trip! Not as long as I hoped for but it was fun, yeah I'm totally back to baseline now.. But the visuals started getting stronger after they seemed to cool down for a bit. I felt afraid and thought that D wasn't going to come back over, even though earlier I felt strangely connected to him like we had souls and they were merged together at one point because SOMETHING wanted us to be together for the rest of our lives. I felt like I'd never been that close to someone before and like our bodies became joined together.
The paranoia kept getting worse, I became trapped in Hell in my room and I thought I was going insane. I kept pacing around the house getting lost, turning lights on and off, getting trapped in small spaces and rooms. My cats were terrified of me, I thought they were going to eat me so I tried to hide from them. I stayed on the computer and looked up the possibility of it being an RC rather than LSD and freaked out more, I thought I was going to be trapped in Hell forever. So I called D and I kept asking him if I was going to be okay or not, if I really fucked up and if everything was just fucked up and doomed because I was trapped in Hell and couldn't get out. I asked him to talk to me about what he was doing so I could get my mind off it, sat on the couch and watched TV but seen a deer being gutted, I panicked and tried to change the channel quickly. I found American Dad on and some characters shrunk while others stayed the same and then they looked like old nintendo graphics. Mom told me I was being too loud so I tried to find keys, which was really hard because my whole house felt like a maze and I kept stumbling into everything. I found keys and walked out the door, arriving into another circle of Hell (the hallway) and walked out to another circle of it, which was this stairwell area outside which was just as scary as the last. The walls kept melting and trying to bend into me, I thought a man or monster was hiding under something trying to kill me so I tried to run inside but the door knob wouldn't open with the key I had, I kept trying to make it work but it took a few minutes and it felt like everything around me was falling apart and this was just it for me. (If you look up the song I'm Not Human At All by Sleep Party People that sort of describes the tone/vibe of how things felt.)
I get inside and went to my room again, still talking to D and my floor was melting into my door and I think I'm going to become trapped in my room. I feel like crying but I don't, I just panic. My heart was racing and I wanted to run away but I couldn't. Everywhere is Hell, I am trapped in Hell. D said he's tired and wants to go to sleep, I asked why because we'd been talking the past little while but he said 10 minutes had passed where neither one of us has said anything, especially me. I said okay and he said I could call him later if I really needed to, I told him I might but I'll try to get through it. It progressively gets worse where I end up questioning my sanity and why I deserved to end up in Hell.
I looked in the mirror again a few times and just see the worst version of myself but rather than what I'd seen earlier, the fat, ugly, wrinkly old woman, I ended up seeing myself turn into a slightly older version of myself (20-25), where I'm a skeleton and the circles around my eyes are black. I thought I looked weird and I'm a bit taken back by what I saw but then I tried not to focus on it and go back to my room to draw and focus on positive things. After a few hours pass I go back again. I look in the mirror and then I think I'm a forest nymph then a goddess, a zombie princess. Once I stopped staring at my ever changing reflection, I went back to my room to cuddle with one of my cats. The sunflowers stopped dancing as much as they were earlier but things still felt like they were moving insanely fast while time took forever and was really slow. Around 5am the effects wore off more and I was finally able to sleep a bit. I woke up feeling really out of it and like I'd just returned from a long plane ride or a trip out of the universe and I've just come back to it.
I don't regret my experience although I was definitely not as prepared as I thought I was for what I seen and the feelings it brought up for me. It made me learn a lot about myself and the experience pushed me in the right direction towards fixing some things in my life. The drug wasn't what did that but I do feel that it was a good tool in aiding in those decisions. I have tried LSD again and those experiences have been much more positive. I've been in a better state of mind and I've planned better for it. Next time, I won't dose on a whim like that.
Anyways, for the sake of having this make sense.. My boyfriend is D, my best friend is A.
The day of the trip, I was with my boyfriend at a park and decided to discreetly slip the tabs under my tongue. I didn't plan for having to go back home, I thought I'd be able to sleep over at his house or at least hide from my parents when I got home without question.
I took two hits because I thought they might have been fake and I was just sold paper with cool art on it. (Big mistake of mine for thinking that
)About 20-30 minutes later we decide to head back home and go listen to music and relax in my room. On the way back, I can't help but feel that everything looks completely beautiful. Colors are becoming more vibrant, I'm feeling a rush of energy flow through my veins, I can't stop laughing and smiling while admiring my surroundings.. The walk home has never been this fun before. "Wow!" was the first thing that came to mind when I looked at ANYTHING. It was like seeing everything for the first time, I was in awe. I still didn't think that the tabs were real at first, I just thought it was a beautiful day and I was content with that.
So, we get back to my room, put Ratatat's Classic album on Youtube and went to lay down. The music starts sounding.. Different. I'm starting to "feel" the music in my body and it feels great! I'm watching the album cover, just thinking of how amazing this album sounds and how much I love it when the cat (on the album cover) starts to melt. It was melting, morphing outwards and into itself as I watched and I couldn't help but laugh. I kept wondering why D wasn't laughing too but it didn't bother me much. The sunflower painting that was above my bed had started to move. Their leaves were waving around like arms, their stems were swinging and then it seemed like they were smiling at me. My walls started to melt and fold into the floor while I felt as if I was melting into the bed and becoming a part of it or sinking endlessly into it.
D called A for me and she kept asking me "Did you take ALL of it?" She said she'd tell my mom and I told her not to. She asked why I was laughing so much and acting "all happy". I told her "It's fucking beautiful, you should see it. You REALLY need to see this. God, you'd love it. The sunflowers are dancing and I'm seeing rainbows. It's gorgeous, you need to see this, life is really beautiful, everything is just REALLY funny." A asked me if I took ALL three tabs I bought and I couldn't stop laughing at her. I told her that I didn't and she kept asking "How many did you take? Did you take ALL of them? Don't lie. DID YOU?" I said to her "I haven't told D, can you please tell him? Can you? You really need to tell him."
The grains in the hardwood floor were moving in waves like water. Ratatat's Classic album was playing, the start of it had a repetitive "MREOW" noise which made me think a jaguar was in the room somewhere, possibly under my bed. I seen fireworks and laid down onto the bed with D while he was on the phone. I couldn't stop smiling. When he got off the phone, I apologized for not telling him and he assured me it was okay. D said he wasn't mad and he was actually happy for me. I asked him to sort of take care of me during the trip to make sure I didn't do anything too stupid and he said we'd have a good time.
I felt the music in my body somehow, I felt like I was moving along with it when I wasn't even moving. The music affected how I felt majorly. We were listening to Ratatat's Classic album so it went from happy, to happy but paranoid and confusing to feeling like I had bursts of energy to wanting to relax... D started to look like he was melting into the bed too and I seen fireworks shoot all across the room again. He tried kissing me but when I had closed my eyes, I started laughing. I seen leprechauns, fireworks bouncing around, rainbows, a whole bunch of things like that. I kept trying to kiss him but whenever I closed my eyes, I'd get a lot of strange and intense visuals that I thought were hilarious. I apologized for laughing like that and laid down again. I started to get louder though when I spoke to him, I explained in great detail what I was seeing and how I felt. Like how the walls were melting, my sunflowers dancing and me melting into my bed and transporting to somewhere else..
D suggested we go out after a while, he said I was acting really weird and my mom would totally find out what I did if we stayed home any longer. He suggested getting some slurpees from the gas station that was across the street. That sounded like a great idea! Seeing the slurpee machines twirl around while tripping would be interesting, I thought. I was worried about going because a cashier who works there knows me well but I decided that I wanted to go anyways. We had walked towards the door but my mom had stopped us near the kitchen and asked me what was wrong because I wouldn't look at her. I couldn't look at her because it was scary. Her face looked like a rodent's with black holes where her eyes should be and they were oozing black liquid so I couldn't look for long.
I didn't say much to her and hurried to the door, as she returned to her room. Hoping D would help me "escape", I waited and stared at the door handle. The thought of being trapped scared me. I wanted to open the door myself but I just couldn't, the handle kept twisting away from my hand when I went to reach for it. When I pulled away, it seemed to melt, fix itself and then twist in strange ways. I asked D, "How are we going to get out? Really, how are we going to get out? We can't get out.. It's not working." He opened the door and his shirt seemed to turn into a suit, my backpack (which he was holding) turned into a briefcase. I felt like we were a married couple, leaving our white picket fence home to go to work.
The hallways felt like Hell to me for some reason. They were bleak and a strange off-white color with a faded mint green trim. D grabbed my hand and led me to the back of the building because I didn't know how to get out of the place. It seemed foreign, although I'd been living in the same building for 5 years now.
We sat on the grass for a while and stared at the night sky. I kept telling D that I couldn't go back home because I thought my parents are going to kill me (literally) and they were terrifying. He told me that everything would be okay, just to relax for a bit outside with him and take a few deep breaths. I took his advice and noticed the grass moving like water rippling or an ocean wave. Rain drops looked like little fairies dancing along the grass and the lightning seemed to be fireworks. I seen planes flying overhead of us and I kept thinking we were stuck in the middle of WWII because of the thunder booming while the planes flew by. It felt like we had been there for hours upon hours admiring the scenery but in reality, it had only been ten minutes.
D got up and walked towards the door of the building, he was moving SO fast but he was just walking. How was that possible? He had a trail behind him, like a ghost coming out of his body but it never went far. We made our way to my room because we needed to find my wallet. D did want us to go to the gas station to get a slurpee but I felt like I had to go through a ton of obstacles to even find my room. Objects kept growing and blocking my way, walls were melting, the floor was rippling.. I felt like I was in a maze or someone played some sort of sick joke on me.
We finally found my wallet and went out into the hallway of the building which was Hell. I was following him down a long tunnel, the walls kept squishing inwards and then outwards like they were closing in on us and going to either trap or kill us. I kept wondering if we'd ever get out of Hell, because the tunnel went on what seemed like forever. With every door that was opened, the tunnel seemed more and more dreary and confusing. I kept thinking to myself "Where am I?" D leads me into the laundry room and we stare out the window, it looked like a war was going on outside but the colors were so vibrant and intriguing. It was cloudy, stormy and there was lightning. There were many neon lights outside and lights from cars, fast food joints, etc..
D and I then made our way to the front door of the apartment and there's more lightning outside. I end up thinking we're in WWII again. There's bombs being dropped to the ground by the planes that are flying over top of us, there's fireworks going off and everyone is moving at a shockingly fast pace even though they were only walking. Cars looked like they're shooting stars beaming across the road and they kept shrinking into hot wheel cars before getting realllly big again. The process of that kept repeating. I kept questioning how this could possibly be. How could everything be moving so fast when time is really going by as slow as it was? Does time even exist?
Walking to the gas station, I kept asking D why exactly we were going there, what IS the point of going there? What is the point of walking? I had so many thoughts running through my head, so many questions that I wanted answers to. There were cop cars parked at the gas station and I panicked when I seen them, I told D that we couldn't dare go there. He told me it would be okay and I told him that someone probably called the cops on me, like my parents and they set me up so I could be taken away forever. I really felt that someone had set me up and this was my punishment for taking LSD. (Lol. 8) ) I wanted to get as far away as we could from there, so we kept walking down the road instead. I felt my upper thighs melt into my knees, my knees melting into my feet and my feet into the ground. They felt like jello and I was worried I was walking strange. I asked D if I was and he said "You are walking a little bit strange, you keep crashing into me." I kept bumping into D and walking in a slight zig-zag pattern on our way to the Dollar Store.
D insisted that I eat something, he suggested Quiznos because it was right there. I said no because it had reminded of an earlier attempt at eating which resulted in nothing but laughter and paranoia. He made me a toasted bagel with cream cheese, he said he'd be happy if I even ate just half of it. He just wanted me to eat something. I had the bagel in my hand but then it started to change shape, it looked like a pile of guts and I was too grossed out to eat it. I told him Quiznos would be terrifying to eat, it would look like blood and guts.
I gave him a few dollars to buy me something from the Dollar Store instead. On our way in, I couldn't feel my arms. I keep thinking that they'd fallen off and that's why everyone was staring at me. Or they were staring because my legs were wobbling like jello and my body was all flimsy. I kept turning really small, smaller than the size of a mouse, before returning to my normal size. I couldn't stop touching my arms and shoulders as we walked around the Dollar Store in search of a snack. I asked D if my arms were still attached to my body, he smiled as he told me they were and then asked what I wanted to eat. I couldn't decide, my chest felt tight and my limbs kept melting into the floor, aside from my arms which I was convinced really did melt or fall off.
Panicked, I told D to just pick something for me because I need to get out of there. Everyone is staring because I'm acting strange and my arms are melting off. Meanwhile, the bags of candy are melting into the shelves and I'm overwhelmed. I run out of the store and call my mother while waiting for D. I asked if I could sleep over at his house. She kept saying no but I didn't hear her and ask again, repeatedly. Her voice seemed to fade in and out, I couldn't figure out why. "I'll let you know another time why you can't sleep over. Tonight is just not the night." I asked her again why not and she wouldn't answer. D came out of the store with pop, chips and a small bag of individually wrapped chocolates so I told my mother that I'd call her later.
I told D that I was really hungry but I thought eating was weird so I didn't want to. I kept trying to explain why it's weird, with the whole process of opening your mouth, chewing, swallowing it and then it sits in your stomach, etc... But my mind was racing faster than I could try to explain to him. D said that I had to eat and I thought he was trying to communicate with me telepathically somehow.. because we're connected in that way, that the food he's trying to feed me is like a life force.. Like the hearts you get in Zelda to revive you and give you 1+ or something? I felt like he's trying to tell me that if I don't eat the life force, I'm going to start withering away right there, grow old and die and these are some part of a smaller objective to get to an even bigger one!
It was exciting, I felt like my heart was racing and my limbs were still melting but I came to so many realizations. (Or I thought I did, at least.) He handed me a chip and I try to put it in my mouth but I couldn't even open my mouth, the act of eating is too weird! I tried again but I couldn't do it. D could tell that I was frustrated, I pouted and he told me to open my mouth, close it and then chew. I did as he said but I peered at the chip and it looked like an old, hairy, moldy ogre toe. I asked him why he's making me eat an ogre toe but he tells me to listen and just try to eat it. I did as he told me to, although reluctantly. I was disgusted thinking he's fed me an ogre toe and confused as to WHY he did. How rude of him. Gross. I thought he had chips for me! The act of eating felt like this absolutely brand new thing though, it was as if I was learning it all over again. I went on and on about it, questioning why people have to chew, the reason for saliva, the reason for tongues, the reason for everything to do with that topic.
Then we walked across the street and there's more planes flying overhead of us and dropping bombs (that was just lightning), I kept thinking I was going to die and I needed to run undercover. We found this undercover area by Talize (huge thrift store) and hung out there for a bit. People walking by started to look like ghosts and the tunnel became longer and longer then darker. I heard children's voices directly in my ear but they were at the total opposite side of the tunnel. I started panicking and thinking I'm going to get hurt by these people so I wanted to run away and find somewhere safe to go. At the same time, I had to use a washroom so I asked D to escort me there.
Talize looked like this huge maze, it was way too bright, there were tons of people and I felt anxious like they're all going to hurt me. (I had quite a few people stare at me so I guess I was acting weird?) I kept feeling like I was melting into the ground and really small but my feet were big like I was a baby or an infant/small child and D was my father.. We were walking down the aisles which seemed to take forever, they were endless and I had no idea where we were. Finally we found the washroom.. I tried to open the door but it wouldn't open. It was heavy and it was just not possible to get in there so I look at D, frustrated. He walks up to the door and it opens right away with ease for him. I walk in, lock the door and I feel like I'm in a spaceship for NASA. I'm on my way to space and this is my mission.. The toilet was the chair and I felt like I had an astronaut suit on. I sat down and felt like the spaceship was taking off and I was terrified because I couldn't leave earth just YET, I still had to accomplish my mission first. I stood up and looked at the wall more and it started melting in circles into itself, outwards and into the floor then it bent towards me and away from me. The room kept looking smaller and bigger. I walked towards the mirror and seen my reflection which was the fucking worst.
I started getting really old and wrinkly and ugly and I seen all the bad things I think of myself on a normal basis (like nose is messed up, legs are too weird, etc). My nose kept growing and shrinking and I kept getting really fat and old then skinny and young again. I stared for a while before I wanted to cry and scream, I felt like it was too real. I was being faced by my inner demons and I couldn't handle it. I thought to myself, "I have to return to earth now, I have to get off my spaceship." I went to unlock the door but the lock started running away from my hand and I got really frustrated. I worried I was going to get locked in there and I wanted to start screaming for help because I was trapped but I tried to focus on catching the lock. I finally get a hold of the lock and it opens, there's D out there and I receive a token (aka chocolate), mission accomplished, proceed to next objective which is find my way out of the maze.
I told D I didn't think we'll find our way out and we're going to be stuck here forever so he made me grab his hand. I felt like a little girl again, like he's my father and he's taking me away from danger. We find our way out and we're back in the scary tunnel again, we stand beside some newsstand which has flying carpets on it (the flying carpets were the mats on the floors of cars) and that entertained me for a while.
A lot of people kept walking by and they all looked dead, they're ghosts. I put my hand down onto the flying carpet but then my hand melted into that and I kept moving my shoulders because I thought my arms had melted off and they're not coming back, my bag is gone, etc and I keep asking D to make sure they havent fallen off.
I don't remember much after that little part, but I remember sitting on the other side of the long tunnel-dungeon looking thing and I was melting into the ground, I was becoming a baby again and I wasn't sure what to do. I was cold and felt helpless so I asked D if we could go inside because the trip was starting to go REALLY bad. The colors outside were dreary; grey, dark blue, black, dark brown and I thought I was going to die or it was the end of the world and I needed a safe place to go. Everything seemed terrifying.
D called a friend of his and we walked to their house. On the way, I remember my legs disappeared into my knees into my feet into the ground again and they felt heavy, I was shrinking into a TINY TINY TINY person, as small as an ant but then I came back to normal, until the buildings around me got huge and everything got bigger. I shrank again, so did D but not as small and cars passed by. The cars looked like hot wheel cars and I told him what was going on and I said "We're just lego people driving hot wheel cars, life is just one big game!" people looked pixel-y and like lego, the street lights flashing were really vibrant and I still had the same visual effects as earlier but more intense (melting, warping, vibrant colors, things dancing or growing eyes, warping their form ex: adult turning into a baby, person turning into a "monster", seeing planes overhead),
I couldn't figure out why it took so long to get to their house because before it seemed to be quicker. I kept questioning the point of everything I was doing and we were doing. What IS the point of this, WHY are we doing this? There has to be a point. What if there is NO point? Everything is just a game, we're all being played, nothing is real. We're lego people. Then we finally got to his friend's house and I had to use the washroom again but that was UPstairs. D walked me up and the walls kept bending towards me trying to crush me but then I'd step and they'd go away but as that happened, the stairs got REALLY big, they were taller than me and it seemed like I'd have to climb over them but I took a step and they SANK.
In the washroom, I stared at my reflection for a while. I lifted my shirt to see my stomach/side, I seen my ribcage and I thought I was a zombie but then I got too into my own thoughts so I tried escaping the bathroom again.
Walking down the stairs was weird, I turned into a giant, then shrunk as D turned into one and vice versa, then there's this one corner at the end of the stairs that I got lost in and I didn't know how I'd ever get out. D lead me to the couch and I laid down on it while he played video games with his friends. When I closed my eyes I felt like I was turning into a baby again and going back into the womb, when I opened my eyes I had been reborn.
(D and I have been back at my house for a while, since around 10:00, it's 11:30 now.) D had to leave, so I'm stuck at home "alone". My mom was home but I was acting really strange so I kept trying to hide from her. I thought the trip was ending earlier. I thought, oh that was a nice trip! Not as long as I hoped for but it was fun, yeah I'm totally back to baseline now.. But the visuals started getting stronger after they seemed to cool down for a bit. I felt afraid and thought that D wasn't going to come back over, even though earlier I felt strangely connected to him like we had souls and they were merged together at one point because SOMETHING wanted us to be together for the rest of our lives. I felt like I'd never been that close to someone before and like our bodies became joined together.
The paranoia kept getting worse, I became trapped in Hell in my room and I thought I was going insane. I kept pacing around the house getting lost, turning lights on and off, getting trapped in small spaces and rooms. My cats were terrified of me, I thought they were going to eat me so I tried to hide from them. I stayed on the computer and looked up the possibility of it being an RC rather than LSD and freaked out more, I thought I was going to be trapped in Hell forever. So I called D and I kept asking him if I was going to be okay or not, if I really fucked up and if everything was just fucked up and doomed because I was trapped in Hell and couldn't get out. I asked him to talk to me about what he was doing so I could get my mind off it, sat on the couch and watched TV but seen a deer being gutted, I panicked and tried to change the channel quickly. I found American Dad on and some characters shrunk while others stayed the same and then they looked like old nintendo graphics. Mom told me I was being too loud so I tried to find keys, which was really hard because my whole house felt like a maze and I kept stumbling into everything. I found keys and walked out the door, arriving into another circle of Hell (the hallway) and walked out to another circle of it, which was this stairwell area outside which was just as scary as the last. The walls kept melting and trying to bend into me, I thought a man or monster was hiding under something trying to kill me so I tried to run inside but the door knob wouldn't open with the key I had, I kept trying to make it work but it took a few minutes and it felt like everything around me was falling apart and this was just it for me. (If you look up the song I'm Not Human At All by Sleep Party People that sort of describes the tone/vibe of how things felt.)
I get inside and went to my room again, still talking to D and my floor was melting into my door and I think I'm going to become trapped in my room. I feel like crying but I don't, I just panic. My heart was racing and I wanted to run away but I couldn't. Everywhere is Hell, I am trapped in Hell. D said he's tired and wants to go to sleep, I asked why because we'd been talking the past little while but he said 10 minutes had passed where neither one of us has said anything, especially me. I said okay and he said I could call him later if I really needed to, I told him I might but I'll try to get through it. It progressively gets worse where I end up questioning my sanity and why I deserved to end up in Hell.
I looked in the mirror again a few times and just see the worst version of myself but rather than what I'd seen earlier, the fat, ugly, wrinkly old woman, I ended up seeing myself turn into a slightly older version of myself (20-25), where I'm a skeleton and the circles around my eyes are black. I thought I looked weird and I'm a bit taken back by what I saw but then I tried not to focus on it and go back to my room to draw and focus on positive things. After a few hours pass I go back again. I look in the mirror and then I think I'm a forest nymph then a goddess, a zombie princess. Once I stopped staring at my ever changing reflection, I went back to my room to cuddle with one of my cats. The sunflowers stopped dancing as much as they were earlier but things still felt like they were moving insanely fast while time took forever and was really slow. Around 5am the effects wore off more and I was finally able to sleep a bit. I woke up feeling really out of it and like I'd just returned from a long plane ride or a trip out of the universe and I've just come back to it.
I don't regret my experience although I was definitely not as prepared as I thought I was for what I seen and the feelings it brought up for me. It made me learn a lot about myself and the experience pushed me in the right direction towards fixing some things in my life. The drug wasn't what did that but I do feel that it was a good tool in aiding in those decisions. I have tried LSD again and those experiences have been much more positive. I've been in a better state of mind and I've planned better for it. Next time, I won't dose on a whim like that.
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